Patchwork Dreams

by Laura Hilton

  The one holding the flashlight on Jacob nodded. “So, you haven’t been drinking?” The police officer moved closer, as if to do a sniff test.

  “Only water and tea. And I just had some of that fancy coffee.” He wasn’t sure how fresh his breath smelled.

  The officer’s eyebrows rose. “Fancy coffee?”

  “Cappuccino,” Becky said. “From McDonald’s. May I get up?”

  The officer walked over to the buggy and peered inside, then came back looked down at Becky, still sitting in the dirt and rubbing her hip. “Who are you?”

  “Becky Troyer.”

  “Daniel’s daughter?”

  “Jah.”

  The officer nodded. “You can get up. Tell your dad that Troy said hi. You are all free to go.” He turned to Kent. “And as for you, Mr. Johnson, I think I’ll take you for a ride to the station. My partner will drive your vehicle back. I know your dad would prefer that over having it towed.”

  “Thank you, sir,” Jacob said, but his heart still pounded like crazy. He turned and walked over to Becky, reached down, and grasped her hand to help her up.

  She started to move into his arms, but Jacob held up a hand, stopping her.

  ***

  Jacob had frowned all the way home, and he hadn’t said a word—not when he’d dropped off Matthew, then Annie, and certainly not while he’d been alone with her and Emma afterward. He’d maintained the silence all the way up to the house.

  Becky’s thoughts had been in turmoil for the duration of the trip. Was Jacob angry with her? Upset that she’d gotten out of the buggy to help him? Maybe that had damaged his pride. But it had looked like he wasn’t about to do anything other than let Kent beat him up, and so she’d needed to jump in!

  Ach, she shouldn’t have worried that Jacob wouldn’t protect her. He had when it had mattered most. But what must he think of her now?

  He was probably disgusted that she’d ever gone so far into the world to want to date a guy just because he drove a fancy red car. That was pretty shallow.

  Jacob released the reins and vaulted down, then came around to the other side of the buggy. He reached up to take Emma and helped Becky down, handing Emma back to her when she was ready. Then, he went around to the back to get the picnic basket, quilts, and diaper bag.

  And, still quiet, he followed her into the kitchen.

  Mamm and Daed looked up from the table, where they were sitting. Mamm’s eyes widened as she took in Becky and then Jacob, and she sprang to her feet. “What happened to you? Are you alright? Becky, your dress is all torn and dirty. And Jacob…?”

  “We ran into Kent,” Becky started to explain, “and—”

  “I’m sorry, Daniel. I failed,” Jacob interrupted her, dropping into a chair. “I’m so very sorry.”

  Becky laid Emma down in her cradle and went to get an ice pack. Jacob’s eye was almost swollen shut and had turned an ugly shade of purple.

  “I’m going to get a warm washcloth,” Mamm said. “We need to get you cleaned up.”

  Tears crept down Jacob’s face as he spilled out the story. “I’m thinking maybe you should make arrangements to send me back. I shamed you and your family.”

  Becky froze, standing there beside the table, the ice pack in her hand. “Nein, Jacob. Don’t say that.” Maybe that was why he’d been so quiet on the way home. She’d been proud of him, and he’d been beating himself up.

  Daed nodded slowly. “Jah. Jah, you shamed us.” But then, a grin lifted his mouth. “I’m thinking you did a gut job protecting my Becky, and maybe we’ll just keep you around a bit longer.” He eyed Jacob sternly. “So long as you behave yourself.”

  Becky let out the air she hadn’t realized she’d been holding in. She looked up as Mamm hurried back into the room and went to Jacob. Becky stopped her. “I’ll do it, Mamm.”

  Jacob looked at Becky with furrowed brow and pursed lips, as if she was the last person he wanted touching him. But then, he shut his eyes. Acceptance, maybe, though he must not want to even see her. Or, maybe his eyes just hurt. He didn’t make any effort to stop her as she gently wiped the blood off of his strong jaw and removed the dirt from the rest of his face. An occasional tear still made a track down his cheek, and Becky wished she had the nerve to kiss each one away. But Mamm and Daed were right there in the room.

