by J. L. Perry
Blake runs towards her. She gets off the stool and makes her way towards him. When he reaches her he wraps his arms around her tiny waist. I want to do that too. So fucking much. She puts her arms around him. As soon as I see the plaster on her hand I feel even worse. I hate seeing her hurt.
“I missed you this morning,” Blake says.
“I’ve missed you too little man.”
He looks up at her and smiles. When he sees her face, his smile disappears. “What’s wrong Jazzi? You look sad.”
“I’m okay sweetie. I’m just tired. I didn’t sleep well last night because my hand was sore.” I don’t doubt for a minute that her hand is sore, but like me, I can tell she’s trying her best not to worry him. When she holds up her plastered hand to show him, his eyes widen.
“Wow. Is it broken?” he asks in amazement.
“It sure is.”
“Did you break it when you hit Roxy?”
“I sure did,” she answers. This time Blake doesn’t say anything. He just wraps his arms around her again. A small smile appears on her face as she hugs him back.
“I love you, Jazzi,” he whispers.
“I love you too little man.” I notice a tear run down her cheek, she quickly wipes it away before Blake sees it. God, I love her too.
“Do you want to be the first person to sign my plaster?” she asks Blake.
“Can I?” When she nods his face lights up.
“Awesome. Dad, Jazzi said I can be the first person to sign her plaster.”
When Blake addresses me Jacinta looks over at me. It’s the first time since I’ve walked in the door that she’s made eye contact with me. Even though her face doesn’t light up like it usually does when she looks me, she still takes my breath away.
I smile at her. “Hi,” I mouth.
She gives me a small smile before putting her head down. My heart sinks.
“We better get going,” Connor says. I peel my eyes away from Red and give him a nod. He gives me a sympathetic smile. I think he can tell that things are over between us too.
Connor walks over to Jacinta and kisses her cheek. “Are you going to be okay with Blake until we get back?” he asks.
“I’ll be fine.” He gives her a hug and kisses her hair before he makes his way to Cassandra, kissing her goodbye. The way they smile at each other makes me envious. I want more than anything to wrap my arms around Red and feel her lips on mine again.
When Connor walks back towards me, I make my way over to Blake. “We shouldn’t be gone too long buddy,” I say as I ruffle his hair.
“Okay dad.”
“Maybe I’ll take you out to lunch and to the arcade place when I get back.”
Blake smiles. “Can Jazzi come too?” he asks hopefully. “Of course. If she wants to.” I look over at her when I say that hoping that she’ll say yes. She puts her head down and doesn’t answer. Just as I thought. It was worth a try.
“We better get going,” Connor says again. I’m not sure if he’s trying to save me or Red from the uncomfortable silence that is now in the room.
“Sure,” I say as I turn and walk towards the door.
“Good luck,” Jacinta says as I walk away from her. I want to turn around and say thank you, but I don’t. I need to get out of here as quickly as possible. Even though my expectations were pretty low when I came here this morning, I’m feeling crushed all over again.
CHAPTER TWE
NTY-ONE
Mason
Seeing Roxy again today, made my shitty morning even shittier. She looked like hell, too. Red really did a number on her. Both her eyes are practically swollen shut. In my eyes, after the way she has treated my boy over the years, she deserved it. I’m so proud of my girl for what she did.
Considering she is so anti violence, what she did just proves how much Blake means to her. I know in my heart, she did it for him and no other reason. I just wish I’d been around to witness Roxy get what she had coming. I’m only sorry that Jacinta got hurt in the process.
Connor was wonderful. Her case was adjourned for a later date, but he had her bail refused. At least she’ll have to stay in prison until then. With the amount of charges that were read out, I’m hoping that it’ll be a lot longer than that. She might even get clean while she’s locked up. I can only hope. For her sake and for Blake’s.
