Her Last Breath

by Tracy Buchanan

  ‘I’m sorry this happened to you.’

  He looked her in the eye. ‘I don’t know what’s going on, but don’t let this happen to you, okay? Watch your step with this place.’

  Estelle opened her mouth but he put his hand up.

  ‘I don’t want to hear anything about your story. Not willing to take the risk of pissing them all off again.’ He stood up, the look on his face making it clear the conversation was over. ‘You look after yourself, all right?’

  Then he disappeared into the back office.

  Estelle sat still, blinking.

  The whole community, not just Max.

  As she made her way back to the B&B, Estelle caught sight of the marquees in the distance and a memory suddenly came to her of the last time she went to the festival, the May before she fell pregnant. Pupils from the school always contributed to it and, that year, Estelle had baked some cakes, the first time she’d tested her cooking on someone other than the Garlands. They’d gone down a storm, Autumn’s friend Becca who was visiting even asked her to bake some more for a party she was throwing back in London. Estelle had never felt more proud. It made her wonder if she really did have some talent. She’d been so happy at that festival knowing people were loving her cooking, skipping along with Alice.

  ‘Why are you smiling so much?’ Alice had asked her.

  ‘It’s the first time I’ve felt part of something.’

  Alice had frowned. ‘Be careful, you never know how long that’ll last here.’

  As the memory dissipated, Estelle wrapped her arms around herself. Alice knew. She knew how Lillysands could be, saw it for what it was and yet Estelle had been blind.

  And now she was the target? But why, what had she done wrong?

  Then something occurred to her. The article that had appeared in The Times, the one which Autumn was so proud of, mentioned that Seb’s brother Dean was the presenter of the Outing Rogues radio show. Maybe Max and the others were worried Estelle knew about the landslides and might let it slip to Seb’s brother? It seemed a bit extreme, but then it was clear this community was paranoid about keeping the town’s reputation intact.

  In the distance, Estelle saw Veronica hurrying to the café with three other women, including the owner of the gym. Of course, she thought. Veronica had mentioned there would be a meeting about the festival. Estelle found herself walking out into the rain after them, pulling her hood over her head. She needed to see these people – the stalwarts of the community that had punished Eddie Lazell and were possibly punishing her. She needed to look them in the eyes and see if she could find the truth there.

  She approached the café, remembering when it was once a run-down place owned by a pot-smoking hippie. Her and Alice would go there and pretend to be all grown-up, sipping coffee and gossiping. It had had a makeover since. The new owner was clever enough to see its potential given that it overlooked the marina. Now its walls were painted pale grey, distressed white wooden tables and benches dotted here and there.

  Estelle smoothed her skirt down and planted a smile on her face as she walked in. There was a table of people in there, heads bent over a flyer. They all looked similar: perfectly highlighted hair, nice tans, colourful but tasteful clothes, and that included the men too.

  They all looked up when Estelle walked in, going silent.

  Estelle looked at them all, trying to see the secrets in her eyes.

  Then Veronica smiled. ‘How wonderful, you came! Budge up,’ she said to Lorraine who reluctantly shuffled up the bench to let Estelle sit down.

  Everyone’s eyes drilled into Estelle’s, making her feel uncomfortable.

  ‘So tell everyone how you can help, Stel, darling?’ Veronica asked, pouring Estelle some tea from a delicate teapot as everyone else around the table exchanged looks with one another.

  Estelle cleared her throat. ‘My friend Christina runs a lifestyle blog,’ she said, thinking on her feet as she watched all the faces around her. ‘It’s really popular. Part of what she does is recommend places to take kids. How about I put a word in, see if she can rustle up a piece about the festival this evening? She’d share it on her social networking platforms; she has a bunch of followers.’

  Veronica looked at her, face full of hope. ‘You’d do that?’

  Estelle looked into her eyes, unable to wrap her head around the thought she’d been involved in trying to destroy Eddie Lazell’s life here … and possibly, Estelle’s.

  ‘Of course,’ Estelle said, forcing a smile. ‘I love this place as much as you do. I want to help.’

