Here to Stay

by Adriana Herrera

  With every quiet step we took to her house, I felt the panic crawling up my throat that I’d fucked up. I went with something I knew usually got her talking. “How is it going with the new therapists?”

  Her eyes narrowed like she was trying to figure out why I was asking. But after a couple more steps, her shoulders slumped and she shook her head as she walked. “It’s going less well than I hoped, to be honest.”

  “Did something happen?” I wouldn’t be surprised if this didn’t have to do with Phil and Duke.

  She sighed, still not looking up. “The clinical director is a lot and I just—”

  She caught herself before she said whatever was on her mind, and she didn’t have to say it for me to know that it wasn’t good. “Never mind. I’m just tired.” Her face changed in an instant, her shoulders tensed.

  I tried to make small talk all the way to her place, about Dallas and how quiet it was at night in our part of town, about the weirdness of being able to wear shorts in November, and how even though we missed New York, the longer fall days in Texas had their charm. From the distracted way she responded to my questions, I knew she was preoccupied too, so before I talked myself out of it, I spoke. “That was a mistake.”

  Her head snapped back at my words and she stopped walking.

  I made myself look at her. I needed to see her face when she told me I was an asshole, and that she never wanted to see me again, but she didn’t. She held up her hand, her eyes closed.

  “I can see myself home from here.” She sounded exhausted as I stood there feeling like I was turning to stone. “No hard feelings.” That last part she barely got out, but soon she was walking up the sidewalk leading to her building block.

  I’d done what I needed to. I should’ve been relieved. But as I made my way back to my place, all I felt was regret.

  Chapter Twelve

  Rocco

  I felt a finger snap by my ear and I turned my head to see Tariq and Dani looking at me weird. “What?”

  They both laughed, shaking their heads. Dani spoke up after taking a sip of his beer. “Dude, it’s like the third time you’ve checked out in the last half hour. What’s with you?”

  I was not really in the mood for true confessions, but I had to talk about it with someone. “I kissed Julia, then told her it was a mistake. And I’ve been all emo about it since. I think I have feelings for her.”

  They both laughed hysterically for a full minute before either one could get a word out. Tariq recovered first. “My guy, that is not news. You’re a grumpy bastard with everyone else, but with her, you’re like some kind of love-starved kitten. I mean, it’s not like she isn’t giving you the eye too.”

  My heart started racing then, because in the last few days I’d convinced myself I was the only one. That she had been relieved when I’d called that kiss a mistake. “I don’t think so.”

  Tariq and Dani pursed their lips in almost identical expressions. Then Tariq perked up and pulled his phone out of his shirt pocket. “Let’s ask the hive.”

  He started tapping his phone and looked up with a grin. “According to my sources, she may have noticed your hot muscles and ocean-blue eyes...”

  Dani piped up, “Ask them if they want to meet up after study hall.”

  Clown.

  “Are you texting José?”

  Tariq answered without taking his eyes off the screen, “And Salome. They’re with Julia right now.”

  Oh, God. “Please tell me they’re not going to say anything to her.”

  Tariq shrugged and look at me like I was idiot. “Dude, are you brand-new? Of course they’re going to tell her...” He pointed at himself, then at Dani and me. “This is how friend groups work, my dude.” He put down his phone and hooked his index fingers together, apparently ready to list the annals of friendship to me. “We ask you about your business, we process it together, and when you’re not rising to the occasion, we take over.”

  I just stared at him, unsure what was happening to my life. Tariq angled his head toward Dani. “Back me up, bruh.”

  My other supposed friend only nodded as he gulped his beer, giving Tariq and me a thumbs-up.

  “I don’t know if this is a good idea. It’s all too complicated.” I ran my hands over my face, all the reasons why pursuing anything with Julia was a horrible idea swirling around in my head. When I lifted my eyes to Tariq, this time I was the one who was ready to start listing things.