  And even if they weren’t, his swollen, split lip looked much too sore to kiss.

  Some blood had run down his neck, so Becky moved the washcloth to wipe that up, but Jacob grabbed her hand, stalling her. His eyes flew open.

  “I can handle it, ain’t so? I’ll just go take a shower—if you don’t think I’ll disturb them.” He motioned toward the dawdi-haus, where Grossdaedi and Grossmammi slept.

  Daniel waved his hand in dismissal. “Go on. Gut nacht, Jacob.”

  He nodded, stood, and went outside. A moment later, Becky saw the horse and buggy headed away from the house toward the road.

  She hoped that this didn’t mean he was driving out of her life.

  Chapter 28

  Jacob drew in a deep breath, then pushed open the door to the police station. He walked up to the desk in the middle of the room. It looked different from the police station back home, but this was a small town and probably didn’t see much crime.

  The dispatcher fixed his gaze on Jacob’s eye, which by now was badly bruised. Jacob had seen his reflection in the glass door on his way in.

  “How can I help you?”

  Conscious of how awful he must look, Jacob swallowed, wishing he’d thought twice before making this trip. Maybe he should have showered first. “Uh, is Kent Johnson still here?”

  The man behind the desk slowly stood. “Yes. He’s in a holding cell. Why?”

  “May I talk to him?”

  “Who are you?”

  “Jacob Miller. I need to apologize.”

  The dispatcher narrowed his eyes. “You’re the one who fought with him? I wouldn’t worry about it. That boy has been asking for it for a while. He finally got what he needed. About time someone stood up to him. Just because his daddy is on the city council….”

  City council? Was his daed some kind of important person? “Please?” Jacob rubbed his thumb against his forefinger.

  “Alright. If you insist. I’ll have to pat you down to make sure you aren’t carrying.”

  “Jah.” How much humiliation would he need to bear? It didn’t matter. He deserved every bit of it. He knew better. All his life, he’d had it drilled into his head that violence was not the answer. And yet….

  “Put your hands here.” The man indicated a file cabinet.

  Jacob nodded and complied, then tried not to flinch as the officer frisked him.

  “Come on.” The man walked away from the desk and turned a corner. He stopped at the first of two small cells. It had a concrete floor and a stainless-steel toilet with no seat on one side, two built-in cots on the other. Kent sat hunched over on the bottom bed. He still looked a bit sick.

  “You have company, Johnson,” the officer said, then looked at Jacob. “I’ll leave you out here, if you don’t mind.”

  Jacob swallowed. “Let me in.”

  “Leave him out.”

  The dispatcher grunted. “I think you’ve kind of given up any say here, Johnson. Your dad said to throw the book at you. That would be disturbing the peace, driving under the influence, assault—”

  “I don’t want to press charges,” Jacob interrupted him.

  “I do.” Kent glared at him.

  The officer sighed and banged the door with his fist. “Doesn’t change anything. I’m not letting you in. You got fifteen minutes.”

  Jacob stepped forward and grasped the bars. His fingers tightened around them until his knuckles turned white.

  He stood there for a long time in indecision. He could hear the officer talking in the other room—on the phone, probably, since no one else had been there when he’d arrived.

  Kent began to fidget. “Go ahead. Say what you
came to say, then get out of here.” He didn’t look up.

  “I…I’m sorry. Violence, it isn’t our way. I was wrong to react the way I did. I had no excuse for it, except that I didn’t want you to take Bex—I mean Becky. Please forgive me.” Peace washed over him. He relaxed his grip.

  Kent sniffed, his upper lip curling in contempt. “I expected you to fight. I wanted you to fight. But I guess even more than that, I wanted to beat you. I wanted Becky to go with me.” He raked his fingers through his hair as a vulnerable look crossed his face. “I’m jealous of you, you know. You have her. I don’t.” It must be the alcohol talking. Surely, Kent wouldn’t admit to this if he were sober.

  “But you did.” And that still goaded Jacob.

  “I thought she was like all the other girls, that once we got started…I thought she was on the pill. How was I supposed to know she was a virgin? None of the other girls ever complained. And she got pregnant the only time I…uh….” Kent’s face flushed.

