Yours and Mine (Friends with Benefits)

by Lacey Silks

  Once the cake was in the oven, Nick prepped another batch of ingredients but didn’t tell me what he was mixing. When I saw the burgundy dough, I knew he’d made a red velvet cake for me. My heart was full to bursting. Not for the cake — but for this man who’d found a way of cherishing me with the smallest of gestures.

  “Are you going to be a baker like your mom?” I asked, as he removed the chocolate cake from the oven to cool and put in the red velvet.

  “I don’t know. I may, one day. But there’s other stuff I want to do before that.”

  “Like what?”

  “I’ve been thinking about joining the navy.”

  “What? Where did this come from?”

  “My father went into the navy.”

  “And that’s where he died, Nick.”

  “I know. But look at how many people he saved. I want to make sure I live up to his expectations.”

  “You know that he would have been proud of you, don’t you?”

  “For baking cakes?”

  “Nick, there’s more to you than being a baker. Wait, please tell me that you’ll be applying to college.”

  “I did, but I’m not sure if I’ll go.”

  “Nick…”

  “Jo… I’ve been thinking about this for a long time. I really want to do this.”

  “But—” I felt my eyes fill with tears. He wouldn’t leave me, would he? I mean, I’d always secretly hoped that we’d end up at the same college. That was the way life was supposed to be, wasn’t it? I knew there was a chance we’d end up apart for a few years, but I’d assumed he’d be safe at another school, waiting for me, not fighting a war thousands of miles away, where I wouldn’t know whether he was alive for weeks or months.

  “Don’t get upset, Jo. I haven’t made a decision yet. But even if I don’t go into the navy, I’m not a college person.”

  “So, what will you do?”

  “Be a fireman?”

  I burst out laughing.

  “What?”

  “A fireman? Since when?”

  He lifted the bag full of cream, pointing at me.

  “You keep this up and you’ll be decorating on your own.”

  “Of all people Nick, I know you can take a joke.”

  “Can you?” He reached out and plopped a large finger-scoop of buttercream on my nose.

  “Hey!” I dipped my finger into the cream as well, but before I got a chance to get it on his face, he grasped my wrist and brought my finger to his lips. He licked and sucked it clean and I just stood there, with my mouth open and my nose dirty. Nick proceeded to step closer and licked the excess cream off my nose. I felt my heart pick up and chest swell. That was unbelievably sexy.

  We stood only a foot away, staring into each other’s eyes, and for that moment I forgot that he was thinking of joining the navy, and everything was perfect again.

  “Is there anything I can do to persuade you?” I asked.

  “Probably, but I wouldn’t want us caught making out right here on this floor.”

  My body heated. If there were any cream left on my face, it would have melted.

  “Jo, remember Washington and how my father saved us? I want to be able to do that for you — for us. If I do this, if I go away, it’s because I need to. I’m doing this for you and for me. For our future. And I can’t do it without your support. I won’t leave unless I have your blessing.”

  “All I want is for you to be happy. I’d do anything for you, Nick. You know that. Even if I have to wait for you for years.”

  That was partially true, because now that I knew of his plans, I also knew that I had a year left to change his mind. A life without Nick was not worth living. It would take special kind of persuasion to keep him in Hope Bay. And if I failed, my heart would go into hibernation while he was gone.

  We proceeded to layer the black forest cake, scooping in the cherry filling and then smoothing the cake all the way around with buttercream. Nick showed me how to swirl around the edges, and then how to make buttercream roses. My first one didn’t come out so well, so I started over. The second and third were a little better, and by the time I got to the fourth, it was perfect.

  And all this time, in between me decorating and him instructing, Nick worked on the red velvet as if it were just another day. By the time I was done with the black forest cake, he was done with his cake as well. I had no idea that baking cakes, decorating and then seeing the final product would bring so much satisfaction.

  “I think I found a new hobby,” I grinned.

  He spun the cake on its turntable, examining it from every angle. “Jo, you’re better at this than I am. You sure this is your first cake?”

  “Yes, I’m sure.”

  “Well, then let me be the first one to congratulate you, baby.” He lifted me up into his arms, twirled me around, pressing his lips to mine, and then set me down on the counter. “I could get used to this, you know.”

  “What?”

  “Having you in my kitchen all the time.”

  That predatory look in his eyes rolled over my body as I pictured myself with long, bushy and unkempt hair, in the middle of a Neanderthal cave, watching my man build a fire. Hopefully he’d drag me onto the sabre tooth skins laid out in the back of the cave, after we ate the meat he caught earlier in the day, for a nice make-out session. Although I was sure that as Neanderthals, we’d be much wilder than I was ready to be.

  “I didn’t know you were so alpha.”

  He laughed, sliding his hands over my knees and up to my thighs. Just then, the bell to the store rang, Nick’s hands flew down to his sides, and I jumped off the counter as if it were a freshly lit stove. Nick hurried to cover the surprise cake, and his mom walked in.

  “You guys done already?” she asked.

  “Jo’s a pro. If you’re ever busy and need help, you know who to call.”

