Bad Guys

by Sarah Michelle Lynch

  I’m a little ashamed to admit I showered in my hotel room this morning and all I did after that was pull on my underwear and dress, rough-dry my hair and smear a bit of lipstick across my mouth, then add a bit of mascara and a touch of concealer… a little powder. It took about fifteen minutes in all. Lily is in pregnancy mode and doesn’t like herself very much right now. She’s been in the chair for an hour and still isn’t happy with the make-up she apparently agreed on weeks ago and has had rehearsals of, several times.

  I have to step in when another crying fit ensues.

  “Okay, Crazy Mummy. Time for an intervention.” I grab one of the belts from a stray robe and force her arms behind her back. “No more fucking annoying chopping and changing, woman, you’re strapped to a chair now. And no talking.”

  I pop a handkerchief in her mouth and she’s crying at me, her tongue unable to say a thing.

  “What’s that? You’re going to allow Cecile to do your make-up? Was that it? And then you’re going to be a good girl and allow us to apply your lippy?” She scowls. “Yes, of course. Just sit there and fucking sit still or I’ll get Theo in here. And you know what they say. It’ll be bad luck. And by the way, you could be wearing a sackcloth and he wouldn’t care. He loves the bones off you. Now behave and deal with it. You’re pregnant and your body is changing. Yes, you have a bump. I expect most of us here would have one too if he’d been anywhere near us in the way he’s been near you. Now, buck the fuck up, woman. Pull your damn spanx over your big belly and don’t you dare cry anymore. You’ll ruin your face. Got it?”

  She scowls a few minutes more, then she behaves.

  “Do it, Cecile,” I instruct. “Don’t look at her eyes. Just do it. She’s not human anymore. You’re just doing a job. Get the fucking thing done. We only have an hour now and she’s got to be sewn into her dress.”

  “Thank fuck for this bitch,” Chloe cheers, already off her face on champagne.

  I take her glass away from her and march her towards the kitchen to make her a hot drink.

  “You need to have your head in the game, remember? Big day today,” I whisper in her ear.

  She gulps, reminded of what we have planned for later… a confrontation with Susan.

  Lily is most probably beset by that deep down, too and it’s manifesting in all the wrong ways. First, we must get her down the aisle. No question. The rest comes later. Much later.

  It’s very late in the day when the guests start thinning out. My phone ran out of battery ages ago and I don’t have a clue what time it is, only it feels about midnight, maybe later.

  “Last orders at the bar,” someone calls, and Adam sidles up next to me, being that I’m sat at the bar.

  I’m pretty much tipsy, but not drunk. Don’t think I’ve ever really been kaylied in all my life. Must be the fast metabolism… or Russian breeding. Or the fact that not for a day in my life have I ever given myself a day off or allowed myself to get silly. It’s just not how I do things.

  “Want another?” Adam asks, more depressed than drunk, I’d say.

  “Vodka on the rocks. Top shelf, barman.”

  “Same,” Adam says, though with less enthusiasm.

  “Great day,” he says, sounding exhausted.

  “Where’s Tom? Has he gone?”

  “Yeah, he’s fucked off.”

  “Where to? Not her house?”

  Adam looks at me, gormless at first, then shocked. “Not you too?”

  “Just as long as you haven’t told your fucking wife, then we’re safe. Soon as she gets wind, it’ll be everywhere.”

  Adam laughs a little at first, then a lot. “What wife?”

  “Oh, okay…”

  We’re served our drinks and I down mine whereas Adam struggles with one sip. He’s never been into spirits.

  “What happened, then?”

  “Oh, what didn’t happen?” he says, then he reaches into his jacket pocket and shows me a note.

  I know when I’m beaten.

  I guess she always did see it as a game.

  “Did you talk? Did she just… what happened?”

  Earlier, she and Chloe had a conversation in the toilets that we all secretly were listening in on. We’d been camping out in the toilets for ages, waiting for Chloe to come in and for Susan to inevitably follow, not knowing we were all lying in wait to hear it, too. Susan showed her true colours, the truth about Markos came out and Chloe made sure Susan wouldn’t try to do Adam out of any money he’s clearly owed.

