Since Forever Ago

by Olivia Besse

  “I... I know,” she said with a sigh. “I admit that I overreacted too.”

  “No, you didn’t,” Max told her. “You had every right to be completely pissed at me. What I did was fucked up. But when Noah was asking me for my opinion or whatever, my mind just went blank. I couldn’t think straight,” he explained, bringing his eyes to meet her own. “I can never think straight when it comes to you.”

  Why’s she looking at me like that? What does that smile mean? Does she feel the same way? She has to, right? Why would she be smiling if she didn’t feel the same way?

  “Maybe I said what I did because... because I did think that Noah should’ve explored other options, as fucked up as that sounds. But that’s because I don’t think that you two belong together,” Max resolutely added. “I think that you belong with me.”

  Did she just nod? That was a nod, wasn’t it? Wait, did she just nod or did you nod and think that she nodded when you were the one who was actually nodding? No way. She definitely nodded.

  Oh God, she feels the same way. Quick, start talking. You can do this. Stop just staring at her like a jackass and say something, you idiot!

  “And even if we weren’t together for that long, I want you to know that I was happy,” he continued, staring at the floor in embarrassment as the words left his mouth. “I was so fucking happy. It was the best I’ve felt in a really, really long time.”

  “Max...”

  “And I don’t want that feeling to go away,” he said as a clawing feeling filled his throat. “Ever.”

  “Max, I have to tell you—”

  “I have to tell you something too,” he cut her off, feeling a burst of confidence as he took one step closer to her. “I think... I think I love you.”

  Riley immediately dropped her gaze to the floor before shutting her eyes tightly and bracing herself for the words that she was about to utter. “Max, Noah and I got back together.”

  “What?”

  “We... we got back together earlier today,” Riley mumbled out, unable to bring herself to look him in the eyes. “A few hours ago, actually.”

  Max felt as if someone had come along and punched him in the gut. “You... you’re back together with him?”

  “I know it’s sudden,” Riley quietly replied. “But it just felt—”

  “Why?” Max blurted out, staring at her with an incredulous look on his face. “I thought you... Are you just doing this because you’re confused?”

  “No, it has nothing to do with that,” Riley insisted. “It’s... it’s what my heart wanted.”

  Max let out a tiny scoff, pissed at himself for having spewed out all of that heartfelt garbage that she obviously didn’t give two shits about anyway. What had he been thinking, coming to her house like this and expecting everything to work out? Hadn’t the past taught him a lesson? Things never worked out for him when it came to her.

  And, of course, everything seemed to have worked out for Noah. She got back together with him? Where had any of this come from? Why would she even consider going back to him? It was what her heart wanted?

  “Were you... did you still have feelings for him while we were seeing each other?” Max asked in a cold voice.

  “I... no,” Riley whimpered out, obviously thrown off by his sudden change in demeanor. “It’s not like that. Everything’s just really complicated. I’m a mess. I’m just really, really confused.”

  “You seem to have everything pretty figured out to me,” he quietly replied, clenching his teeth together in frustration as he turned to leave.

  “Max—”

  “Just forget everything I said, okay?” Max said in a hollow voice. “And I hope you two are happy together,” he softly added before walking away from her. “I really do.”

  Thirty-three

  “What would you say is your greatest strength?”

  Being a total asshole? Acting like a complete and utter idiot? Jumping to conclusions? Making terrible choices?

  Ugh, shutup! Shutup and concentrate, moron. Now’s not the time to goof around. This is your dream job, so don’t fuck this up! Wait a minute, what did she just ask again?

  Okay, Benson, you can do this. Greatest strength... Now, what the hell’s your greatest strength? she frantically pondered as she plastered a weak smile to her face. My willingness to learn? No, that’d be lying. My superhuman ability to run on only two hours of sleep? Eh, irrelevant. My wildly vivid imagination? Ugh, you’re trying to get a job here, not gain admittance to a psychiatric ward.

