O.J.

by Penny Hawking

  "I had this underneath." He said chuckling. "I didn't think I could wear it all day." He said closing the door behind him and sitting down in my chair. Andy was silent as I tried to get the movie to work. It was after a couple minutes that he finally told me that I had to take it out and put it back in.

  "That's what she said." I said as I followed his directions. I looked up to see Andy shake his head with a slight grin on his face. I smiled too as the movie started to play from the beginning.

  Seeing that Andy was in my chair, I settled myself on top of the counter and looked out the window to the screen. I reached over and grabbed my notebook and pen as I concentrated on the opening scene. Charlie Chaplin in A night in the show

  Get in line and wait your turn

  I laughed as Chaplin almost fell off the podium. I wrote down the character interactions. I had three of these movies to go through, this was going to be fun.

  I giggled as Chaplin smacked the guy's butt and walked off.

  Wow this guy didn't have a care in the world, as he lite up a cigarette and threw a handkerchief inside a musician's trombone.

  My mistake sir, your seat is in the second row.

  I laughed as he took one look at the woman he was sitting next to, saw she was ugly and quickly went to the first row.

  I was engrossed in the movie so I don't know at one point Andy left the chair to end up behind me.

  I laughed as he hit the conductor on top of the head. I felt Andy's arm going around my waist. I instinctively leaned my back closer to him as I held his arm around me. His simple touches made me feel so warm inside.

  I burst out laughing as the conductor hit him accidently and Chaplin backhanded the mess out of him. Andy kissed my neck slowly. He lingered on each kiss as he went around. I felt little butterflies in my stomach as I tore myself away from the screen for a minute.

  "What are you doing?" I giggled softly.

  Andy kissed the side of my mouth. "You're laugh does something to me." He whispered. He nicked the side of my mouth before kissing me. Caught off guard, I wasn't sure I kissed him back, but that didn't stop him.

  Nobody had ever said that to me before? Just what was he up to?

  Instead of trying to find out I quickly turned my body towards him and wrapped my hands around his neck as I kissed him hard. I missed this. Only been three days but I missed his mouth on me. I instinctively wrapped my legs around his hips as I worked my mouth against his. I took hard deep breaths through my nose because I was not going to let his mouth go. I felt secure as Andy wrapped his arm around me bringing me closer to him yet bringing my back closer and closer to the counter. I reached for his belt buckle as he laid me down on the counter. Running his hands up and down my thighs, I zipped down his pants. The anticipation was actually killing me. Wow I was a bigger freak than I thought.

  Andy let go of my mouth and kissed my collarbone. "Can I say something?" he asked breathlessly.

  "As long as you make it fast." I said quickly as I captured his mouth in mine and sat up as I tugged his jeans down.

  "I've been thinking about you a lot." He said as his teeth grazed my chin and he sucked on it.

  Good. I closed my eyes as my hands went up his shirt. I bent my head to kiss him. He was already talking too much. I licked his silver lip ring. He brought his hands up and held my face as he kissed me with so much intensity not only was I out of breath, but my body wanted to be taken care of.

  "So I've come to the conclusion that---" he kissed me again.

  Yes, I know you're sorry about switching up on me. Its okay I forgive you, I really do. I tightened my legs around him some more as my hips crushed his, trying to find the hardness that was going to make my dreams come true. Oh, oh wow...there you are. Yes. I pulled his boxers down and my thigh brushed his manhood. I smiled against his mouth. Since when did thinking about sex make me giddy? I pressed my thigh against it and then replaced it with my hand. Aw yes...hot and hard and so ready...just like I want. I wrapped my fingers around it and heard Andy's sharp intake of breath. Yeah, Andy...I think we can say control is back in my hands right?

  Andy moved his hips against my hand as he kissed me softly. It wasn't the hot and fast passionate kisses we were doing a couple seconds ago. No this was one of those soft lingering kisses you saw on romantic little chick flicks. He brought his head back a little as he cupped my face. I couldn't read the expression on his face, but the way he was staring at me was making me extremely jittery and nervous. I was going to question him when he spoke.

