It's All Coming Back To Me

by Michelle Marra

  “Yes, I had to lock it down. I wasn’t gonna let her get away again.”

  “Here’s a picture of the couple…aren’t they gorgeous?” Joy says, and I hear the audience start cooing over the pictures they display behind us.

  “Wow, this is certainly a one-eighty since the last time we saw you and what your stance was on love,” Sara says as she looks at me intensely.

  I clear my throat, “Um…yeah.” I look down at my ‘The Viewpoint’ mug, I look back at Sara…then I catch a glimpse of the ‘applause girl’ I hooked up with last time. I feel like the air is thickening by the minute making it hard for me to breathe. My heart rate spikes and I begin to feel that awful anxious feeling again. Seems constant anxiety is the side effect of my pregnancy.

  “Sara…I need to apologize to you.”

  “What?” she asks with wide eyes.

  “Yes, last time I was here I did something very inappropriate that could be construed as sexual harassment. I shouldn’t have kissed you. I’m very sorry. I didn’t mean to objectify you or demean you in any way.”

  “Oh God…don’t be sorry. I’m not.” She winks at me, and now it’s my turn to be surprised. “Seriously…don’t be. I was very flattered, and that was one hell of a kiss.”

  The audience starts to laugh as do the other ladies at the table. I feel a little relieved, but also embarrassed.

  “So it sounds like you’re making amends,” Shoopi says matter of fact.

  “Yes, I’ve been doing my best to make amends…it’s not easy though. Some of the people I’ve contacted are pretty bitter.”

  “Well, all you can do is say you’re sorry…what they choose to do with it from there is on them.”

  “Yeah…a really great therapist told me that,” I say and wave out at Sam.

  “So tell us about your book,” Shoopi says after she smiles and waves to my wife.

  “Well, it begins with the day I was shot. I account for the day by each hour, until I was unconscious.”

  “What does it feel like to get shot?” Joy asks.

  I regard her for a moment as I recollect the memory again. No one has asked me this before today. I’m not sure I can say it out loud without feeling that awful anxiety again. I did account for it in my book, but it is easier to put it down on paper than to actually say it out loud. Well, it is easier to do that with most things. Easier to get my words and emotions out without them tumbling all over each other. But the question has been asked so I’ll do my best to explain.

  “Well, it was kind of surreal ya know. I was in shock when the first bullet penetrated my body. The weird thing was I didn’t really feel pain…it was as if someone was hitting me with tiny stones. But then the burning pain began. Pain like I’ve never felt in my life. It felt as if my insides were literally on fire. And along with that lovely pain, it also felt like someone took a bat to me.” I pause for a moment and shudder, then I look over at Sam who smiles and gives me a thumbs up. “I’m not sure how long I laid on that stage conscious, but I remember realizing what had happened and thinking I was going die. I was terrified to close my eyes because I knew it would be there waiting for me.”

  “What would be waiting?” Joy asks.

  “Um…you know, the ‘Light.’ What others have claimed they’ve seen on the other side and come back to witness, I guess. I’m not sure what I thought I would see in this light…maybe my grandmother’s smiling face or maybe the hand of my creator ready to whisk me away to paradise.”

  “Do you remember thinking about anything in particular? They say that when someone is on the brink of death, their life flashes before their eyes.” Sara looks at me with such a sweet and sympathetic gaze.

  “Um…yeah. It took me a long time to remember. Mostly because I blocked it.” I can feel my eyes fill and I’m straining them as hard as I can so I don’t let tears fall down my face on national TV. “The only thing I did see was Sam. It was Sam’s face I saw right before I became unconscious. That moment I thought, ‘this is it’ was when I saw her face like she was right there smiling at me.” My voice cracks and I clear my throat, “Yeah…um. That is what I saw.”

  “Wow…that’s powerful. Do you think it was some type of premonition?”

  “I might have thought of it that way, but I really didn’t remember until…this may sound strange, until our wedding night,” I say as I look back over at Sam and wink.

  Sara smiles and turns a few shades of red.

  “How did it feel when you started to feel your legs? I mean, knowing you were going to walk again.” Sara was quick with another question.

  “Well, I was ecstatic as you might imagine. I was also thrilled to feel an orgasm again,” I couldn’t resist saying it…although it paled in comparison.

  Sam smiles big, I tell her constantly about what she woke up in me.

  Joy’s laughing trying to get the table to settle down so she can ask another question from her cards. “Um…we all remember the reality show you had with your therapy and the day you climbed the stairs for the first time…that was intense.”

  “That is was. Learning to walk again has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Well, I guess I’ll see how it rates after I have this baby.”

  Sara smiles and shakes my shoulder, “Yes…you just wait and see.”

  “The book also talks about how your views on love and relationships changed.” Joy says as she rubs her hands together.

  “Oh yeah.” I pull my hands through my hair and giggle nervously. “I’ve had to eat some serious crow about that,” I say as I feel my face flush with embarrassment.

  The audience laughed along with the ladies at the table.

  “I mean, how foolish was I to say love was a lie. I built my reputation on my own acrimony.”

