Daring to Start Again: An Inspirational Historical Romance Book

by Grace Clemens

  When Sam came back out carrying a shovel made just for her, she gave Sarah a close look. “I don’t want to make my papa mad. It doesn’t matter if I want to go to school. It doesn’t matter.”

  She said it so firmly, Sarah almost didn’t push the topic. But she could tell the little girl really did want to go.

  “Do you want me to talk to your papa about it? I really don’t think he’ll be mad if you told him you want to go to school.”

  Sam stopped walking and focused on Sarah. She blinked with such an innocent look, Sarah wanted to plant soft kisses all over her adorable face.

  “You don’t think he would be mad?”

  Sarah shook her head, a solemn look on her face. “I really don’t.”

  “Well…” Sam came closer to her, her blue eyes still concentrated on Sarah’s face. “If you really want to talk to him, that would make me happy.”

  Sarah grinned wide. “I’d like to try to make you happy, Sam. I think we can get along just fine. I don’t want you to think I’m taking over or that I’ll take your papa from you. I’m not gonna do that. Okay? I promise, that’s not why I’m here.”

  “Billy and Bianca go to school,” Sam mumbled, dropping her eyes to the ground as if suddenly ashamed that she’d been forceful with Sarah even a little. “I want to go, too. And then I can show Sandy to everyone.”

  Sarah laughed, glancing at the lazy, sleeping dog lying on a big, thick blanket in the corner of the barn. “That dog isn’t going to school, Sammy. Look at him! Laying there like he doesn’t have a care in the world.”

  Sam lifted her little eyebrows, taking on a look that made her the spitting image of her father, except with blond hair and blue eyes. “He doesn’t,” she replied simply.

  Sarah laughed again. “No, I suppose he doesn’t, does he? I reckon he could walk with you to school, as long as I’m walking too and can bring him home. I know your papa would miss him terribly, wouldn’t he?”

  Sam nodded. “Papa loves Sandy.”

  “Yes, he does. And he loves you, too.”

  Sam looked up at her. “And he loves you, too.”

  Sarah knew the little girl wasn’t mocking her, but it felt like it in a way because she and Bobby had yet to express any feelings of love. She wasn’t sure if she was in love with him or not. She felt like she could be, but she knew at that point in time, she wasn’t yet.

  Yet.

  Sam was asleep in bed when Sarah took a fresh cup of coffee out to Bobby. He was sitting on the front porch waiting for her, because she’d told him they needed to talk.

  He looked a little nervous when she handed him the cup.

  “Don’t worry,” she said with a grin. “Clara was here earlier today and showed me how to make it. It’s not so dark and strong now.”

  Bobby chuckled, sending a thrill through Sarah. She sat next to him on the swing, and he looked over at her with affectionate eyes.

  “Don’t you want some?” he asked. “I thought we were going to sit out here and drink coffee and look at the stars?”

  She smiled at him. “Two out of three isn’t bad. I’m just not having coffee because it makes me a little nervous and very wide awake. It’s almost time for bed. I can’t do that to myself.”

  Bobby laughed. “You’re a silly woman sometimes. But that makes perfect sense. What did you want to talk to me about?”

  “Sam and I had a wonderful time today, I’m sure you noticed how she’s being nice to me now.”

  Bobby beamed at her. “I did notice, as a matter of fact. She was very pleasant with you at dinner.”

  Sarah laughed. “That’s only because you brought the cook back with you and everyone got a decent meal after several days of near starvation.”

  Bobby joined her laughing, making her feel like she was at home. She didn’t shrug him off when he stretched one arm out behind her back and took one of her shoulders in his large hand. She could feel him hugging her to him. She felt so safe, so loved.

  “So, is that what you wanted to tell me? Because I definitely noticed. What happened, if I may ask?”

  Sarah turned her head to look up at him. He was so close. She could kiss him just by lifting up and straightening her spine.

  “We did the chores today, and she showed me a lot. But she isn’t in school. Why isn’t she in school? She says Billy has been going for a year or two. And, of course, Bianca goes.”

  Bobby dropped his eyes to his lap and then lifted them to stare out over the dark horizon. “I don’t want to put her in school.”

  Sarah frowned slightly. “But why?” she asked.

  Bobby hesitated, pulling in a breath through his nose and holding it briefly. “I’m afraid. I’m afraid she will be hurt. I don’t want her to be hurt.”

  Sarah’s heart melted for him. “I understand that. But she’s so smart. She’s missing out on an opportunity to learn so much. She can read, and how did that happen? She taught herself, didn’t she? With a little help from Clara and you? And maybe Bianca? I urge you not to let that go to waste. Her little brain is amazing. Just think of all the things she can accomplish.”

