by Beck, J. L.
“I’m just being honest. Fuck… Why did I even come here? I should have just talked to one of the guys about this.” He goes to stand up and I know if he does he’s going to walk out the door, and that’ll be any chance I had of hoping to fix things between the two of them.
“Wait…” His eyes delve into mine. Looking at him now, I see that Mimi has peeled back that piece of skin I never could. She dug herself deep into his wounds, burrowing in and making a place for herself, so that when he sees her he sees his future. Now I understand what he’s saying, he’s insecure and admitting so that would mean he’s weak. If he gives in, he puts himself in the way of danger of getting hurt. I guess we're more alike than we ever thought.
“One week ago you came here bitching and complaining which now I understand why. However, you threatened me that day. Then suddenly you want my help? This may come as a shock to you Corey, but I don’t hate you. I really do want you to find happiness. But you can’t expect someone to love you when you act the way you do.”
I pause for a brief second, gearing myself up to say the next words. “I don’t hate anything that you did to me because I get why you did it. It hurts that you took it out on the wrong person but we can’t go back and change that. All we can do is move forward. If you want to be with Mimi you need to open up. You need to push those insecurities to the back of your mind. Love is all about growing, and it’s about putting your heart out on the line. Yeah you might get your heart broken, but you also might not. You never know if you don’t try.”
It looks as if my words may have knocked a bolt or two loose in his brain, because he looks as if the seriousness of what’s going on has finally dawned on him. That maybe his actions are finally catching up to him.
“I…I… know there isn’t an excuse for anything I have done. None whatsoever, but I need your help. When I’m afraid… I…” There’s a long pause as he contemplates finishing his sentence. For a whole second I stare at him in awe. The remarkable amount of effort he’s putting into things, into talking to me, and trying to be different.
“I lash out. I try and hurt others before they can hurt me. I know it sounds like a shit load of excuses but I’m all kinds of fucked up. You should know that.” Oh I did.
“I have anger issues, and threatening someone is the easiest way to make them stop or get them to do something that I want them to.” His voice is low as he lets the sadness drain out. I have to make a choice. Forgive Corey and run the risk of it being a joke, or not forgive him and carry this weight around forever.
“Okay, I will help you. I will try at least. But, you cannot come here and talk to me like you did the other day. You need to learn to control your anger. Acting like you did isn’t going to get anyone to do anything for you. Mimi is feisty so she might be able to deal with your attitude but I refuse to. I’m not going to take any more of your shit.” I hope I’m not fucking myself over.
The tension in the room evaporates immediately, I would love to say it’s filled with sunshine and rainbows but it’s not. There is however a calmness; a silent mutual agreement between us. He smiles at me for the first time in forever, the one that use to have me melting like I do when Rex smiles at me. Strangely it doesn’t affect me though, probably because it’s not Rex.
“It’s a deal then. I won’t say anything hurtful, and I will install some type of filter on my brain. I don’t know, maybe I should see a counselor or something for my anger.” He looks serious, and I can’t believe that we can finally put this behind us; that we won’t have to hate each other anymore.
“Good. I will talk with Mimi, and I will have her talk to you. Or I will try too. Listen to what I said and take it to heart, because if you don’t then not only will you not ever get Mimi but you won’t ever find love. Women are sensitive and need to be loved, cherished, and supported. You learn those things and you should be fine.”
“I just want to make it right. I want to put it behind us, and…” before Corey can finish his sentence the door opens and in walks Mimi. Well this should be interesting.
“You know I can never find my fucking keys to the house, it’s like they fall into the….” She throws her hair back, as she finally takes notice of Corey and I. Obviously we both know there’s nothing going on but who’s to say Mimi wouldn’t think so.
A look of pure dislike crosses her face. She lets out what sounds like a snarl as she makes her way over to Corey. “Did I or did I not tell you to never show your fucking face here again? Couldn’t get with me so you decided that you would come over here and make advances at Jenna. Fuck you. Fuck this. Fuck it all.” She throws her hands up in the air, the frustration of the situation causing her to shake.