  “However it was a very lucrative business.” Shoopi chimes in.

  “Yes, but because of my celebrity status I may have been too influential and might have swayed others to my way of thinking. Which was never my intention…but could have happened just the same.”

  “So now you believe in love?” Sara asks.

  “Oh yes. You know after I was shot and ended up paralyzed. I did some serious soul-searching. I know I wasn’t the best patient…”

  “That’s an understatement darling.” I hear Sam’s voice bellow from her seat. This causes the audience to once again break out in laughter.

  “Yes…I was no picnic for sure,” I say as I wink at the gorgeous blonde in the audience. “I remember those days when I was so difficult and stubborn. Pretty much did everything I could do to make Sam’s life hell. I guess I didn’t want to give up the antipathy that was the foundation of my world back then. I played the victim well. A victim of heartbreak and a victim of violence. It took me a long time, whew, a really long time to come to grips that I was a survivor, not a victim. When I finally realized that…my life began to change, and I finally woke up. And I knew I had to get my girl back.”

  “You say in your book that you broke up Sam’s wedding by walking in the chapel covered in mud and singing a Celine Dion song, It’s all coming back to me?”

  The memory flashes through my head and brings a smile to my face, “Yeah, I had just been through hell trying to get there to stop it…almost didn’t make it. But I wasn’t giving up.”

  “That is so romantic,” Sara says as she covers my hands in hers.

  I hear some oohs and ahhs and glance behind me to see the picture of me standing there with mud-soaked tears streaming down my face. I’m not sure how we got a copy of the picture the photographer snapped, but there it was for the world to see.

  “When I walked in to beg her not to marry that other woman, I had no idea what I was going to say. I had said it all to her before and me repeating it wasn’t gonna make my case. And I don’t know…it just came to me. Because just like the lyrics in the song…it all just came back to me.”

  “So what’s next for Dr. Laurel?” Joy asks.

  “Well, I guess I can sum it all
up by saying…” I pause for a minute when my eyes find Sam again. I sink my teeth into my bottom lip, take a deep breath and let it out in a contented sigh. “Um, the future may not be set in stone, but this love is. And I can’t wait just to be an everyday Jane, so to speak. Work nine to five, raise our kids, go on vacations, have family dinners…that sort of stuff.”

  “So you’re really done with the spotlight?” Shoopi asks.

  “Oh God yes…being a celebrity is no picnic. And I have to say, I’m quite over it. I just want to be Sam’s wife and a mother to our children.”

  “Good for you,” Joy says. “But I have to say, I’ll miss reading all those crazy Dr. Laurel stories.”

  I just smile in response. As much as I want to forget about all of that, it was a part of my life, and it was responsible for shaping who I became as a person. Not many people can say they’ve seen the other side…but I have, and I can honestly say, I never want to go back there.

  “Well it has been a pleasure having you on the show again,” Sara says with a smile.

  “The pleasure has been all mine.” I regard each of the ladies at the table with a smile and push a tear out of the corner of my eye.

  “Well, there ya have it, folks. A love story born out of the ashes of a tragedy. Everyone will get a copy of Dr. Laurel Mattews new book, ‘Love Still Abides,’” Shoopi says right before they go to commercial.

  I stand up and hug all the ladies here of The Viewpoint. I’m a little sad to be leaving, because I know I won’t be back. I’m giving up my celebrity status, the limelight, and everything else that goes with it because my life has taken a different turn. One that I don’t want to share with the spotlight. I’m a wife and going to be a mother.

  Sam joins me on stage and draws me into an embrace. “You did great darling.”

  “I’m a bit shaken having to bare my soul like that,” I say as I give a chaste kiss to her cheek.

  “Well, I can tell you no one noticed. You were brilliant.”

  “Thank you.” I know after today I’m ready to put all the past away and keep it there. It has no room in my life now.

  “You ready to go home now Mrs. Harrison?”

  A wide smile forms on my face, I look Sam in the eye and hold her gaze for a moment, “More than you could know. I love you Sam, and I always will.”

  “Right back atcha. Now let’s get back to Maine where we belong.”

  The End

  A Message from Michelle

  Dear Reader,

  First, I would like to thank you for taking the time to read It’s All Coming Back To Me. I really hope you enjoyed this book.

  Second, I would like to ask you to provide an honest review on Amazon. Also, to let you know about the importance of reviews. Did you know that at least 90% of consumers read reviews before purchasing a product? I can’t say that I’m shocked, because I, just like you, rely on customer reviews to tell me if something is a good investment…worth my time and money. And because I’m an Indie Author, I don’t have the financial means to market my work as some of the other big name authors do, such as Stephen King or Anne Rice. I have to rely on reviews.

  Reviews are powerful, and they can be more effective when you have a dedicated group of readers like yourself. Your review is very valuable and useful.

  Why?

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  So I hope that you will take a minute to leave a review, it can be as short as you like. I would be very grateful, and I always look forward to reading them. You can write your review by clicking HERE

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  About The Author

  I love to write, to think, to imagine…to create. I once read this statement on a plaque. “I love to think about the things that could be” and thought it was quintessentially me in a nutshell. I’m a dreamer.

