Choice

by Jean Booth

  It was beautiful, as was the man waiting for me. He was covered head to toe in black. His eyes shone with such love for me, I thought my heart would burst right then.

  He took my hand as I approached him, and the ceremony began. Cleito and Michael stood with us as our witnesses and Atreyu performed the rights, as was his duty. He rang a small silver bell three times. Raif began to walk around the circle, and I followed his lead. We then entered and stood facing each other in front of an altar. Atreyu prompted us to state our intent and Raif started.

  “I, Raifuku Iochera, have come of my own free will, in perfect love and perfect trust to bind myself completely from now until the end of days to my alma xemelga, Natasha.”

  “I, Natasha James, have come of my own free will, in perfect love and perfect trust to bind myself completely from now until the end of days to my soul mate, Raifuku.” I was so overjoyed; I barely noticed the twin tears sliding down my face or the misty rain that had begun to fall. Atreyu rang the bell.

  We exchanged rings as a sign to the outside world of our commitment to each other. The palms on our left hands were cut, and the blood dripped into a chalice that was half filled with wine. Our hands were then bound together, mixing our blood. I was slightly unnerved by this, but tried to remember that it was part of their culture. We used our right hands to drink from the chalice, symbolizing the need for balance between being together and apart as well as infusing our bodies further with the essence of each other.

  Our right hands were then placed over our left ones and tied tightly together. We repeated our intent to be bound for the rest of eternity. Atreyu rang the bell.

  We sealed our intent with a kiss. The knot was undone, and we each cut a lock of hair from the other and placed it into a silver box. As we buried the box at the foot of the altar we repeated our intent to be bound again.

  “Thrice called, thrice answered, the souls are now combined. In perfect love and perfect trust, they remain until the end of time. So mote it be.” Atreyu’s words rang out and a shiver ran down my spine. A hush fell over us.

  The birds stopped singing; it was as if the entire universe was holding its collective breath at this moment. We walked around the circle again, the opposite way, sealing our vows with a kiss as we ended. The ground rumbled beneath us. We’d completed the first alma se funden in Atlantis in over eleven thousand years.

  We celebrated with Cleito, Atreyu, and Michael in Cleito’s palace. We had a small feast, with pleasant company. Atreyu tended to the small wounds on our hands, somehow reducing them to thin red lines.

  “That’s crazy,” I whispered, fully examining the cut made earlier.

  “You are mated to an Atlantean. Your body will go through changes now,” Atreyu explained. “You are no longer just human. You will age differently, heal differently, and may take up other traits of your mate.” He smiled. Rain gently sprinkled down upon us. Atreyu glanced at Cleito who was sitting just out of earshot of us. She looked euphoric, but unshed tears made her eyes bright in the candlelight.

  “She is the most caring soul I have ever known. If she were able to shed tears, she would for the simple joy of bringing a soul together again. Poseidon sheds them for her.” Atreyu gestured to the sky. “He shares her joy that they will soon be reunited.” Atreyu loved Cleito. It was clear in the way he spoke about her; as though she were the most precious being in the world.

  “There is one more ritual you must perform before you return to the surface.” Atreyu interrupted my inner musings. “You must return Cleito’s tears to her.”

  “How?”

  “I honestly have no idea.” Atreyu had the decency to look embarrassed. “The fates will guide you, show you the proper way.”

  “Yeah, right,” I whispered under my breath. I wandered away from Atreyu, leaving him to gaze at Cleito longingly. After we’d celebrated with each other for a little while longer, the men left to congratulate Raif, praise Poseidon, and whatever else it is that men do at a handfasting, leaving Cleito alone with me.

  “I think this is as good a time as any to give you my tears, is it painful?” I was more nervous about this than I had been about my handfasting. I hadn’t processed any of what was happening yet. It all still felt like a very strange dream.

  “No, it is not painful. It is strange, though, to cry without shedding tears. I believe you must first begin to cry, and then simply give them to me. Your sacrifice will be remembered for years to come. I know better than most how much all of this is costing you.” She looked very sad and the rain came down stronger. I thought of sad things and attempted to cry. I smiled apologetically at Cleito when nothing happened.

