The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Middle School

by David Borgenicht

  3 Store secret supplies.

  Someone you know (possibly even you) will get her period at school. Rather than being caught unprepared, do yourself a favor and keep some supplies in a non-see-through pencil case in your purse, book bag, or in the back of your locker. That way, if Aunt Flow visits you or your friend during the school day, you can minimize the mortification.

  4 Presto, change-o!

  A classic magician’s trick can also be of use to you: Distract attention! You never see a magician switching a coin from one hand to another because he has drawn your eyes elsewhere. Keep a candy necklace or big plastic ring in a supply box in your locker, and pop it on so that if people start staring, they’ll focus on the delicious candy around your neck, not the stain on your jeans.

  5 Professional help.

  If all else fails, the school nurse or a female teacher often has stuff that can help in a pinch. Since these pros have seen it all before, you can feel comfortable asking them for assistance if you need it.

  How to Survive When a Secret Gets Out

  Secrets can be tough to keep secret, especially if you share them in a public place where you can be (wince) overheard! If you find you’ve said too much at just the wrong time, here’s how to deal.

  1 Don’t be “crushed.”

  Your crush rolls up just as you’re confessing how much you like him. Whoops! After the color of your face downgrades from purple to pink, smile at him. Say something like, “Okay, so yes: I said you’re cute, because you are. That’s your compliment for the day. You may now feel free to compliment me anytime you’d like.” And with that, walk away. Ha-cha!

  2 Request respect.

  You can’t take your words back, but you can gently remind whoever overheard that the info is private. Tell them that you trust they’re good at keeping secrets.

  3 Zip it up in the bathroom.

  To avoid future secret spills, beware of talking privately in places where unseen listeners can lurk. Don’t assume you’re alone in the girls’ room just because you don’t see anyone. Same goes for stairwells—you never know who’s on the next landing.

  Appendix

  SOME STEPS TO HELP YOU THROUGH A SCHOOL DANCE

  The Running Man

  1. Put your left foot forward while sliding your right foot backward.

  2. Put your right foot forward while sliding your left foot backward.

  3. Repeat.

  4. Look: You’re running!

  5. Change direction! Wave at passersby!

  6. Oh no! A mean dog is chasing you! Run faster!

  The Lawn Mower

  1. Bend down and grab the starter cord.

  2. Pull the starter cord up and to the left! Again! Again!

  3. Grab the imaginary handle of the mower.

  4. Bring your left foot forward. Right foot forward.

  5. Look: You’re pushing a lawn mower!

  6. Wipe a bead of sweat from your brow. Dodge a bee! Drink some water!

  7. And you’re mowing again!

  The Funky Chicken

  1. Stand with your feet slightly apart.

  2. Tuck your hands into your armpits—now your arms are wings!

  3. Raise your right “wing” as you kick out your left leg.

  4. Bring your right wing down as you bring your left leg back in.

  5. Repeat with your other wing and leg.

  6. Rapidly bob your head up and down, like a chicken pecking at grain.

  7. Oh no! It’s the farmer! he’s got an ax! flap as hard as you can to get away!

  Appendix

  HOW TO DEAL WITH PIMPLES

  Here’s what to do when the pimple fairy dumps a big, fat, disgusting one on your face.

  Zit Hiding

  Holding an ice cube against a pimple reduces the inflammation. Once that volcano is smaller, ask a makeup pro (like your mom or sister) to help you conceal it. Look for a concealer that matches your skin tone (it might take a few tries before you get it right).

  Zit Prevention

  The more you touch your face, the more dirt and oil you rub in—so hands off! Fight the urge to pick, prick, or pop. And no squeezing that blemish, because it’ll only get worse.

  Finally, wash your face twice (and only twice) a day with warm water and gentle soap or cleanser. Wash any more and you’ll risk irritating your skin.

  BE AWARE • If things get really bad, ask to see a dermatologist who’ll banish the bumps professionally.

  Appendix

  HOW TO PACK YOUR BACKPACK WITHOUT CRACKING YOUR BACK

  1. Put your heaviest, biggest book in first, standing upright in the back of your bag, so you feel one big flat surface against your back, instead of a bunch of lumpy little things and book corners poking you.

  2. Stack your other big, fat textbooks horizontally on the bottom of the bag.

  3. Pack lighter stuff next: gym clothes, workbooks, paperback textbooks, and notebooks.

  4. On the very top goes your lunch or snack, and anything else that’s ruined if smushed, like that clay project you’re taking home from art class.

  • Secure pockets are for anything that you’re going to be toast if you lose: calculator, cell phone, keys, that little piece of paper you’ve got your locker combo on.

  • Easy-access pockets are where you put things you’re going to need fast, like a pencil case or water bottle.

  About the Authors

  David Borgenicht is a writer, editor, publisher, and the coauthor of all the books in the Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook series. He lives in Philadelphia. David is happy to have survived middle school P.E., despite being designated the primary target in every dodgeball game.

  Robin Epstein lives in Brooklyn and teaches writing at New York University. Thanks to her experience in 7th grade cooking class, she became determined never to cook again.

  Ben H. Winters lives in Brooklyn and writes books, plays, musicals, articles, and lots of to-do lists. In middle school, he was “angry man number three” in the school play of Twelve Angry Men.

  About the Illustrator

  Chuck Gonzales is a New York City–based illustrator. In middle school, his dream of being a leading man was dashed when he had to play a dancing bag of garbage instead.

  Copyright

  A WORD OF WARNING: It’s always important to keep safety in mind. If you’re careless, even the tamest activities can result in injury. As such, all readers are urged to act with caution, ask for adult advice, obey all laws, and respect the rights of others when handling any Worst-Case Scenario.

  Copyright © 2009 by Quirk Productions, Inc.

  A QUIRK PACKAGING BOOK.All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher.

  Worst-Case Scenario® and The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook™ are trademarks of Quirk Productions, Inc.

  Illustrations by Chuck Gonzales.

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Borgenicht, David.

  The worst-case scenario survival handbook : middle school / by David Borgenicht, Ben H. Winters, and Robin Epstein ; illustrated by Chuck Gonzales.

  p. cm.

  eISBN: 978-0-8118-7296-6

  1. Middle school students—Life skills guides. 2. Preteens—Life skills guides. 3. Teenagers—Life skills guides. 4. Middle schools—Humor. I. Winters, Ben H. II. Epstein, Robin, 1972– III. Title.

  LB1135.B66 2009

  373.18—dc22

  2008052603

  Chronicle Books LLC

  680 Second Street, San Francisco, California 94107

  www.chroniclekids.com

  The publisher, packager, and authors disclaim any liability from any injury that may result from the use, proper or improper, of the information contained in this book.

 

 

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