It's All Coming Back To Me

by Michelle Marra

  “Mom…I need another glass of wine,” I yell out in hopes she can hear me from where I sit because I don’t want to get out of this warm water. I’ll just have her leave the bottle when she comes in. Maybe after I’m good and drunk, I’ll crawl into bed and sleep this nightmare away. It might take less than the whole bottle since I haven’t had food for quite a while. I can already feel the effects of a good buzz beginning.

  “Mom,” I yell out again, but still hear nothing. “What the fuck, did she go down to the reception to join in the merriment? Traitor.”

  I know I need to pull myself from the tub. I’ve been in here for quite a while, and my fingers are starting to prune. So I carefully step from the tub, towel off and wrap the thick terrycloth robe around me then head out into the room to fetch the bottle of wine and the menu for room service. Maybe I’ll order a pizza…something, anything. I need something in my stomach.

  When I step out into the room it’s dark, I glance at the neon clock on the night table and am amazed at the time. It’s almost midnight. I have been awake and without food for about thirty hours. I carefully make my way over to the night table to switch on a light and am stunned that my mother not only left me…but left me in the dark. But before I can switch on the light, I hear something coming from the lounge area of the room, and now I see a flickering of light.

  “Mmm, what smells good?” I mumble as I slowly step through the bedroom to investigate what’s going on in the other room. I’m hoping that delicious smell is food my mother had sent up because right now I could eat a horse.

  “Mom?”

  I can see someone standing over by the balcony doors. The blinds are open, and I can see the storm has finally cleared because the moon is shining through the glass.

  I look over at the small dinette table in the corner and notice that it is beautifully dressed. Roses perched in a vase poised in the center of the table with a candle flickering in the darkness. Two covered plates adorned by tall glasses of what looks to be filled with champaign. Then I see her standing there, she just appeared out of the shadows by the balcony door. The light cascading through the room from the rays of the moonlight was illuminating her from behind, those blonde locks glowing and she wore that smile which always had a way to melt my insides.

  When she steps forward into the dim light of the candles, I can see that it is in fact, Sam. She’s not dressed in that shiny black thing, but in her old beat up blue jeans and the black t-shirt I bought her eons ago with the wording ‘Eat Me.’

  Seeing her standing there was almost like a dream, and I don’t trust myself to think that it isn’t a mirage, so I close my eyes and shake my head. Then I hear her giggle and my stomach twists into a knot. When I open my eyes and still see her, my heart rate picks up speed.

  “You’re here,” I say as the wine glass I’m holding hits the floor, and I hear it shatter at my feet.

  “Yes, I’m here, baby.”

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  F or a moment I’m speechless, I’m just so mesmerized right now…so much so, that my knees feel a little like jelly. I want to go to her, but I’m afraid to take a step. I’m terrified to break the spell. I must be staring at her like I’m some crazed fool or something by the way her expression changed from a smile to a questioning gaze. But this all was seeming too surreal for me, and I’m afraid it could just be a dream.

  “Um…is this a dream?” I finally say trying to break the silence.

  She flashes me that sly grin as she takes a step toward me, “No darling…not a dream.”

  “Then you’re really here?”

  “Yes, Laurel…I’m really here.”

  “So that means you didn’t get married,” I say. I know it was a stupid statement, but I was fishing.

  “No, I didn’t.”

  “Thank God,” I say and rush into her arms.

  Suddenly, I’m not hungry anymore. At least not for food. Food can wait because I need her now. I need to feel her touch, to kiss her lips. I need to remember it all again, this time without apprehension, hesitation or fear. Because right now…at this very moment, it’s all coming back. Every memory of us is flooding my brain and filling my heart. I don’t think it can fill up with more love than it is, but I was wrong as I sank into her embrace and feel her pull me tight, squeezing me into her body.