  I forced my thoughts to wander to what life would be like without Raif in it, without seeing his dimpled smile, hearing his deep bass voice, or being able to hold him in my arms. I felt the tears begin to slide down my cheeks almost immediately as the pain of being apart from him hit me completely for the first time. I didn’t want to stop the last tears I’d ever shed, so I stood there for a minute, letting them fall, paying homage to the love I was leaving. When they started to slow, I gently scooped one from my cheek and placed it against Cleito’s eyelids.

  “I freely give of my tears,” I whispered, not knowing why, but feeling it was the right thing to say. In an instant, her cheeks were wet, the rain stopped, and so did the flow of tears from my eyes. It truly was a strange feeling to be sad and want to cry, but to be utterly unable to do so.

  “Bless you, child. You and Raifuku must say farewell. Enjoy every moment with him, but don’t take too long. I shudder to think what Nereus will do if he finds you here. You will always be cherished in my heart.” She kissed my forehead and walked away. I went into my room to wait for Raif.

  HE WAS already waiting for me on the bed when I walked through the door. He’d taken his shirt off and was sitting there in his black pants with his head in his hands. He looked miserable. It wasn’t a look I’d anticipated on my wedding day from any man, especially my soul mate.

  Seeing him there was bittersweet. I was overjoyed to have him in my life for however brief an interlude, but extremely depressed knowing we’d be apart after tonight. I hoped to spend the rest of this night forgetting I was leaving in the morning.

  “Don’t look so happy to see me,” I whispered as I shut the door. His head jerked up in surprise before he thought to school his features. His eyes were swimming with unshed tears. He blinked them back so I wouldn’t notice, but it was already too late.

  “Oh, Raif, I don’t know what to do. I love you so much it hurts. Seeing you like this breaks my heart. We’ll see each other again someday. Don’t cry yet. I’m still here, hold me while you can. Please, don’t cry,” I said, tears I would never shed, choking my voice.

  I flung myself onto his lap hugging his torso close to my cheek. If I’d still had tears, I’d be crying with him. There had to be another way. It just wasn’t fair. He stroked my hair while my head lay in his lap.

  I nestled closer to him, curling my body around his legs. We sat in silence for a while, just holding each other. I ran my hands in gentle circles around his lower back, hoping to ease his pain just a little bit. At this moment, I really didn’t care about the gods or the culture of a people I knew nothing about, all I cared for in this world was the man trembling beneath my palms.

  “Natasha, forgive me. I cannot seem to forget that you will be gone from me tomorrow. I am not ready to lose you. Even if we’d spent eternity together, I would not be willing to give you up yet. You truly are my other half and it is painful to know that I will be without you again. It was not so difficult before I knew you, but now it is as if Zeus himself has placed a lightning rod in my heart.” He tilted my chin so I was looking into his teal eyes.

  The love and pain in those depths tore at my heart. This man truly loved me. I lifted myself very slowly from my crouched position and brought my lips toward his, never losing eye contact. He blinked just as our lips met in the chastest of kisses and twin tea
rs spilled down his cheeks.

  “Don’t cry, amada. I’m here,” I whispered against his mouth. I kissed the tear tracks from his cheeks. I kissed each of his eyelids. I kissed his mouth a few more times, very lightly. They were chaste, virginal, kisses. I wanted to cherish this moment for as long as possible. I pulled back, bringing my hands up to caress his face. He was such a strong man it tore at me to see him so sad. “I love you,” I whispered as I cradled his cheeks in my palms and kissed him like I’d wanted to all day. I kissed him as if I couldn’t get enough of him, because I couldn’t. I held his face immobile and devoured him. His eyes flew open in surprise at the first intense contact and he kissed me back with every ounce of passion he felt. He moaned in my mouth, his strong hands roving across my back to lift me onto his lap.

  I pulled away, breathless. I wanted this, but I wanted it slowly. We had the entire night to worship each other and I didn’t want to waste it. I also vainly didn’t want him ruining yet another dress. I was rather fond of this one. It was, after all, the dress I’d gotten married in.