  Jacob frowned, wondering if she’d been forced. It sounded like it.

  “She took it so hard,” Kent added.

  It was good that the officer had kept Jacob out here instead of allowing him inside the cell. He chewed his lip to keep from saying anything he might regret later. The metal bars bit into his fingers when his grip tightened again.

  “Said she was saving herself for marriage,” Kent continued. “I told her it wasn’t a big deal.” He shrugged, but then his expression changed. Hardened. “I suppose you think I owe you an apology. You’re probably the one she saved herself for. I always knew she’d marry one of her kind. But I’d hoped to convince her to become one of us. To move in with me. Get away from her too-strict father.”

  “Yet you said the boppli wasn’t yours…and ruined her reputation among the people.” This Englischer’s thinking sure was mixed up. Jacob’s mind struggled to process everything that Kent had dumped in this information overload.

  “I wasn’t ready to be a dad. I was only nineteen—way too young to settle down. Besides, I offered to pay for an abortion. Even offered to take her into Springfield for it. She wouldn’t have been ruined if she’d agreed. She’s the one who refused. She made her choices.” His lips curled.

  Jacob flexed his jaw.

  “Time’s up.” The officer stepped around the corner, jingling some keys as he approached.

  It was probably time to leave, anyway. Jacob’s temper had already risen to the boiling point. He forced himself to calm down. To turn and walk out. He’d said what he had come to say.

  The officer led the way back into the main room, where the police officer who’d drawn the line in the dirt stood waiting. The one who’d said his name was Troy.

  “Came to apologize, did you?”

  “Yes, sir.” A time like this called for Englisch. Jacob’s shoulders slumped with fatigue, and he stifled a yawn. He dreaded the drive back home. His left eye throbbed, and he wished he’d taken a couple of pain pills.

  Troy sat on the corner of the desk. “Feel better?”

  Jacob shrugged. “A little. I still need to apologize to Becky and to God.”

  Troy nodded. “Might want to start with God. And then, forgive yourself. Did you talk to Daniel already?”

  Jacob nodded.

  “And my guess is, he forgave you. Daniel’s a good man. Got a reputation around here for being upstanding. A man of integrity.”

  “I’ll try not to shame him again.”

  Troy stood and walked over to Jacob. “I know you will, Jacob.” He clapped him on the shoulder. “Go on home and have that talk with God. You’ll be alright.”

  ***

  Becky had seen Jacob return home almost two hours earlier. He’d parked the buggy and put the horse in the barn before heading into the dawdi-haus. She was almost asleep when she heard what sounded like hail hitting the bedroom window. She rolled over, wondering if Katie expected a beau. Not quite fifteen, she wasn’t old enough for courting, but Becky knew that the buwe looked Katie over. Yet her sister slept. She would have been awake and fully dressed if she’d been expecting someone.

  The light taps continued steadily, with a short pause between each one, as if someone was deliberately causing them. It was probably no one, nothing; maybe a branch brushing against the house. Becky slipped out of bed and peeked out the window just to be sure. Her eyes widened when she saw Jacob standing there in the moonlight. She opened the window and leaned out.

  “Jacob? Where’d you go? Are you alright?” She hoped she hadn’t awakened Katie or Emma. She glanced back at the beds to make sure. Neither one stirred.

  He shook his head. “Meet me in the kitchen.”

  Becky slid the window shut and grabbed her clothes. She shed her nightgown and climbed into her dress as quickly as she could, then padded downstairs in her bare feet.

  Jacob already waited in the dimly lit kitchen. She felt the heat of a blush as she recalled the time she’d told him she wouldn’t invite him in. Daed never locked the doors. Jacob could have walked in anytime he wanted.

  He shoved a mug of hot chocolate toward her. There was no way he would have had time to make it after rousing her, so he must have been down here a few minutes beforehand. He cooked? There seemed to be no end to his talents. She studied his bruised face. “Do you want ice for your eye?” She wished she could fix it.

  “Maybe later. Sit.”

  So, was he courting her? The pebbles thrown against the window would certainly indicate as much.

