Her Last Breath

by Tracy Buchanan

  Estelle thought back to the last time she’d talked to a police officer about Alice’s death. The day she’d been interviewed about it a few days after, in her new care home. They’d got in touch with her social worker who’d told them where she was. The officers had been keen to discover Alice’s state of mind before she’d died. Estelle had barely been able to string a sentence together, the shock at her friend’s death still so severe.

  DC Jones paused a few moments. ‘Yes, I’m aware of your foster sister’s death, I read the police notes. There was some concern around her death, wasn’t there?’

  Estelle’s heart thumped against her chest. ‘Concern? What do you mean?’

  ‘Oh nothing,’ the detective said, clearly backtracking. ‘Can you email me a photo of the Polaroid photo? You have my business card?’

  ‘Yes,’ Estelle said sharply, annoyed with his evasiveness. He was obviously holding back information about Alice; what if he was holding back information about Poppy too? Not that he seemed to know very much about her whereabouts, he hadn’t even got around to talking to Aiden yet. Maybe Poppy’s father was right, maybe the Police weren’t taking it all seriously enough? ‘Have you sent officers to Lillysands?’ Estelle asked. ‘I’m here and I haven’t heard of anyone being questioned.’

  ‘You’re in Lillysands?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Why?’

  Estelle looked at Aiden again. ‘I wanted to tell Poppy’s birth father, face to face.’

  ‘I see.’ He sounded annoyed.

  ‘Look, I really think you need to send some officers here. Whoever’s sending me these photos is here.’

  ‘I’ll chat to the team.’

  ‘Great, if—’

  ‘I really must go now, Estelle. Take care.’

  He put the phone down and Estelle let out a sigh of frustration.

  ‘What’s wrong?’ Aiden asked. He looked worried, the anger from the day before gone for now.

  She told Aiden about the conversation. ‘I just don’t think they’re taking Poppy’s disappearance and these photos seriously enough. And the stuff he implied about Alice … what if Alice really didn’t commit suicide? What if – what if she was pushed?’

  Aiden sighed. ‘Not this again, Stel. She left a suicide note.’

  ‘But think about it for a moment. Consider the possibility Alice was killed. What if whoever pushed her is the person sending me these photos? They’re trying to send me a message, that I’ll go over the cliff like Alice too.’ She looked at the photo of Alice, fear trembling down her spine.

  Aiden shook his head. ‘You’re overthinking things.’

  ‘Really? Clearly there was doubt over her death – the detective basically told me as much.’ Estelle traced her finger down Alice’s red hair in the photo. ‘This was taken a week or so before she died. She got her hair cut, I remember because she looked so much older and more sophisticated while I felt fat and—’

  ‘Pregnant,’ Aiden finished for her, voice brittle.

  Estelle turned away. ‘Whoever took the photo had been around just a few days before Alice died, perhaps even when she had died. So what are they trying to say to me? How is this connected to Poppy?’

  Estelle thought about it. If Alice was pushed, then who would have wanted to kill Alice?

  Alice’s father?

  Estelle thought back to what she knew of Alice’s birth father, a drunken violent man not unlike her own birth father. He’d even served time for various acts. He’d not liked the fact Max and Autumn had taken Alice in. Aiden had told her how he had sat outside the house sometimes in those early months. There had been talk from social services of Alice being removed, taken to another town far away. But then her father had abruptly stopped. Aiden was sure it was because Max had had words with him, maybe even paid the man off.

  But, the month before Alice died, she had told Estelle about how her birth father had rolled up in his car while she had been walking on the road, and shouted abuse at her. Alice had turned to Estelle, eyes wide. ‘He’s angry because I told my social worker I don’t want visits with him anymore.’

  ‘Her father was pretty angry with her just before she died,’ Estelle said to Aiden now. ‘Maybe he tricked her into meeting with him so he could confront her about the visits, then he pushed her in a moment of anger? Or maybe it was just an accident as they argued, I don’t know.’

  ‘But how is this connected to the Polaroids you’ve been receiving?’

  ‘I – I don’t know.’ She frowned as she looked at the photo. Then something occurred to her. ‘Alice told me he went to prison for blackmailing and threatening one of his customers, a local bank manager, after he found drugs in the manager’s car.’