  “One. I’m going back to New York in a matter of weeks.” Tariq looked ready to protest but I held my intertwined fingers up to him. “Two. She’s on the rebound, and not interested in a relationship.” This time Dani looked like he was going to interject, but I kept my hands up. “And three.”

  I stopped for a second to drink some more of my beer because I knew this new development was not going to be as easy to dismiss as the others. “You know we’re here to make recommendations that will most likely end up cutting the funds for her programs in the foundation. Me doing my job is most likely going to do away with hers. You know I’ll do it too.”

  Dani’s eyebrows were so close together by the time I was done, he looked like he had a unibrow.

  “I can’t fuck with this project, you know that.” What was there left to say? “This whole crush is ill-advised and will totally blow up in my face. I need to just keep things friendly—”

  Dani spoke while Tariq drained his beer. “Rocco man, it is not as dire as you think it is. I mean Julia loves that program, but it is what it is. She knows it’s not all on you.” Except Phil and Duke were getting less and less subtle about how they were hoping something blew up with the foundation so they could pull the plug on it. I also could not deny that the costs of running the foundation would have an impact on investor buy-in once they went public.

  But I didn’t say any of that and let Dani keep talking. In a weird way—even though I knew things with Julia couldn’t end well—it was nice to hear people this invested in my happiness. And Dani had more to say on that. “Also, and I say this without trying to sound glib, you don’t know what’s going to happen. Who knows what will go down with this IPO. Also it’s not like you can’t get work here. There are consulting firms in Dallas. Big ones.”

  “That man is making good points,” Tariq added, even as his face went very serious. “Not that I wouldn’t miss you, but dude, we’ve been working together for a couple of years and you’ve been different here. In a good way.”

  The urge to shut down this conversation rocked me. This was a line of thinking that led to disappointment, complications, and heartbreak, serious fucking heartache. I shifted in my seat and exhaled, feeling desperate.

  I couldn’t go there. “Julia Ortiz could break me.”

  “Damn, bruh, you need to relax. It’s not that deep.”

  Okay, so I’d said that out loud.

  “Thanks for the pep talk, guys, but for now I think I’ll keep my crush to myself.” I slumped on the chair, worn out by the conversation. “My main focus is my sister and Blue.”

  Dani put his hand up then, conceding my point. “Okay, I’ll chill.”

  Tariq agreed too. He knew how much I had riding on this. “All right, my man, that bag needs to be secured before you think about your love life. I gotchu. But women like Julia are the type that come along to alter a life plan.”

  Dani grunted in agreement as I sat there fighting for breath after Tariq’s verbal gut punch.

  I lifted my glass then anyway, because even though my love life continued to be a study in “failure to thrive,” I finally had friends.

  “Thanks for the advice. I can’t take it at the moment, but I still appreciate it.”

  Just as I was ready to shut the conversation down, I saw a text pop up from Julia just to me.

  Julia: Are you getting harassed too?

  I felt an electric shock ripple through
my body as I read the message. Like a door I’d thought was closed forever had just been pried open.

  Rocco: Yes.

  My heart pounded, wondering if Julia would give me a reason to believe all the things that Dani just tried to tell me. If like me, she was struggling with ignoring what was happening between us.

  Julia: Ignore them. That’s what I’m doing.

  What I’d felt after Tariq said Julia was worth altering my life plan for had been a love tap. This was a gut punch. Eye-watering, debilitating, gasp-for-air punch. So hard and so strong that I almost hunched over. But it was the wake-up call I needed.

  I texted a thumbs-up emoji and shut down my phone. I looked up at Dani and Tariq who were giving me curious, semi-worried looks.

  “It’s nothing.” I schooled my face like it was no big deal and grabbed a menu. “What incredibly unhealthy food are we going to enjoy during this game none of us really care about?”

  Julia

  “Wow, you’re grumpy.”

  José was not one to soften the blow and I was probably looking particularly pissed. I stood from the table I’d snagged at our favorite taco place.