  Veronica’s eyes sparkled. ‘That would be wonderful. Are you sure she can do it at such short notice?’

  ‘She owes me.’

  Veronica put her arm around Estelle’s shoulder and squeezed her. ‘It’s so good having you back, darling Stel. Here, have some cake. Don’t worry, it’s made from honey, not processed sugars.’

  Estelle went to take some cake then froze. Lying on the table among various festival flyers and documents was a photo of Poppy.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Well, I’ve never seen you look more frazzled.

  Dark circles under your eyes. Hair a mess. And your cardigan, inside out!

  The others have noticed too. Some of them look uncomfortable about it.

  They shouldn’t! I’m doing them a favour. They’d want this as much as I do if they knew what you were really like.

  You’re talking too much, digging too much.

  I even saw you talking to that journalist just now. That proves it, you’re trying to ruin Lillysands!

  It’s time for this to stop.

  Lillysands needs to come first. I love this place and I’ll fight for it.

  If that means shutting you up, then so be it.

  And I know plenty of ways to make you shut up.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  ‘Why’s this photo here?’ Estelle asked, heart thumping as she picked it up.

  Veronica frowned, following her gaze. ‘Oh, it’s Poppy O’Farrell, the TV presenter’s daughter who ran away.’

  Panic flooded Estelle. Was this some kind of trap – were they all in on it?

  ‘I know who she is. Why the hell have you got a photo of her?’

  The people around the table looked at each other, frowns creasing their perfect foreheads.

  ‘Each year we choose three charities to give proceeds from the day to, remember?’ Veronica said. ‘Poppy’s parents have set up a fund to help runaway teenagers.’

  Estelle looked around her at the familiar faces, not believing her words. ‘You chose that charity, out of all the charities you could’ve chosen?’

  ‘I can’t remember who recommended it,’ Veronica said hesitantly. ‘I think it was a suggestion made via the website? Anyway, what’s the problem? It makes sense to highlight something that’s in the news right now, helps people connect with it. And, well, I know this will sound cynical, but it might help raise the festival’s profile considering her father’s a celebrity.’

  Estelle jumped up, making the table shudder and spilling drinks. The people around it tutted, mopping up the mess as they raised their eyebrows.

  ‘I don’t believe you,’ Estelle shouted, the café going silent. ‘You chose her charity on purpose to get to me because you know! I’m sick of everyone pretending. You know where Poppy is. You all know and you’re using it as leverage to shut me up about the landslides!’

  They all exchanged confused glances. But Estelle knew it was a charade.

  ‘I think that’s enough,’ Veronica said sternly. She stood with Estelle and took her arm. ‘Let’s get you back to Max and Autumn, they—’

  ‘No,’ Estelle said, pulling her arm away from her. ‘I’m not a child any more. I see you all for what you are. It’s all just lies and lies and even more lies in Lillysands. Jesus Christ,’ she said, waving the photo about. ‘Do you think I’m stupid? Admit it, you all know Poppy O’Farrell’s the daughter I gave up for adoption and you were disc
ussing your next move in this stupid game of yours. That’s why you have her photo. That’s why you chose her charity. You’re taunting me.’

  Veronica gasped, putting her hand to her mouth as everyone else’s mouths dropped open. They were pretending to be surprised about Poppy being her daughter. But then the people in Lillysands were good actors.

  Estelle backed away from the table. ‘This isn’t a game,’ she said, tears falling down her cheeks. ‘A girl is missing and you know who’s taken her, I can see it on your faces. I will find her.’

  She stumbled from the café, feeling their eyes on her back.

  Then she heard footsteps running after her. She quickly turned, ready to tell whoever it was to stop following her.

  But it was Autumn.

  ‘Honey, what happened in there?’ Autumn asked. ‘I was running late for the meeting and saw you storm out!’

  Estelle looked at her foster mother. ‘Do you know about my connection to Poppy O’Farrell?’

  Her eyes flickered with something.

  ‘You do know,’ Estelle whispered, unable to believe it. ‘You know she’s my daughter.’

