"Yeah?" The way she said my name was a disclaimer of an awkward moment approaching.
"Are we ever going to talk about that night?"
She turned to face me, exposing a single tear falling. I didn't know how to answer her question. Of course, I wanted to know why she drugged me. I wanted to tell her how hard the recovery was both physically and psychologically. I wanted to tell her things would never be the same, but I just didn't have the drive anymore. I was slowly being drained of emotion from trying to make things work with Dean and trying to forget what she did. My walls were continuing to build, trying to protect my heart from more pain, but with that I was giving up a piece of life. I was only twenty, and I was already giving up on that feeling you get when you are truly happy.
"You're not saying anything."
"Because I don't know what to say, Kylie. I'm not there yet, okay? Let's just take it one step at a time. This being step one."
"Sure, okay."
There was a faint pause.
"When is Dean picking us up?"
I checked the time on my watch. "Soon." I started to get lost in my thoughts again.
"Are you okay?" she inquired as she sat next to me on the bed.
"Yeah."
"I'm worried about you. Was it hard not knowing what Dean was doing all summer?"
"Very. I guess it wouldn't have been as hard if he had called me more, but I only heard from him a couple of times a week."
"Do you trust him?"
"Do you mean do I think he would cheat on me? Never! Dean's not like that. He would never do something like that."
"But you were worried?"
"I'm not happy with the guys in his band and what they do behind their girlfriends' backs, so it was unsettling, but in the end, I trust him. It just put me on edge being away from him for so long."
What I didn't tell her was that with every day that passed without hearing from him my walls got stronger to help ease my anxiety. I couldn't live with the constant buzzing in my head that he could be with someone else or be happier without me around. I needed to know that I would always have him there for me. I knew I couldn't lose him, because if I did, I would be lost. I didn't know how to live on my own anymore. He had been with me through the hardest part of any person's life, the teenage years. He was my safe place. Without him that was gone.
"I know there's more to it than what you're telling me, but I'm not going to push. You know I'm here for you."
"I know. Thanks, Kylie."
A car honked outside.
"Kind of rude isn't that?" Kylie scoffed.
"Whatever. He's in a rush."
"Let's just go before he alerts the whole neighborhood that we're leaving."
****
Seeing Dean on stage was phenomenal. Kind of like the first time we met. Maybe it was the energy the kids in the crowd created. Whatever it was, it gave me a glimpse of what used to be. Maybe Kylie's suspicions were unfounded and my anxiety overdramatized because seeing him in his element up there turned me on and made me want us to work.
The club we were at was small to say the least, and they had jam-packed it, so there was very little walking room. The heat generated from all the bodies and the close proximity was making me queasy. I wanted to watch Dean for their whole set, but I never did well with crowds and not having him next to me made it that much worse. Kylie had disappeared to the bathroom. I stood with some of Dean's friends, but I didn't really know them, and because of how quiet and antisocial I was, they labeled me as a bitch. I didn't understand why someone was automatically rude just because they liked to fade into the background. I never liked being the center of attention, and although I didn't say much, I was always nice to everyone when they made the effort to talk to me.
I managed to stay for the whole set. When they were done, I pushed my way to the side of the stage and waited while they packed up. They headlined the show, so they were packing up their stuff as people were filtering outside. Once the room cleared out, I felt like I could breathe again. Dean hadn't said much to me the entire night, but he did say some new friends from out of state were here and he wanted me to meet them.
I was anxious meeting new people, which he knew, but I could tell he really liked them, so I was going to step outside of my comfort zone and try to be more social than usual.
I was picking at my nails nervously as I waited to leave. Kylie finally reappeared. "Where have you been?"
"Checking out the scene. Did I miss anything?"
"Only the whole show."
"Darn." She leaned on the stage next to me. "Ummm, hello, blue eyes. How did I miss you?" she said under her breath.