“Mimi, it’s not…” She holds her hand up at me stopping me from talking.
“I don’t want to hear the excuses. I don’t want to hear it’s not what it looks like. I don’t want to hear any of it. I just want him to leave.” The harshness of her voice and the hate in her eyes even has me turning away. I know when Mimi has hit her limit and she’s here now.
“Fuck that. I came here to see you Mimi. What you did that night months ago that was low, even for you. You give me so much shit about being a mean person, about Chelsea being a slut. But what you did that night that was no different. You’re such a hypocrite.” He stands gritting his teeth at her. His height alone would have me petrified. They are at a standstill staring at each other. From Mimi’s stance I can tell she’s gearing up to do something horrendous.
“How fucking dare you.” She says, venom spitting from her mouth. She reaches her hand back ready to lay a smack on him, only this time Corey sees it coming and grabs her wrist before her well-manicured hand can make contact with his cheek.
“Oh come on Mimi. Maybe pull out a new box of tricks or something. All this same shit is getting old.” He has her wrist in a tight hold as she struggles to get out of his grip but ends up pushing herself up against him. He wraps his arm around her and holds her in place.
“Guys stop. This is dumb.” I say standing ready to break up their fight. Mimi stops moving and glares at him. I look at them both as if I’m mother hen, begging them to stop this childish fighting.
“Never and I mean, NEVER compare me to Marie again. Next time you want a good time, think about breaking up with your fucking girlfriend before you call me. You piece of fucking shit cumsucking-bastard.” Her eyes look black as Corey’s hold on her diminishes. She takes a couple steps backwards before spinning around. The last thing anyone sees is her dark, mahogany colored hair flowing behind her.
“I… I’m pretty sure that you should leave.” I mumble pointing towards the door, thankful that my house wasn’t demolished when hurricane Mimi came through.
Corey throws his hands in his hair pulling at the ends. “You see that, how the hell can I talk to her when all we ever do is fight. I just want to…” He lets out a loud roar that startles me. “All I want to do is try… But at the same time… I just want to take her against the wall and teach her… Teach her.”
“Okay, enough, enough. I don’t want to hear it.” I say closing my eyes and putting my hands over my ears. Lalalala. No way did I need the picture in my mind of the two of them rolling around in the sack.
“Just, have her call me whenever she calms down.” He growls, clearly frustrated. The door slamming tells me he’s left. I stare at the wood floor wondering how I got to this point. How I went from being the slutty bullied girl, to being loved once again; to knowing that my ex, my tormentor loves my best friend. This is some shit out of the Real World.
“MIMI JONES.” I bellow out, praying that she listens and comes out here to talk.
“NO.” She yells back.
Maybe I should just give her some time. I cross my legs and sit on the couch looking at the time on my phone. I still have a lot of time before I get to see Rex, and honestly my business presentation is the last thing I feel like doing. I decide to stretch out and grab one of the blankets behind the couch. I grab a p
illow, and shove it under my head and lay on my stomach. I tell myself I won’t fall asleep, but soon my thoughts of Rex are mixing with the darkness of my mind and before you know it I’m falling into the deep abyss.
***
A feather light touch runs along the inseam of my shorts. The delicate touch of lips on my shoulder makes me groan out. This dream feels too real. His tongue glides against the curve of my neck. Teeth nip at my earlobe, and cause my eyes to pop open. I roll over and come face to face with Rex, and he’s smiling like the cat who ate the canary. He knows what he does to me. There’s a possessive look in his eyes.
“About time you woke up pretty girl.” He whispers in my hair, his breath causing my hair to tickle my face. Yup, and what a way to wake up.
“What time is it?” I ask, attempting to hide the fact that I would jump him at any moment in time. He smiles down on me again, and my breath hitches. We may have messed up somewhere along the way, but I would never trade the man in front of me for another.