  ‘Yeah, I remember that.’

  ‘If he had form for blackmailing— ’

  ‘—then he could be blackmailing you?’ Aiden finished for her. She nodded. ‘I don’t know, Stel. Seems a bit far-fetched.’

  ‘Why not? Maybe he read an article about me doing well so thought he’d try to get some money by putting the wind up me.’

  ‘But how on earth did he get a photo of Poppy?’

  She dug her phone out of her pocket and found the article she’d read the evening before about Poppy possibly being groomed. ‘Maybe he orchestrated meeting up with her?’

  Aiden frowned as he read it. ‘Just speculation,’ he said, handing the phone back to her. But he looked worried.

  ‘What does Alice’s dad do now? Is he still a mechanic at that garage?’ Estelle asked, shading her eyes from the morning sun as she peered towards where the garage was in the centre of town.

  ‘Not after that blackmailing incident. He still lives close to it though, seen him coming in and out sometimes when I have work done on my car there. He lives in a house on the same street.’

  ‘I need to talk to him,’ she said, going to walk towards town. ‘Even if it’s just to rule him out.’

  Aiden grabbed her arm. ‘Woah, wait! This is getting out of hand. Poppy ran away. She hasn’t been kidnapped, for God’s sake. And Alice wasn’t murdered.’

  Estelle picked up the Polaroid, holding it up in front of his face. ‘Then why all this?’

  Aiden sighed, raking his fingers through his hair. ‘I don’t know.’

  ‘She’s our daughter, Aiden. We have to make sure she’s safe.’

  ‘Like you’ve been making sure over the past fifteen years?’

  That comment stung Estelle. But she tried to hide her pain. ‘Yes, actually. Why do you think I put her up for adoption?’

  They both stared at each other, the friction in the air fizzing between them.

  Then there was the noise of a door opening. They turned to see Autumn looking at them from the front door, her arms crossed.

  Estelle quickly tucked the Polaroid in her pocket.

  ‘What are you two doing out there?’ Autumn asked. ‘I thought you were going for a run, Stel?’

  ‘I decided against it.’

  ‘You might as well come in for a fry-up then.’ She turned to her son, putting her hands on her hips. ‘And did you forget what day it is, young man?’

  Aiden sighed, walking up the path. ‘Of course not. That’s why I’m here. Happy birthday, Mum.’ He gave her a peck on the cheek then handed over her card with a small gift. Estelle reluctantly followed them back inside, the Polaroid seeming to burn a hole in her pocket. She wanted to go talk to Alice’s dad right now. What if he knew where Poppy was, they couldn’t waste any time. But she needed to figure out what she was going to say first.

  Max was already in the kitchen, tucking into a cooked breakfast.

  ‘So, the whole works?’ Autumn asked Estelle and Aiden as she gestured to a huge frying pan full of sizzling bacon, sausages and eggs.

  ‘Nothing for me,’ Estelle said, but she was unable to stop her stomach rumbling in response. She used to love a good fry-up, especially the ones Autumn made. They were still strong in her memory, interlaced with that feeling of belongi
ng she always felt here, especially on a Sunday morning when fry-ups were a regular occurrence.

  But no, she couldn’t indulge. She had to stay in control.

  Max paused. ‘Are you crazy?’

  ‘I’m never hungry in the mornings.’ Estelle liked to fast in the mornings, something she’d trained her body to do. She’d then have a smoothie at eleven on the dot. She wasn’t about to change her habits now.

  ‘But what about the whole breakfast like a king philosophy?’ he asked.

  ‘That’s a myth,’ Estelle said. ‘Our ancestors ate most of their food in the afternoons after they had a chance to hunt. Fasting for several hours overnight and into the late morning or afternoon is often beneficial for some people,’ she added, repeating a line from her book.

  Aiden raised an eyebrow as her tummy rumbled. ‘I think your tummy says the opposite.’

  ‘It’s all BS,’ Autumn said, dishing the breakfast up onto two large plates and placing them in front of Estelle and Aiden. ‘Once you start eating, you’ll be fine.’

  ‘Autumn, you’re being so sweet,’ Estelle said. ‘But I really don’t feel hungry. I can cook you guys up a feast this afternoon though?’

