O.J.

by Penny Hawking

  I put my hands on my hips. “So whatchu gonna do about it?” I asked rolling my neck at her.

  Andy scooted closer to me. I don’t think he realized but he put his hand around my waist.

  “I’m gonna tell my mommy.” Cherise said after a moment’s pause trying to find an answer.

  “I ain’t scared of your mommy.” I said. Believe me Tyra was nobody to be scared of, if it didn’t involve money and clothes, she wasn’t interested. I wrapped my arm around Andy. “He’s mine and I’m not sharing.” I said. Andy leaned into me. He hugged me back as he shrugged at the little girls.

  “Sharing is caring cousin Nee-nee.” Dione said.

  I stuck my tongue out at her and all three of the little girls gasped.

  “You’re not supposed to do that.” Cherise said wiggling her index finger at me angrily. She stomped her foot. I could see her little caramel complexion turning a light shade of red.

  “You know what else I’m not supposed to do?” I asked as I brought up my hand. I put down a couple fingers and Andy quickly covered my hand before Cherise could see what finger I was about to point at her. I looked up at him and grinned. “What finger did you think I was going to put up?” I asked.

  I heard Grandma Olivia chuckle. “Get on out of here.” She said shooing her cane in the little girls’ directions. “Go play and stop trying to steal other people’s man.” She said pointing her cane at Cherise. “You gonna be just like your momma, I see it already.”

  Nahlia and Dione giggled as they scurried away. They knew when they were dismissed. Cherise stared at Grandma Olivia and then turned her gaze on me. She glared at me and rolled her eyes. “Bye Andy.” She said sweetly as she gave him a charming smile and walked away.

  “Oh no she did not just do that.” I said stepping forward. “That little---”

  Andy wrapped his arms around me as he pulled me back against him. “She’s seven years old Ornelia.” He said chuckling.

  “She’s the bride of Chucky.” I said relaxing against him. I was surprised that he hadn’t removed his arms so I held on to them. “Little brat.” I muttered. I stuck my middle finger up.

  “Excuse me?”

  “Oh no not you Angela.” I said quickly to my aunt. She looked me up and down and huffed as she walked away.

  “Oops.” I said turning to Andy. We looked at each other and bust out laughing

  “You’re so silly.” He whispered against my ear. I smiled as I leaned my head against his until his lips were pressed against my cheeks.

  Okay honestly I don’t know what it was with Andy this morning but after sleeping in the same bed last night it was like he was a whole new person…and I didn’t even fuck him. Well not whole new…but he was really…I don’t know how to say it…as you can see, he was being affectionate…and I for one was no complaining. I mean the whole day he was really relaxed and he would randomly grab me and touch me and stuff. I was confused but that wasn’t going to let me stop enjoying myself. I loved having people love me.

  “I guess I’ll leave you two lovebirds alone.” Grandma Olivia chuckled. “I don’t blame you…had I been 60 years younger…then it’ll be a different story.

  “Oh we’re not lovebirds.” I told Grandma Olivia. I laughed. Andy let go of me.

  Grandma Olivia looked at Andy behind me. “Right….” She said slowly. “I know that look when I see it young man.” She said nodding at Andy.

  I turned to look at Andy who was blushing and having a staring contest with his arm. “What look?” I asked him.

  Andy shrugged his shoulder. Grandma Olivia chuckled as she wobbled away.

  “Are you giving me a sweet look?” I asked teasingly as I hugged him.

  “Nee-nee please come help me with these food.” Gisele said urgently. I looked up to see the exhausted look on her face.

  “Mom, stop working yourself to death….shit you have tons of brothers and sisters here that can help.” I said as I let go of Andy.

  “Watch your mouth young lady.” She said as she hit the side of my head.

  “I’m serious.” I said.

  “Do you guys need any help?” Andy asked.

  “No Andy sweetheart, why don’t you go in the living room and watch the game.” She said rubbing his shoulder as she smiled tiredly.

  “I don’t mind helping.” He said.

  “Good.” I said grabbing his hand.

  “Leave him.” My mom said. “Nee-nee will end up making you do all the work for her.” She informed Andy. “You’re a guest, go enjoy yourself…I hope you don’t feel too out of place, there’s a couple of white people here too.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Mom you don’t say stuff like that.”

  Andy tried not to laugh as he squeezed my arm.

  “Andy sweetheart, I’m sorry, I’m just tired…the girls’ dad is supposed to be here and…” My mom trailed off. So that’s what was getting her on edge. Ever since the divorce, they’d been less than cordial with each other until recently when he’d taken her out to eat, now my mom didn’t know how to act around her ex-husband.

  Andy looked at me and I shook my head. “Not my dad.” I said. I pulled my mom. “I’m gonna go take care of her….enjoy yourself with the other white people.” I joked.

  Andy gave a small smile as he reluctantly let go of my hand. I mean I think it was reluctantly. I mean what do you call it when a guy slowly lets go until the last possible finger is touching. I gave him a quick wink as I pushed my mom in the opposite direction of the kitchen towards the stairs. “Mom, get a hold of yourself.” I said.