“It doesn’t matter what time it is…” He says clearly distracted by me. His fingers run along my thigh and skim against the frayed pieces of my shorts. He burrows his face into the side of my neck. Just his breath causes my blood pressure to rise, and my intake of breath to come in shallow. I want him to kiss me so bad.
He works his lips over my neck, making sure he lands on every single sensitive spot. By the time he makes it to my lips I can’t take it anymore. I roll over and grab his face bringing his lips onto mine, and his body over mine. The kiss is anything but gentle, there’s need and possession as he nips at my lips to open wider.
Our tongues collide with one another’s. A growl emits from his chest, as he pushes me harder into the couch. With his legs separating mine, I arch my body into his wanting every single part of us to be touching; for our clothes to fall to the floor, for the most intimate parts of us to become one. His hand delves into my hair as he uses the other one to hold himself off of me.
“I want to take you so bad…” He grunts out. I run my hands through his hair and over the muscles in his back pulling his lips back onto mine. Yeah we might be moving too fast, but no one said we had to have sex.
“I love you…” I say breathlessly against his mouth. I push him up softly, and he pulls himself off of me hesitantly. It’s time for a position switch up. I may be inexperienced with sex, but I do know how to kiss. I push him into a sitting position and straddle him.
“You’re such a bad girl, pretty girl.” He says mischievously, his voice is deep and dangerous. If this was anyone else I would be scared, but I’m not. The fact that I can make him feel this way thrills me. It sets a fire to my insides, liquefying them.
I take hold of him the way he does me, breathing life back into him one slow, torturous kiss at a time. I swivel my hips into his groin, and I’m rewarded with a deep growl that sends a satisfied smile onto to my face. His hands stop any further advancement though as I look down at him. His pupils are dilated and he’s taking deep breaths through his nose.
“I would love for you to continue what you’re doing, but if you don’t stop I won’t be liable for taking you right here, right now.” His tone is serious even though there is a tiny smile pulling at his lips. I pull myself off of his lap, disappointed that we couldn’t go further. I know that waiting right now is the right thing to do, but it doesn’t make it any easier to peel myself off of him.
He must see the disappointment written all over my face because he grips my chin in his hand bringing my eyes up to meet his. “Never, think that I don’t want you Jenna. I will always want you. This…” he says bringing my hand down to his bulging erection, my eyes growing wide. “That is from you and you alone. You feel that? That’s what you do to me.” He moves my hand ever so slowly over his length, his eyes closing as he leans his head back.
“This Jenna, this is how you make me feel. It’s never enough with you. I want you every minute of every day for the rest of my life.” His breaths are coming out shallow, and his voice is raspy and deep. I move my hand faster, upping the pace. He pulls his hand off of mine, and I’m feeling confident. I pull the front of his drawstring shorts down exposing the muscles of his stomach. With my other hand I trace the planes of his abs, wanting to lick every indentation. I work my way back down to his very large erection. Where I should feel timid I don’t, he’s put the power and control in my hands and I love it.
I pull his length out of his underwear, my eyes bulge and I gasp as I take him in. In this moment he looks beautiful, he looks strong, and as if he’s in a frenzy.
“Fuck.” He mutters between clenched teeth. I bite my lip, and smile. Fuck yeah.
I run my finger tip over the head. I hear his breath intake and I look up to gauge his expression, adoration is clear to me as his eyes turn to slits. I grip him gently, and glide my hand up and down slowly. The air around us crackles dangerously. I watch closely as I go a little faster, squeezing him tightly. His tongue slips out of his mouth and across his lips, moistening them. His teeth bite down on his lip hard as I continue to go faster. He grunts, and lets out a growl as he makes a fist gripping at the couch cushions.
