Choice

by Jean Booth

  “You’re too much. It sounds like you’re having lots of fun. Eat your cake after dinner, and give your mom a hug for me. I have to get going, but thank you for the call. I’ll see you soon, ok? I love you.” I had to get off the phone, talking to her reminded me of how much I missed them both and I could feel a knot forming in the back of my throat as I tried to keep the tears at bay.

  “Love you too, bye!” she replied, almost as one word, excited to do whatever was calling her attention.

  “Bye,” I said into the phone, even though she’d gone. I had tears in my eyes and a smile on my face as I shut it, glad that I’d thought to bring it with me. I thought again about how unexpectedly wonderful my life turned out with those two. They both would’ve loved this trip, but Katie refused to come. She’d said I needed some time away from being a second mom to Ash and that I deserved to spoil myself for once, instead of them.

  “Hey, love, how was your walk? Are you ready for lunch and some shopping?” Keith walked up to me as I approached the pier and gave me a hug, leaving his arm curled around my waist. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing, I was just talking to my niece, Ashlyn. I really miss them. She’d have loved this trip.” I smiled sadly up at him.

  Keith wrapped me in his arms and just held me for a moment. We stood there in silence for a while and just enjoyed the comfort of each other. He brought his hands up my arms, sending shivers across my body and pulled me close so I was looking into his deep blue eyes. It was hard to remember that he’d hurt me, or that a little over eight years had transpired since he left.

  “You okay, babe? We’ll be back home in a week and you’ll be able to show her all your pictures. I can’t wait to meet her. She sounds like a great kid. It was nice she called. Why don’t we go get her something special? You haven’t gotten her a trinket from Bimini yet, have you?” It didn’t even seem strange that he’d inserted himself right back into my life. That’s how it always was with us. We clicked and without a thought, we naturally gravitated toward being together.

  “No, and I wanted to get a chain to put this on.” I pulled the stone out of my pocket. “I found it on the beach. Have you ever seen writing like this? I think it’s beautiful.”

  I showed him the opal and as soon as I dropped it in his hand I regretted it. I wanted to snatch it away from him so he wouldn’t contaminate it. It was the weirdest feeling of possession, and it took everything I had to simply let him look at it. I watched him inspect it for what felt like the longest minute of my life. My relief at having it back was frightening in its severity.

  “Nope, I’ve never seen anything like this before, but it definitely took skill. I think it’s a genuine opal, but I’ve never seen one so large or carved so intricately before. The stone is too soft for etching; whoever made this is extremely talented. It’s beautiful and probably worth a fortune. You said you found it on the beach?” he asked, absentmindedly.

  I opened my mouth to answer, but wasn’t given the chance. As we were walking along the sidewalk, I felt someone yank on my arm and pull me to a stop. I looked down to find an old woman tugging at my elbow, pulling me toward an alleyway I hadn’t noticed as I was walking along the city streets with Keith. She held onto me and stared at me with unseeing eyes. Her cataracts reflected like cat’s eyes in the sunlight. She was a full head shorter than I—all wrinkles and bones. My heart pounded in my chest as her long bony fingers dug into my arm hard enough that I knew they’d leave bruises.

  “Beware! A choice you make, twin hearts will break; betrayal so deep you cannot weep; a loss re-woken, heart eternally broken. Beware the curse! Choose with your heart. What pain! Beware the curse!”

  She screeched, repeating herself and sounding like a loon, but her unseeing eyes bore into mine with a desperation I could feel to my soul. Keith pried her off me, but I barely noticed him. He could’ve been a gnat for all the attention she paid him. Once Keith had worked her hands off me, she retreated to the alcove she had come from, still muttering for me to be wary. She continued to stare at me as Keith walked me out of the alleyway.

  I didn’t even realize I was shaking until Keith wrapped his arms around me. He was whispering some nonsense to me, trying to sooth my frazzled nerves. I’d never been the type of person to get spooked easily, but she’d seemed too earnest in her pleas and warnings. I didn’t think I’d ever forget how her sightless eyes bored directly into my soul.