I looked up to see a group of guys walking toward us. One was super tall, skinny, covered in tattoos and had reddish-brown spiky hair. Another one was average height with blond hair and a bit on the chubby side. The third one was shorter than the other two with dark brown short hair that he styled like an emo boy who might still be in his early teens. He looked much younger than the others. The last guy was the one Kylie referred to as "blue eyes".
He literally took my breath away and made my heart flutter. He was wearing a fitted rock band shirt that displayed his tatted sleeves and rock hard biceps. His jeans were fitted, but not too baggy or tight. He had a gorgeous head of dark hair, which only pronounced the pristine ocean blue in his irises even more. They were truly amazing. They were the kind of eyes that reached down into your soul and sucked new life into it.
As he approached, he smiled at Kylie and me. His smile could cause wars to break out. He was a picture of perfection, and I hadn't even met him yet.
Kylie whispered into my ear, "Dear God! I think I might just pass out." She giggled softly. I had never seen Kylie so excited or awestruck by a guy. This one was trouble for sure.
My cheeks were on fire, and I was struggling to keep my breaths even.
"Easy, girl. You love Dean, remember?"
I shot her an evil glare, but she was right. I shouldn't be acting like this. I shouldn't be feeling this way either. I wanted to give her my blessing, but the thought of her touching him made my blood boil. If he was off limits for me, then I wanted him to be a no touch zone for her, too. It was bitchy of me, but I hadn't felt this way about a guy since the first day I met Dean. Actually, this was ten times more intense, like I needed him rather than wanted him. What was happening to me?
Dean rested his hand on my shoulder and jumped off the stage to meet his new buddies. I watched as they man-hugged. I couldn't take my eyes off of him in the exchange. Dean walked them over to us and threw his arm around me.
"This is my girl, Lennox. Lennox, these are the guys I was telling you about."
They all said hi to me at the same time, except for blue eyes. He waited and then introduced himself.
"Hi, I'm Braedyn."
His voice was gentle and sweet. He held his hand out.
"Hi," I said shyly. I took his hand and shook it clumsily. His fingers burned into my skin, leaving behind a residual buzz. I found myself not wanting to let go. Kylie saved me by nudging me playfully.
"Hi, I'm Kylie. So rude of Dean not to introduce me."
She shot out her hand toward Braedyn, making him release his hold on me. I looked away quickly as they met.
Dean interrupted, "And this is Ryker, Brody, and Colton."
Ryker was the emo boy, Brody the chubby one, and Colton the tall, skinny one. They were an interesting group of lively guys. They all wore band shirts and jeans and all had tattoos of some variety. I tried to keep my focus off of Braedyn, but every time I looked up, he seemed to be looking at me.
I had to be crazy. He knew I was Dean's girlfriend, and they all became pretty close friends over the summer, so I couldn't see him breaking the guy code, especially not for me. I was nothing compared to Kylie who stood only a few feet away.
After the official introductions were over, they all helped pack up the rest of the band equipment and merch. Kylie and I sat on the edge of the stag
e until it was time to go. She couldn't stop talking about Braedyn. It was bothering me more than it should. I had no claim on him. I had no right.
"Are you even listening to me, Len?"
"Sorry. I'm just tired," I lied as I continued to stare at the floor so my horrible poker face didn't give me away.
"How long are they here for?" she prodded.
"Not sure. Dean didn't say."
"Well, you have to let me tag along while they are here. He's just too hot to ignore. And, did you see his smile? That with those eyes and I'm sold. He's beautiful."
"Okay, Kylie. I get it. You like him. Can you stop talking about him now?" That came out as cruel as I was feeling, but I probably should have reined it in a bit for my sake.
"Why are you being such a bitch? It's not like he has a girlfriend, and it's not like we are fighting over the same guy."
"Fuck, I know. I'm sorry. I'm tired, and I have a really bad headache. I just want to go home already." I started rubbing my head because it was truly hurting. The stress from my emotional flare up when I met Braedyn had me on edge. Dean walked up just in time to break the tension.
"You ready to go?" he asked as he put his hand out.