  “I don’t think she wants to go, though,” Bobby said.

  Sarah shook her head. “You’re wrong about that, Bobby. She does want to go.”

  He gave her a surprised look. “She does?”

  She nodded, pulling her lips back with a regretful look. “She sure does.”

  Bobby sighed. “Oh, dear. What have I done?”

  “Don’t you go feeling bad. Just let her go and everything will be all right.”

  He smiled at her, sending a warm feeling through her. “You’re so wise.”

  She laughed and a few moments later, he joined her.

  After they had settled down, they were both quiet, enjoying the cool breeze as it drifted past them. Sarah felt content for the first time in a long time.

  She was amused when Bobby said, “When do you think I should let her go?”

  He’d been thinking about Sam and her schooling the whole time they’d been quiet. Sarah remained impressed by how much Bobby cared about his daughter. She wished she’d had a father like him. She would have turned out much differently, she supposed—happier, more content with life, more trusting of other people.

  But how could she even think of herself as trustworthy when she had yet to tell Bobby the truth of her origins? He’d asked her about the orphanage a few times, bringing it up casually, but so far she hadn’t been able to bring herself to open up. Would it make much difference to him? Would he be ashamed of her for not standing up for herself against her father?

  She didn’t want to tell him she was afraid he would end up like her father. She was holding out hope he wouldn’t be. He was a completely different man. His motives were different. He didn’t see Sarah the way her father did. Bobby saw value in her.

  She pushed herself against him, answering his question in a soft voice. His arm moved around the back of the swing, encircling her shoulders and making her feel warm and cozy. “I will gladly walk her to school tomorrow morning and get her started. She hasn’t missed a lot. And she’s smart enough to be in a higher grade than the other children her age.”

  Sarah lifted her eyes to look at him. “Are there any other children her age?”

  Bobby lifted his eyebrows. “I only know of Billy. But don’t take my word for it. I really don’t know.”

  Sarah nodded, lowering her head to snuggle up to him again. “I’m sure they will welcome her.”

  “I’m still going to worry, though,” Bobby said, his voice soft with affection. “It’s not just that she’s so smart, I worry that the teacher will put pressure on her to learn more because she… well, she learns so easily. You know, it’s like a sponge with her, she just absorbs everything. I found out real quick what I could and couldn’t talk about in front of her because she comprehends everything. I’m really amazed by it.”

  “She is a true blessing,” Sarah agreed. “And you’re right, it would be a shame to pu
t so much pressure on her. I’ll mention that when I go down there. Walking her to school will help us bond, too.”

  Bobby nodded. “Yeah, I thought of that.”

  “Also, she wants to take Sandy to school.”

  Bobby pulled back a little and she looked up to see him gazing down at her. “So, you’ve already talked to her about this?”

  “Yes, we talked this morning while we were doing chores. She gave me the impression she wanted to go, and I asked her if I should talk to you about it.”

  A thoughtful look crossed Bobby’s face. “Well, it was nice of you to get her permission first.”

  Sarah smiled. “It’s her life, isn’t it? I think she’s smart enough to make wise choices if she’s given an informed chance.”

  Bobby cocked his head to the side. “An informed chance. I like that. You mean, show her the right way and let her choose if she wants to do it or not.”

  Sarah nodded. “That’s exactly what I mean.” She was proud she didn’t have to explain herself to him. Her father would never have understood a word of the conversation they were having. Permission? Bruce Donner? He didn’t need permission from anyone. He would do and say whatever he wanted, the results be damned.

  He didn’t care if his life was filled with chaos and danger. He seemed to enjoy it.

  He could have his carefree ways, his lack of moral standards, his life of crime. Sarah wanted nothing to do with it. She would never return to him now, anyway, so there was no point in even thinking about it. She was determined to make this marriage to Bobby work and help him raise Sam and any other babies the two of them might have together.

  “She said she wanted to take Sandy, huh?” Bobby chuckled. “You tell her the dog can’t go to school?”

  “I told her if I walked her to school, we could take Sandy and I’d walk back with him. That will keep me from being lonely on the way back, too.”

  Bobby nodded. “He’s a good guardian, too, in case anything happens to you.”

  Sarah turned her eyes to him. “What might happen to me?”

  Bobby pulled up one side of his lips in a half-grin. He shrugged. “I don’t know. Fall into a ditch? Twist your ankle? Get attacked by a panther?”