  ‘Only recently,’ Autumn said quickly. ‘I saw you on the beach when you left during the party last night and was about to join you when I realised you were on the phone to someone. You – you said you were Poppy’s mother, and you mentioned Detective Jones’s name. I did some digging, put two and two together.’

  ‘Why not say something to me?’

  ‘I was going to! But I wanted to wait until you told me first. I didn’t want to force it out of you.’

  ‘Well, it’s too late now, most of Lillysands seems to know I had a baby anyway,’ Estelle said pointedly. ‘I know you let slip to Lorraine a couple of years ago. Then she told a bunch more people!’

  Autumn sighed. ‘Oh darling. I’m so sorry. I’ve been kicking myself ever since.’

  ‘Why didn’t you tell me people knew?’

  ‘I didn’t know what to say. You didn’t bring the baby up, so I didn’t either.’

  ‘Didn’t know what to say. Jesus, why can’t people be open around here? It’s like you and Max knowing Aiden was the father all along.’ Estelle said. ‘What is it with this place and covering up the truth?’

  ‘I’m sorry. It wasn’t a vindictive move on my part. I didn’t want your homecoming tainted with—’

  ‘Homecoming.’ Estelle laughed bitterly. ‘Lillysands isn’t home, Autumn. It’s very far from home. London is my home now.’

  Autumn’s eyes filled with tears. ‘It was home for a while though, a very special home. That’s what I hoped for anyway, Stel. I worked so hard to makes sure you felt secure, safe.’ She stepped forward, taking Estelle’s hand. ‘I can see you’re hurting, darling. Come back to the house; I’ll make you tea.’

  Estelle stepped back. ‘No, I’m not going back there.’

  ‘Okay.’ Autumn put her umbrella up to cover Estelle’s head. ‘But I’m not leaving you. What’s going on, Estelle? You say we’re not being open, but what about you? I’ve sensed it from the moment you got here.’

  Estelle looked into Autumn’s eyes. Despite her worries and doubts about the community, she just couldn’t bring herself to believe Autumn would deceive her. Maybe Max, yes. But not Autumn.

  So Estelle told her about the photos.

  Autumn put her hand to her mouth. ‘Who would do that to you?’

  ‘So many people here seem to know I had a baby, it could be any one of them. Hell, maybe it’s all of them.’

  Autumn examined Estelle’s face. ‘What are you saying?’

  ‘They all want to protect their interests,’ Estelle said. ‘Maybe this is a joint venture.’

  ‘Estelle, listen to yourself!’

  ‘You don’t understand.’

  ‘Are you well, darling?’ Autumn asked, clasping Estelle’s hand.

  Estelle snatched her hand away. ‘I’m fine.’

  ‘No. No you’re not. I could see it in your eyes when you turned up the other day, the same look you had when you first arrived here all those years ago. Lost, scared.’

  ‘I’m not lost,’ Estelle retorted with frustration.

  ‘Aren’t you? It must be overwhelming with the book coming out. And then learning about Poppy. It must have all come rushing back, those old feelings of inadequacy.’

  Estelle frowned. ‘Inadequacy?’

  ‘Oh darling,’ Autumn said. ‘Don’t you remember what a mess you were with the binge eating? It’s never truly gone, has it? Never can really, always just a case of managing it. We tried to rebuild the foundations for you – make you strong. But it’s an impossible task with a childhood like yours, with what your parents did to you.’

  Estelle felt herself stiffen. ‘You’re making out I’m a mess.’

  ‘You’re not, you’re so far from it! But cracks appear in moments of difficulty, they’re bound to.’

  ‘Then I’m just like Lillysands,’ Estelle spat. ‘Built on rocky grounds, ready to fall apart at any sign of stress.’

  Autumn sighed. ‘Look, you’re exhausted, worried, scared for your daughter. Come back to the house, get some food in you, sleep. Everything will feel better in the morning.’

  ‘I told you, I’m not—’ Estelle paused. In the distance, a figure appeared in the darkness, their shadow bouncing off the wet tarmac, long hair lifting in the breeze, hood pulled over their face.

  ‘Poppy?’ Estelle called out.