  Keith held me close, sheltering me in the warmth of his body as we went to find something for Ashlyn. I found a small turtle made of pooka shells that I knew she’d adore. I also found a beautiful sterling silver chain for my amulet, and when I put it on, it fell neatly between my breasts. I thought about getting something for Katie, but couldn’t find anything that I thought she’d enjoy. Keith and I went to a small café for lunch, but I found my encounter with the old woman had stifled my appetite.

  After lunch, Keith and I walked around the island for a short while, stopping in the various shops scattered about. We wandered out of the touristy areas, preferring to take our own tour down rarely travelled paths to look at all the wildlife milling about. They were everywhere, even in the places tourists frequented. Almost all the creatures were very interested in the humans walking about. They’d go up to them and sniff for food. It was incredible, yet somehow sad at the same time.

  Keith decided to join me in an offshore, shallow dive that one of the shops was offering. We saw a few fish, some sea turtles, as well as dirt, water, and bits of coral in the distance. I was more bummed than I let on, as it was about the same environment as back home in Lake Tahoe, minus the turtles and distant coral. I really hoped that the scenery at the dive tomorrow would be better than today’s, but it was a nice, peaceful afternoon that almost succeeded in washing away the incident with the old woman.

  We arrived back at the ship just in time for dinner. We were still eating at separate tables, but made plans to go swimming afterwards. Dinner was fantastic, with the same company as I’d had the first night. I told the guys what happened with the old woman and they thought that it was awesome.

  “Girl, you met a loon!” Maurice’s face lit up like a Christmas tree. Apparently, he’d never been accosted.

  “Damn, I can’t believe we missed out on that.” Stuart’s sarcastic tone was meant to be teasing and lighthearted, I was still disturbed and shaken by the whole thing.

  “Was she in rags?” Maurice was now leaning over his plate, dessert all but forgotten.

  “Sort of, she was hunched over with wrinkly skin hanging on her bones. It was all more creepy than awesome. Her eyes were the worst. They were a very bright reflective blue. You could tell she was blind, but it was as if she could see into my soul,” I explained, trying to get them to understand my apprehension and the fear I felt simply looking at her.

  “Honey, her eyes were bright because of the peyote. Everyone here smokes that shit. She wasn’t lookin’ into your soul; she was trying to get money for her next fix. You must have looked like an easy mark.” Stuart looked at me with sympathy, and I thought a bit of jealousy, but I’m sure I must have mistaken that.

  “Well, Keith rescued me from her, but it was just so weird.”

  “Oh, I just love intrigue and excitement.” Maurice was so elated that I was having a hard time being creeped out by the whole thing. In fact, I was starting to feel a bit silly for overreacting like I did. I could feel a slight blush warming my cheeks.

  “Have you two decided if you’re going diving with me tomorrow?” We were supposed to be at sea on the main ship tomorrow, but I, along with a small group of certified divers, were going to take another ship and dive at the half-way point to Bermuda.

  “Shit, girl, after all the fun we missed with you today, of course we’re going with you tomorrow. I just hope they have the space. I’m stoked! You’re so not allowed to leave our sight again. I’m not missing out on any more fun.” Maurice pouted and looked at Stuart for confirmation that they would be going. When Stuart
nodded slightly, Maurice lit up with joy. He was too much fun to watch, it seemed as though every thought that went through his head could be read from his face.

  “I’ve never done ocean diving before,” I confessed. “All my diving has been in the lake back home.”

  “A virgin! You mean we get to be there when you break your ocean cherry? No diving compares to the open ocean.” Maurice’s face cracked into a grin.

  “I’m kind of nervous about the sharks. I hope they leave us alone. I really want to explore the wreckages. I have an underwater camera just for this. Do you think we’ll be okay?” I was wringing my hands in my napkin and noticed that Victoria, the blonde from yesterday was listening in on our conversation with interest.

  Maurice and Stuart looked at each other with the shared intimacy of a life together. I felt a pang of jealousy as they burst out laughing.