  Why would Nick say that? He was always here to help, and he was the pro. Was he preparing me for when he’d leave for the navy? I shook the thought away because for now, I’d rather pretend that he’d never leave me. My heart would break if he did.

  That Saturday night, when our parents met us in the back yard and we sliced my first black forest cake, I practically glowed with pride. We set up a table with candles and brought out a bottle of wine for the two of them to enjoy, and then turned around to leave.

  “Aren’t you guys joining us for the cake?” My father asked.

  “No – we thought the two of you could use some time alone without sneaking around.”

  Marge shifted from one foot to another, stealing a glance at my father.

  “It’s okay, Mom. We know you guys are seeing each other. We just don’t understand all the sneaking around,” Nick explained.

  Oh, the irony!

  “We didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.” For the first time, my father took a step closer to Marge.

  “You’re not. And we’re happy for you guys,” I said. “Enjoy the cake.”

  We turned around and left to go to the rooftop. Having our parents busy with each other meant less attention on the two of us, so that we could make out under the star lit sky on Nick’s rooftop.

  Chapter 8

  Dating in secret wasn’t exactly easy. It had been almost two years since our first secret kiss, stranded by the river, and we never spoke about it again. No one was the wiser that we’d been kissing almost every day since then. But now that we were older I wanted to kiss him anytime I felt like it. I wanted to twine my fingers with his, and show all the girls that he was mine and I was his. The need to roam my hands over his chest, feeling his muscles twitch underneath my palms, was growing, and curiosity of how it would feel if Nick put his hands on me like a man was reaching its breaking point.

  But the reward for keeping our secret was worth it. Every time we went up onto the rooftop, we made out until our mouths were sore. The past year, Nick had also begun working out, so his body had changed since our camping trip, and my hands definitely
felt the difference. Touching his abs, bulging arms, and biceps felt like a new adventure every week. Lying on top of his body, his leg between mine, and feeling the strong muscle of his thigh against my nether regions was exhilarating. I thought about our first time together, which had yet to come, more often than I probably should have. We hadn’t broached the subject, but I had a feeling that losing our virginity was on his mind as much as it was on mine. After that night in my bedroom when I’d tried to tease him with my sexy lingerie, we pushed the boundaries further and further. He’d cup my sex through my jeans and I’d feel his excitement by curving my hand over him.

  As months and days passed, I could feel my patience waning. He had morphed from a healthy boy to a young man, and the girls at our school were certainly taking notice. As for me, well, my hips had grown a little and so had my boobs, which Nick seemed to appreciate when he cupped them through my bra underneath my shirt, because he’d always get hard. I’d take the opportunity to feel his erection, massaging him through his jeans. But no matter how much we kissed, or how much we made out, it was never enough.

  And no one, including our parents, was the wiser. No one knew we were together, but as we got closer to graduation, I wanted to make our relationship public. I wanted the world to know how much Nick meant to me.

  I threw another rock over the water and it gave me fifteen solid skips. Nick’s throws were reaching the twenty-five mark more often now. His right arm was much stronger than when we were kids, though he hadn’t used the stone I gave him for his thirteenth birthday just yet. I had a feeling that he was waiting for the perfect time.

  It was Saturday morning and we’d stopped by the lake to rest from our routine jog every other day.

  “It feels wrong to keep us a secret,” I said.

  “School’s over in a month. We can do it then. And we’ll be able to start our lives as adults. No one will judge us or tell us what to do.”

  “Daisy will be upset. She’s been waiting for you for a while.”

  “So will Carter. He’s been waiting for you.”

  “We’re so going to hurt them.”

  “I don’t think so. I have a feeling they’ve been secretly rooting for us to get together.”

  “If that’s true, then all the more reason to come out with the secret.”

  Nick seemed lost in thought, as if contemplating on a decision I wasn’t privy to.

  “Carter’s been asking me if I’m taking you to the prom,” he said, out of nowhere.

  “What did you tell him?”

  “Nothing. I wanted to ask you about it first.”

  I couldn’t help but feel disappointed. While the sneaking around had its advantages, I was proud to be Nick’s girlfriend, and no one even knew about it.

  “I think we should break it gently to them. I don’t want to see Carter or Daisy moping around for the next two weeks before the prom, disappointed that we didn’t say yes.” I kicked a rock forward and watched it ripple the water on the flat lake ahead.

  “I can see the wheels turning in your head.” Nick stepped in front of me, took me by my hips, and brought me closer to his body which at this moment, all sweaty and hot from our run, felt too distracting. “What are you thinking, Jo?”

  “What if we each agree to go to the prom with them, then fix them up there? I’ll tell Carter how Daisy’s been asking about him but was too shy to say anything, and you can do the same with Daisy. Nick, they’re perfect for each other, and they don’t even know it.”

  “Blindside them? This could turn ugly.”

  “Or it could be the perfect set up. Daisy’s a good friend. She’ll understand and so will Carter.”

  “All I know, is that at the end of that night, I want you in my arms, like this.” He lowered his mouth to mine, kissing me deeply. I stepped up on my toes and snaked my hands around his neck, plastering myself against him. No amount of sweat could have kept me away from Nick. I could stay in this moment forever.

