Starting Over: The Broken Hearts Club

by Michele Barlow

  After her promotion, Evan had started talking more about their future. That they were going to continue moving forward together. That all they needed was to be happy together and life would fall into place.

  It was then that Cambry knew her time was limited. Today seemed like a good day to admit the truth. To tell Evan she wasn’t the woman he thought she was. That she was tainted by the actions of someone close to her. So close that she should have known. Evan saw her a certain way and after tonight, he was going to see her in a less favorable light.

  Pushing it away until later, she waited for the knock at her door. Evan always came to the door, checked her windows to make sure they were locked and watched her lock her door. If he was dropping her off he swept her tiny-one room apartment like he was part of a SEAL team looking for hostiles. He made it clear he didn’t like her sleeping alone at night.

  She was going to have to get used to it eventually, it was going to be her future.

  Finally, he knocked. She pushed away the thoughts of what was to come, grabbed her purse, and pasted a smile on her face before swinging the door open.

  “Hey,” he greeted her. Evan was leaning against the doorframe as if it was his usual place to set up camp.

  “Hey, yourself. Where are we heading tonight?”

  “I was thinking Pho, is that okay with you?”

  “Sounds yummy. I was also thinking maybe you could stay over here tonight? I need to wash and straighten my hair in the morning. Always easier to do it with all my junk.”

  “Not a problem, but I did tell you I wouldn’t mind if you moved some things into my place.”

  “I know and it’s very nice of you. It’s just a little early for the whole ‘stay over drawer’ talk.”

  “It’s only early for you, babe.”

  He took the keys out of her hand and clasped her hand in his. He pulled her out of the doorway and closed and locked her door giving the handle an extra twist to check that it was shut tight.

  Cambry didn’t respond to that, she knew that she’d give herself away if she did.

  They got into his car and drove just into town to a small strip mall that had a Vietnamese restaurant. A few minutes later, they were sitting at a small table holding hands. It would have been a normal thing to see on a date, but as far as Evan was concerned, they weren’t trying each other out, they had already chosen.

  “How’s work? Anything interesting today?” he asked, rubbing his thumbs over the back of her hands.

  “Judith talked to me, without asking someone else to say something for her.” Judith spent the first week ignoring her and the next week talking through other people to her. She’d been the Senior Purchaser for almost twenty years and didn’t think they needed any new ideas.

  “Hey, that’s a step in the right direction.”

  “Anything exciting happen in Mr. Brantley’s class today?”

  “Oh yes, Riley managed to get to the bathroom before we had any accidents. You would think with a bathroom in the classroom we wouldn’t have so many accidents, but we still do.”

  “Good for Riley, I knew he could do it.”

  “You really need to meet them. I gave you that background check; I just need to turn it in so you can visit. I know you are dying to come visit and play with my paint and blocks.”

  “Actually, I would love to play with your blocks. I like to stack them up and knock them over. That’s my favorite.”

  “I can see that about you. Build up and knock it down so you have complete control over it. Nobody else can mess with your masterpiece.”

  Cambry didn’t know if she liked that little insight. “Wow, never thought of it like that.”

  “You want to experience the dynamic of every level of human being, visit my classroom. I’ve got leaders, workers, nurturers, you name it. They are complicated little people, just like adults.”

  Complicated, tragically complicated. Visiting tiny humans to get a good dose of innocence would probably make her feel infinitely better. Too bad she wasn’t going to get that opportunity. Sitting across from Evan, she could see what a good person he was. He deserved so much better than her. He needed someone he could be proud to introduce, someone that people wouldn’t talk about behind his back.

  That wasn’t her and it made her feel worse than when her life fell apart. She didn’t think there was anything that could have hurt as much as the betrayal her ex put her through. Instead, losing a man that she loved, in ways she never thought were possible, was much more painful. She did love him, how could she not? But those words would never escape her lips. They couldn’t. It would make what she had to do even worse. There was cutting ties with some, a clean break. Then there was tearing and shredding apart. She didn’t want to be that person. She wanted to become a distant memory for Evan. Hopefully, one he could think of with some fondness.

  “Kids are complicated, but they’re honest. Adults are liars.” Cambry probably shouldn’t have said that, not when they were still at dinner. A public scene wasn’t what she was planning.

  Switching gears quickly, she said, “I may get to go on the next buying trip. Judith has a bad hip and it hurts her to fly.” Cambry didn’t care about Judith’s hip; she just needed to get onto a safer topic.

  Chapter 17

  “Babe, not yet. You hold out and wait until I say.”

  Evan knew that Cambry was wavering on him, on them. He wasn’t about to make it easy for her. After dinner she tried to tell him she wanted to talk to him. She told him this in the car and he refused, saying they needed to be inside.

  Once he got her inside, he started kissing her. He knew that if her mouth was busy, she couldn’t say what she wanted to.

  It was calculated on his part, but it was working. She was laying under him, his fingers between her legs and he was dragging this out as long as he needed to.

  “Please, Evan, I need to.”