“Fuck yeah, just a little…” He whispers, before making one final grunt as he cums in my hand. I get up, biting my lip in extreme satisfaction and make my way to the bathroom to wash my hand off. Most people like receiving but I love giving. I love knowing that when he goes home tonight he has something to think about, that whenever I pass that couch I won’t be able to not think about what we did. I think about how I made him feel; and how I brought the love and passion to the surface.
When I come out of the bathroom, I see Rex has put himself away.
“Get over here right now.” He demands, his voice soft. My face grows red, slightly embarrassed now that the light of the day has dawned on me. I walk over to him, his arms wrap around me as he pulls me across his lap.
“I love you. You didn’t have to do that. I just wanted you to know that you and only you Jenna cause me to feel that way.”
“I know, and I did it because I wanted to.” I mumble while leaning my head on his shoulder.
“Well that was an excellent way to start a date, can’t say that’s ever happened.” He lets out a deep laugh that causes my body to shake with his.
“Neither can I. Never have I been woken up like that.” I smile against his neck.
“You stay with me baby, and you’ll wake up like that every day.” I can’t help but smile. It’s as if it’s a permanent fixture on my face.
“Let’s get ready to go I have somewhere I want to take you.”
“Really?” I ask excitement taking hold. I practically bounce off his lap, and get up to get dressed. A real date, and then it dawns on me. I’m falling deeper and deeper into this hole of love with Rex, but what if he’s not. I wasn’t immune to his moves last time and I ended up nursing a broken heart. It’s strange how doubts can remove all happiness from your mind.
Doubts
My date with Rex was amazing; however I couldn’t push the doubts and worry from my mind. I sat, wondering the whole time. Though we moved forward and got to know a lot more about each other I still felt myself holding back. Being with him was like having food after starving for days, like taking that first drink of water after a long run.
It was exhilarating, powerful and raw, and if I didn’t stop myself soon it would consume me. I needed to jump on or off the boat, because I couldn’t be with someone I couldn’t fully trust. Then again, I couldn’t be without someone I already loved. When I said I forgave him I meant it and the more I worry about him doing something wrong the more I know I should let it go. If you say you’re going to forgive someone then you should do just that, otherwise doing what I’m doing now, it just seems as if I haven’t forgiven him at all.
I rack my brain even more trying to find a way to ease the anxiety. I could just text him? Or maybe I could just go down to his apartment. Yeah, we live in the same building yet act like we li
ve miles away from one another. Then again it’s nice for us to be close but away from one another at the same time. I slip on my flip flops and take the stairs down to his apartment. I’m nervous because I’ve never been over there and showing up uninvited might not be okay.
I knock on the door, but get no response. Hmmm. Where could he be? He doesn’t have classes right now. I knock again maybe thinking that no one heard me. Just as I pull my hand away from the door, it opens. Ryder’s dark green eyes sparkling into mine, his hair is dripping water, and all he has on for clothes is a towel wrapped around his midsection.
“Uhh. Umm. Is Rex here?” I stutter, but manage to get out. He eyes me curiously, a grin forms on his face, and I have to hide the rage. Sometimes I think Ryder lives to piss people off.
“What if I said he wasn’t would you still come in?” He tries to make his voice as seductive as possible, and though I like Ryder for who he is lately he has been anything but a real person.
“Yeah. We’re friends, or at least I thought we were? Is he here or not?” I ask again, hating that I have to repeat myself.
“No, he’s not. He ran over to the Chinese restaurant to get dinner. If you would like to stay you're more than welcome to come in.” He says opening the door wider, gesturing for me to come in. He seems more annoyed than anything. I weigh my options. I could come in and wait a short time for Rex to come or I could go back upstairs and wallow in my fears and sorrows. Insecurities are meant to be talked about, and I’m going to do just that.
“I’ll come in.” I say stepping over the threshold. I can’t help the way I peer around the room, looking at every inch of the walls.
“You look like you’ve never been in a guy’s apartment.” Ryder says closing the door behind us. I feel my face heating, is it really that obvious.