  He pulled away nervously. “There’s something I should tell you, Jo.”

  For the past three months, I’d noticed that Nick was struggling with internal demons more and more. He’d talked about his father more often. He got upset when he saw the news of terrorism, bombs going off in airports and at concerts. I knew he wanted to make a difference, but I was afraid of what that meant. I hadn’t brought up the fact that he’d mentioned the navy earlier in the year, hoping that it was only a phase he’d been going through, but deep in my heart, I was afraid Nick was making decisions without saying a word, in fear of upsetting me. Up until now, I pretended that decision was still far away in the future. After all, he had applied to college.

  “You’re making me nervous,” I whispered.

  He led us to the rocks on the side and pulled my hand to sit down. Instead of joining me, he opted to sit behind me. His legs rested at the sides of mine, and his arms hugged my body from behind. Nick kissed the back of my head, took in a deep breath, and released it. I looked out over the lake, watching the waves silently lap against the rocky shore, afraid of what he was about to say.

  “I’ve been avoiding this subject for a while now, but I can’t much longer, and I’d rather it wasn’t a shock.”

  “I’m not going to like this, am I?”

  “I’m sure you remember I mentioned that I might not be going to college.”

  I pushed his arms to the side and turned around so that he could face me. Whatever devastating reason he had for this decision, I wanted him to say it to my face. But deep inside, I was afraid that I already knew the reason.

  “I decided to be a SEAL — join the Navy, just like my father.”

  “I was hoping you’d decide to make a difference in other ways. Like be a firefighter. Didn’t you say you wanted to be a fireman, Nick?”

  He didn’t, but I was desperate, and we both knew it.

  “I just got a letter notifying me that I passed my medical screening. My physical screening test is next week. If I get high scores, I’ll be able to skip right on to boot camp.”

  I didn’t want to tell him that I didn’t understand half of what he was saying, because I didn’t want to understand.

  “When did this happen?”

  “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you worried.”

  “Well, now I’m officially worried.”

  “Jo, it won’t be that bad. It’s less than a year of training. Eighty percent of people who go through the training and tests either give up or fail, so I might even be back sooner.”

  But I knew that Nick wasn’t a quitter. I knew that if he left, he’d succeed.

  “Then why even try and waste all this time away from me?”

  “I… I just have to do it. I want to try to be the man that my father was.”

  “Nick, your father died in combat.”

  “I know.”

  “I don’t want you to die.”

  “It’s just training, Jo.”

  “But this would lead you to be in combat one day, wouldn’t it?”

  “You won’t change my mind, Jo. And it would feel so much better knowing I had your support.”

  Was that why he’d been working out so hard?

  “That’s like asking me to pull a trigger on you. Don’t you see that if I support you in this, I’ll be responsible for what happens to you? No, Nick! I’m not going to send you to your death.”

  “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

  He lowered his head. If he thought making me feel guilty about his stupid decision would work, then he had another thing coming.

  “You’re joking, Nick. Right? Please tell me you’re joking.”

  He didn’t say anything.

  “You’ve already decided, haven’t you? Without talking to me about the decision? When did this happen?”

  “Three months ago. I’m set to leave a week after graduation.”

  My heart was squeezing so hard that I had a difficult time breathing. At the time when I thought we’d finally start our
lives together, he’d leave me. He would actually leave me.

  “And you somehow forgot to tell me earlier?”

  “Jo, I am telling you earlier. We have another month together.”

  “A month? I was expecting a lifetime with you, and now I get a month?”

  “A year will pass quicker than you think.”

  “What about after?”

  “Don’t worry about the after yet. Whatever happens, I promise to come back home.”

  “Nick, I can’t stand being two days away from you. Remember when you caught the flu last winter? I was afraid my father would tie me down. If I couldn’t see you through that window, I would have died.”

  “It will be hard, I know, but if there’s anyone that can do this, it’s us. What we have… it’s unbreakable. If I stay, I’m afraid I won’t be able to find myself at the bakery or as a firefighter… or anywhere else, as a matter of fact.”

  The funny thing was that I couldn’t picture Nick anywhere else. While he had told me that he’d leave, it hadn’t registered in my mind. I didn’t want to believe that he’d actually leave our little town to go and train as a SEAL.

  “Oh, my God, your mom must have flipped when you told her.”

  He took a deep breath and then let go of the tension in one long exhale.

  “You haven’t told her yet, have you?”

  Which made my day so much better now. There was no way she’d let him go, and once Nick saw her tears and heard her begging not to leave her, he’d stay. Marge had lost her husband in a battle, and she’d do anything to prevent the same from happening to her son – I was sure of that.

  “No. I was hoping to do it right after the prom.”

  “Nick, you can’t. She’ll kill you if you give her only a week’s notice.”

  “I don’t want her crying over it for the next month.”

  “She’ll cry regardless. You just want your feelings spared. You’re afraid to see her puffy eyes, aren’t you? So it’s better to leave and let her cry while you’re away? That’s a cowardly way to leave, Nick, and I know that you’re not a coward.”