  “Girl, you’ve been watching too much television. This will definitely be an eye opener for you. Sharks are more afraid of you than you are of them. We’ll be in a large group in an area that has been used many times before; you’ll be just fine. Also, you’ll be attached to your buddy. There is nothing to worry about.” Maurice was still chuckling to himself as they got up and left the table. I ducked to hide the blush that was creeping up my neck.

  Victoria continued to stare, until she finally stood up, her expression a mixture of disgust and irritation.

  “You are really strange,” she said to me with a slight accent I couldn’t quite place. “There are worse things to fear than sharks.”

  I was flabbergasted. It was the first I’d really heard her speak, and she didn’t stay long enough to elaborate on her comment. I brushed her off as I got up and went to my room to change, contemplating the dive tomorrow. I prayed that the sharks would stay away. I put on my bathing suit and went to the pool to watch the sunset.

  I was still sitting by the pool when Keith found me an hour later.

  “I know it isn’t a carved opal, but Happy Birthday, Tash.” He handed me a small wrapped box. My heart fell into my stomach and I hoped that it wasn’t what it looked like.

  “Um, Keith, this is…well…” I was so not smooth. He laughed. It was that deep belly laugh that I secretly treasured because he never opened himself up that much to anyone.

  “You should see your face. It isn’t that. Just open it.” Inside was a very dainty bracelet with a crescent moon and star. It was sterling silver with a diamond in the center of the star.

  “You remembered,” I said with soft surprise. All my life I’d loved the moon. I could sit under the healing lunar light for a lifetime and never tire of it.

  “Even if I didn’t, all I had to do was watch you at night. You’re always so peaceful watching the moon. I’ve never seen anything so beautiful as you in moonlight.” My heart did a nasty little flip and I knew I was headed into dangerous territory.

  “I have always loved the water and the moon; they have such a harmonious and symbiotic relationship. It makes me feel as if all is right in the world. This is great, thank you, Keith.”

  “I love you, Natasha. I think I’ve always loved you. Seeing you again, being with you—it reminds me of what I lost. What we lost. I’m such an ass, and while I don’t expect you to just forgive everything I did to you, I just wanted you to know. I love you. I screwed up before, big time, but I promise to never hurt you like that again.” I placed my finger on his lips, leaned forward, and kissed him softly. I felt hopeful for the first time in years. I wanted to fade away into the warmth of this feeling, but there was still something bothering me.

  “Keith?”

  “Yeah, babe?”

  “A long time ago we talked about romantic things, and I never got around to asking you if you believed in soul mates.” I asked it quietly, adjusting myself to snuggle against him and watch as the stars started peeking out of the darkening sky.

  “I don’t think that was a question, but, no, I don’t. I think that two people can become compatible with each other for a time, but no, I don’t think that my soul was split in half and the other half is lost out there without me. I mean, think about it; with the billions of people on the planet, how are you supposed to find the one that carries the other half of your soul? And on the off chance that you did find that person, who’s to say you’re even attracted to them, or that they’re even available? No, I think that two people, who find themselves attracted to each other, grow and develop a lasting relationship based on mutual respect, understanding, and sex. Yes, I think sex is a very big part of a relationship. If you can’t be intimate with the person you love and show them in the most basic of ways that you love them, what’s the point? Did I answer your question?”

  “Yes.”

  With us being in port, we had the deck to ourselves. We could hear the waves crashing against the ship, and the far-off sounds of thumping music from the clubs that scattered the piers. It was a little piece of heaven. The silence dragged on, his whispered voice seemed loud when he next spoke.

  “Well, are you going to tell me, or do I have to pry it out of you?” His heartbeat sped ever so slightly under my ear.

  “I do believe in soul mates. It’s one of the few things I still believe in from my childhood. I think that it’s our job to find the other half of our soul and connect for a complete life, however long it lasts. Do you think that even if you don’t believe in the idea of a soul mate, it can be true anyway?”

  “Do you mean could we be soul mates? It’s possible. I was rather lost without you, and am happier now than I’ve been in years.”