  “We talked.” He holds his glass, not drinking, nursing probably what he doesn’t want to drink. He stares into space for a while and I study him. He looks good today. He’s shaved for once, his hair is thick and bouncy again… although he still has this demeanour about him… like she’s got a piece of him and he’ll never get it back now. Still, he looks good in a suit, even if his tie is halfway around his neck and the shirt has a gravy stain on it.

  “Go on,” I urge him.

  “Recently, I found out she’d gone and got the money from her dad for the IVF. All the months I thought we were scrimping and scraping, she was actually stashing money away. And the worst of it, she’d also had a third round without me knowing… because she knew the third round was the end of it. That after that, I wouldn’t agree to more. Three was our limit and there weren’t enough embryos for anymore tries.” He almost snivels, but manages to hold on. “That’s the thing with her, she doesn’t believe I’m capable of being that partner she needs or else why has she done all this? Why does she lie? Did she think I’d leave her if the chance at having kids was done and dusted with? Or was she going to take off with a baby in her uterus, without me knowing, if the third one actually worked?”

  The thought of all of that… how it must have driven him mad… to have given up parts of himself only for her to use him like a glorified sperm donor.

  I reach out and place a hand on his. “I’m so sorry, Adam. You really don’t deserve any of this.”

  “Ah, god, Sass. And then… do you know… I found a key to a lock-up and when I got there, I swear, it was like I was looking at all her real children… handbags in their wrappers… expensive clothes never worn… stuff… loads of stuff… and the most galling thing? When I thought we were strapped for cash, I actually went to my parents for money and they gave me it. And they don’t have a lot. They have some, but not a lot. You know what it’s like.”

  I hold his hand and my heart goes out to him. You have to see it a little from his perspective now it’s all out in the open… maybe he thought he could love her enough to help her get better, but instead, he’s discovered her sickness is even more diabolical than he could have possibly imagined.

  “Adam, I am so sorry. But we are all going to get you through this, I promise. It’ll get better, it has to. What she’s done has nothing to do with you. She’s clearly done this before, to some other guy, and that’s why she hid it so well from you.”

  I don’t want him to know I’m knowledgeable on this, only that it seems obvious this can’t have been her first rodeo at manipulating a man.

  He looks around and sees nobody nearby, it really has emptied now and even the lights have come on in the main ballroom. He dips his head to whisper, “Tom is so fucked up about Helen, you know. The rest of us are like, ‘Yo, man, that is fucked!’ and he’s just all over the place, thinks he loves her and all that shit, can’t live without her…” I smile sadly. “But the messed-up thing is, that must be what you all think when you look at me and Suzie. You must all fucking see it, but I can’t. For some reason, I can’t!”

  I take a deep breath and turn towards him. “You have to leave her, Adam. If she doesn’t do the decent thing and go, you must leave her. If she brought your parents into this, too… they’re being dragged into it. You have to protect them. She’s dangerous. She’s threatened Chloe twice now and me once, just for being friends with Lily. And haven’t you seen the texts on Lily’s phone?”

  He slumps on his stool. “
Some.”

  “Yeah? Well, in one of them she said she wishes Lily loses her baby because the reason she probably lost the first is she’s a bitch and doesn’t deserve happiness.”

  Adam cries a little, right on the bar, and the barman looks across at us… wondering if this is going to become a situation. I look around the room, seeking help, but Lily and Theo left ages ago to head to their honeymoon hotel. Tom’s gone wherever he’s gone. Paul’s not here and Chloe also left hours ago to video call Cole, who I suspect she’s secretly missing a lot, especially on a day like today. All the family have gone, even Theo’s crazy father, Gustav, who arrived today with a man and woman on each arm.

  “Come on, let’s get you up.”

  “I’m not off back to that room. Her scent is still in that room,” he mumbles through his hands.

  “Come on, you can come to my room. We’ll figure something out.”

