"When he fell, he landed on his right side, shattering almost every bone on that side of his body. He has internal bleeding, and he's in a coma from massive head trauma. We were able to go in and relieve the pressure building in his brain. We are waiting on the brain activity results."
His lips kept moving, but I couldn't hear him anymore. All that kept repeating in my head was internal bleeding, coma, and brain activity. I was feeling weak and supported my weight on the hospital bed. His voice suddenly stopped, and he grabbed both of my arms firmly as I fell to the ground.
"Mrs. Ashford, are you okay?"
His voice was clearer now. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry, Mrs. Ashford. This is a lot to take in."
He was a kind doctor. On TV they seemed so cold and distant. "Please call me Lennox."
"Okay, Lennox. Can I get somebody to keep you company? Maybe it would be better if you had someone else as I go through all the details."
"Yes, that would be helpful. Can you get Turner, please?"
"Yes, why don't you sit in the chair?"
He helped me up. "Thank you."
"I'll be right back."
He left the room quickly leaving me alone in absolute silence. We were in a less busy wing of the hospital. It was for critical patients only. It was a smaller hospital that catered to specific injuries. Dean fell into that category. I once heard this was the best hospital in the state, and all firemen were brought here.
The doctor came back with Turner. He bent down in front of me.
"Do you need some water, Len?"
"No, but thank you. Can you be my ears for this?" I pleaded quietly.
"Of course."
"I give you permission to disclose any personal and medical information to Turner," I instructed the doctor. I knew it was only a matter of time when I mentally checked out.
The sorrow in his eyes reflected the pain we both felt. He stood up and talked to the doctor softly. I didn't understand a lot of what they were saying since they both were talking medical jargon, so I just stared out the window. We were several stories up, and the view was of a hillside. We were at the back of the hospital. I watched as the light wind shook the leaves on the trees. I was trying to focus on anything that would take my mind off of what was happening.
"Lennox, do you have any questions?" the doctor addressed me.
"Yes, one." I didn't want to ask, but I needed to know. "Is he going to survive this?" You could feel the tension fill the room in a flash.
"Can I be frank?"
"Yes, please." I already knew what he was going to say.
"His injuries are extensive, and we are doing everything we can. We have the best doctors in the country consulting on his case, but even if he survives, there's a good possibility he won't make a full recovery. There will be a lot of therapy, follow-up surgeries, and his mental recovery is still in question."
Oh my God! What was happening? Was this real? I couldn't handle this. I buried my face in my hands and just cried. I cried for the sixteen years we had been together, the nine years we had been married, for the kids we shared, and the hearts that couldn't live without each other.
The doctor left, and Turner stayed until I collected myself. He walked me back to the waiting room. When everyone saw me, they all stopped talking and quietly stared down at the floor.
"Thank you all for being here. It would mean a lot to him to know you are all here for him. It means a lot to me."
My eyes were swollen and tired, and I was weak. My body was shutting down physically with my psychological meltdown. I cursed myself for throwing away my pills. The worst time ever, but then I remembered why I threw them away.
I was stronger knowing that my love for Dean was stronger than my memories with Braedyn. That love, whether Dean was here or not, was enough to keep me going. I didn't need the pills anymore. I had found my center when my heart made a choice.
I sat down in one of the chairs closest to the windows while Turner reiterated what the doctor told him. The quiet discussions started up again as people digested the finality of the moment.
"Lennox?" the captain said softly.
"Hi. Please sit."
The room got quiet again, and all eyes were fixed in our direction.
"I wanted to tell you the circumstances surrounding Dean's accident."
I could tell he was searching my eyes for direction.
"I would like that." No matter how hard it was going to be to hear I needed to know every detail.
"We were on an intense residential fire. It was a large house in the hills. We were getting a pretty good handle on it. Dean and the crew went in to find people. We were told there was a family of six. We located all of them except for the baby. Dean volunteered to keep looking while the others pulled the family to safety. The rule is that we are never left alone, but Dean knew the situation was dire, and if he waited for one of the guys to come back, there was a good possibility the baby would be lost."
It was just like Dean. He always put others first. He would never forgive himself if he didn't do everything he could to save that baby.
"So, he went on the search on his own. He found the baby, but got trapped in the room, so he radioed us to let us know he needed help. He informed us there wasn't enough time to bring the ladder over, so we brought the net. He had made a protective layering around the baby to minimize injuries in the fall. He didn't want to jump with the baby for fear he would injure her. After he tossed her, he was getting ready to jump when the floor gave out, and he plummeted to the ground floor."
The image of him falling haunted me.
"We rushed in and were able to get him out before he was consumed by the flames, but the fall was hard."
He stopped talking and just watched me. All I could picture was Dean saving that baby and then falling to his death. How could life do that to someone risking his life to save another? My knuckles were turning white with the pressure of my anger building in my fists. I was trying so hard to keep it together in front of everyone, but I wasn't sure how much longer I could.
"Did the baby live?" I needed to know that Dean's actions weren't in vain.
"Yes, but the rest of the family is deceased. From what the fire inspector could tell, the baby's door was the only one closed, so the smoke didn't get to her as quickly as the rest."