  He held me close in his arms, and I knew at that moment that whatever feelings I thought were returning for him were only from my traitorous hormones. He might be a wonderful man, quite possibly the man that I should settle down with, but he was not my soul mate. If I were to find love and risk my heart again, I’d not risk it for anything less than everything. I wanted more than what my parents had. I wanted a shot at what everyone should have, my soul’s other half to share my life with. I fell asleep in Keith’s arms watching the stars, thinking about life. He woke me with his light snores a few hours later.

  “Keith, wake up. We have to go to bed. We’re diving tomorrow and I don’t want to miss that.” Hand in hand we walked to my room and slept.

  Morning, lover.”

  “Ugh, toothbrush. Now.” I pulled the covers up to my nose, mostly to hide my grin.

  “Now that’s just mean. You’re supposed to be all mushy when someone loves you.”

  “Fine, just brush your teeth. You smell like fish.” I pulled the covers over my head to hide my smirk. He laughed, dragging me into the bathroom with him.

  Forty-five minutes later we were clean, satisfied, and late for breakfast. We grabbed a quick bite and headed to meet with the other divers. I forced my bagel down to settle my nerves, while Keith practically danced around the halls. He was so excited to share this with me and to see some of the wreckages we’d read about. His excitement was contagious.

  “Don’t worry, Tasha, we’re going to be fine. I’ve been on dozens of ocean dives, and it’s just like diving in Tahoe, only better. You’re so going to love this! The water is so much warmer than Tahoe and should be very clear. I won’t let anything happen to you, I promise.”

  “I’ll get over it, just let me be.” Stupid fear. I wished I’d never seen Bite. Whoever thought great white sharks mauling people and hunting an entire family would make an excellent film was a genius and a sadist in one. I admit it was a great movie, just not for an impressionable seven year old. I’d had a fear of sharks since the first time I saw the girl thrashing about in the shark’s maw. I can do this. I wanted to do this.

  I reminded myself that it’d be just like riding my sport-bike; stupid, reckless, and so much fun. I bought the motorcycle on a dare, not realizing the freedom it’d bring to my life. I was determined since then to live my life to its fullest potential. It was a reminder I needed right now. Nerves and fear are healthy. They help k
eep you safe. While it wasn’t altogether natural for someone to dive, I knew this would be fine. It was as controlled as diving could get.

  “Don’t let fear rule your life,” I whispered. Keith turned and smiled at me. His hair was disheveled and his wet suit fit him like a second skin. A little thrill went through me at the thought of him being mine. My hormones did their happy dance, and I smiled back.

  “Are you sure you want to do this? We could just stay in bed all day if you chicken out.” He took me in his arms, nipping my nose with his lips.

  “Shut up. I’m okay, now. Let’s go.” I laughed at his antics.

  Before the skiff would depart, we had to go through the final instructions from the lead diver, Jorge Mendoza. He was the one directing the more novice divers like me, unless we were partnered with a more experienced diver. Keith had been on dozens of dives, and I knew he’d keep me safe. He and I were with his friends, and Maurice and Stuart were able to join our group. Keith’s friends were the same rambunctious guys he used to hang with, the playful ribbing continuing as if time had never separated us.

  There were a few other people that I hadn’t seen before, and I was especially surprised to see Victoria. She wore the same scowl that I was beginning to think was her customary expression, hidden behind more clothing and sunscreen than I’d ever seen on a young, attractive woman. Jorge was an older guy with an expression of absolute seriousness. He didn’t seem too excited to be taking us out in the deep ocean.

  “Now, before we take off, there are some rules to follow. Number one: do not let go of your buddy. Number two: keep an eye on your O2 tank. The boat will be out here for approximately three hours, or until the last one of you returns, whichever is first.” Jorge’s voice was stern, clipped. He didn’t wait for us to settle down, rather he expected us to shut our traps and listen. “Remember that time is your enemy down there and that depth can be deceiving. You need to plan for fifteen minute stops every fifty feet you’re down to avoid getting the bends. You’re all experienced divers or you wouldn’t have been given clearance to dive. Remember to be safe down there; I’d like to be able to have a congratulatory dinner with all of you when we get to Bermuda this evening. Be back at the skiff no later than thirteen hundred hours, that’s one o’clock for you landlubbers.” His eyes met mine for a moment before darting off and continuing.