  I hold him up in the lift and get him into my room, dumping him on one of the double beds. He rolls into the foetal position and stares into space. I rummage around his pockets and discover his room card.

  “Wait right here, I’ll go grab your stuff.”

  “Thanks, Sass.”

  “No problem.”

  Their room is a floor above and I’m there in no time, entering what smells like her lair, her perfume stink still clogging up the space. I grab his lonely looking sports bag and check there’s nothing left lying around. Doesn’t even look as though he unpacked. I empty the minibar too while I’m at it. Hopefully this room was on her credit card, or if not, he may as well get something out of this fucking shambles.

  I get back into my room and find him exactly where I left him, the room still in darkness. I slot the card into the hole in the wall and all the lights come on. Shutting the drapes, I empty his holdall of all the stuff from his minibar.

  “Praying it was on her card, the room, I mean.”

  He laughs and says, “Oh yeah.”

  I laugh manically. “Fucking thought so.”

  Controlling bitch.

  He sits up on the bed and starts picking at the snacks and drinks, necking one of the stubby beers. He tosses me a white wine and I grimace.

  “Don’t you know me by now, Adam?”

  “Sorry, bad habit.”

  “Spirits, always. Unless with a meal. Then maybe wine.”

  “Sorry,” he says, slurring, just a bit.

  “Don’t look while I change.” I grab my bag and start pulling out my pyjamas.

  “Or you could go in the bathroom.”

  “Or you could not look. Bathrooms are cold and weird.”

  “I’ll shut my eyes.”

  “Good.”

  I unzip my dress, thankful of being double jointed. Facing the window with my back to him, I slip out of the dress and undo my strapless bra, too.

  “Thank fuck for that,” I say.

  “Oh, shit, Sass! I just opened my eyes.”

  “Fuck you, twathead.”

  He laughs loudly. “Well I’ve seen it already, the famous Ivanova arse.”

  “Yeah, whatever.”

  I do enjoy a thong bikini on holiday. These days I enjoy being topless, too. Just so long as I’m not on holiday with friends or anyone I know, for that matter.

  I keep my pants on and pull on my pyjamas quickly.

  “Jesus, that feels so much better. The bones in that dress were murder.”

  “Looked beautiful, though. Chloe’s did, too. Not so much Lauren, and Marie… Marie just seems angry these days.”

  “I know what you’re saying.”

  I grab the miniature vodka and sip. “So, you wouldn’t ever go back there with Chlo?”

  He shakes his head. “Even if my marriage is over, no.”

  “Why?”

  “You know why.”

  “Ah, the secret.”

  His nose wrinkles. “And other stuff.”

  “What other stuff?”

  “We’re bad for each other,” he admits.

  “What do you mean?”

  “She’s insecure… I’m insecure. Do you even know why she’s come back? I thought she was mad on that guy, Cole.”

  “Oh yeah, she is, she just doesn’t realise it yet. Buried her head in the sand back in Oz. In complete denial.”

  “You sure?”

  “Oh yeah. She’s in love with him. I know that because she hasn’t shagged anyone since she got back. I’ve shagged at least three. Maybe four.”

  “What? Just in… what… two months?”

  “Slow spring,” I murmur.

  “What about Robert? He still asks after you, you know.”

  I turn and scowl at him. “What?” My heart starts pounding. What is he saying?

  “His divorce is almost through. She really took him to town. Claimed he was having an affair, all this stuff. You never did though, did you?” He sort of gawps, waiting for my response.

  “Absolutely not. The moment I knew he was married, I was out of there.”

  “Yeah, well, she dragged it out… still went fifty-fifty in the end. Think she was just waiting for a change of heart.”

  So that bitch…

  Susan lied.

  Robert never went back to his wife.

  Never.

  “Is he still in Leeds, then?”

  “Yep, he is. Got himself a flat now. Think he’s still single, or maybe dating, don’t know for sure. But like I say, he occasionally asks about you.”

  I think about the connection we almost made…

  …but it sounds like his wife would’ve made it all much worse for him if we had got together.