  “I know you do. Tell me that you want me. Tell me I’m the only man you want to ever touch you again.”

  “Evan,” she moaned.

  “Say the words, Cambry. I’ll let you come and I’ll make you come again, because I know you can. Tell me I’m your man. That I’m the one you want to be with.”

  She was biting her lip and he could see her holding back. He was urging her to express her feelings for her own good. “Say what’s in your heart, not in your head.”

  Cambry was shaking her head below him. He was keeping her right on the edge, hoping to keep the static in her head from making her make a huge mistake.

  “I can’t, please, let me come.”

  “Not gonna happen, baby. Pay the piper, tell me I’m your man.”

  Cambry let out a mewl followed by a growl. He could see that she was struggling, and he knew she was close.

  “You’re my man,” she said, her teeth chattering from the aching pleasure building in her body.

  “That’s right, and you’re my woman. Now tell me you love me.”

  “Evan! I can’t, don’t ask. Please, I’m hurting.”

  “Baby, your hurt is more than your body. You love me. I can see it in your eyes. Say the words and I’ll let you come. I’ll make you feel good.”

  There was a lone tear escaping from the corner of her eye and he knew he had her.

  “I love you, Evan.”

  Evan didn’t make her wait any longer. He gave her a screaming orgasm that had his ears ringing and her body shaking.

  As she came down, she tried to roll away from him.

  “Don’t turn away from me, Cambry. I wasn’t trying to hurt you. I know how you feel about me.”

  “It doesn’t matter how I feel!” She was crying and it hurt him to see her in pain.

  “Of course it matters. Everything about you matters. I wanted you to admit how you felt so I could tell you that I love you, Cambry Sinclair. I’ve wanted to say it for weeks, but I didn’t want you to push me away.”

  Evan wrapped her in his arms and tucked her head into his chest. He could fee
l the tenseness in her body; she knew she couldn’t get away physically so she was trying to retreat in her mind.

  “I want you to listen to me. Really listen. I love you, exactly who you are right this minute. I don’t care who you were before. I know who you are now. I like you for the strength and bravery you have shown. You work harder than a lot of people I know. You do the work others don’t want to do and you do it with pride. You’re thoughtful and humble. Those are just a few things I love about you.”

  “I’m not humble. I’m desperate. Desperate people don’t get to be uppity.”

  “I doubt you have ever been uppity in your life.”

  “Evan, you don’t know who I was before. What I was…”

  Evan had been debating how he was going to handle this with her. He knew that it was weighing on her and he was hoping being together would give her the strength to get it all out. When she hadn’t he knew he had to make it happen.

  “I know everything you think you are hiding. You don’t think I looked you up after we met? I remember reading about it. I’m not saying that you didn’t get caught up in it, but it’s not your fault. You didn’t commit a crime. You didn’t lie and steal. That was your ex. I read everything I could and all I saw was someone that started out supporting her spouse like anyone would until they found out that there wasn’t a good reason to support them any longer. You made the right choice when he turned on you. And coming from someone on the outside, you came off looking like a victim too. You can’t truly love someone and try to make them take the fall for what you did.”

  Cambry pushed against him and stared up in shock.

  “You knew? You knew and didn’t say anything?”

  “Would you really have wanted me to? I don’t think you would have gone out with me at all. I think you believing I didn’t know gave you the courage to say yes. It’s that courage, Cambry, that is so amazing. I don’t care. Look at me when I say this, I don’t care who you think you used to be. I love the woman in front of me. The woman that was willing to take a chance with me. I’m not going to let you push me away.”

  “It’s not me, when people find out; they are going to treat you differently. You are clean; there is no reason to sully yourself with my crap.”

  Evan wrapped his hands around her face gave her a hard, hot kiss. “You seem to think that I give a fuck what anyone thinks of me. I don’t. I never have. We have something special, baby. The chance to have a future together that we built. Starting new, we can build it exactly how we want. I’m not going to let you run from me.”

  “What if it follows me? Some day down the road, when a reporter shows up, what are we going to do then?”

  “We are going to face it with dignity and grace, just like you did before. I will follow your example that you already set. And no matter what we have our life here to fall back on. New York is a world away from Colorado. Let’s just keep that distance and not spend our days looking over our shoulder waiting for something that might never come.”

  “It’s sounds too easy. I’m not over it.”

  “Over him?”

  “Oh hell, fuck him.”

  Evan laughed. “Okay, not him. Then what?”

  “I guess the embarrassment. Not just of the trail, but how I used to be. The old me wasn’t a great person. I was shallow and vain. I don’t ever want to do that again. I wasn’t a good person.”

  “Babe, you wore a Twisty Cream uniform. Nobody is going to call you vain.”

  She slapped at him. “It wasn’t that bad.”

  “It wasn’t that great either. You dress better now. I’ve noticed some of the clothes you wear even come from Monroe’s. Would you ever have bought your clothes there before? The old you?”

  “I didn’t even know it existed.”

  “See? You are living in a studio and driving a twenty-year-old car. Cambry Sinclair is a new woman.”