I’m not saying that I’d let her have a relationship with Blake in the future, but if she gets clean, and Blake wants that, then I wouldn’t stand in his way. They’d have to be supervised visits though, until she could prove she can be trusted. In saying that, I’m pretty sure at this stage in his life, that’d be the last thing he’d want.
It’s nearly midday by the time we arrive back at the apartment. Connor’s still officially on leave so he came home with me. He only worked today to help me out. I’m grateful for everything he’s done. I’m also glad that this thing between Red and I hasn’t affected our friendship.
After the way Jacinta was with me earlier, I’m not looking forward to seeing her again. If things really are over between us, I don’t know if I’ll be able to come over here anymore. Seeing her and not being able to touch her, hold her, or kiss her, is fucking torture. I’m sure the longer that goes on too, the harder it will be for me. It hasn’t even been 24 hours since I held her in my arms and I’m already fucking suffering.
Once we are back at Connor’s place, we find Jacinta and Blake in her room. Cassandra is there too. She is lying on Red’s bed reading and Blake is sitting on Jacinta’s lap. The two of them are playing the X-box.
With Jacinta’s broken arm though, she can’t use both hands to play. Blake is pressing the buttons on the right side of the control and Red is doing the left. They make a good team. She even looks a little brighter than she did this morning. I love seeing my two favourite people together like this.
Connor clears his throat when we walk into the room. The three of them look up at us. Cassandra jumps up off the bed and runs over to Connor. Nobody mentions the court case in front of Blake which is good.
“Hi dad,” Blake says.
“Hi buddy.” My eyes move over to Jacinta. Her head’s down again. Fuck. I don’t know why she can’t look at me. Sure, I fucked up last night but I’m not a monster.
“Look, Jazzi let me sign her plaster.” He points to her arm so I step closer to have a look. He’s written his name on there in big writing. The letter “K” is backwards. He’s also drawn a picture of three stick people with a heart below it.
“See, that’s the three of us,” he says. I smile at him and tell him what a great job he did. On the inside though, my heart is hurting. That was us, until I fucked everything up.
“Can dad write something too?” he asks Jacinta. She smiles at him. I can tell it’s forced. He jumps off her lap and goes over to the desk that’s sitting by the window. He opens the drawer and pulls out a black permanent marker. When he walks back over to us, he hands it to me.
I can tell Red doesn’t want me to do this. She won’t say that in front of Blake though. Instead, she holds out her hand to me. I gently grab hold of it and look down at her. She is staring up at me. The sparkle that is usually in her eyes is missing. She holds my stare. I can tell she is hurting just as much as I am.
I let out a deflated breath. Everything in me wants to pull her up off the bed and wrap her in my arms. But, I don’t. The first thing I notice when I look down at her hand is the bruise poking out from underneath. Her fingers are still a little swollen too. It makes me feel terrible.
I lift the marker up to my mouth and remove the lid with my teeth. I know the perfect thing to write on her plaster. It’s everything I want to say to her right now, but can’t.
She’s seated. She can’t see what I’m writing. Once I am finished, I gently let go of her arm. She pulls it back towards her and looks down at it. She lets out a small sigh as she reads it. When she looks back up at me, her beautiful blue eyes are filled with tears. A lump forms in my throat as I again h
old her stare.
****
Jacinta
“I love you Red” is what he wrote. He even added a little heart as well. Instantly, tears flood my eyes as my heart tears in two. I love him too. So damn much. But, that’s not enough. I can’t possibly be with someone who has the potential to hurt me. What he did last night scared me.
I look up into his big chocolate eyes and I see so much sadness there. He’s pleading…almost begging me with his eyes not to do this. I need to look away but I can’t. I’m transfixed. I’m so close to breaking down again. I don’t want to do that though. Not in front of him, and definitely not in front of Blake.
Before I even realise it, he has lifted me off the bed and wrapped me in his arms. He smells so good. I love it when he holds me. His big strong arms make me feel safe, which is ironic, since that is the very reason I can’t be with him. Last night he didn’t make me feel safe, at all.