  She steps out of the embrace and is now standing directly in front of me, casting her gaze deep into my eyes. “Laurel…” Her hands now touching the sides of my face. “I’m so sorry this happened.” Then she kisses the side of my head which was also bruised from the impact of the fist to my face I received earlier in the evening. I had forgotten I had a black eye. It was throbbing quite a bit earlier, but the wine has dulled the pain immensely.

  “Oh…this is nothing. Doesn’t hurt too bad,” I say as I swallow hard because her eyes are laser-focused on mine. “Even if it meant that I would be in that chair for the rest of my life, I would give up everything to be with you again. Sam, I’m so in love with you. And I’m so sorry, I was so foolish and …”

  She didn’t let me finish my sentence before her lips were touching mine. I guess we said all that before and it didn’t bear repeating. She knew exactly why I barged into her wedding. The journey I took to get there was just a testament of perseverance and determination. I had to go through hell, because not only did it test my resolve, but it also tested my intentions. I wasn’t giving up on love, not this time.

  “Sam, I want you now,” I say when I pull away to catch my breath.

  “Not hungry?”

  “Uh-uh…food can wait. I need you now.”

  She pulls me in for a kiss again and with her lips still attached to mine, she uncinches my robe, slides it over my shoulders, and lets it fall to the floor.

  The hunger is burning deep down now, I can’t wait another second to savor her flesh. My mouth glides down her jaw to her neck, and I can feel almost a volcano level heat between my legs as I sink my teeth into her flesh. But I’m now naked, and she is fully dressed. I need to remedy this immediately. It’s been far too long since I’ve seen her naked.

  “Take your jeans off,” I say into her ear before I step back to watch.

  With a wicked grin, she undid the button and pulls the zipper down slowly. Her eyes intensely lock on me as she begins to dig her fingers into the waistband of her jeans. I watch with bated breath while she slides them slowly down her hips taking the panties down as well. And now I’m slack-jawed and drooling. Once they’re passed her knees, they drop to the floor, and she kicks them away.

  I close the distance between us and pull her shirt over her head. To my pleasure, she wasn’t wearing a bra. Then I pull her naked skin to mine. There is an urgency I feel…I know what it is, it is a fire in need of quenching. I pull her mouth to mine, and without invitation, I push my tongue inside.

  Her hands are tangled in my hair, her mouth is sliding against mine, and her knee is taking up space between my legs and pressing into me.

  “Oh God,” she says with a contented sigh, and I know she is pleased with my level of arousal.

  There is too much making up for lost time to be done, so standing wasn’t cutting it. I need her horizontal. I need to show her how capable I am now. How much strength I have regained in my legs. I need to show her that I have endurance and stamina. And oh, how I want to pleasure her in every way possible. Because now, my dreams have finally come true. The blue-eyed blonde is looking at me the way she used to. Her deep searing gaze, the fire in her eyes…the complete unadulterated love that I see on her face. Samantha Jane Harrison is in love with me, and I’m so in love with her.

  I push her to the bed, straddle her waist, and pin her wrists to the mattress above her head. She doesn’t say anything, just quirks an eyebrow without resisting. My eyes are staring deep into hers, and although there is a hunger which needs to be sated, I need to stare into those eyes. The same eyes I could never stop thinking or dreaming about, and now those eyes are looking into mine, tel
ling me everything I’ve ever wanted to hear.

  “I love you, Sam,” I say as I press my lips to hers. I’m almost too overwrought with emotion, I can feel my eyes start to well up, and I know this is not the right time for tears. So I strain my eyes as much as I can to keep them from falling because right now I have a task at hand. And it is to make the love of my life scream.

  I stretch my legs out and lower my body atop hers. Our tongues are still intertwined when she moves her legs apart, and my hips fall between them. My heart leaps inside my chest because I know what she wants. She wants my mouth on her, which I’m happy to comply since it has been way too long since I have savored her taste.

