by Anna Samuels
‘No problem,’ Alex said, walking in. ‘Uh, this is Cassie-my assistant,’ she said, with a faint smile my way.
‘Nice to meet you,’ I said to the woman politely, following Alex in.
We stood by the television, trying to get it working. Alex checked the plug sockets while I looked at the remotes. Turning it over, the battery I noticed wasn’t in completely so I removed them and then replaced them in the correct direction-they had been facing the wrong way.
‘Ah-it’s the remote,’ I told Alex. ‘The batteries were facing the wrong way.’
‘Oh, well done you!’ she smiled.
‘Oh, and I checked that!’ the older woman commented. ‘But my eyesight is not what it used to be,’ she chuckled.
I pressed the on button and the television fired to life. ‘There you go,’ I smiled, ‘and look-‘Strictly’ is on,’ I said, handing her the remote.
‘Oh wonderful. Thank you so much, both of you! I do love to watch the dancing.’
‘Me too,’ I smiled.
‘Any other troubles, just call the same number,’ Alex told her.
‘Thank you so much. It’s most appreciated,’ she told us as she saw us out the door.
‘Good night,’ she waved as we left.
Walking out to the buggy, the sky was now black but twinkling with beautiful stars. They looked like diamonds and I paused by the buggy, staring up at the night sky.
‘It’s a beautiful night, isn’t it?’ Alex said from the other side of the vehicle.
‘It is,’ I said softly, loving my surroundings.
‘I love the fact you can hear the waves, even when it’s this dark,’ Alex continued.
‘I know. It’s a lovely sound…very peaceful and relaxing.’
‘I couldn’t imagine living in any other place aside from this if I’m honest. Somehow, some way-I need to hang onto this home and business of mine,’ she said, her voice sounding melancholy.
I glanced over at her, looking at her in the moonlight. ‘I’m sure if anyone can do it, you can,’ I told her quietly.
She smiled at me. ‘Thanks Cassie.’
I held her eyes and a long moment passed between us, with the only the moon above as witness.
‘Come on…let’s get back to the house. It’s cold out here tonight.’
‘Okay,’ I agreed, climbing back in.
We didn’t talk as we drove back through the beautiful grounds and up the hill to Alex’s house. The night was beautiful and I stared out, enjoying being around nature and in the company of this intriguing woman.
When we reached the house, she parked in the same place and we headed inside.
‘It’s much warmer in here!’ she commented as we stepped into the lounge and shut the door.
‘Ooh yes! I didn’t realise how cold I had become!’ I said, blinking as my eyes adjusted to the bright light.
‘I’ll warm up our drinks. Make yourself comfortable,’ Alex said, gesturing to the couch.
‘Thanks,’ I said, sitting down.
A few moments later, Alex came back, and handed me the drink. She then sat down at the other end of the sofa and our eyes met. Just as she was about to speak, we were interrupted yet again.
The phone rang insistently and Alex reached for it with regret. ‘I’m so sorry, Cassie,’ she apologised. ‘This is why I have no life!’ she said wryly, lifting the phone to her ear.
Chapter 6
I waited as Alex answered yet another phone call. I felt for her as I knew she wanted nothing more than sit, chat and relax with me but her responsibilities extended to maintaining customers well-being through the night.
When Alex hung up, she gave me a look which told me that she really didn’t want to leave.
‘I’m so sorry, Cassie…’
‘What is it?’ I questioned.
‘I need to go to another cabin. The heating’s out so I may have to prepare another cabin and move them.’
‘Ah, well let me help you,’ I protested.
‘Cassie! This is your holiday! You don’t need to be doing my work for me!’
‘I want to,’ I told her. ‘I’m enjoying myself this evening and it’s so different to everything I know that I find it really interesting too.’
She frowned at me. ‘I can’t imagine this is going to be that exciting. It’ll mean making up beds in a spare cabin and then helping the couple move their belongings. It’s not exactly the most riveting experience you could have here,’ she laughed.
‘Still; I’d like to come and help. Maybe if I could do something to get it done faster, we could come back here and relax together afterwards.’
A look crossed her face which was difficult to decipher. She smiled slightly then and got to her feet. ‘Come on then…let’s go.’
Alex and I stepped out into the dark night and headed down to reception in the buggy. There, Alex went in briefly and came out with a key and an armful of new sheets.