That made sense. We always closed the kids' doors when they were babies, so the noises we made wouldn't wake them, but as they grew older, we cracked them, so they wouldn't be scared. Who knew that a closed door could be the difference between life and death? The thought bothered me, and I promised to always close Drew's and Lexus' doors from then on.
"Is the baby here?" I asked.
"Yes, she's in the neonatal intensive care unit."
"What's going to happen to her if her family is gone?"
"The social workers will try to locate extended family."
I didn't know why I was so concerned about a child that I didn't even know, but it was the last saving gesture that Dean had done before he got hurt and therefore the closest thing to him I had right now.
"If you don't mind, the guys are going to take shifts keeping you company. We have to get some back on duty."
"Of course. Thank you."
He put his hand on mine and gave it a gentle squeeze. The guys were all like family. Dean had been at the same station since he got on the department, and so we all had become very close over the years. The station transfer rate was practically non-existent at their station because the guys liked each other so much. They were hurting almost as bad as I was.
He stood up and made his way to the different groupings of people. They slowly started to break away and pay me their condolences. Dean was not dead, but it sure felt like it.
They slowly started to make their exit back to work. The crowd left behind was lighter and more manageable for me. They all sat together and talked about the good memories they had with Dean. Every once in a while they would burst into loud lau
ghter at something he did. It was nice to see how much everyone loved him and all the good memories they had of him. He was an amazing person with a heart filled of love for everyone.
I stayed on the outside of the conversation and just listened. I didn't have the energy to join in and I needed this time alone. I needed to figure out what my next steps would be. I called my parents and told them to plan on having the kids for the night and possibly for a few days. I gave them explicit directions not to even hint at Dean being hurt.
I wanted to be the one to tell them. I was their mother, and they needed to hear it from me. Maybe by then Dean would be awake and they could see he would be okay. I was holding onto hope. A hope that had very little backing by the current prognosis.
Chapter Nineteen
Weekend
I woke up feeling exhausted and groggy. I felt like shit, but I was just glad I finally fell asleep. I really wanted to get back to Dean and the kids, but today was the main day of activities for Kylie's bachelorette party, and I thought it would look bad if the host bailed.
I ripped the sheets off of me and shuffled to the bathroom to brush my teeth. When I looked in the mirror, I just had to laugh. Sometimes I wondered what the hell happened in my sleep to make me wake up like this. My hair was knotted in a rat's nest mess and sticking out everywhere, my lids were puffy, and black circles were shadowing my eyes. For Dean to wake up to this and still love me was priceless.
I was feeling a little better. I was hoping Braedyn's weekend was over, and I wouldn't have any more run-ins with him. I wasn't interested in digging up a past I had buried forever ago. My heart fluttered for him again last night, but I wouldn't let him destroy me again.
I wasn't twenty anymore. I was a stronger woman. Or at least I had convinced myself of that. I took one of my prescription pills. I had a few bottles out, but I only needed one right now. I turned on the shower to warm it up and undressed. Kylie deserved an awesome and memorable weekend, and I wasn't going to be the one to ruin it. I jumped in and rinsed off Braedyn's existence.
****
As I finished up covering my horrible night with makeup, someone knocked on the door. It was Kylie.
"Hey, are you ready for a fun day?"
"You're in a good mood today. I'm glad," she said as she made herself comfortable on my bed.
"Well, this is your weekend after all. I can manage to keep it together for a few days for you." I smiled.
"Thanks, Len. The girls are downstairs finishing up breakfast."
"Yeah, sorry about that. I forgot to set my alarm, and I had a hard time getting to sleep." I didn't want to tell her about Braedyn's visit. This weekend was about her, not me and my past issues.
"It's cool, but I need to warn you that the Mimosas have been flowing." She laughed.
"Awesome. Then we better keep the alcohol coming. I don't want anybody passing out before tonight's shenanigans."
Kylie burst out laughing. "What?"
"Did you really just say shenanigans? Ba-ha-ha-ha-ha! How old are you? Eighty?"
"Shut up!" I threw the closest soft thing at her I could find. My underwear. She rolled off the bed and frantically peeled them off of her face.
"Oh my God! What the fuck? Did you seriously just throw your dirty underwear at me?"
She was still hysterically laughing and clearly happily buzzed already, too. "That's what you get for making fun of me." I left her on the ground laughing as I picked up my dirty clothes and threw them into the closet. I picked up the dirty underwear and dangled them in front of her. "Better be careful or these will end up on you again when you least expect it." I winked at her.
"I surrender." She chuckled while waving her hands in the air.
I loved her. She was exactly what I needed. Things had been way too tense in my life lately. It felt good to just laugh and mess around with my bestie. I pulled her up off the floor. "Come on, missy. It's time for the real fun."
"Sounds good to me." She giggled.
"Oh, man, this is going to be an interesting day for sure."
We went to join the other girls.
****
Kylie loved wine, but even more so, she just loved alcohol in general, so I had a limo pick us up to take us on a wine tour of all the local vineyards. The girls were all pretty buzzed when we got started, so I had some catching up to do. Today I planned on getting stupid drunk. Who knew when I would have a weekend like this again?