  Autumn opened her mouth to protest but Aiden put his hand up. ‘Come on, Mum, she said she wasn’t hungry.’

  Autumn shoved the frying pan onto the hob, some oily mushrooms falling onto the floor. ‘I suppose my food’s not good enough for the Queen of Clean Eating,’ she said, crossing her arms and sulking.

  Max rolled his eyes and Estelle remembered how Autumn would get like this sometimes, go into sulks if she didn’t get her way.

  ‘I’m sorry, Autumn,’ Estelle said, going over and giving her a hug. ‘I really appreciate you cooking breakfast though.’

  ‘Not sure I agree with all this clean eating stuff,’ Autumn said, still slightly sulky.

  ‘I hate that phrase, “clean eating”,’ Estelle said. ‘I think it makes food sound dirty. I’m not one of those clean eating advocates; I’m all about healthy nourishing fresh food.’

  Max and Autumn both raised eyebrows. ‘Well, she’s passionate about her subject, that’s for sure,’ Max said.

  Estelle felt her cheeks flush. ‘Sorry, I do get a bit carried away sometimes.’

  ‘Passion is good, sweetheart,’ Autumn said, patting her arm. ‘That’s why you need a good breakfast inside you, it can be exhausting being so intense.’

  Estelle rolled her eyes. ‘You really don’t give up, do you?’ she said with a smile. She turned to Aiden, looking at him meaningfully. ‘Anyway, Aiden promised me a tour of Lillysands’ new sights.’

  She hadn’t quite figured out what to say to Alice’s father but with each moment that went by, she felt she was losing time. It might not lead to something, but she needed to find out how Alice was connected.

  Aiden paused as he lifted a forkful of scrambled eggs to his mouth. ‘Did I?’

  ‘Wouldn’t Darren be better for a tour like that?’ Max asked. ‘He’s helped develop some of the new buildings after all. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind, considering he was chatting you up yesterday.’

  Aiden narrowed his eyes. ‘Don’t try to push that idiot on Stel, Dad.’

  Max’s eyes sparked with anger. ‘That idiot will be a millionaire by the time he’s thirty-five!’

  Aiden placed his toast on the side. ‘Oh and I won’t be, is that what you’re saying? Money’s not the be all and end all, you know.’

  ‘Isn’t it?’ Max countered. ‘Weren’t you moaning the other day about the heating packing up in your house? The cellar still being damp from the flooding? Money would mean you wouldn’t have to worry about all that.’

  Estelle looked between them both. It was just like going back in time, watching them argue.

  ‘At least I’m making an honest living,’ Aiden said, crossing his arms.

  ‘And Darren Kemp isn’t?’

  Aiden laughed bitterly. ‘Really, Dad? You’re asking me that?’

  ‘Oh stop the bickering!’ Autumn said. ‘It’s my birthday, remember?’

  The two men went quiet.

  ‘Sorry, Mum,’ Aiden mumbled.

  Max’s face relaxed. ‘Yes, sorry Autumn, darling.’

  Estelle smiled to herself. Autumn always had a knack at diffusing a situation. Autumn leaned against the side with a small smile and opened the card Aiden got her. On the front was a painting of Lillysands at sunset, the town’s buildings beautifully shadowed against an orange sky. ‘Lovely card, sweetie,’ she said, looking affectionately at her son. Then she opened the gift he’d got her to reveal a beautiful hand-crafted bracelet with silver shells around it. She walked up to Aiden and kissed him. ‘I love it, darling. Did you make it?’

  Aiden nodded.

  Estelle looked at Aiden. ‘You made it?’

  He shrugged. ‘Just something I like to do.’

  ‘See, Max, money isn’t everything,’ Autumn said with a wink. She put the bracelet on and admired it in the sun streaming through the windows. ‘My talented boy. Now, are you going to finish that breakfast?’

  Aiden shook his head, laughing. ‘Okay, Mum, if you insist.’

  As Estelle watched them eat, sipping on a smoothie she’d managed to make from the fruit Autumn had, she smiled to herself. It really did feel like the old days.

  Except her daughter was missing now, possibly kidnapped.

  ‘Ready for that tour?’ Estelle asked Aiden as he ate his last sausage, desperate once more for some answers.