I don’t wrap my arms around him. I want too, but I don’t want to give him the wrong idea. They stay limp by my side.
I hear him inhale and know he’s smelling me. He does that often. I close my eyes and savour his touch. The tears that were pooling in them are now running down my cheeks.
“I miss you babe,” he whispers, so only I can hear him. I am lost in him like always, and have completely forgotten that Blake is in the room with us. I miss him too, but I don’t reply. How can I?
****
Mason
It feels good to be holding her. I don’t want to let her go because I know this may possibly be the last time I get to have her in my arms. It doesn’t go unnoticed that she doesn’t hug me back. I’m not going to let that ruin this moment for me though.
I bury my face in her hair and inhale. I love the way she smells. I want to try and sear it into my memory. I’m going to miss falling asleep and waking up surrounded by her scent. I’m going to miss everything about her.
Please, don’t let this be the end of us!
“Dad, I’m hungry,” Blake suddenly says. I’m so lost in her that I forget he is in here.
“Why don’t you go and get a piece of fruit off Connor? We’ll be leaving in a few minutes to go to lunch. I need to talk to Jacinta quickly, okay.” He doesn’t say another word. He runs out of the room in search of food. If I wasn’t feeling so shitty I’d laugh. My boy loves his food.
Once we’re alone I pull my head back so I can see her. Her face is leaning against my chest. I put my finger under her chin and gently tilt her head up. When I see the tears running down her face my chest hurts. I remove my hand that’s wrapped around her waist and bring it up towards her face. I use my thumb to wipe her tears away. I then cup her face in my hands. She’s so beautiful. She has the most sensual lips. I want to kiss her so bad right now.
“You don’t want to be with me anymore, do you?” I ask. I don’t want to hear the answer to that question, but I need to know. I am silently pleading with her not to say it but, I can tell by the look on her face that she is going to.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers.
“Please Red. I love you. Don’t do this,” I plead. I’m still holding her face in my hands so she can’t look away from me. Her beautiful blue eyes are pooling with tears again. All I can do is look at her. I’m at a loss for the right words to say. I wish I could think of something that would help change her mind. Anything.
“I’m…I’m sorry,” is all she says, again.
“You know I’d never hurt you right? Last night…I don’t know what came over me.”
“That’s just it,” she says as the tears fall down her face. “You can’t guarantee that that won’t happen again.”
“Please babe, I don’t want to lose you. I can’t lose you. You mean everything to me.” I am begging like a fool now. I don’t care. I’ll get down on my fucking knees and beg if I have too. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” she whispers. “But last night changed things for me. I can’t take that chance. I promised myself when I was a little girl that I’d never put myself in a position like that.” The more she talks, the more distressed she becomes. As much as I want to keep pushing her, I can’t do it.
You can be fucking sure that this isn’t the end for us though. I’m not letting her walk away from me without a fight. She means too much to me, and Blake, for me to let that happen.
“I’ll let you have it your way for now,” I say. “But I’m not giving up on us. Fuck, I need you in my life Red. So does Blake. If you need time I’ll give it to you. I’ll do anything. I just want you back.”
A sob escapes her when I say that. I let go of her face and wrap my arms around her again. This time she wraps her arms around me too, resting her head against my chest. I hold her tight and let her cry. Fuck, I’m fighting hard to hold my own tears back now.
We stay like this for a while. It’s only minutes but feels like longer. I eventually pull back from her. She looks up at me. I hate seeing her like this. I wipe her tears away again before brushing her hair off her face. She stares at me.
“I’ll give you time to think, okay?” I say. She nods her head. I cup her face in my hands again. “Please…just remember how much I love you. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”
Her eyes fill with tears again. This time mine do too. It’s going to kill me to walk away from her now. But that’s what she wants, so I have to respect that. I bring my face down towards her and press my lips against hers.