  I break the kiss, I don’t want to go right for the gusto. I need to make her want me. To turn her on to a level where she can barely take another second that I’m not making love to her. So before I begin my descent down her body, I sink my teeth into the base of her neck as my hands find the swells of her breasts. And while I suck the flesh ensuring I leave a mark, I pinch her hardened nipples between my finger and my thumb…ever so softly. I can hear her breathing deepen, her sighs are more audible, and she is beginning to squirm beneath me.

  I increase the pressure to her nipples just slightly until I hear her moan. My mouth moves to the other side of her neck, and my teeth bear into her flesh once again. I’m making sure that whoever sees her later today or tomorrow will know she is taken…will know she is mine.

  My right-hand releases her breasts, I have another task for it that includes Sam’s sweet nether region. I slide myself over her left thigh, so my hand has a clear path. I take no time as I let my fingers explore her very slick folds.

  “Oh God,” I say aloud.

  I’m not in a rush to get this over with…nope, on the contrary, but I feel an urgent need to send her careening off the cliff of ecstasy. And with that, I fill her sweet space with two of my fingers. I hear her gasp as I slowly slide them in, then out…then back in again. I know what this woman likes, and I certainly know what she wants. Because it is all coming back to me now. Every kiss, every gaze, every spoken sentiment on love, every ‘I love you,’ and of course every orgasm…given, received, and shared.

  I rise up to my knees as I fuck her with a deep and slow pace. I want to see it in her eyes, I want to watch as her face contorts in pleasure, and I want to be there face to face…lips to lips when she comes.

  “Oh, God…Laurel. Don’t stop.”

  “Come for me, baby,” I whisper, my eyes glued to her face now. Her eyes are closed, her brow is tensed, and her mouth is open, breathing out puffs of labored breath. She’s starting to writhe beneath me. Her legs are twisting, the heels of her feet pressing into the sheet.

  “Dear God,” I whisper. This is so fucking hot, I’m ready to come right along with her but I won’t. I don’t want to, this is all about her and my love for her right now.

  Her hands reach for me, pull me down on top of her. Her fingers are gripping my shoulders as her nails tear at my flesh.

  “Oh, baby…I want more of you,” she says.

  So I add another finger then amp up my pace. My thrusts are quick, deep, and hard. And it isn’t twenty seconds later that she bellows out her sweets cries of ecstasy.

  Then I whisper into her ear, the sentiment I used to hate. The one I turned away from and hid like a frightened child. But now, I feel it. It comes to life inside me and engulfs me, and when she was still, no longer writhing; I whisper, “I love you.” Then let the tears and emotions flow freely.

  “Dammit,” I whisper.

  “Baby, what’s wrong?”

  I can feel her tense up under me, maybe she thinks I’ve changed my mind again. But that is so far from the truth and so far from what I’m feeling at this very minute. I retract my fingers from her and pull her tight to me. Oh, God…I just want to hold her as tight as I can, as close as I can. Because now the love I’ve felt for her then and the love I feel for her now is coming together inside me, and I’m not sure how to handle this except for to cry. The tears are flowing so hard now that I break out in sobs and begin to wail aloud.

  So many years I’ve wasted hardening my heart. Living in resentment and anger. I was a fool to ever think I was done with ‘love.’ Because it damn sure wasn’t done with me.

  “I love you,” I say again.

  She pushes me onto my back and hovers over me with a giant smile on her face. “Wow, you’re a mess,” she says. I just giggle. I know between my black eye, bloodshot teary eyes, runny nose, and this cry-baby face…I must look awful.

  “Darling…I’m so glad you finally came to your fucking senses.”

  I giggle again, “Me too. I’m sorry I was such a…”

  “Shh, let’s table that for now. I need to send you into orbit first.”

  I shake my head, “No, not yet. I know what you like after that. Sit on my face.”

  She smiles, her eyes squint and crinkle at the edge. “Yes, you’re right, darling. I do, but…how about we share this one?”

  I bite into my bottom lip, “Um…okay, I guess.”

  “You guess?” She draws her eyebrows together. “Don’t worry darling, you won’t hate it. Besides, we have the rest of our lives to make love.”