When I grabbed it, he pulled me off of the stage into his arms. "You realize you smell like sweaty guy right now, right? And you're suffocating me in it." He squeezed me tighter.
"I don't care. I feel like I haven't seen you all night."
He kissed the top of my head and rocked me in his arms for a moment.
"If the love fest is over, can we go?" Kylie said rudely.
I had managed to piss off my best friend and let my thoughts betray Dean all in the same evening. Awesome! I slowly separated from him. "Let's go." He pulled me along with his arm securely around my shoulders.
As we passed by his new pals, he said, "See you guys tomorrow."
Shit! How was I going to get through this weekend? As much as I knew I should make some excuse and stay home while they were visiting, I knew I couldn't stay away. I wanted to know everything about Braedyn. Did he have a girlfriend? Was he in college? Who was I kidding! I wanted him to touch me again, even if it was just a graze of the shoulder as he passed by me. I needed to feel him again.
Chapter Eight
I didn't tell Kylie about my attraction to Braedyn. She was already giving me shit about Dean, and this would just add more fuel to the already smoldering fire between them.
Dean and I were meeting up with his new crew to go out of town for the night. My stomach was in knots thinking about Braedyn. I knew that nothing could ever transpire between us, yet the image of him kissing me was tattooed in my brain. At the very least I wanted to get to know him better. He seemed like a really nice guy, and since I didn't have any friends outside of Dean and Kylie, it might be nice to add one.
I was in the market for a new bestie since Kylie and I could barely be called friends anymore. There was a reason I felt so strongly for him and maybe it was just a friendship thing. Dean and I rarely had meaningful conversations anymore and Kylie was, well, Kylie. She was all over the place and trying to have a conversation with her was like trying to keep the attention of a two-year-old. And honestly, I didn't think I could trust her anymore.
After lunch, we were going to another show. It was a few hours away, so we were all going to crash at a friend's house for the night. It made me more anxious, but since Braedyn didn't live out here I was looking forward to the time with him. I knew that was bad and I did feel guilty for thinking about it, but I just couldn't help how I felt.
I rummaged through my drawers and pulled out a pair of dark skinny jeans. It was fortunate that I was so petite that I didn't have to worry about my weight much. I exercised regularly and had a fast metabolism. I grabbed a plain black V-neck out of the closet and put on my clothes. I threw some pajamas, clothes, and bathroom stuff into my duffle bag and headed out. Dean was going to be here any minute so I went out front to wait for him. I sat on the front porch steps losing myself in my thoughts. Chills raced across my skin as I remembered the feeling Braedyn's touch evoked in my body. The excitement rose in me again, and a smile consumed my heart.
The sound of a car broke my daze. Dean's car was heading down the street. The apprehensive nerves swirled in my stomach again. This was going to be a night to remember. This was going to be a new beginning.
I threw my bag in the back seat and buckled in. "Hey," was all I said. I was still in a daydream state and didn't really want to come out of it just yet.
"Is that all I get?" he asked as he leaned in for a kiss.
I kissed him quickly on the lips. "Sorry. I'm a little distracted today."
"About what?" he asked as he started the car.
"Everything. Moving out, college."
He put his hand on my leg. "How about you just try to let all of that go this weekend and just have fun with me and the guys?"
Yes. He and the guys. I was just one of the guys. That's all any of them would ever see me as. It was fun, but not much of a confidence booster. "Sure," I said with a forced smile.
****
We travelled the couple of hours to Corona in silence with the music blaring. I closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep. I couldn't stop thinking about Braedyn and what I would say or how I would act around him. It buzzed in my head the entire drive. The anticipation was always worse than the actual event. It was the purest form of torture known to man.
When we pulled into the parking lot of the grocery store, the nerves peaked, causing my body to shiver even though it was nearly ninety degrees out. I rested my head on the headrest and took a deep, cleansing breath.
"You okay?" Dean asked.
I didn't move. "Yeah, I'm just a little carsick. Just give me a minute."