Neither one of us take the kiss any further. We just stay there with our lips joined. I wish we could stay like this forever. I know once I walk out of this room, it may be the last time my lips are ever going to feel her. Taste her.
I pull back and look at her once more. She looks as heartbroken as I feel. I brush my lips against hers once more. “Goodbye Red,” I whisper.
“Goodbye Wolf,” she replies. Even though we both have tears running down our faces, we smile at what she just said. She hasn’t called me Wolf since she found out my real name.
I reluctantly let go of her and turn and walk towards the door. My heart feels like it is in a million pieces. I quickly wipe my eyes with the back of my hand as I walk down the hall. I don’t want Blake to see that I’m upset. It will only make him worry.
When I enter the kitchen, Blake’s sitting on the bench top eating an apple that Cassandra has cut up for him. She looks over at me and gives me a sympathetic look. Fuck, I need to get out of here.
“Are you ready to go get some lunch buddy?” I say to Blake.
“Yeah dad. Is Jazzi coming with us?”
“No. She has things to do.”
“Awww,” he says as Cassandra lifts him off the cupboard. “I’m just going to go and say goodbye to her then.”
“She is lying down buddy. Her hand is hurting.” I know it’s a lie, but I don’t want him to see her upset.
“Okay. Can you tell her I said good bye?” he asks Cassandra.
“Sure thing.”
She steps forward and rubs my back. “Give her some time,” is all she says. A lump rises to my throat. I’d give her all the time in the world if I knew in the end she’d take me back. I give her a small smile. I don’t know what else to do. I walk over and shake Connor’s hand, thanking him again for everything he did for me today.
“Are you going to be okay?” he asks. I shrug. The way I’m feeling right now, makes me wonder if I’m ever going to be okay. “I’ll come up and see you later,” he adds as he places a hand on my shoulder. I nod. If I talk right now, I’m afraid I might lose it again.
I plaster a smile on my face for Blake’s benefit. “Where do you want to go for lunch?” I ask as we turn and walk towards the door.
****
Jacinta
As soon as Mason leaves my room I collapse to the floor as a loud and ugly sob leaves my body. Even with everything I went through as a child, I don’t think I’ve ever felt this heartbroken. When he walked out of the room just now, he took a piece of me with him and I don’t think I
’ll ever get that back.
Cass comes into the room but I’m crying so hard I don’t even realise, until she lies down beside me and wraps me in her arms. “Oh Jaz,” is all she says as she holds me. A few minutes later Connor comes in. Cass lets go of me and he picks me up off the floor and places me on the bed.
“Can you leave us for bit?” I hear her say.
“Sure,” he replies. “I’ll be out in the lounge room if you need me.”
Once he is gone Cass asks, “Do you want to talk about it?” I shake my head. I’m not ready to talk about it yet. Right now, all I want to do is cry. To mourn what I have just lost. I know it’s all my doing, but that doesn’t help with the devastation I’m feeling right now.
I don’t get out of bed for the rest of the day. Facing life without Mason right now seems like too much to bear.
CHAPTER T
WENTY-TWO
Jacinta
For the next forty-eight hours I don’t do much at all. Connor and Cass have made me get out of bed to shower and eat. Even though I didn’t want to, I did it for them. I know they’re worried about me.
I haven’t seen or heard from Mason again. I don’t know if Connor has. He’s not saying anything. It’s probably for the best. I miss him and Blake so much.
I got a call from Jenny today. Apparently she’s called a few times over the past few days. Cass confiscated my phone after my breakdown the other day. I’ve only just gotten it back.
Jenny wanted to see how Blake and I are doing, as well as ask me to come into the office for an interview. Honestly, it’s the last thing I want to do, but it’s something I need to do. It is the first step in reclaiming my new life, I guess. My life without Mason.
I’ve arranged to go in tomorrow morning. Cass and Connor think it is a good idea. I know they’ll be happy to see me leave the house. They have both tried so many times over the past two days to get me to go somewhere with them, to no avail.