  Holy crap, I’m married.

  I felt the color drain from my face as it finally hit me. What timing. I was about to make love to the most incredible man on the planet, and that’s when I decided to freak out about the fact that the man was my husband. Why couldn’t this have happened earlier in the day, preferably when I was alone? I swallowed, trying to moisten my suddenly dry throat, and sat heavily against him on the bed.

  “Natasha, what is the matter? Have I done something wrong?” He took my hands in his; forcing me to look at either his face or our matching rings. I chose his face as the rings had me hyperventilating.

  “We were married today,” I said, my voice shaking. He smiled at me.

  “Yes, that is part of mating. I thought every woman dreamt of this day from childhood. Does it bother you?”

  “I just never planned on getting married. It was never something I wanted, and now that it’s happened, I’m not sure how I feel about it.” I wanted him, but since Keith, I had never envisioned myself as a bride.

  “Amada, do you love me?”

  “Of course, I do.”

  “Then what does a ceremony matter? It is tradition for my people to assist the souls in the merge, nothing more. We already started to merge the last time we were intimate together. I know you felt it. Cleito insists that we must do everything as she and Poseidon did in order to properly break the curse on our people. I don’t believe all that was necessary, but when dealing with the fates, it is better to be overly cautious. Does it bother you to be married to me?”

  “What? No! I love you, and know that I want to be with you for the rest of my life. I’m being silly. I guess I just didn’t expect this.” I looked down at our intertwined hands. Circling his finger was a band made of orichalcum with a vine carved around it, and mine bore the match. The only addition to mine was a small opal in the center. I smiled, remembering that opals were his favorite stone.

  I shook my head as if that movement would help me clear it. I was married. To an amazing man that by all rights shouldn’t even exist. I smiled at my foolishness, sobering quickly as I remembered I would need to leave all too soon.

  “Is there any way that I can stay, that I don’t have to leave?”

  “No. Unfortunately the oracle decreed that we must willingly separate to reunite our people. I wish there was another way as well. I will miss you dearly.” I snuggled closer to him, resting my head against his heart, listening to the beat. We sat in silence for a few minutes, simply holding each other.

  “I’ll miss you as well,” I whispered. I stood up and removed my dress, placing it in the corner of the room. I walked back to him, completely nude and not the least bit self-conscious. It was hard to feel insecure when he was looking at me like I was to be his last meal. A slow, seductive grin spread across my face as I reveled in his adoration.

  “Love me, amada,” I said as I pressed him onto the bed.

  I was bolder than I’d ever been in my life. Straddling my legs on either side of his hips, I licked a path slowly up his abdomen to his chest. I stopped for a bite at his nipples, suckling on them as he’d done to me before.

  He groaned, fisting his hands in my hair, struggling to let me control his torture. I licked his pebbled nipple, then blew across it causing him to shiver. I felt myself growing wet with the knowledge that I alone held the power to make this strong man beg. I flicked his lonely nipple gently with the tip of my finger and felt him buckle beneath me. We both groaned. I was having a very hard time keeping things slow as I could feel myself throbbing with need. My core craved to have him where he belonged, as did the rest of my body.

  I moved my attention from his nipples to his neck, where I nipped him with my teeth. He started to pant. I nibbled on his earlobe just as his hands found my breasts. His fingers brushed my pebbled buds, causing me to contract on top of him. I moaned against his neck, praying he’d apply pressure.

  When he did, I lost all pretense of going slow and kissed him. I ravished his mouth, kissing and biting his lips. I was controlled only by need. He kissed me back just as urgently, still maintaining his torturous caress of my breasts. I brushed my core against his member, still enclosed behind his pants, and came. It was a small release, but opened me to him in ways I hadn’t experienced before.

  I began to feel what he must have been feeling this whole time. It was like being one person with two bodies. The feelings intensified to where I could literally feel what I was doing to him. I heard his thoughts at a distance. We were finally fully completing the alma se funden, the soul merge.