  "I think the first thing we need to do is---"

  Not knowing what he was going to say, I let go of my hold on him and tried to pull away. "Don't say it." Dread was laced in my voice. That's what that look was, that stare and that intensity. I just knew I didn't want him to keep talking. But Andy wouldn't like go of my face as he leaned closer, his mouth almost brushing mine.

  "---find out who your dad is."

  Chapter eighteen

  You guys do agree with me when I tell you Andy has officially lost his mind right? I mean let’s be honest, no sane person would even say what he said, and out the blue for that matter. He just sprung it on me like here Ornelia, I know exactly how to give you a heart attack, let’s find your dad. ANDREW WHATEVER YOUR MIDDLE NAME IS PERTH ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? I slowly detangled myself from his embrace and put a small awkward smile on my face.

  “I’m sorry…what?” I asked as I hopped off the counter. “Did you say we need to find my dad?” I asked him slowly. Because if that’s what he said then we have a problem…I mean come on guys we have a big problem. I took my time as I straightened out my clothes. I knew he was staring at me, probably waiting for a bigger reaction than what I was giving. I mean I could blow this out the water, but I had a feeling that’s what he wanted…or I could just brush it aside so he could realize for himself how ridiculous his statement just was.

  Andy zipped up his pants and sighed as he turned to face me. He leaned against the counter and ran his tongue over his lip ring. Shoving his hands in his pockets he looked me dead in the eyes. His blue eyes creating some kind of ethereal black hole that I did not want to be a part of. “I think that’s the best thing for us to do.”

  I gave off a small laugh as I put my hands on my hips. This kid was not joking…he really thought that… “What do you mean us?” I asked taking a step back. “Whatever gave you the impression that I wanted to know who my real dad was?” I asked. I looked around the room in disbelief. “I could care less.” I’m 22 years old, I made it this long without one and the last thing I need is for a random guy to come into my life and attempt to take the role of a long lost father. I crossed my arms across my chest.

  Andy brushed his bangs out his face. “I think you---”

  “Oh so you’re thinking about me?” I said cutting him off. I laughed and shook my head. I walked backwards and sat in the chair, never taking my eyes off him. “Please Andy do tell me what you think about me?” I said seriously. So he thought I was a nutcase huh? An unstable girl with daddy issues…this should be interesting.

  Andy shifted uncomfortably. “Ornelia don’t do this.” He said calmly.

  I nodded. “Oh no please let’s do this…go ahead.” I said throwing my hands up. “After the few months of meeting me…what do you Andy Perth think about me?” I asked leaning forward as though I was immensely interested in whatever he had to say. I rested my elbows on my knees and smiled at him. “I mean fuck, you’ve met my whole family, you’ve seen how we interact, and you’ve seen how I interact with my friends.” I pointed my finger at him and wagged it. “You’ve definitely seen my interaction with Steven, so please Andy….I am begging you, what have you concluded?” I settled back in the seat and ran my fingers through my hair.

  Andy wasn’t answering, he was just staring at me as though trying to decipher my words. I don’t know why it was so complicated for him, I’m pretty sure I spoke in plain English. I brought my legs up and hugged my knees as I smiled at h
im.

  “Oh you’re not gonna talk now?” I asked concerned. I shrugged. “I mean just a couple minutes ago, I thought we were actually getting somewhere…” I said with hand motions. “You decided, you just had to let me know what I needed to do to make me a better person.”

  Andy exhaled deeply and closed his eyes. He opened them again and looked up at the ceiling. “I think not having the love of a real father…hindered some part of you from being expressed right.” He said. He took another deep breath.

  I smiled and slowly clapped my hands. “Wow congratulations Dr. Phil, you’ve summed up my life in a nut shell.”