  “Oh yeah, that makes me sound appealing,” she scoffed.

  “It does to me. I don’t want a big life. I like the small town feel here. I like knowing all my kids and following them through high school. I want to build a life and a family here. I want that to be with you.”

  “I want to say no. I want to pack up and run. I had a whole evening planned. I was going to tell you the truth, watch you drive away hating me, and then I was going to drown myself in ice cream with Reese’s Pieces mixed in.”

  “We can still have the ice cream.”

  “No, I was all set to wallow all night!”

  “No wallowing, no more feeling bad about yourself. If I have to I’ll get your girls down here to convince you.”

  “Oh they’re already on your side, believe me.”

  “Then they need to visit for sure. I want you to stop thinking of this as just a pit stop in your life. Why can’t this be the beginning of the rest of your life?”

  She did want Evan. He was too good for her and there was no way she wasn’t going to keep a little bit of that in the back of her heart. Maybe someday she’d be able to let it go, but she’d have to agree to give him a chance first.

  He was already offering her a chance. One that was generous and full of love. He loved her. He said it, and it wasn’t casual or flippant. He said it like he meant it, like he’d wanted to say it for a good long time.

  He talked about family and building a life together. Could she just open her heart again and risk it all?

  “Evan, there are so many what if’s.”

  “Only that might come from the outside. Inside, me and you, there are no what if’s. We are in control and we have our eyes wide open. Stay with me, live with me.”

  “What about my apartment? I just moved in.”

  She saw him flex his jaw a few times, his eyes studying her. “You’re right. I don’t want you to give up on what you’ve accomplished. You need to be able to be alone sometimes. I can see that. How about we revisit the idea when your lease is up? Deal?”

  Cambry felt so different when she looked at her man. Yes, her man. He didn’t care if she was dressed to the nines. He didn’t care if she was charming to business associates or knew what the hottest restaurant was this week. He just wanted to spend time with her. Watching TV, riding on his motorcycle, which she loved now. It was simple, it was easy.

  “Deal,” she agreed.

  Evan pulled her into his arms, “You keep your apartment for as long as you need. I bet it’s the first time you ever lived alone. Everyone should experience that in their life.”

  “I need to know that I can make it on my own and stand on my own two feet without relying on anyone financially. It doesn’t mean I don’t want to be with you, I just need to prove that I’ve changed.”

  “So you’ll stick with me?” he asked, tucking her hair behind her ear.

  “I’m saying I’ll stay with you as long as you’ll have me.”

  “Then you better get comfortable. Because I’m not going to give you up.”

  Epilogue

  Cambry had found a new freedom with Evan. One that allowed her to reach out and grab her future and make it her own. She had kept her apartment even though she spent less and less time there. Her work had been going so well that her boss had actually started coming to her for her opinions. It took a few months before Judith announced her plan to retire, and Cambry was there to pick up the reins when she left.

  Cambry had started her own support group in her home town hoping to recreate the support and love her squad gave her back in Denver. Showing other women that their moments of despair didn’t need to be a life sentence, that there was always hope.

  She was doing a job that she hadn’t planned on, but had come to love. Finally, after filling out her paperwork, she was able to meet Evan’s class and knew that he was the exact kind of teacher she would love for any future kids to have. Those little monsters loved him.

  Everything had been going great. They had slipped into a happy comfortable day to day routine. It was calm, filled with sex and love. Cambry had been in bliss. S
o, when Evan had told her he wanted to take her out for a very special dinner to celebrate a huge accomplishment, she assumed he had received an award of some kind. Teacher of the year, the state, the world.

  She had used the chance to put on a dress that was going to be part of the first collection she was a part of to put out in the store. It was a long silver knee length dress with a draped cowl neck that she matched with a pair of strappy sandals she had found on clearance. Her hair was down and curling around her shoulders. Some of that old confidence had sparked back in her and she realized that there were some things she could still pull from her old life. Dressing well was her armor and it helped her when she needed something extra to bolster her confidence in new situations.

  Evan had picked her up at her apartment after work. She’d wanted to change there and get all her primping done in private. She wanted to show off for him a little and the look she got when he showed up told her it was worth the effort.

  “Babe, I think we need to skip dinner and you need to let me peel that dress off you.”

  “No way, mister, my hair is done. We are going out. You can mess it up later.”

  “Hell yeah, I will.”

  They drove to the restaurant and it was almost deserted. They were eating early, but with their schedules that wasn’t uncommon. No more dinners starting at ten at night for her.

  They were seated in a quiet corner; a small candle burning on the table between them. There was view out the window of the mountains on the horizon.

  Evan ordered them both drinks and she waited until the waitress left.

  “So, what are we celebrating?”

  “A monumental feat. Statues will be erected in my honor. Children will sing praises to my genius in the future.”

  “It must be something amazing if we have all that to look forward to.”

  “I’ll let you decide,” he said pushing his chair out. He stood up and walked over to a closed door that looked like it was a banquet room.