  Sounds like it actually did work out for the best.

  “He was too intense, too soon.”

  “That’s just because he never had a woman treat him right,” Adam says. “I know Susan is hard work and complicated, but his wife Sami, she’s just stone cold. I never, ever liked her.”

  “Complicated, Adam? Complicated? Is that your new word for a lying, robbing, abusive bitch? How can you still defend her?”

  “I don’t know, I don’t know, Saskia. I don’t know.” He throws his arms up, exasperated with himself. “Maybe because the sex was good. Maybe she could be soft and tender, sometimes. I dunno. Maybe because she is my wife and that means something. Maybe because we did have babies together. Not anything we could actually hold, you know… but cells were made, in a test tube, combined from both me and her… and stuff like that, it fucking bonds you, okay? It bonds people.”

  I see he’s at the end of his tether. He’s a broken man. He loves her but she won’t actually allow him to love her properly. That’s the problem. She’s encased herself in a prison of her own making and it’s really herself she hurts, most of all. Adam is a lovely man. I don’t understand how the woman could do this to him.

  “But maybe what you think is a bond isn’t actually a bond, but like co-dependence, built up over time. It’s just become ingrained, you don’t think you can survive without her, even after she’s done all this stuff… because she gradually made you dependent.”

  “No, what we had… it was different. It was special. Unique.”

  Even he ought to recognise he’s already talking in the past tense.

  “How do you know that? You don’t! Your only major relationship was with her. Maybe you’re like Robert… you haven’t got anything to compare it with yet. You didn’t know what you were getting into.”

  Adam looks down at his lap and huffs. “Maybe you’re all the same, you know? You women. Maybe that’s it. You all want something from men, some are just more honest about it.”

  I shake my head wildly. “That’s her talking and you know it. That’s her influence. The old Adam would never say anything like that.”

  He grew up with four really good female friends and he knows not a single one of us would ever do anything like this to any man – ever. None of us would stoop this low. It’s not just one thing, either… a whole stack!

  “Do you know, Adam?
At Allegra’s funeral, she said it was a shame about Robert. She lied to me and told me he’d gone back to his wife… that he was a strange fetishist or something… looking for a particular type of girl, like me” – I won’t tell Adam the minutiae – “and she had this look in her eyes, like she’d rather cause all the world pain than see anybody else happy. Maybe it was never meant to be between me and Robert, I certainly think everything happens for a reason, but if you hadn’t told me tonight that his divorce is actually getting finalised, you know, I probably would’ve taken what she said as gospel and gone with that… and in the future… I’d be always wondering what might have been… but always sort of believing her made-up words, and do you know why that is?”

  Adam gulps, looking away. “I’m sure you’re gonna tell me.”

  “Because she’s clever and she knows precisely how to go for the jugular… the little insecurities we have… she is so clever and she knows how to manipulate everyone around her to her advantage because she says and does the things that sting us most. She probably knew you weren’t ready for kids but she was and that’s why she did all of this, Adam. Just to get what she wanted. This was an elaborate-ass plan to get her own way. You know it, too. Deep down. Put yourself right now in the headspace of someone looking from the outside in and it’s so clear. And just imagine what your mum and dad would make of this. They’d be devastated, not just about the money, but for their son. She tried to break you, Adam and that isn’t love, that is barefaced abuse and downright manipulation. Trust me, I’ve been there. I smell it a mile off. An absolute mile off. And she doesn’t deserve you. All of us are worried sick about this and you don’t care. All you want is to go back to her, admit it. That’s what you want, isn’t it?”

  Adam looks at me, eyes red and angry. “Yes.”

  “That’s because you’ve been done over Adam and you still think you did something wrong, but you didn’t. You did nothing wrong. Nothing at all.”

  He rubs his eyes and nods, but I’m not sure the words have gone in. Then he looks down at his shirt and baulks. “I should get out of this clobber.”

  “You should. It looks disgusting.”

  “Can always count on you for honesty, Sass. You shouldn’t ever change, you know?”