O.J.

by Penny Hawking

  “No, I wouldn’t.” I said shaking my head. Zeus isn’t the one that’s been on my mind these past couple weeks.

  “Why not?” Andy asked calmly. But there was something in his voice, a slight pitch to it that he didn’t necessarily carry

  “Because…” I said surprised. “Because Zeus is…he’s…” I shrugged. What do I call him, I don’t know he’s cool, we messed around once or twice, nothing serious…He’s just…

  Andy pulled off the road and stopped the car. He placed his arm on the steering wheel and turned his body to me. “Zeus is what?” He asked. He twisted his lip ring in and out of his mouth. “What is he to you?”

  “He’s my friend.” I said putting my hand up in surrender.

  “He’s your friend.” Andy said repeating me, he nodded his head. He looked around his truck and put his head down. I watched as he ran his hand through his hair and stared back at me. “I’m your friend too right?”

  What was he getting at?

  “So we’re all just friends? I’m on the same level as Zeus.” He asked.

  I sank back in my seat. “No…” I said softly.

  “No I’m not?” He asked. “Am I more of a friend or less of a friend?”

  I sighed. “Andy we’re more than friends okay.” I said sitting up as I watched him. What did he want from me? Where was this conversation going?

  “We’re more than friends?” Andy questioned. He licked his bottom lip, not at all satisfied with my answer. He sighed as he sat back in his seat.

  I stared at him as the silence enveloped his truck. Oh no…please, don’t tell me that…no Andy don’t do this. Not you…not you of all people. “Andy friends is all we can be…we agreed to that.” I whispered. I looked at him confused. “Why are you trying to change what we---”

  “Cause I like you.” Andy said cutting me off. “I like you a lot.” He rubbed his arm and hit the steering wheel. “I guess…I guess I thought you liked me enough…” he said unemotionally.

  “Enough for what?” I asked my voice trembling. This wasn’t where I wanted this evening to go. This wasn’t how I had it planned. What was happening?

  Andy rubbed his face. “Fuck.” He muttered. He moved his bangs out of his eyes and played with his lip ring. He rubbed the back of his neck as he slouched in his seat.

  “Look if we keep driving further down here there’s this old barn that looks haunted…I think you’ll really like it.” I said forcing happiness into my voice. I pointed down the road. “It’s just a couple minutes….” My voice trailed off as Andy took my hand in his. I didn’t want to look at him. Don’t do it, please don’t do this. I gave us a way out, just take it please…let’s not ruin this. His hands were warmer than I expected as he forced me to turn around and face him. I couldn’t look him in the eyes. I stared at his black pea coat unable to lift my eyes any further up.

  “Ornelia…in a weird turn of events, you’ve became the most amazing person I’ve ever met.” Andy started.

  “Don’t.” I said squirming in my seat.

  He held my hand tighter. I tried to pull away. “I like you, I want to be with you. In the strangest way we’re compatible…”

  “I don’t want to hear it.” I said trying to pull away.

  “I know you don’t want to hear it.” Andy said speaking up. He unbuckled his seatbelt and reached for my face. He cupped my face gently as I looked away. “I want you to be my girlfriend…even if you don’t see it, I think this could work…we could work.” He said breathing softly. There was a slight smile on his face as he rubbed my cheek.

  I brought my hands up and took his hands off me. “Why are you doing this?” I asked pushing him away.

  “I can’t help it.”

  “Yes you can!” I said raising my voice at him. “We established from the very beginning ---”

  “Things change.” Andy said cutting me off.

  “No it doesn’t!” I said frantically. “If you say something you should stick to it.”

  Andy closed his eyes and laid his head back. “I like you a lot okay.” He said his voice strong and loud. “I can’t help it, it just happened, it’s not like I went out of my way to fall for you.” He turned to me. “You came to me! You came into my life and did whatever the hell you wanted!”

  “Because I never thought we would ever be together!” I yelled at him. I didn’t. I was just trying to thank him for helping me out. Than I thought I could help him with whatever load was on his shoulder. It was never supposed to be me…never. “If I thought for one second that this would happen, I never would have---”

  “Yeah you never should have!” Andy snapped as he cut me off.

  I jumped back a little, not out of fear but out of surprise. Wait a minute…was this the same Andy? Was this the calm and collected Andy that was yelling back at me. I gave a small laugh of disbelief. “Are you yelling at me?” I asked him.

  Andy looked a little surprised too as he sank back in his seat. He ran his fingers through his hair. “You do this to me.” He whispered as he looked down.

  I sighed as I unbuckle my seatbelt and settled into the seat. “Are we really fighting?” I asked lightly. “Like a back and forth yelling match?”

  “Yeah, people could mistake us for a couple.” Andy said. He then scoffed and unbuttoned his coat and took it off. I watched in silence as he threw his coat in the back of his trunk and gripped his steering wheel. I unzipped my coat. It was actually getting really hot in the car. I took it off in silence and also threw it behind us. I turned to face Andy.