At every stop, we all did flights of four to six wines and didn't listen to the rules of spitting out. That would just be a waste of good wine and money! All the vineyards served snacks, so we ate and drank all day. We were all pretty wasted by the end of the tour. The plan was to eat dinner at the last stop.
It was breathtaking, and I now understood why they made it last. They saved the best for last. Plus, we would spend an endless amount of money with how drunk we were. I tried to act like the sober one, and in all fairness, I was probably the most sober out of all of them, because I paced myself, but I was still pretty buzzed.
When we got out of the limo, I had to wander over to the view of the mountains. There was still snow on the tops of them in the far distance and a fog had rolled in, giving it an ethereal feeling. The sun was on its way down behind them, and the colors were magnificent. These views and sunsets were always my favorite. It reminded me of my younger years writing in my favorite spot until I couldn't see the paper anymore. I smiled at the memories.
"It's amazing isn't it?"
The voice behind me froze me and sent chills through my hair follicles. I turned to face Braedyn. He stood next to me and looked out into the valley.
"What are you doing here?"
"Same thing as you apparently." He pointed to his guys mingling with the girls.
"You've got be kidding me? Since when do guys go wine tasting?"
"Hey, I take offense to that. That one is Jaxon, and he owns this vineyard."
My jaw dropped. Literally. Fate was totally fucking with me and seriously tempting me. I shook my head in disbelief. "Un-fucking-believable."
"You know, if I didn't know better, I would say you are stalking me," he said smartly.
There were no words to express my annoyance, so I socked him in the gut instead. He bent over in good-natured pain as I marched away to join the group. It was obvious that we were stuck with them for the rest of dinner, seeing how the girls were fawning over the model good looks of the guys. This night was about Kylie and what would a bachelorette party be without hot guys? I would do my best to ignore Braedyn and make sure Kylie had fun while not doing anything careless. She was hanging all over one of the guys already, and she didn't have the best track record with guys. Once a player always a player at heart.
"Is everyone ready to eat?" I shouted over the drunken banter. They all yelled something close to yes, so we followed Jaxon to the back of the vineyard where tables were beautifully decorated with vases full of grapes, black lace tablecloths, and deep purple linens. It was right out of a magazine.
Jaxon tapped a wine glass with a fork to get our attention. When it was quiet, he said, "Dinner and drinks are on the house, so eat and drink to your heart's content and enjoy."
Everyone praised him and some of the guys even bowed as a joke. Wow, it was like college all over again. This is what happens when people grow up, get married, and have kids and then are set free for a weekend, leaving their families behind. Mayhem.
I had a feeling this was going to be a weekend filled with some sort of regret for everyone, and I was going to do my best to make sure Kylie didn't fall victim to it. I was afraid one taste of the old life would make her regress, and with how much she loved Blaine, I wasn't going to let that happen. That I promised myself.
I waited for everyone to choose their seats, so I could sit where I could keep an eye on Kylie, but as far away from Braedyn as possible. If I hadn't made these plans myself, I would feel like I was set up, but I couldn't see Kylie doing that. Not now. We weren't kids anymore.
She fucked up a lot meddling in my shit in the past, but I wanted to believe she had grown out of that.
Dinner was eventful to put it mildly. Everyone drank way more than they should have, and the food was beyond amazing.
Somehow the distance I put between Braedyn and me couldn't prevent the flare that was slowly turning into a fire. If I wasn't careful, it would consume us both with the amount of alcohol that was flowing. When I wasn't looking at Kylie, I was focused on my plate, because it seemed every time I looked in Braedyn's direction, I caught sight of his soul-torturing gaze watching me. His beautiful smile and sexy wink could still make my knees buckle.
Jaxon was actually a really nice guy and offered for everyone to stay in the house on the vineyard. Everyone was into the idea, but I secretly hated it. I just wanted to get the rest of the weekend over with and get back home. I knew this was a bad idea, but I was outnumbered, and I refused to leave Kylie.
Jaxon suggested that we walk through the vineyard to the house. He had installed a stunning dimly lit path right through the middle that led all the way there. I had to admit he had extraordinary taste. It was classy without being snobby. Everything about the vineyard had an old world vintage feel, but simple. I fell in love with the place. Everyone stumbled down the path, and I fell back to watch them. Jaxon joined me.
"You don't seem quite as intoxicated as the rest."
"Is that a question or a statement?"
"A statement."
"Good idea having them walk."
"So, you caught on?" He winked.
"I did, and I'm glad. I really didn't want to involve the paramedics tonight, although it wouldn't be the first time for Kylie and me."
"I bet. She seems like a wild one." He laughed.
"You have no idea."
I managed to avoid Braedyn on the walk. Kylie was still all over one of the guys, which was seriously starting to piss me off, so I grabbed her arm and kept her from going in with the others.
"Ouch, Lennox. That hurts," she whined.
"Listen, Kylie. It's my job as your maid of honor to make sure you have fun and even maybe flirt a little, but I won't see you make a mistake you'll regret for the rest of your life." I sounded pretty evil, which I felt a little bad about. She yanked her arm free.
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