Since Forever Ago

by Olivia Besse

  They were the three words that she had been longing to hear ever since she had thrown his phone into the swimming pool, the three words that she had dreamt about for countless tear-drenched nights. They were the three words that had taken center stage in each of the overly romantic scenarios she had imagined, the three words that her make-believe Noah had sighed out as he begged at her feet for forgiveness.

  If she had heard them even yesterday, there might have been some hope for them. But as Riley returned Noah’s intent gaze, she couldn’t help but feel disinterested and slightly annoyed.

  “Noah, it’s been over a month,” she began with a sigh. “If you really missed me, you would’ve realized it earlier. I’m sure you’re just sick of your freedom because it isn’t exciting anymore.”

  “No, it’s not just that,” he blurted out, his brow furrowed in confusion. Had he been expecting her to squeal out in glee and take him back with open arms? “I miss you. All of the things you did for me, and all the stuff we did together. You’re... you’re a part of me, Riley.”

  As his lame explanation entered her ears, Riley couldn’t help but feel more than a little agitated. He missed the things she did for him? She was a part of him? Was he fucking kidding?

  “Okay, I don’t know which lame dating handbook you picked those lines up from, but I’m tired and I’m not really in the mood to have this conversation right now.”

  “Where are you coming from?” Noah suddenly asked, eyeing her outfit with interest. “And was that Evan who dropped you off?”

  “I was at Max’s house for some random party,” she explained with an exhausted sigh. “I fell asleep there and needed to hitch a ride this morning.”

  Why are you even telling him this? You don’t owe him any explanations, she reminded herself. You don’t owe him anything.

  “Whatever,” he mumbled under his breath. “Anyway, the thing is... I just want you to hear me out.”

  “Hear you out on what?” Riley asked, fighting the overwhelming urge to roll her eyes and punch him in the stomach. “You cheated on me, Noah. Repeatedly.”

  “I know,” he wearily sighed out. “And I’m sorry. You don’t know how sorry I am. It’s just that—”

  “Saying that you’re sorry doesn’t change anything.”

  “I know, I know,” Noah repeated with a groan. “But if you could just see—”

  “You know, I waited for you,” she heard herself blurt out in annoyance. “Night and day, for almost two weeks straight. I couldn’t do anything but cry and wait. But now I’m over it. You had your fun, so now I’m going to have mine.”

  “There’s someone else, isn’t there?” he asked, a look of recognition flashing across his face.

  What was he? A mind reader?

  “Why does that even matter?” Riley snipped back.

  “So there is,” Noah slowly deduced, staring at her in unbelief.

  “Yea,” Riley said with a nod. “There is.”

  There is? she couldn’t help but ask herself as the words tumbled out of her mouth. There is?!

  “Who is it?” he demanded, his jaw tightening in irritation.

  Yea, who is it? Are you saying that—

  “I don’t have to tell you anything,” she curtly replied, shaking her head slightly so as if to get the voice inside of it to shut the hell up.

  “Riley, don’t be like this,” Noah pleaded quietly, looking around to make sure that no one was around to hear him groveling. “You’re my best friend.”

  No, I’m not, she could hear her inner voice protest.

  “All of those other girls didn’t mean anything,” Noah insisted, licking his lips nervously as the words came out of his mouth. “I could never love any of them the way I loved you. And whatever you have with that guy or any other guy in the future won’t be anything like what you had with me.”

  Yea. It’s going to be better.

  “Noah, just—”

  “It finally dawned on me that I want to be with my best friend for the rest of my life,” Noah continued, looking at her expectantly. “And I’m sure you’ll realize the same thing soon enough.”

  Maybe so, she couldn’t help but silently agree, her throat choking up uncomfortably at the thought. But you’re not my best friend.

  Best friends are the kids who drew Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle masks onto each other’s faces using Crayola markers, or completely ignored their mothers’ instructions not to climb trees before falling down from ten-foot high branches together. They decorated each other’s casts with hologram stickers and gave each other chickenpox, the flu, poison ivy and strep throat. They started earthworm collections together and reduced their mothers to tears and got into fist fights over who got the last Capri Sun.