  “Look…” I said softly. “I like you a lot…more than I’ve ever liked any other guy before.” I admitted to him nervously. “But I can’t give you….that.” I said. “You wanna have sex? Great…you wanna hang out? Cool…go bungee jumping? I’m all for it….but that’s it…” I said. It was breaking something inside me as he looked at me with so much sadness in his eyes. “But…no matter how much I would like for us to….it’s just not in me.” I said softly.

  Andy didn’t say anything for a while as he stared at me. I wanted to comfort him, I wanted to tell him I’ll change, that I could be that person he wanted or needed, that I would fulfill everything he could possibly want…but I couldn’t.

  “Who was your last boyfriend?” Andy asked softly.

  “Uhm…Barry Jackson, 10th grade.” I answered.

  “Where is he?” Andy asked.

  I shrugged. “I think he went to college somewhere in Chicago.”

  Andy nodded. “You don’t mind if I track him down and kill him for ruining it for the rest of us right?” he asked.

  I gave off a smile laugh. “It wasn’t Barry, it was me…I was a horrible girlfriend.” I admitted. “They all told me that.”

  “I would have liked the opportunity to say it too.” Andy said rubbing his arm, a weak attempt at a joke.

  I shook my head. “Believe me, I’m doing both of us a favor. I’m a terrible girlfriend. You would end up hating me…I don’t want you to hate me.”

  “The way it is now…I could never hate you.” Andy said. He sighed as he looked out his window. “I knew there was a 95% chance you would say no…I just wanted you to know how I felt.”

  “You know what I think?” I asked brightly. “I think what we have is perfect and if everybody else knew they would be so envious.”

  Andy stuck his hands in his pocket.

  “I like what we have, it’s like the perfect couple without all the false commitments.” I said happily. “We don’t get hurt because we’re not hopelessly madly in love with each other and we don’t make empty promises we can’t keep. We just go with the flow. That’s what life is. Nobody gets hurt or broken, nobody feels pain.”

  Andy took something out his pocket. “I forgot about these.” He said holding up 3 pictures he tried to straighten up.

  “What are they?” I asked.

  “Wait did you say you’re hopelessly madly in love with me?” Andy asked sitting up.

  I laughed. “Y
ou wish.” I said as I took the pictures out of his hand.

  “Can’t blame me for trying.” He said softly.

  “What are these?” I asked as I looked at some old Polaroid. “Hey there’s mom.” I smiled. I turned to Andy. “Should I be at all creeped out and concerned that you’re carrying pictures of my mom in your pocket?” I asked narrowing my eyes at him.

  “I took them for you.” Andy said. “These are pictures of your mom in college, she showed me a couple today and yesterday.”

  I looked in him in surprise. “Mom in college, that’s shocking.” I said as I looked back at the pictures. She seemed really happy in her high waisted pants and orange shirt. “She never talks about college, since she never finished and all, dropped out…”

  Andy leaned over and he pointed to the picture. “These two guys are in almost every single shot with her….if not one than the other.” He said pointing to a black man with really big glasses, making the goofiest expression. The other was sitting down calmly as he stared into the camera, stretching his arm out. Wait a minute…this guy…who did he look like?

  “And here.” Andy said pointing to the other picture. “And here…” Andy said.

  “I’ve never seen these pictures before.” I said bewildered.

  Any shrugged. “I told her I liked pictures, you got me into them…so she just started showing me everything…but I think these ones are important.”

  I turned to Andy.

  “Do you see anything?” He asked with a small smile on his face.

  I looked back at the pictures laying them on my lap side by side. “Besides these two best friends of hers?” I asked. I turned it around, all it said was Penn State ’86-’87. Andy kissed my cheek.

  “It took me awhile, but it was today that I finally realized who one of the guys were.” He said.

  I grabbed the picture and put it to my face. The guy with the familiar face, minus the afro…who does he look…. “Shit…that’s Dr. Honsu?”

  “Your photography teacher right?” Andy asked. “I saw him a couple times when I waited for you outside class, I could be wrong but the resemblance is uncanny.”

  I shook my head. “No it’s him.” I said everything inside me hyperventilating.

  “When I asked who they were that was always tagging behind her, she said Guy and Randy.” Andy said. “That’s it…no last name, she didn’t really want to talk about it so…”

  “Dr. Guy Honsu…of course I know him, he’s like my idol.” I said in disbelief.

  “If he hung out this much with your mom in college than he would probably know…” Andy trailed off.

  I turned to Andy. “He said I reminded him of somebody.” I said excitedly. “The first time in class, he said I reminded him of somebody…” I took a deep breath. “Andy I look a lot like my mom…what if that’s what he meant?” I turned the pictures over and looked over them rapidly. My heart was beating a mile a minute…I was going to find my dad, Dr. Honsu would be able to tell me something. I looked at a picture where all three of them were hugging…What if it was Dr. Honsu?....I shook my head, shit like that didn’t happen in real life, that would be too amazing…but what if?

  “What are you thinking?” Andy asked carefully.