  Sarah felt a chill run over her body. “What are you talking about?” she asked breathlessly.

  Bobby chuckled and wrapped his other arm around the front of her shoulders, linking his hands on the other side and squeezing her. She felt him plant a kiss on her head.

  “I’m teasing you, Sarah. There’s no panthers around here, come on now.”

  Sarah giggled. “Don’t tease. You know I don’t know these parts.”

  “You will soon enough,” Bobby assured her. “I promise you that.”

  Chapter 9

  Sarah was ecstatic to see a bright blue sky outside her bedroom window the next morning. The morning dew still sparkled in the green grass below, making it look cold, but when Sarah put her hand against the glass of her window, she felt the warm rays of sunshine.

  She dressed in one of her favorite spring dresses, hopeful that the winter had passed enough she wouldn’t need much more. She grabbed her shawl after pushing her feet into her slippers and dashed out the door. She didn’t need to make breakfast. The cook had returned happily, and Sarah was taking lessons from the woman so she could improve her own skills.

  It wasn’t until coming to Oklahoma to be with Bobby and Sammy that Sarah realized she had been cooking the same boring meals for her father the whole time—and not cooking them well, either. Slabs of meat with handfuls of bread ripped off a loaf with some greens or fruit as a side. And that’s when he even wanted her to cook.

  She let the uneasy feeling pass through her and decided she wouldn’t think about her father, brothers, or their outlaw ways—at least for the rest of the day.

  She was dressed and ready for breakfast in just fifteen minutes. She was excited to tell Sammy she would be going to school that day, if her father hadn’t already told her. She smelled coffee, eggs, and bacon in the air, so the cook was there but Sarah wouldn’t know if Bobby and Sammy were downstairs until she got herself down there.

  So, she hurried to the door and down the stairs, anxious to be with her new family. She was feeling more and more accepted every morning she woke up in the Oklahoma ranch house. She couldn’t believe her luck, as far as the luxury was concerned. She wasn’t used to it and was careful about how she moved about through the house, afraid to bump into something that might topple over and shatter.

  Nevertheless, she wasted no time getting down to the dining room. The table was always set for ten people, but there were only three of them there every single morning. The cook, whom Bobby affectionately called “Cookie” and whose real name he had never told Sarah, brought the food in on trays and served it to the family.

  Sarah had felt for the woman at first, thinking she was working so hard and couldn’t sit down and eat herself. But when she brought it up in passing when Bobby wasn’t around, Cookie just giggled, shaking her head. She was an older woman with graying hair but was in great shape for a woman her age.

  “This is my life, Sarah, dear,” she said. “I take great pleasure in feeding Bobby and Sammy and now you. I love it, in fact. And now that you’ve told me what your preferences are, I can start making things just for you.”

  She’d made Sarah feel special, wanted and welcome.

  When she pushed open the door, she knew instantly that Bobby had already told Sammy. Her guess was that he had woken the child up early and gotten her ready for school. She hoped he’d taken the opportunity to talk to her about his decision to let her go and that it was he who had decided and not Sarah. She didn’t want credit for making it happen for Sammy. She wanted Sammy to be happy with her father. That was much more important.

  Sarah could tell Sammy was ready for school because her hair, usually a mess in the morning until after breakfast, was combed and put back in barrettes. She was wearing a pretty dress, instead of a play dress, and she wore bright black shoes on her small feet, which were encased in white stockings. She was the picture of adorable.

  “Well, don’t you look so pretty!” Sarah exclaimed, taking her seat across from the child, next to Bobby, who was seated at the head of the table. When he turned to her with a big smile, her heart was filled with a warmth she’d never felt before. “I suppose we’re going to school today, aren’t we?”

  Sammy beamed a smile at her and Sarah was once again overcome with a feeling she was beginning to enjoy very much. She could feel the darkness and coldness of her past receding from her with every smile from Bobby and Sammy.

  Then the child turned her smile to her father and said, “Is that why you got me up, Papa? Am I really going to school?”

  Sarah’s chest tightened. Had she given away the secret? Would Bobby be angry? Her entire body tensed and she instinctively moved a little bit away from Bobby, turning her eyes away from him in fear. When he did nothing, she turned her gaze back slowly to see what he was doing. He was still smiling at her, his hands together in front of his face, his elbows propping his arms up on the table.

  “I had hoped we could be together when we told her,” he said, happiness in his voice. She relaxed a little, confusion working through her. She had expected to be punished for letting out the secret. Did he notice her reaction? He didn’t seem to. His smile was as warm as ever.