  I believe in the spiritual makeup of this world. What nourishes it and me…for God is in the air I breathe, the water I drink and the soil I walk upon. And my belief in God has opened my heart and my soul to find the desire that stirs a passion in me, and in this passion is my love for life…spirituality, writing, music, nature, laughter and of course LOVE.

  My other passion is music. I’m an avid guitar player and have an amazing eclectic collection of guitars. My collection is eclectic, and I choose them for their style, sound, character, and soul. One of my most prized guitars is the 1936 Vega which was my grandmother’s when she sang in a country band back in the forties. But the one I play most, the one I bang on and create my own music is my Takamine I call Dolly.

  I’m also an IT professional and have one of those jobs that eat my brain on a daily basis, so I never really had time to read. But with my first Kindle, I became a lesfic junkie which led me to an advertisement for a contest. To write a story and if chosen would be featured in a book comprised of lesfic short stories. So I thought I would try my hand at writing something captivating, romantic and steamy. I don’t remember the specifics of the contest, but as I began the story, the characters took on a life of their own and that short story I was supposed to write turned into a suspense thriller trilogy called The Hell Hath No Fury Thrillers. Caution…these are not for the faint of heart and do contain some violence that any crime show enthusiast could conjure up and enjoy.

  My next was a romantic novel with a twist called ‘Without A Pail.’ I wanted to write a romance novel and had a clever idea about a different take on the old nursery rhyme Jack and Jill. It is a story about soul mates and finding the kind of love…that all-consuming type of love most yearn to have.

  This new novel is also a romantic novel with a twist. I wanted to write about a woman so jaded that she makes a career out of believing love is a lie. That is until she is faced with a horrific tragedy that puts her back in the presence of the woman who led her down the road in the first place.

  I also believe that whatever it is you ever wanted to do…do it. Don’t wait, because time does run out. So I grab life, and I squeeze it for everything it’s worth…LOL. And remember to always to look in the nooks and the crannies of life...for it is there we find our hidden treasures!

  Other books by Michelle Marra

  The Hell Hath No Fury Thrillers

  FALLOUT – Book 1

  ***WARNING: Book contains graphic violence***

  Special Agent in Charge Nina Giorandano has it all, a prestigious career in the elite HRT division of the FBI, a posh home in an upscale section of DC and a beautiful woman by her side. Life couldn’t be better…that is until Nina’s teams fail to act in time to prevent a terrorist attack and the suicide bomber claims the lives of more than 250 innocent civilians on Italy's mass transit system that day.

  In the aftermath, a media frenzy begins to unravel Nina’s life. Under the pressure of government and its aggrieved citizens, she is forced to resign from the elite division, demoted and relocated to suburban Philadelphia.

  With the realization that her career is in the toilet, Nina begins a downward spiral that includes months of drowning her sorrows in a bottle of booze, withdrawing from everything and everyone around her and driving her girlfriend into the arms of another woman.

  Broken and defeated, Nina hits rock bottom. She finally realizes it’s time to rebuild her life, her career and venture out in search of some female companionship, meeting a striking woman named Alex.

  Nina and Alex embark on a wild and tumultuous journey that leads to a path of deceit, pain, and violence. Unaware of th
e enemies that surround her seeking retribution, Nina uncovers who wants their pound of flesh and her discovery may prove to be fatal plunging her ever deeper into the depths of the Fallout.

  CLICK HERE TO PURCHASE

  JUSTICE SCORNED – Book 2

  ***Warning ~ book contains some graphic violence***

  In the aftermath of Nina Giordano's murder; the love of her life, Alex is blackmailed into sharing her home, her daughter and her bed with the psychopath responsible.

  Amidst the abuse and terror of living with FBI Director Megan Kelly, Alex vows for the sake of her daughter, to get out from under Meg’s control one way or another. She joins forces with attorney, Amy Pannuzzelli, in search of the evidence of the horrific and senseless murder of Nina and her brother, Nick.

  The search leads the pair to embark on a relationship that ends before it begins when a new neighbor catches Alex’s attention. Her similarities to Nina begin to pull Alex closer and closer to the mysterious stranger who quickly capture’s not only Alex’s heart but that of her daughter.

  Unbeknownst to Alex, her new neighbor has an agenda of her own; she too is searching for the evidence that will tie Meg to her grizzly crimes with the help of CIA Operative Jennifer Lawless. Their clandestine agenda will need to be fast-tracked if their identity is to remain a secret.

  Will they be able to find the evidence necessary to finally bring Megan Kelly to justice before time runs out for Alex and Nina?

  CLICK HERE TO PURCHASE

  FATAL LURE – Book 3

  ***Warning ~ Book contains violence and sexually explicit content***

  Four years later; Nina and Alex are tucked safely away on the other side of the world seemingly enjoying life and acting as if there isn’t a crazed psychopath hunting them. That is until the death of a loved one brings Nina and Alex out of hiding and into a whirlwind of kidnapping, betrayal, and murder. Will Nina and Alex be able to survive Meg’s wrath again or will they fall victim to her fatal lure?