  “Well, I think that I’m a very level headed person,” she slowly began.

  No, you’re not.

  “And I am definitely receptive to others’ perspectives and input.”

  Really?

  “So I guess you could say that I’m very open-minded and flexible,” she concluded, mentally patting herself on the back when her interviewer enthusiastically nodded in approval. “Which I think is a very important strength for someone to be successful in any field or position.”

  “Excellent,” Sharon, the hiring manager, murmured in response. “And your greatest weakness?”

  Fuck.

  “I...”

  You need to stop freaking out during your interviews, she heard Max’s voice echo in her head.

  Get out of here, you asshole, she silently instructed as Sharon shot her an expectant look. And who said I’m freaking out? I’m not freaking out!

  “I think that...”

  Oh God, I’m freaking out.

  “Go on,” Sharon encouraged with a nod.

  They’re just tests to see which candidate’s the best at bullshitting for that allotted period of time, his voice called out again. Just tell them everything that they want to hear.

  “I... I suppose you could say that I always seem to set extremely high standards for myself,” Riley stated, her voice sounding somewhat foreign as it uttered those confident words. “And I do consistently reach my goals and produce work that I’m proud of. But it’s impossible to expect perfect results in record time for every single task that I take on.”

  It’s just another human being on the other side of the desk.

  “After all, we’re only human, right?” she added, flashing Sharon a bright smile.

  “Absolutely,” the impeccably groomed woman said with an appreciative laugh. “I’m exactly the same way.”

  “Then I guess we’d get along great!” Riley chortled in response, hating herself more than a little bit for being such a sycophant.

  “I’m sure we would!” Sharon agreed before letting out a tinkling laugh. “Anyway, it’s been just lovely chatting with you. I expect that we’ll have some good news for you by the week’s end,” she added with a wink as she got up and led Riley back to the glossy reception area.

  Riley could hardly keep from grinning like an idiot on the entire ride back to Noah’s apartment, practically skipping down the hall before pushing his front door open.

  “So, I think my interview went really well,” she gushed as she entered his room and threw her bag down.

  “That’s nice,” Noah said unenthusiastically as she leaned in to give him a peck.

  “The hiring manager seemed really excited about moving forward with me,” Riley continued, choosing to ignore the bored expression on her boyfriend’s face. “She even winked at me and told me that I should be hearing good news by the end of the week!”

  “A wink?” he repeated with a frown. “That’s sort of unprofessional.”

  “Who cares?” Riley said, rolling her eyes at his pretentious comment. “Didn’t you hear what I just said?”

  Noah merely shrugged his shoulders and shot her a crooked smile. “Well, all hiring managers say things like that,” he dismissively replied. “You shouldn’t put all of your eggs in that basket though, you know?”

  “Oh,” was all that Riley could say in response, being more than a little miffed by his disparaging response.

  “I mean, it sounds like your chances are good,” h
e quickly added. “Don’t get your hopes up too high is all I’m saying.”

  “No, you’re right,” Riley agreed, shooting him a weak smile. “You’re absolutely right.”

  “Of course I am,” Noah said with a shrug before pulling her closer. “But now that you’re back, we should have some fun before I have to go.”

  “Oh?” Riley asked, the corners of her lips twitching upwards. “What kind of fun?”

  “The best kind,” Noah whispered back, his breath tickling her lips before he took them in his own.

  Why does it feel so weird to make out with him? Riley couldn’t help but wonder as Noah let out an appreciative moan. Has it always felt like this? Maybe it’s just because we were apart for so long. Yea, that has to be it. I’m sure everything will go back to normal after some time passes. I mean, it has to. Right?

  Yea, this is more like it, she thought as Noah pulled her down onto the bed. This is— Ugh, I hate it when he does that, she groaned to herself when Noah forcefully grabbed at her crotch. Doesn’t he understand the concept of warming the other person up?