  I turned to him and gave him a big smile. “That you are amazing for making my mom talk to you…at first I was like what the hell could he be possibly talking to her about all the time…but it was for this.” I leaned over and hugged him and kissed his cheek. “Of course she would tell you anything, the only person she would never tell is me.” I told him happily. I held his face and kissed him. “You’re a freaking genius.” I said right before I tilted my head and invaded his mouth with my tongue. He did this for me…He seriously went out of his way to do this for me. I closed my eyes as I deepen the kiss.

  How amazing was Andy? He was like my lucky star. I moved from my seat and practically threw myself at him. I gave him rapid little kisses as I settled in his lap, straddling him. I wanted to make him happy…I could make him happy, I know exactly what would make him feel good. I smiled against his cheek as I bent down and nibbled his neck. I made a trail over his Adam’s apple and worked my kisses down his neck. Bringing my hands under his shirt I ran them up his warm stomach.

  “Hold up.” Andy said breathlessly as he pulled my hands out from under his shirt. I kissed his neck and he pulled me away.

  “What?” I asked confused. I tried to lean forward again but he evaded my kisses.

  Andy dropped my hands as he twisted his lip ring. He rubbed his arm and looked down at his lap. “We should probably go.” He said tapping my thigh.

  “Why?” I asked, not understanding what was going on. I grabbed his shirt. “Let’s stay…I have an idea…” I whispered happily as I kissed his jaw. “I promise you’ll like it.” I teased as I gave him a sweet peck on the lips.

  “I don’t want to.” Andy said looking away from me. He brushed his bangs out of his eyes.

  “What?” I asked dropping my hands. I scooted a little back from his lap to take a closer look at him. I was beyond shock. He wouldn’t even meet my gaze, but he looked…yeah shocker…he looked bored.

  “I have a long drive tomorrow.” Andy said finally looking up at me. “I should get some sleep.” His blue eyes pierced mine. Disappointment…he was disappointed.

  I laughed as I looked around his truck. I put my hands up. “Andy I don’t understand why you’re…” I looked into his eyes. He wasn’t looking away. “I don’t know why….” He gave me an annoyed look as he touched his lip ring. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” I said dropping my hands as it finally sunk in. “Are you mad at me?” I exclaimed in disbelief.

  Andy didn’t say anything as he looked at me, but his look was confirmation.

  “Are you seriously mad because I won’t be your girlfriend?” I asked.

  “Am I suppose to be jumping for joy?” he asked coolly.

  I couldn’t believe this kid. “Andy we’re not twelve years old if I don’t want to be your girlfriend, than I don’t want to be your girlfriend.”

  “Okay.” He said shrugging. “If I don’t want to do this, then I don’t want to do it.” He retorted.

  “Ever?” I asked shocked. He would seriously break this up, because of something as feeble as that?

  Andy moved around slightly as he thought about it. “Would it make you change your mind?”

  Yes. I don’t know. Don’t do this. Let’s talk about this. Be rational. “No.” I answered ignoring my thoughts.

  Andy sighed. “Just tonight…I need some form of dignity left, and make you feel some sort of remorse for making me feel like shit.”

  I smiled as I held his shirt and leaned down and kissed him. To my pleasure he kissed me back. “I feel like shit for making you feel like shit.” I told him honestly. I kissed him again softly. I wrapped my hands around his waist and buried my face in his neck. I inhaled his fresh scent and smiled. Andy sighed as he wrapped his arms around me tight.

  Andy rested his cheek on my head. I could feel the rise and fall of his chest. Smiling I closed my eyes, our heartbeat was one.

  “I’m not in love with you.” Andy said softly. I opened my eyes because his heart skipped a beat. “I’m not…I’m not…” he trailed off.

  “Good.” I said kissing his neck.

  ******

  Giggling I kissed his hand as Andy tried to pry them away from me.

  “Sshhh…you’ll wake your mom.” He said turning me around.

  “Happy New Year.” I whispered to him again for the umpteenth time. Andy turned me around again and pulled me into a big bear hug. I held on to him, grateful to have found a friend like him. Grateful for everything he’d done for me…this year was the year I was finally going to find my dad…who would’ve thought. “Don’t leave early tomorrow.” I said sadly.

  “I won’t leave early…go to bed.” He said running his hand down my back.

  “Promise?” I pouted.

  Andy opened the
door to my room. “Yes, now get out of here so I can stop thinking about you…”

  My shoulders dropped. “Out of sight, out of mind?” I asked sadly.

  “I wish.” Andy groaned. Before I could say anything else he closed the door in my face. I giggled as I walked down the hallway. He was definitely still mad at me. It made me feel special. Nobody would believe me if I told them Andy raised his voice. I smirked. He was actually extremely sexy when he got mad like that.

  “Yeah!” Fleur said opening her bedroom door.

  I jumped back in shock. “Fleur what are you doing up?” I asked.

  She ran to me and rammed into my side. “I’m so happy, it was meant to be…I’m glad you two are boyfriend and girlfriend.” She said hugging my leg.