  Aiden wiped his mouth, holding her gaze. Then he sighed. ‘Fine, if that’s what you want. I can even pretend to be an arrogant fuckwit like Darren if it helps?’ he added, eyes sliding towards his father.

  Max rolled his eyes as Autumn smiled.

  ‘No,’ Estelle said, ‘a rugged cliff-face climber will do just fine.’

  Aiden smiled and she smiled back, noticing the way his eyes crinkled at the corners now he was older. She couldn’t help but think of their first kiss. It was her second summer in Lillysands. She’d once dreaded the summer ending, the onset of darker colder nights meaning she’d be made to stay indoors by various foster parents, a child chained. But in Lillysands, she felt free. Autumn and Max trusted her. And in the year and a half since she’d first arrived, she was beginning to feel like she belonged. And what a life! Darkness wasn’t the enemy any more, it was embraced with fires on the beach, melting marshmallows and hot chocolate laced with whisky. As her and Aiden spent more time together, she felt the chemistry grow between them. He was only six months older than Estelle but he seemed so much older, more sophisticated with his ambitions and dreams. She’d been used to boys with crew cuts and bruised faces, forcing their tongues down her throat and trying to grope her while in care. Or the rich kids at the school in Lillysands, like Darren, the same really but dressed up in more expensive clothes.

  But Aiden was different. He was her friend. He listened to her, respected her.

  One night when it rained, they’d found shelter in the cave she’d found him in that first day and they’d talked into the night. As morning began to break, she’d impulsively pressed her lips against his. It had set off a whirlwind of feeling inside her and as he’d wrapped his arms around her, pulling her even closer, she felt she’d found something special.

  The smile disappeared off her face as the memory came to her. She wasn’t here to reminisce.

  They both got up and walked outside. ‘I guess you’re appropriately dressed if Alice’s dad decides to chase us out of his house,’ he said, taking in Estelle’s jogging gear. ‘That’s where I presume we’re heading anyway?’

  ‘He’s that bad?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ Aided admitted. ‘Haven’t heard much from him lately. How are we going to do this exactly?’

  Estelle sighed. ‘I have no idea.’

  He went to his car, peering up at black clouds that were hovering on the horizon. ‘I’ll drive, looks like it might rain. When we get there, let me go in first,’ he s
aid when they both got into the car. ‘Then I’ll call you in if I need you.’

  ‘No,’ Estelle said, shaking her head. ‘We do this together.’

  Aiden smiled. ‘I forgot what a firecracker you are.’ She smiled back at him. Despite the negativity she often felt when thinking of the ‘old Stel’, there was no denying she’d had fire in her belly then.

  He started the car and drove them down the cliff. Estelle didn’t look out of the window, too focused on the thoughts swirling around her mind.

  ‘I really am sorry I didn’t tell you about Poppy, Aiden,’ Estelle said.

  His face clouded over. ‘Her parents put Poppy in boarding school, you know.’

  ‘Really?’ she said, surprised she hadn’t read this in any articles.

  ‘Yeah, I read it in an article this morning. They barely saw her.’

  ‘But the other articles, the photos I’ve seen suggest the opposite.’

  ‘From the few times they probably spent together. I would never have done that,’ he said. ‘I’ve always said I’d keep my kids close.’

  Estelle tried to ignore the pinch of guilt. ‘I presume you haven’t had any?’

  ‘Apart from Poppy?’ he said gravely, eyes sliding over to her.

  Estelle sighed. ‘Apart from Poppy.’

  ‘No,’ Aiden said, gripping the steering wheel. ‘Did try for a while though.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Yeah, when I was married.’

  She looked at him in surprise. ‘You were married?’

  He laughed. ‘Don’t look so shocked. It was a whirlwind thing with a girl I met in the States a couple of years ago. I went there with a friend to do some travelling. We got hitched out there. She came back here, we got a house together, made a go of it for a year.’

  ‘What happened?’

  He shrugged. ‘We grew apart. She was so vibrant when I met her, so full of happiness. But coming here, she started getting miserable, moping around. I guess it was predictable considering we got married after a month together.’

  ‘A month?’

  He shrugged. ‘You know me, wear my heart on my sleeve.’ He gave her a meaningful look and her own heart responded, thumping wildly in her ears. She forced her eyes away from his.