  “I think we need to talk. First of all, let me start by saying I’m sorry.”

  She shook her head as she sat. Ach, not courting. But she was glad he was finally talking. “Nein. I’m sorry for goading you into it. I wanted you to stand up to him.”

  Jacob nodded. Like he’d known.

  Becky lowered her eyes, ashamed. His sin was her fault. Lord, forgive me.

  “I’m going to ask you a question. Don’t go telling me this is none of my business. Tonight made it my business, ain’t so?” Jacob studied his mug. “What exactly happened between you and Kent?”

  Becky swallowed. “What do you want to know?” She didn’t want to tell him about that. She had to live with her mistake every day. But still, if there were any hope of a future between her and Jacob, she’d have to open up.

  Though if she told him, he would dump her so fast, her head would spin.

  “I went to the police station to talk with him.” A muscle worked in Jacob’s jaw. “He said he offered to pay for an abortion. The way he talked, it kind of sounded like he forced you to…uh, lie with him.” He drew in a sharp breath.

  “Ach.” Heat rushed to Becky’s face. How could she tell Jacob about this? She’d never shared it with anyone. Not her parents. Not even Annie.

  Jacob leaned forward and grasped her hand. His eyes held hers. “Did he, Bex?”

  She tried to draw strength from his pleading glance. “It was my fault. All my fault. I shouldn’t have dated an Englischer. Their ways are so different from ours. He said it was expected, and I thought maybe he was right.” She shrugged one shoulder. “He insisted, but I didn’t know…I never dreamed that…. I told him nein, but he said it was too late and just did it.”

  She’d cried the whole time. Just remembering the awful experience made her want to sob again. Ach, the humiliation. She blinked the tears back.

  “I’d wanted to find out on my wedding night. It was only that once. I broke up with him afterward. I figured if I didn’t tell, then no one would ever know.”

  Jacob’s jaw flexed.

  She silently pleaded with him to forgive her for her past mistake. Instead, she saw his expression harden.

  She lowered her head. “Our sin has a way of finding us out, ain’t so? About three months later, I couldn’t deny the horrible truth anymore.” She sighed. “I thought maybe he’d marry me. I never expected the humiliation of what happened instead. And then I had to go home and tell Daed and Mamm.”

  Becky could still see her parent
s’ faces when she broke the news to them. The disappointment in Daed’s eyes, and Mamm’s tears, had hurt more than any of Kent’s accusations.

  “I had to have a kneeling confession in front of the people. And they shunned me for six weeks for my sins.” Tears rolled down her cheeks. Ach, that was an awful memory.

  And now, she had to tell the shameful story to a man she was falling in love with.

  Jacob’s fingers stroked her hand. Silence stretched between them.

  Becky studied the mug in front of her, still full of the hot chocolate he’d made. It was probably cold by now. She hadn’t touched it. After a minute, she looked up at Jacob, wishing she could read his thoughts.

  If only he’d say something like, “I’ll marry you, Bex. I’ll be Emma’s daed.”

  Of course, if she’d already agreed to let him court her, that might have been the next step.

  But her fears had kept her from agreeing. Fears that once he knew the awful truth, he’d dump her.

  She wasn’t worthy. Not of Jacob.

  ***

  Jacob struggled to control his emotions. It sounded to him like Kent had raped her. Maybe not forcefully, but if she’d said nein and he’d done it anyway, that was rape, as far as he was concerned.

  Maybe it was good that he’d found this out after the run-in with Kent, or he might not have stopped with a punch. Nein, it would have been far worse. He might have been in prison for murder.

  Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.

  Why hadn’t Becky told the church that she had been raped? The community would have looked upon the whole thing differently. But then, maybe she hadn’t known. She’d said it was her fault. And she wouldn’t have expected a date to rape her. But why hadn’t Daniel told them? Maybe he didn’t know that part of the story. The church would have rallied around her to support her and not shunned and condemned her.

  It was just wrong. In so many ways.

  If only he knew how to explain to her that it hadn’t been her fault. But the words wouldn’t come.

  Not when all he felt was fury that anyone would do this to Becky. That she’d had to pay the high price.