  We turned so he was on top of me, crushing my breasts in his palms. I was in ecstasy. He moved from me for a second to remove his pants and I heard someone whimper. I was slightly appalled to realize it was me. All was forgotten two seconds later at the look of pure male satisfaction on his face. He knew he had the same effect on me as I did on him and it made him very happy.

  He scanned my body from head to toe, then his gaze lingered on my breasts. I knew what he was going to do seconds before he did it. Even if I couldn’t feel him in my head, it was written in the expression on his face. He dove at my nipples, taking time to fully arouse and torture each one properly.

  My hands fisted in his hair and I begged for any type of release. The sensations were too much for my sensitive skin. He kept his bottom half just far enough away from me so I couldn’t find release by rubbing against him. I was like a cat in heat. I heard myself begging him, pleading with him to enter me. I needed him inside me more than I needed my next breath. He relaxed his assault on my breasts and held himself immobile, inches from my body. It took me a full minute to focus on his face, inches away from me.

  “Look at me.” He was as breathless as me, but firm in his demands. I forced my eyes open to look into his passion filled teal ones.

  He slid into me and it was a struggle to keep my eyes open. He wanted me open to him in every way. He tried to be slow and gentle. I could feel his intent, although it was pointless since I was bucking beneath him. I needed him desperately. I gripped his shoulders, thrusting my pelvis along his shaft. I leaned my head forward to kiss him, but he held himself completely immobile.

  “Kiss me,” I whispered, and he finally capitulated. He kissed me deeply, almost bruising my lips with his hunger. My nails scrapped down his back in the ecstasy of impending release. He pounded into my wet core, sliding in with ease. It was no longer a painful coupling as it had been the previous times, but a glorious act of mating between lovers. I matched him thrust for thrust, feeling my body work its way to that final precipice. I felt my shields start to rise and he stopped.

  “No, look at me. Let me in. Let me love you.” He waited until I relaxed again to start moving inside me. I kept my eyes open, concentrating on his. I distantly felt the pleasure building, but forced myself to concentrate on Raif. I loved him and wanted him more than anything. He was completely open to me, letting me feel what he fel
t, hear his thoughts, and know everything about him. I was the one holding back.

  I forced myself to relax in his embrace, loving him as he loved me. The orgasm came as a surprise to me, splitting me into a million pieces. I was completely open to him, vulnerable in a way that I’d never allowed myself to be. He came seconds after, causing my body to continue to react in bliss.

  Subconsciously I saw an image of our souls. Each was broken, not split in half, but more like Swiss cheese. They were iridescent shadows of us with parts missing. Each part that I was missing, his soul had, and each part his was missing, mine held. In my euphoric dream state, I watched as the two souls slammed together, becoming one beautiful bright being. It hurt my eyes to look upon the incandescent beauty of our soul, and I had to look away. I opened my eyes, gasping for breath as I did so, not realizing I’d been holding it. I looked into Raif’s eyes and saw a similar expression of awe reflected in his face.

  “Did you see that too?” I breathed. He simply nodded. “That was amazing. Do you feel different? I feel fuller, but stretched, like I’m trying to fill two places.”

  “I feel you,” he whispered in awe. “I feel what you feel. I can feel an echo of your heartbeat next to mine. Your emotions are intense. I had no idea it’d be like this.”

  He drew me into an embrace, holding me tightly to his chest. We lay curled up in each other’s arms, just listening and feeling all the new things our mating brought about. I was more content and peaceful than I’d ever been in my life. This was the way we were meant to be. If I’d had doubts before this night, they were all wiped away with our joining. There really was such a thing as soul mates, and I was beyond blessed to have finally found mine. We drifted off to sleep with inconceivable love in our hearts and contented smiles on our faces.

  I WOKE a few hours later with the sunrise. I’d never been one to sleep long, and was content just watching Raif sleep for a while. He was an amazing man and I wanted to remember this moment. I crept out of bed to grab my camera. It was still in my bag, but not in the place I’d left it, which struck me as strange. Raif must’ve moved it when he was looking for something.