  3 hours later…

  I sighed as I grudgingly made my way down the stairs. I was tired and I was exhausted. Why couldn’t thanksgiving involve just my core family and no one else? I smiled as I held on to the railing. I should get Andy and get out of here…we won’t be missed for the rest of the day.

  “Daddy!” Fleur screamed excitedly.

  I looked to the entryway just to see 6 foot 3 Steven Brown pick up his daughter and hug her tight. “How’s my little June bug?” Steven asked. He gave her several kisses that had Fleur rolling in laughter.

  “I’m good daddy.” Fleur said excitedly as she held on to his arm when he put her down.

  I stopped and stared at them. I felt a sinking in my stomach that I was never able to explain.

  “I got you something sweetheart.” Steven said bending down. His bald chocolate head glistened from where I was standing. He reached behind him and brought out a big teddy bear.

  “What is it?” Fleur asked excitedly as she reached her hand out in anticipation.

  Steven put the Teddy bear in her arms and she gasped. “It’s so soft!” Steven laughed as Fleur struggled to hold the big teddy bear and gave him a big hug. “I love it so much.”

  Steven hugged her. He looked up and our eyes met. He straightened up and gave me a polite smile. “Good evening Ornelia.” He said politely nodding in my direction.

  My smile shook. I wanted to sink to the floor. I never knew why I got so nervous and unsure whenever he was around. I saw my mom appear out the corner of my eyes. “Evening Steven.” I said politely.

  “Nee-nee it’s so soft!” Fleur said excitedly as she turned in the direction of my voice. She turned back to Steven and grabbed his hand. “Nee-nee loves teddy bears, did you get her one too?” she asked excitedly.

  My heart sank further. We all knew the answer to that…Fleur was still too innocent to realize it.

  Steven avoided my gaze awkwardly as he fixed his tie.

  “I think I’m a little too big for stuffed animals.” I said smiling, trying to erase the awkwardness.

  “Steven you’re late.” Gisele said. “As usual.” She made her way next to him.

  “Traffic.” He said going out to hug her. My mom stepped aside as she ignored him.

  “Mom look.” Fleur said excitedly. She reached out and grabbed Gisele’s arm. “He’s so soft.”

  Gisele smiled. “Fleur sweetheart, go put it in your r
oom okay.” Fleur nodded.

  “Hey mom did you need----Dad!” Celine yelled excitedly. She handed the plate to a passerby and leapt into her father’s outstretched hand.

  “You said you weren’t going to make it.” Celine said kissing his cheek.

  Steven’s eyes twinkled as he looked at his older daughter. “For you sweetheart, I’ll walk around the world.”

  I was having some trouble breathing. I gave Fleur a quick peck on the cheek as she hugged me and raced up to her room. I needed to get out of the house, I needed some fresh air. I tried to take the last few steps quietly but everybody turned to look at me. Celine noticing me for the first time.

  “Sweetheart where are you going?” Gisele asked making her way to the bottom of the stairs.

  I stepped down and pointed aimlessly behind me. “Looking for Andy.” I said carelessly. I was surprised that my voice sounded so controlled when inside I felt like hurling out my intestines.

  Gisele rubbed my arm. “You want to help me in the kitchen?” she said softly.

  “So how’s my talented daughter?” Steven asked as he beamed at Celine.

  “Oh dad I’m not talented.” Celine said nudging his side. “Nee-nee’s the one with the talent, she’s going to be an amazing photographer.” She said proudly nodding at me.

  Steven looked at me and I looked down at the floor. “Oh is that so?” he asked.

  I shrugged. “I hope so…maybe one day…” I said shyly.

  “She’s being modest.” Celine said. “She really is amazing, the school even gave her an award last semester.”

  I was kind of taken back. I didn’t know Celine knew about that award.

  “Our little photographer.” Gisele said kissing the top of my head. “We’re so proud of her.”

  Please stop it you guys. Please stop trying to sell me to Steven. It never works…why do you keep trying, I stopped years ago.

  “Speaking of awards.” Steven said turning to Celine. “I heard my little angel got chosen out of 800 students—”

  “789.” Celine corrected him.

  “To go accompany her professor to D.C.” Steven finished excitedly. “I’m so proud of you.” He gave her a big hug.

  “Dad stop it.” Celine said embarrassed. She gave me a shaky smile. “It’s no big deal.” She said quickly.

  “Hey.” Andy said softly behind me.

  I turned around, never happier to hear anybody’s voice at the moment. I gave him a small smile. Gisele smiled at Andy.

  “Of course it’s a big deal.” Steven said. “And for that---” He reached into his back pocket.

  I took a step back. I wanted to look away but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to see this. I didn’t want to see him pull out a small velvet box. I didn’t want to see him open it and reveal a gorgeous gold C necklace. I didn’t want to see Celine try to contain her excitement. And I definitely didn’t want to be the bitter sister. What the fuck was wrong with me?

  “Dad…” Celine said softly.