  I sat down, gratefully taking the margarita José had ordered for me. “What’s with the face? Did something happen with the funding?” I shook my head, since thankfully things seemed quiet in that department.

  “Bless you.” I took a sip of the delicious drink and then closed my eyes, sighing. “I ran into one of the students from the program and his mom as I was leaving for the day. Seems like they were waiting for Vicki.” I cracked up at the stank face José made at the mention of my workplace nemesis. “Who was apparently giving them a ride home.” I had to really level up my outrage when José didn’t seem scandalized enough by Vicki’s bullshit. “It’s against agency policy to do stuff like that. The rules are very clear. If a client needs help getting home we have funds to get them an Uber or taxi, not drive them. She’s supposed to be modeling behavior since she’s the clinical director, for fuck’s sake.”

  I took another sip of my margarita and sulked, as José asked me about the exact thing I was fretting about. “Are you going to tell your boss?”

  I threw my hands up in frustration, hating that Vicki’s lack of professional boundaries was putting me in this position. “I don’t really have a choice. This is the exact type of shit that could sink us with the board and the higher-ups who would love nothing more than having an excuse to shut us down. Not to mention it’s just not good for our clients. This sets up expectations and then we can’t do our jobs for them. It’s just all bad.”

  José shook his head in sympathy as I sulked some more, but he perked up as we saw Salome walking up to us. She was sporting her usual jeans, designer sweatshirt, and matching Jordans. She looked like a shorter, slimmer version of Lena Waithe, and she could turn some heads.

  She smiled as she approached us and sat down next to José on the bench. “What up, peoples? Tell me something good and normal, so I can remember that academia dysfunction is not real life.”

  I snorted and José smiled as he slid her the margarita he’d gotten her. “Julia was telling me about Vicki doing sneaky shit with clients.”

  Salome did not like the sound of that. “What’s wrong with her?”

  I pursed my lips and blew out a breath, feeling fed up. Then I remembered how much I loved my team and the families we got to work with. “I don’t know, but Imma tell on her ass first thing tomorrow.”

  Salome nodded in approval as she signaled the waitress for a menu.

  “Did you see Tariq’s text, José? He thinks he’s slick.”

  José jumped in his seat like his ass was on fire and pulled his phone out of his pocket. He tapped on it a few minutes, as Salome and I looked on. The smirk and sly look she gave me made me a little uneasy.

  “What’d he do now?”

  “They. What’d they do?” At that same moment, José burst out laughing and showed me the phone.

  “What the fuck?” I almost dropped the damn thing in the cocktail glass. My face flaming hot when I saw the message.

  Tariq: Rocco’s out here asking if anyone’s noticed his thirsting after Julia... LMAO. SMH.

  Oh, God.

  “What thirst? I didn’t notice any thirsting...” My eyes were shifting between, Salome, José, and José’s phone screen as if I was expecting one of them to lunge at me and take a bite out of my face.

  José just rolled his eyes and tapped on his phone.

  “Oh my God, José, why are you smirking?” I looked at Salome, the traitor, who was reading her own phone and cackling. I grabbed José’s phone as he tried to put it back in his pocket.

  “Stop, you got your own damn phone.”

  Right. I quickly fished it out of my pocket and opened the group chat.

  “Et tu, José?” I pointed at José with my marg as I scrolled. He, of course, just laughed in my face.

  José: Uh... I don’t know what you’re talking about. Julia is not remotely interested in Rocco’s sculpted torso, perfect red lips, or his dusty blue eyes. She is immune and unaffected by that dick print. Go away, Tariq. We’re busy.

  “I hate you.” Just when I thought we could move on from that ill-advised almost kiss. But I should’ve known my nosy-ass friends would not let this go.

  That little fucker cackled. “Whaaaaaat? I told him you were immune and unaffected by Rocco.”

  “Great, he’s going to know now.” José really was going to lose an eyeball one of these days, with all the eye rolling.