  “Ornelia don’t do this.” Andy said taking a couple steps towards me.

  I held out my hand to stop him. “I mean I have to give it to you Andy, you sure do have balls.” I scrunched my face and acted like I was thinking really hard. “I mean I believe you’re the first person that’s ever come right out and said something like that…I am so impressed.” I said. I got out the chair intending to run out when Andy grabbed my arm, bringing me to an abrupt halt.

  “Ornelia?”

  “Yes Andy?” I said cheerfully.

  He reached for my other hand and pulled me to him. “I didn’t mean to offend you.” He ran his hands up my arms. I wanted to pull away, I didn’t want him to touch me.

  “I’m not offended.” I said calmly.

  “Yes, you are.” He said brushing my cheek with his thumb.

  I smiled. “I’m sorry, I forgot you knew everything about me.” I shrugged my shoulders in surrender. “Sorry, my bad.”

  “Can you just trust me?” He asked calmly.

  I scoffed at him. “Why Andy? Why should I trust you huh?” I snapped at him.

  “Cause I like you.” Andy said seriously as his hands drifted down to my waist. “I don’t know how it happened, It just sprung up on me…but I like you a lot...I just wanna help.”

  I nodded slowly. “Oh I see…So I’m your next Christina.” I said thoughtfully. His hands were around me so I felt when his body tensed up. “Is this the part where we figure out a way to get better?” I whispered earnestly as I leaned towards him.

  Andy dropped his arms but I held on to his shoulders. “I mean isn’t that what happened? You got together so you both could get better…” I wiggled my nose. “Yet one succeeded and the other didn’t…I wonder how this round is going to play out?”

  Andy pulled my hands down. “You don’t have to be a bitch about it, I’m just trying to help.” He whispered.

  “But I am a bitch.” I said matter-of-factly. “I play people, I use them, I walk all over them and use their weaknesses against them, and then when I’m done I leave.”

  “That’s not who you are.” Andy said surprising me by cupping my face. He leaned in closer. “It’s just an act…God Ornelia, I used to do that too.” He whispered, he pressed his lips against mine softly. I tried to pull away but his hold on me was tight.

  It is who I am, that’s all I can offer…I have nothing else. I don’t know how to give anything else. Our situations are totally different…trust me, you would never understand.

  “You’re Ornelia.” Andy whispered as he pressed his nose against mine. “And do you know what that means?” he asked softly.

  I didn’t answer him. I couldn’t answer him. My heart was dropping and I couldn’t stop it. I hated the feeling, I hated the fact that it felt like he was intruding into my mind, my thoughts, and my heart…my very soul. What does it mean Andy?

  “Like I said before…you helped me so it’s time for me to help you.” He said. I moved my head back and turned it away from him, but he forced me to face him again. “Do you want to know how you helped?” he asked.

  I shook my head and tried to step back. Andy chuckled and slowly released me. He took his arm and showed it to me. I looked away.

  “A week ago I felt like shit, so I broke a mirror and took that opportunity to use a piece of glass to slit my wrist.” Andy tried to make me look at him, but I refused to. “Ornelia look at me.” He said grabbing my hand. I shook my head. “It hurt like hell…it never used to hurt.”

  “Why are you telling me this?” I said backing away. I gave him a weird look and refused to look at his hand.

  “Because.” Andy said smiling. “It used to never hurt, cause I’ll think of all the emotional shit I was going through and what happened and it would numb the pain…but I couldn’t think of anything fucked up enough to numb me.”

  I finally turned to watch him. “So.” I asked crossing my arms.

  “I thought of you.” He said. I looked at the ground. “I thought of my sis, my parents, and basically anybody else that’s ever made me happy.”

  I slowly looked up at him. “I don’t understand what you’re trying to say.” I said softly.

  “That’s cause you won’t let yourself understand.” Andy shrugged.

  “Can you stop with the riddles?” I asked softly.