  You were never my best friend.

  Of course, Riley didn’t say any of this, choosing instead to give Noah one last sad smile before turning on her heel and heading to her front door.

  Eighteen

  “What a fucking prick,” Liz spat out, shaking her head in disgust. “I can’t believe he cornered you like that!”

  “Yea,” Riley distractedly replied, preoccupied with her generous hangover and the befuddling flashbacks of the previous evening’s events.

  “And the ‘best friend’ line. Ugh! Typical!”

  At the mention of the phrase, Riley felt a shudder run through her body. Should she tell Liz and Audrey? No way, she decided resolutely. They’d never understand. Even you don’t understand!

  But you’ll have to tell them sooner or later! she bargained with the voice of reason in her head. They’re going to find out! And think of what Liz’ll do to you if she hears it from someone else. She’ll probably un-friend you on Facebook too!

  Yea, she continued, not realizing that she was furiously nodding to herself like some sort of institutionalized person. And didn’t Evan threaten to blackmail you? Oh my God, he totally did! What a jackass. Now you have to tell them, especially if he’s going to broadcast it to the whole world!

  Ugh, who knew that Evan was such a gossipy bitch?

  “You guys,” Riley mumbled, miserably rolling around on the couch as she looked up at her roommates with a pained expression on her face. “I have to tell you something before I explode. I have to tell somebody. Anybody.”

  “You really know how to make a girl feel special,” Liz said with a smirk.

  “What is it?” Audrey inquired from the kitchen. “Is it a good something or a bad something?”

  “It’s a terrible something,” Riley groaned, resting her head on the bag of potato chips beside her.

  “You secretly took Noah back after all,” Audrey’s voice called out. “Didn’t you?”

  “No,” Riley wailed, propping herself upright and shutting her eyes tightly. “Even worse.”

  “Spill it, loser.”

  “I’m... I’m 90% sure that I kind of maybe have a thing going on with Max,” she quickly blurted out, tensing up as she waited for the resulting screams of horror to ring out from her roommates’ mouths.

  “A thing?” Liz asked, a tiny frown on her face. “Like, what sort of thing?”

  “You know!” Riley groaned in exasperation, staring at Liz with widened eyes. “A thing!”

  Audrey let out a loud gasp, rushing over to where the two were curled up on the sofa. “Oh my God, you’re dating Max?”

  “What?” Liz blurted out in disbelief. “Max, Max?”

  “Yes, Max, Max!” Riley confirmed with a terrified look on her face. “Do we even know anybody else named Max?”

  “What do you mean by 90%?” Liz asked, her nose wrinkled in confusion. “What the hell is the other 10%?”

  “Okay, fine. I’m 100% sure that I might be possibly sort of having a thing with Max!”

  “That doesn’t make any sense, Riley,” Liz said.

  “What do I do?” Riley continued, leaning her head back against the cushion. “This is basically incest!”

  “Well, seeing as how you two aren’t related,�
�� Liz began slowly. “No, it really isn’t.”

  “Oh my God, you slept with him?” Audrey shrieked out. “You engaged in sexual relations with Max Fletcher?”

  “Sexual relations...?”

  “Ew, you slept with Max?” Liz groaned out, an incredulous look on her face.

  “When? Where? How?” Audrey blurted out. “Why?”

  “I don’t know!” Riley cried, pulling her legs to her chest and burying her face in her hands. “One thing led to another and—”

  “How the hell did that happen?” Liz asked, shaking her head slightly in disbelief.

  “I don’t know! I’m so freaked out about the whole thing!”

  “Did you guys at least talk about it afterward?”

  “Well, um, no,” Riley began, cringing slightly as she thought back on how cowardly she’d reacted earlier that morning. “I just... kind of... snuck out while he was still sleeping.”

  Liz let out a snort of laughter. “You what?”

  “Ugh, I know, okay? I freaked out when I woke up and saw his face right next to mine,” Riley told them, grimacing in embarrassment. “I didn’t know what to do!”