  “Like he didn’t already. Girl, please. Also, you have to know those three are gabbing too.”

  I gulped my drink and put away my phone. I did not want to know.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Julia

  I walked into my boss’s office with my stomach full of knots. Between the stress of seeing Rocco around the office after that stupid, perfect, delicious kiss, all the extra work involved with preparing the reports his firm had asked for and trying to run interference with Vicki’s fuckery, I was very close to snapping.

  As soon as Gail saw me, she waved me in and I sat down while she finished a call. “Yes, absolutely. We would be delighted to have you over for a visit.” The cheeriness in her voice did not match the panic in her eyes. Clearly whatever it was, it would not be a delight. “This Wednesday works. We actually have our monthly Leadership Academy from three to six in the afternoon, so you can see the kids in action. It’ll be a special one since it’s just before the Thanksgiving break.”

  My chest tightened after that last nugget of information. They couldn’t let us off the hook even right before a holiday, for fuck’s sake.

  Gail ended the call after a couple of more fake-excited answers to the person on the phone. Once she hung up, she quickly got up and closed the door to her office. The look on her face as she hustled back to her desk made me certain she was about to blow up my day.

  “Hey, Julia. Did you get the supplies you needed? What’s up?”

  She clearly wanted me to get whatever I’d come to talk to her about out before she dropped the news she’d just gotten right on my lap. I tried to get my thoughts together. I hated telling on people, but Vicki’s mess was going to get us in deep shit someday. It had to be done.

  “I did get the supplies, thanks.” I pulled on the hem of my skirt a little and I could tell Gail was about to ask me to just get on with it. “I wanted to let you know that yesterday when I was leaving the office, I ran into a client and his mother. When I asked him what he was doing here so late, he said they were waiting for Vicki.” I lowered my voice, a bit paranoid that she would somehow hear me even though she was supposed to be off-site at the center right now.

  Gail’s stank face was pretty epic, as if she knew when it came to Vicki, this level of mess was very likely. “Waiting for Vicki for what?”

  I
did not stretch it out. “She was going to drive them home.”

  Oh damn. White ladies can get really red in the face when they’re pissed, and from the looks of it, Gail was furious. “No she didn’t. Please tell me she did not blatantly ignore the policies like that.”

  I lifted a shoulder and tried not to look as freaked out as I felt about it, but was also relieved to see Gail seemed pissed. “Looks like she did. I am going to talk to her, but I wanted to check in with you first. I know technically I’m her boss, but she’s a challenging person to deal with.” I didn’t need to add that she also acted like she thought she couldn’t get fired and she’d probably try to come for me after I told her she’d fucked up.

  “Thanks for letting me know about this, Julia. And don’t worry. I’ll deal with Vicki.” Her voice was thin with barely contained frustration. “I know I’m putting you in a terrible situation here, and I appreciate it more than you know.”

  This was something I never got about Gail: she was usually someone who addressed bullshit immediately. But if she kept tiptoeing on this situation with Vicki, it was going to really bite us in the ass.

  “That was Muffy Sturm.” Gail’s voice ripped me out of my stewing and for a very unwelcome reason. She sighed heavily and looked at the phone on her desk. “Apparently her brother is on a warpath about the programs. They want to come and visit on Wednesday.”

  They? Who was they? Rocco had already come to see the programs on behalf of Davidson’s and the twins had visited too. “So who will be at the visit?” I mentally patted myself on the back for keeping my eye from twitching and not yelling out the question.

  “It seems Duke Sturm and the CFO of the company want to also observe the work of the programs.” My heart sped up wondering if Rocco had slipped somehow. Did they suspect he was biased? Was he biased? Shit. I’d tried to keep my distance, but who the fuck knew what anyone was thinking at this point.

  “We need to be beyond reproach and this situation with Vicki cannot come at a worse moment. I will do something about her, but right now we can’t really make waves.”