  “What do I have to do to get you to be honest with me?” Andy asked. He spread out his arms. “I’m literally standing here baring myself to you….” Andy paused and ran his hands through his hair. He nodded. “Okay fine.” He played with his lip ring pulling it in and out. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he leaned against the counter.

  His face was expressionless and, his blue eyes were bright but a little clouded over. “I know what you want….” He looked up at the ceiling, closed his eyes and sighed. He inhaled deeply and turned his gaze on me once more. “My parents died when I was driving us back home from a soccer match 3 hours away. They had this big charity ceremony to go to, but I kind of bullied them into coming by saying some selfish dumb stuff... it’s not important what I said…just understand that I was an asshole of a son.” Andy took a deep breath. “In the car we were…” Andy’s voice trailed off. I sat up straighter. “In the car my dad was going on and on about the shit I’ve been doing for a couple weeks and…”

  What was going on? Why was he talking about all this now? I took a step closer to him as he stared off. “Are you okay?” I asked as I saw him clench his jaw.

  Andy shook himself. “I was driving and I was mad, there was a truck…well you know the rest.” Andy said finishing quickly.

  “Andy you don’t have to do this.” I said confused. I could see it was paining him to talk about it, so why did he keep going?

  He looked up from the ground and gave me a weak half smile. “I’m only telling you because I want to.” I hugged myself under his intense gaze. Why was there so much depth in there? I swore he was giving me a peek into his soul. I looked away. It was too much…I can’t handle those kind of emotions. “Basically my parents were yelling at me about how I had to be a better person, not be selfish, to think of other people, to look at how I was affecting the family…yeah…” His hands grip on the counter was turning his knuckles white. “I told them they could fuck themselves and die cause I’ll do whatever I wanted.” Andy finished with a new tone in his voice I’d never heard before.

  I gasped and quickly put my hands over my mouth. Oh my God, Andy that’s horrible…you have to live with that? No you didn’t…no…I’m so sorry…I don’t even know what to say.

  “I was angry and I blamed everybody, my friends, my team, my sister, especially myself…I became worse than I was before. Life was shit. I had this guilt and nobody knew why…I was walking around with a fucking hole in my heart. I couldn’t take it so I tried to kill myself. I should have been the one that died. Not them.” Andy said quickly as though wanting me to hear but not wanting it to be heard at the same time. He rubbed his arm in frustration.

  I should go give him a hug…I should do something…I couldn’t move towards him. There was something happening in my chest and I didn’t want it. I just knew that if I advanced towards him I would surely explode. I wiped the tears from my face and walked backwards until I felt the chair again and slowly sat down.

  Andy chuckled sadly. “That obviously didn’t work, but when I was in rehab, I
met Christina…she was more fucked up then I was and I liked it.” He said honestly. “She was the total opposite of anybody I’d ever met before and she understood pain and guilt… so I fed off of it.” Andy ran his hands through his hair and sighed. “She showed me how to cope.” Andy lifted his wrist for me to see. “It was so bad because we just fed off each other’s pain…it was good until it became some sort of addiction, an obsession.” Andy rubbed the back of his neck slowly and played with his lip ring. “She found a way out, through the help of Jared, the bassist in the group…she tried to help me but I didn’t want it…I didn’t want the help, I didn’t want to stop feeling the pain.”

  I sat in silence as tears streaked down my face. I wiped them away quickly but couldn’t bring myself to look at him. Andy please stop…don’t do this…I can’t go this deep.

  “I struggled a lot but Susie got me through most of it, it was fine me and her…and then I met you…” Andy said shrugging. “And slowly but surely beyond my control you seem to have woven yourself into my---

  “Why did you just tell me all that huh?” I interrupted him. I looked up at him and wiped my nose with the back of my hand. “When I want you to talk you barely utter one syllable, but when I don’t want you to talk then you freaking give me your whole life story?” I asked exasperated. “What do you want from me?” I croaked.