  “Oh my God, you hit and ran,” Audrey said in a tiny voice. “You’re, like, literally the worst person ever.”

  “Thanks,” Riley dryly replied.

  “Have you heard from him since?”

  “No,” she whined out as Audrey and Liz exchanged a look. “And I’m so scared of talking about it with him.”

  “Why?” Liz asked with a shrug. “You guys talk about everything.”

  “Not... this!”

  “I don’t know, Riley,” Liz began. “If anything, you should be relieved that it happened with him instead of some rando.”

  “What do you mean? He’s the worst possible person to have done that with!”

  “Liz is right,” Audrey agreed, slightly nodding her head. “I mean, you guys are, like, besties. It’s actually kind of perf.”

  “What?” Riley cried out in disbelief. Did her friends not understand the severity of her predicament? “You guys are crazy! How is—”

  Just then, her phone violently vibrated from where it sat on the table, prompting each of them to turn to it in surprise. A moment of intense silence passed over the room, all three of them frozen in shock before it clattered loudly against the wooden surface once again.

  As her two roommates turned to her with eager expressions, Riley cautiously leaned over and picked it up. “It’s him,” she announced in a hollow voice, staring down at the notification on her screen with panic in her eyes.

  “Oh my God, read it!” Audrey urged, squealing in excitement. “Read it out loud!”

  “‘Where’d you go?’” she narrated for them, pausing to swallow the lump that had formed in her throat. “‘Did you get abducted by aliens?’”

  Liz rolled her eyes before shooting Riley a pointed stare. “See? It’s going to be fine.”

  “What do I reply?” Riley asked them, her lip curling in uncertainty. “‘Sorry for leaving’?”

  “Oh my God, don’t apologize,” Audrey scolded, an incredulous look on her face. “Never apologize!”

  “Then what do I say? Tell me what to say!”

  “You guys are way overthinking this,” Liz muttered under her breath as Audrey scrunched up her face in contemplation.

  “Ooh! Say ‘now you notice?’” Audrey suggested, grinning brightly at her ingeniousness. “It’s totally cool and nonchalant.”

  “Good one,” Riley said with a nod, positioning her fingers above her screen to type out the response.

  “Wait!” Audrey cried out. “What are you doing?”

  “What?” Riley asked in confusion.

  Audrey let out an exasperated sigh, plucking the phone from her clueless roommate’s hands. “You have to wait at least an hour before responding to a guy’s texts. It’s, like, common knowledge!”

  “Do not listen to her,” Liz firmly said, grabbing the phone from Audrey’s death grip and tossing it into Riley’s lap. “It’s Max. You don’t need to play stupid games with him.”

  “Who said it’s stupid?” Audrey huffily protested. “I read about it in Cosmo!”

  As Liz’s insistence, Riley begrudgingly picked up her phone and typed out the carefully curated reply. When the phone vibrated a mere ten seconds later, Liz smirked knowingly at Riley before grabbing Audrey, who was practically shivering in anticipation, by the shoulders.

  “I’m going to take Cosmo Girl here and go get us some coffee,” she began, leading a very resistant Audrey in the direction of the front door. “You need to figure this out on your own, my friend.”

  Nodding ever so slightly in agreement, Riley looked down at the brightly lit screen with a nervous, clawing feeling in her chest.

  Max Fletcher

  lol i just woke up

  Taking a deep breath, she attempted to settle her nerves before typing out her attempt at a clever reply.

  you could sleep through the apocalypse

  Not more than a few seconds had passed before he had countered with his own snarky response.

  you could be a spy

  i bet you could escape from enemy grounds undetected

  Smiling to herself, Riley shook every last silly thought out of her head. Liz was right. This was Max! What the hell was she so freaked out about? It wasn’t like they’d both magically transformed into two completely different people overnight.

  So something different had happened. What did it matter? They were still best friends. The only difference was that they were now best friends who just so happened to have slept with each other.

  Just think of it as some new hobby that you two picked up together, she breezily told herself. Like rock climbing, or something. No biggie.