  Nevertheless, Riley soon found herself quite aroused, the both of them breathing harder as their kisses deepened and their touches grew more longing.

  “Do you have a condom?” Riley breathily asked as she reached for his belt buckle. “I mean, I got tested and everything, but I just wasn’t sure if you—”

  “Actually, can you just suck my dick?” Noah asked matter-of-factly as he pulled away from her. “You’ve always been good at that, and I don’t really have that much time.”

  “Wait, what?”

  “I have to get to my internship by noon,” he explained in a slightly peeved tone. “I don’t have time to shower and shit.”

  Riley tried her best not to roll her eyes at the blatant douchebaggery on display before her. “Are you kidding me?”

  “About...?”

  “What... what about me?”

  “Huh?”

  “Everything’s not always about you, you know,” she heard herself say as she sat herself upright, surprised by the fact that she was actually voicing her opinion to him.

  Noah must have been taken aback by her sudden display of confidence, as he merely blurted out, “Where’s this coming from?”

  “It’s not coming from anywhere,” Riley snippily replied. “I’ve been thinking it for a long time now.”

  “Well, you didn’t really seem to mind before.”

  “A relationship is a two-way street, Noah,” Riley told him in a gravelly voice. “I can’t just give, give, give all the time while you ignore my needs! Not to mention the fact that you’re so unsupportive—”

  “It’s difficult to be supportive when you’re practically daydreaming half of the damn time,” he replied, a tiny smirk on his lips. “It’s called being realistic. I mean, come on. You had one interview, and you expect me to—”

  “God, you’re such a prick,” Riley said in a barely audible whisper.

  “What did you just say?”

  “I can’t believe I actually thought that you might’ve changed,” she blurted out as she rose up from the bed. “I’m such an idiot.”

  “What’s gotten into you?” Noah groaned. “Why are you so needy all of a sudden?”

  “Needy?” Riley repeated, a disbelieving smile on her face. “In case you haven’t noticed, I’m an actual human being! I’m finally standing up for myself for once in our damn relationship, and that makes me needy?”

  “You’re being shrill,” Noah curtly replied.

  “Oh my God, you are such an asshole!”

  “What is with you lately?”

  “You are so fucking selfish,” Riley told him in a flat voice.

  “I know,” he said with a shrug.

  “What?”

  “I know,” Noah repeated, an impatient look in his eyes. “I’m selfish. So what?”

  “And you don’t even care?” Riley spit out, her brow furrowed in confusion.

  “You already knew all of this,” Noah said, rolling his eyes in annoyance. “Why are you being so fussy about it?”

  “You really are a sociopath,” Riley groaned out, shaking her head in frustration. “I should’ve just listened to Liz.”

  “Listen to Liz?” Noah remarked with a condescending smirk. “Yea, because she’s so great at maintaining her own relationships?”

  “You know what? Fuck you!” Riley yelled, angrily grabbing for her things. “Like, seriously! The only reason that her relationship failed was because her ex-boyfriend was a self-centered asshole, just like you!”

  “I don’t understand why you’re so upset,” Noah replied before letting out an exasperated sigh. “Why don’t you go home and cool off for now? We can discuss this when you’re calmed down.”

  “No,” Riley told him, shooting a ferocious glare in his direction. “We won’t, because I’m not going to waste any more time on trying to make anything work with you. I’ve already wasted enough!”

  “Sure,” Noah replied, his lip curled into another cocky smirk as he began walking towards his kitchen. “Just call me once you’re done with... whatever this is, yea?”

  “You are impossible,” Riley seethed, using all of the energy within herself to control her breathing as she stomped past him and towards the entryway. “You literally don’t care about anyone but yourself.”

  Noah merely cocked an eyebrow at her as she said this before rolling his eyes and turning his attention back to his coffee maker, treating her with the same amount of disdain that a mother would her temper tantrum-throwing child.