  “Nothing but the best for my talented princess.” Steven said kissing the top of her head, as she looked in wonder at the necklace.

  You know that sinking feeling where you know you’ll never be good enough? Or that awkward silence where my mom is trying to cover up the fact that her ex-husband didn’t shower me with kisses and gifts by holding me tightly. That moment when there’s a tight ball in your throat closing off your airways. The moment where you’re trying your darnest to hold back tears but you know you only have 30 seconds before everything falls apart.

  “I have to go help Grandma Olivia.” I told my mom, tearing away from her hold. I saw the pain in her eyes. But fuck, there was nothing she could do, nor nothing I could…if there was, wouldn’t we have tried years ago? I kissed her cheek for her comfort. “I’ll be quick.”

  “And who is this young man?” Steven asked looking at Andy.

  “Uh…” Andy said moving towards me. He watched me walk away, he wanted to follow but he was torn between addressing the girl’s father politely and coming after me.

  “I’ll be back.” I said patting his arm. I made the decision for him. I didn’t want to be followed, and I definitely didn’t want him to see me like this. Nobody saw me like this.

  “Andy sir…” Andy said reaching out and shaking Steven’s hand.

  I used that as my opportunity to escape. I turned the corner as I heard him say. “I’m Ornelia’s friend.”

  I scurried through the living room, the back door seemingly further and further away. I practically ran the rest of the way as I made it out the house gasping for breath. I couldn’t breathe. I ignored the stairs and jumped off the railing as I disappeared into the night.

  *****

  “Fleur said I’ll find you here.” I heard Andy’s soft voice down below.

  I puffed on my cigarette and leaned over the opening of the tree house. “Hey.” I said casually.

  Andy looked up. “Fleur gives good directions, never mind that I had to count and pay attention to details like never before…plus it’s kind of complicated in the dark.” Andy said.

  I gave a small smile. “Come in.” I said. I put the cigarette to my mouth as I scooted back. I let out a long stream of smoke as I heard him climbing the tree. I leaned against the wall and watched his head poke through the entrance. He struggled to get in and barely missed hitting his head He grunted as he got on his knees and crawled to me on all four.

  “Nice tree house, kinda small don’t you think?” He asked as he propped himself next to me, making sure to duck his head.

  “Not mine, Steven made it for Celine….” I said. I shrugged. “But I persuaded her to ask him to build one.” I finished my cigarette and squished it out. “It was much bigger when I was 6.” I said as I reached for the pack of cigarettes. “Who cares…?” I muttered. I took out another cig and put it to my lips.

  “Can I get one?” Andy asked.

  I admit I was shocked. I looked at him with a small smile as the cig dangled between my lips. I handed him the pack and he took one. I watched as Andy put the cigarette between his own lips. I lifted my lighter and lit it and he inhaled. I lit my own and dropped the lighter on the floor.

  “I don’t usually smoke.” I said as I parted my legs. “Just on occasions…or when I feel like shit.”

  Andy nodded as he took the cig from his mouth and let out some smoke.

  “It’s really trashy when a girl smokes don’t you think…not classy at all…just slutty.” I said puffing away.

  “I don’t think you’re trashy or slutty.” Andy said as he too leaned against the wall. Our shoulders brushed.

  I scoffed. “What are you doing here?” I asked him.

  Andy shrugged.

  “Came to check up on me, make sure I was okay?” I answered. “Made sure I didn’t feel unwanted by Steven and shit…take me home and tell me everybody loves me?”

  Andy shrugged again. He brought the cigarette to his lips and simply turned his head to stare at me. “Obviously not everyone loves you.” He said right before blowing smoke in my face.

  I had to smile at that one.

  “I’m fine.” I answered.

  “Okay.” Andy said softly as he let out smoke.

  I stared at my feet in silence. I needed Andy to say something but I highly doubted he would. I sighed as I rubbed my eyes. I leaned my head on his shoulder and we finished our cigarettes in peace.

  “Do you want to go sit on that small hammock pillow looking thing hanging over there?” I asked pointing to my favorite spot to sit and swing.

  “Is it safe?” He asked looking at it cautiously.

  I laughed. “Probably not…it might break under our weight but fuck it right.” I said happily. Andy got up and followed me to the small hammock filled with pillows. I sat down and tested it and swung it a little. Andy watched me, looking more apprehensive. I smiled and patted the pillow next to me. “Come on be a big boy.” I teased.

  “You’re gonna get us killed.” He sai
d carefully sitting down. The branch it was hanging on bent further under the added weight.

  I dug in my pocket. “Gum?” I asked handing him one. He took it and I stuffed a spearmint flavor in my mouth. I chewed in silence as I watched the sky from the window in our little roof. The little white specks sparkled the sky. “Celine once broke her arm because she tried to copy me and jump off that swing out there.” I said pointing out the window to the tire swing softly moving in the wind. “I was grounded for months while she got nothing but kisses and gifts…I was so mad.” I laughed as I rubbed my shirt. “I got over it you know…I felt bad that she was in pain but…” My voice trailed off as I looked down at the wooden plank floor.