"Okay. Just meet us inside."
The car shook when he slammed the door. Why the hell did guys always have to slam car doors? I needed to calm down before I went inside. Dean would know something was up if I acted strange, or would he? I was already pretty quiet and difficult at times. A knock on my window scared the crap out of me, making me jump enough for my seatbelt to lock. It was Braedyn.
Shit, shit, shit. Just breathe. I unbuckled and opened the door.
"Were you planning on joining us?" He leaned on the open door. Just the sound of his voice sent shockwaves through my veins.
"Umm, yeah." I was tongue-tied even after rehearsing for two hours what I was going to say. I crawled out of the car shyly. He closed the door gently. A small smile of recognition crept on my face.
"Did I do something?" He was reading my face.
"Umm, no." Jesus! What was wrong with me? I used to jump on opportunities like this. I used to be brave. Now, I was broken and suffocating in a relationship that was teetering on the edge of a cliff. One slight gust of wind would send us crashing down onto the jagged rocks below.
"Well, come on then," he said as he put his arm around my shoulder like we were best pals. Like I was just one of the guys, I thought with disappointment. He dragged me to the hole-in-the- wall Mexican restaurant that was the local favorite.
Lunch was fun, but awkward. Okay, fun was not the right word. Silly. Boys are just silly! When you put a group of them together, there's no limit as to what they can come up with and talk about.
I stayed pretty quiet most of lunch to allow for Dean to shine in the spotlight. He did that well. I did, however, steal glances at Braedyn from time to time and even caught him doing the same every once in a while.
It was weird. He didn't seem the closest to Dean out of the group, but wasn't there a guy code or something, especially among friends? I didn't know why I was so concerned since there was a clear girlfriend/boyfriend code I was violating by even thinking about another guy. But I wasn't married, right?
I put my head down with that thought. I was a horrible person. Why did he have to enter my life and complicate it? I was doing fine. I had everything planned out. My life was the epitome of security and stability. We move o
ut, I get my degree, he goes to the fire academy, and then we eventually get married. That's how it works, right? What was that rhyme used to tease a new couple crushing on each other in middle school? First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby...
Oh my God! I needed to stop thinking about this. At this point, the first part of that rhyme was in question, so thinking about the rest was stupid. Everything I had planned was in question now, and that terrified me, but filled my body with a renewed excitement.
After lunch, we filed out to the cars with Dean and me trailing behind.
He put his around me and asked, "Everything okay? You were quieter than usual at lunch."
"I'm fine," I said as I squeezed out a faint smile to reassure him, all the while watching Braedyn ahead. How was I going to get through this weekend? I just needed to keep repeating in my head that I loved Dean. He didn't live out here, so the odds of me seeing Braedyn again were slim to none. I just needed to keep my head down and keep my hands clean, although it was my mind that needed to stay clean.
When we joined the guys at the cars, Brody made a suggestion that made my skin crawl with anxiety.
"Hey, why don't one of you guys ride with Dean and Lennox?"
What? Why? Why was he suggesting that? Please don't be Braedyn. Please, please...
"Sure. I will," Braedyn volunteered.
Shit! Really?! So much for this being easy. Up until a moment ago, I was thinking how lucky I was to not have to be confined into a small area with him anymore. Fuck my life.
The car ride was uncomfortable. Well, for me, at least. I sat in the back, so the guys could talk. I mostly stared out the window as we drove the last half hour to our friend's house. Dean would initiate something that would require a response from me, so I would oblige, but other than that I tried to go unnoticed. Every so often Braedyn would look back and shoot me a smile. A smile that softened my core and made my heart bleed with anticipation.
We were staying at Brody's friend's house who was out of town. We made our way through some hills until a valley opened up into a sparse housing area. It was stunning! Trees and fresh flower planters lined the road leading to long driveways that shot off from it. The house we were going to was at the very end. It wasn't as grand as some of the houses back there, but it wasn't lacking either.
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