  “And you know what?” Riley added as she threw the front door open. “Why don’t you go and suck on your own dick,” she barked out before pasting a saccharine smile on her face. “You’ve always been really good at that.”

  Thirty-four

  “Would you say it’s tacky to name your kitten children after different herbs?”

  “What, like Oregano?” Audrey asked with a frown.

  “Oh God, enough with the fucking cats,” Liz groaned out, turning her attention away from the commotion at the other end of the backyard to shoot Riley a tired look. “You and I both know that you’re incapable of taking care of another living being, let alone eight of them.”

  Riley stared back at Liz with an offended expression on her face. “Well, excuse me for trying to prepare for my future of solitude,” she retorted. “I’m just trying to cover all of my bases!”

  “Could you be any more melodramatic?” Liz teased as Riley slumped down in her seat.

  “I should’ve listened to you guys,” Riley whimpered. “Or at least to myself.”

  “You mean to tell me that you noticed that you two were terrible for each other too?” Liz sarcastically asked as she shot Riley a pointed stare. “Color me astounded.”

  “Everything was just different this time around. Like, when I looked at Noah, I didn’t feel... anything,” Riley explained. “It just felt like I was staring at a random person.”

  “Interesting,” Liz mumbled.

  “Right?” Riley whine out. “I thought that once we got back together, all of those feelings and emotions would come rushing back, but they never did.”

  “Why did you get back with him, then?” Liz asked. “I mean, you were so adamant about all of it feeling so right, but you were obviously lying. So what’s the deal?”

  “I guess I wanted to try and salvage whatever we had,” Riley said with a shrug. “I just felt like all of those years together would have gone to waste if we didn’t try to work it out, you know?”

  “Well, sometimes it’s better to listen to your heart,” Liz said as she patted Riley on the back. “Better to cut your losses now than to wake up in twenty years and only then realize that you’ve made a terrible mistake, right? Besides, he’s a shitty person.”

  “You’re right. It’s just... You’d think that all of those years together would still mean something, but it just feels like they never even happened. It’s so craz
y.”

  “Life is crazy,” Liz mused with a roll of her eyes. “Get used to it.”

  “Can I ask you something?” Audrey chimed in, peering at Riley with a curious expression on her face.

  “I’m scared to say ‘yes,’” Riley slowly replied before exchanging a look with Liz. “But... sure.”

  “So you didn’t feel anything with Noah after you got back together,” Audrey began with a pout. “Would you say that it was because of Max?”

  “I... I don’t know.”

  “Do you really not know?” Liz asked with an unimpressed frown.

  “Okay, fine,” Riley muttered under her breath. “It was all because of Max, okay?”

  “Well, how do you feel with Max?”

  Riley scrunched up her face before letting her shoulders droop in defeat. “Whenever I’m near him, I feel like I’m going to vomit.”

  “That’s... beautiful,” Liz commented with a wrinkle of her nose.

  “I get light-headed and dizzy, and then I start sweating like a maniac! Then I’ll hate myself for not having put on deodorant that morning before I realize that I’m having trouble breathing, and then I get scared that I’m going to faint,” Riley babbled out. “Well, either faint or vomit.”

  “Wow.”

  “But, at the same time, I’m happy and relaxed. It’s like I’m really comfortable, but extremely uncomfortable at the same time.”

  “Oh my God,” Audrey whispered out. “You’re in love.”

  “In love?” Riley repeated, her brow furrowed in confusion. “With Max?”

  “It pains me to say this,” Liz began with a shrug. “But I actually agree with her.”

  “Okay, another one,” Audrey continued, her eyes glittering as she took a sip of champagne. “How are they in bed?”

  “Audrey!”

  “What?” Audrey cried out defensively. “It’s a legitimate question!”

  “Well, Noah... Noah just does his... thing,” Riley said, cringing slightly as the words left her mouth. “He’s kind of just... in an out, you know? Like, bam bam, thank you, ma’am.”