  After exchanging a few more lazy, pointless texts, just as they always had, the two arranged to meet for a late lunch at the nearby sports bar they normally frequented whenever they were hungover.

  If it’s not a big deal, then why is it taking you so long to pick out an outfit? the annoying voice inside her head demanded as Riley entered her fourth solid minute of staring blankly into her closet. Hm?

  I don’t have to justify that with an answer, Riley grumbled to herself before grabbing for a pair of jeans and an oversized button up. But, if you must know, dressing up when I’m hungover just makes me feel better.

  Stop talking to yourself, Benson, she silently instructed in frustration as she waltzed out her front door. You are not a crazy person. You are simply a normal girl going to a normal lunch with her normal friend. Completely and perfectly normal.

  Max was already waiting for her when she arrived, sitting at one of the outdoor tables with a beer in his hand and sunglasses adorning his miserably frowning face. Normal, Benson, she reminded herself as she approached him. No big deal.

  “Hey,” he said, the corner of his lip twitching upward as he rose from his seat and stood shiftily in front of her, as if he was unsure of if he should go in for a hug.

  Riley clumsily reciprocated, leaning forward slightly before gawkily drawing back. “Hi,” she squeaked, her pulse suddenly racing as their awkward dance of sorts continued for what seemed like eternity.

  Okay, this is the complete opposite of normal, she thought, quickly planting her ass in the chair beside her in a desperate attempt to get a grip on her sanity. Who did you think you were kidding? What happened last night was so not rock climbing.

  “So,” Max began, grinning at her uncomfortably.

  “So,” Riley repeated with an equally uneasy smile, though neither of them bothered to finish their sentences.

  Oh my God, she groaned inwardly, resisting the urge to claw at her face in agony. Why did you even agree to come? Great, we’ve effectively ruined our entire relationship! Good job, you big fucking idiot. You are officially forbidden from even sniffing a single drop of tequila in the future. You just lost one of your best friends! You better be fucking nice to Liz and Audrey from now on, or
else you won’t have anybody left at the rate you’re going. Oh God, what will Mom say when she finds out that Max and I are strangers now? She’ll probably—

  “Okay, can we stop being weird?” Max asked with a laugh. “You’re still you and I’m still me. Let’s not make a big thing out of it. Deal?”

  “Deal,” Riley reluctantly agreed, letting out a small sigh as she allowed her shoulders to relax.

  “Yea, it’s just something that we... did. Completely normal,” he continued, seemingly reading her mind.

  “Like rock climbing!” Riley blurted out with a relieved grin.

  “What?”

  “Anyway, you’re totally right,” she quickly added, mentally kicking herself for her stupid comment. “We shouldn’t make a big thing out of it.”

  “But, I mean,” he began with a shrug of his shoulders. “We should still make a thing out of it. Right?”

  “A thing?” Riley repeated, shifting her gaze to the menu so as to avoid his eyes.

  “Do you remember what I said last night?” Max slowly asked, his face scrunching up in embarrassment.

  “Um, yea,” she said, sheepishly glancing up at him. Thank God we’re wearing sunglasses, or else I’d probably burst into flames and die. “Yea, I do.”

  “And...?”

  “I think... I don’t think badly of it.”

  Max was grinning from ear to ear as the server came and took their orders, unable to tear his eyes away from the blushing girl seated across from him. Once the waitress had left, the two shared another shy smile, neither of them sure of how to proceed.

  “So,” Max began after making a show of clearing his throat. “Do you... do you want to try this out?”

  “Try what out?” she cautiously asked, not wanting to jump to conclusions and humiliate herself accordingly.

  “Us,” Max said with a smirk.

  Riley felt a fluttering sensation in her stomach as she turned her gaze away once again. "I mean, I guess it’d be the practical thing to do."

  The practical thing to do? What the fuck? Who says that?

  “Totally,” Max replied, letting out a snort of laughter as the tips of her ears turned bright red.

  “Definitely,” Riley mumbled, suddenly feeling very lightheaded.