  Autumn peered in the direction Estelle was looking. ‘What? Estelle, what is it?’

  ‘I keep seeing someone,’ Estelle said, striding to the spot where she’d seen the girl. ‘At first I thought it was Alice but then—’

  ‘Alice?’ Autumn looked at Estelle, concern in her eyes. ‘Alice is dead.’

  Estelle looked around her. ‘I know. I just—’ She took a deep breath, putting her fingers to her temple. ‘It’s difficult to explain. It’s just a feeling. I was so sure it was Alice the first time but now I think it must be Poppy. She’s here, maybe being hidden by someone.’

  She realised she was rambling, Autumn watching her with a creased brow. She clearly thought Estelle was unhinged, just like everyone else.

  ‘Are you sick again, Estelle? I know it used to make you weak, disorientated …’

  Estelle backed away, shaking her head. ‘I’m not imagining things.’

  Autumn put her hand out. ‘Please come back to the house.’

  ‘Stop saying that!’ Estelle shouted, rain blurring her vision. ‘I need to be alone. I don’t need you. I’m sorry, Autumn, but – but I don’t need you.’

  Then Estelle ran away into the darkness.

  The ringing of her mobile phone sounded like it was coming from underwater. Estelle opened her eyes into darkness. She groaned, pulling herself up and looking at her phone. Another missed call from Autumn. Estelle threw the phone to the side and got off the bed, walking to the window and looking out into the night. The road looked like a river of rainfall glistening under the moonlight as relentless rain pummelled on top of the town.

  She’d come straight to the B&B after seeing Autumn. When she’d got to her room, she’d just lay in darkness, staring up at the ceiling, trying to figure out her next move.

  If the people of this town knew about Poppy and were hiding her, she had to find a way to save her. But right now, she just couldn’t figure out how.

  Her tummy rumbled. She looked at the small fridge in the room.

  ‘Why not?’ she said to herself.

  She yanked the fridge door open. Inside was an assortment of fizzy drinks and alcohol. On top of it was a rack of snacks: salty peanuts, crisps, chocolate bars. She gathered several of them up and plucked out a small vodka and a Diet Coke.

  Then she went and sat on the bed, staring at the pile on her lap. She needed energy, didn’t she?

  She quickly opened the packet of peanuts, popping one in her mouth, luxuriating in its salty taste. When she’d finished those, she tucked into a Mars
bar, the synthetic chocolate taste bursting in her mouth.

  It was only when there was knocking at her hotel door that she stopped. She peered up, chewing on some salt and vinegar crisps, the taste of them suddenly making her nauseous. What had she been thinking?

  ‘You in there, Estelle?’

  It was Aiden. She hesitated a moment, aware of the empty crisp and chocolate wrappers around her. She quickly gathered them up and threw them in the bin, before wiping her mouth. Then she took a deep breath and opened the door to him.

  ‘Come in,’ she said.

  He walked in. ‘I heard about what happened at the café.’

  Estelle rolled her eyes. ‘God, word really does spread around here.’

  ‘Why did you even go there, Stel?’

  ‘Did you know your mum told Lorraine I’d had a baby when she was drunk a couple of years ago? People have known all along, Aiden.’

  ‘Nobody said anything to me,’ Aiden frowned. ‘But then, I don’t have many friends here.’

  ‘They probably knew Poppy was mine all along too. Do you know what it means if they do? It could be anyone sending me those photos.’ Estelle looked towards the pink cottage. ‘Whether Alice jumped or was pushed, Lillysands killed her.’

  ‘Lillysands?’

  She looked into Aiden’s eyes. ‘Yes, and I was part of that. I wish I’d been here for her then. I could have done more. I should have. She was my friend.’

  Aiden examined her face then he pulled her into his arms. ‘You loved her as much as I did.’

  ‘Yes,’ she whispered.

  They stayed like that a few moments then she peered up at him.

  ‘I sometimes think …’ Estelle’s voice trailed off. She should probably keep her mouth shut.

  ‘What?’

  She turned away from him. ‘Nothing.’

  He gently took her chin, making her turn back. ‘What, Estelle?’