  Sam slides herself on me, wiggling her hips between my legs. She is looking down at me while propped up by her arms. Her hair is all around my face, it has closed off everything around me but her eyes and that smile. I’m in love…madly, truly, and deeply in love.

  She has blended our bodies perfectly. I can feel the softness of it, the heat of it, and I feel her clit tangle with mine as she slowly rocks herself against me. She is still looking down at me, but now her expression has rolled into complete desire. I so want this to last forever, or at least a while. But I don’t think that is going to happen considering my eyes are already rolling back in my head.

  I want to kiss her, I want our mouths together when we explode. Now our hips are moving in sync, and I feel the burn begin. I know there is not a lot of time to get my mouth on hers, but there is something I have to say or ask that is. Our breathing is now labored and deep, and I know what is coming or rather who.

  “Sam,” I whisper and her eyes open again. “Promise me.”

  “Promise you what darling?”

  “Promise me ‘us’…I don’t want to be without you ever again.”

  She smiles as the tears begin to shimmer in her eyes. “Laurel…It’s always been you. And I’ll never let you go again.”

  I pull her face to mine and capture her lips in a kiss. My own tears are falling again because now I feel her love and I can honestly say that I trust love again. I trust my heart in Sam’s hands again. And that is where it will stay until I draw my last breath in this world.

  Her mouth falls open as an orgasm sweeps in and captures both of us in its net. I hold onto her body, just to feel each move she makes as she bellows out in ecstasy.

  “I love you,” she yells out in a labored breath. Before she collapses atop me.

  I wrap my arms and my legs around her as I cry it out against her shoulder. Because I do truly believe her. “I love you too,” I say in a whisper.

  Epilogue

  “L adies and gentlemen, please welcome back our next guest Dr. Laurel Matthews.”

  I walk out onto the stage of The Viewpoint amidst the thundering applause, and I feel very humbled at the moment. It’s been over a year since my show went off the air, so I’m amazed that anyone remembers me, let alone cares enough to applaud my appearance on this stage again.

  I wave out to the crowd and smile. Good thing they can’t see how nervous I am because my heart is pounding away inside my chest. I’ve left this life behind, or so I thought. That was until my publisher reached out to me last fall. She wanted me to write another book. The truth was, I was thinking about it anyway. Because I wanted to set the record straight. Well, give an account of my gunshot, paralysis, therapy, and my utter crash to the bottom. Oh, and of course that whole love thing comi
ng back.

  So I did, I spent hours upon hours writing the novel. Time Sam wasn’t too thrilled about me spending since we had just reconciled. But it all needed to be put down on paper so I could let it go once and for all. Once it was done, it didn’t take the publishing house long to put it out there, and now here I am again on The Viewpoint.

  I give a quick hug to all the ladies at the table and find my seat. Shoopi is eyeing me with that smile of hers, “So tell me, how’s it feel to be back on top again?”

  “Is that what I am?” I smile back, “I guess I never thought of it that way…really I’m just trying to stay under the radar.”

  “Well, you’re not doing a good job of it. Your book has been on the New York Best Seller list for ten weeks.”

  “Tell me about it. My publisher harasses me almost daily to go on tour. But right now is not a great time. The business is still new and requires both Sam’s and my constant attention. We are in the middle of packing up our apartment and make settlement on a new house in thirty days…”

  “And I’m sure that size baby bump hinders traveling as well,” Sara Pines says as she smiles wide.

  I look at her, and I can feel the guilt wash over me, causing my insides to heat up and produce beads of sweat I now feel on my forehead.

  “Yes, this little one is growing at a rapid rate,” I say as I rub my large baby bump.

  “When did you and your wife decide to have a family?” Joy Bernhart says as I smile out at Sam who is sitting in the front row of the audience.

  “About six months after we got married.”

  “Your book states that you proposed only a month after reconciling with your girlfriend, Sam.”