‘How about I make up the beds while you help them move?’ I suggested as we headed to the new cabin.
‘But…you’re on holiday, Cassie! I’d feel bad.’
‘I want to help, Alex,’ I told her in the darkness. ‘Honestly, this is a great distraction for me.’
‘Really?’
‘Really,’ I told her, smiling in the cold, night air.
‘Okay…well, I’ll take you to the cabin, get the heating fired up and then if you don’t mind making the beds up, I’ll go and transfer them over.’
‘Sounds like a plan,’ I smiled. I felt useful, and this was interesting to me. This was Alex’s day to day existence and as I found her so intriguing, it was nice for me to see how other people lived.
Alex did as she said and dropped me at the other cabin. While I made beds up for the guests, Alex went off to the other cabin to bring them over. Alone in the quiet cabin, I found myself smiling to myself. Despite what had happened in the last twenty-four hours, I was happy. It was all down to Alex. She was providing a very, welcome distraction for me and I wasn’t quite sure why.
I finished making up the beds and then headed for the lounge. As I did, Alex arrived with the couple and we helped them in with their luggage. Once they were settled, we said goodnight and headed back out in the darkness.
The buggy’s seats were cold and I felt myself shivering against the night air.
‘You cold?’ Alex asked as she drove up the hill.
‘A little,’ I admitted, hugging myself.
‘I’m sorry about all this fuss tonight, Cassie,’ she apologised. ‘I didn’t plan on being so busy when all we were going to do was have a chat and a hot chocolate!’
‘It’s no problem,’ I told her. ‘I’ve enjoyed it. It’s been interesting to have a glimpse into your life here and what you do.’
‘And how many times I get interrupted in that life,’ she laughed.
‘Well, yeah!’
‘I’m not always on call,’ she told me. ‘In our busier months I always employ an assistant who can take on more responsibility so it doesn’t always fall to me.’
‘That’s good. I imagine it’s a relief for you too.’
‘It is,’ she nodded, parking the buggy outside her house. ‘Come on, let’s go on in and get warm.’
‘Now that sounds like an excellent plan.’
Alex and I walked inside and it was blissfully warm.
‘Ah! That’s better!’ I exclaimed, rubbing my cold arms.
‘Can I get you a warm jumper to warm you up, Cassie?’ she asked, looking concerned.
I almost said no, but I felt very cold. ‘Actually, yes please. That would be great.’
‘Okay. I’ll be back in a second,’ she said, lifting the mugs up as well. ‘I’ll make us new hot chocolate too,’ she told me.
‘Thanks,’ I replied, sitting down on the sofa.
While she was gone, I looked around the room, taking in the bookcase and the paintings. She liked to read, I could tell and she had a similar taste to me in fiction. She also lo
ved the sea and sunsets as most of the paintings or photographs in the room were based on that theme.
‘Here you go,’ she said, coming in with a warm-looking jumper.
‘Oh thanks,’ I said gratefully. As I pulled the sweater on, it felt strangely intimate. Wearing Alex’s clothes gave me a strange feeling and a quiver in my stomach which was unfamiliar to me.
‘Your hot chocolate is there,’ she said, moving coasters over to place the drink before me.
‘Thanks, Alex.’
‘You’re more than welcome,’ she replied, sitting down on the other end of the sofa. ‘Hopefully we can sit and enjoy it now! I mean, there aren’t many other guests here today so the chances of a phone call now are limited.’
‘And it’s late,’ I said, glancing at my watch. ‘They’ll be going to bed.’
‘I guess so,’ she nodded.
‘Am I keeping you up?’ I asked suddenly, not considering I might be stopping her from getting some sleep.
‘Not at all,’ she said, smiling at me. ‘I’d much rather stay up chatting with you than sleeping,’ she said happily, getting comfy on the couch.
I couldn’t help smiling back and staring at her attractive face. She lit up when she smiled, her eyes twinkling with amusement. Her soft hair fell across her forehead in gentle waves and I felt a strange urge to push it back away from her eyes.
‘So, tell me about you, Cassie,’ she requested, reaching for her drink.
‘What do you want to know?’ I replied.
‘Oh, just about everything,’ she told me, smiling.
‘Well, that narrows it down!’ I chuckled.
‘Tell me more about your history…the basics.’
I nodded. ‘Well, I told you some of it…’
‘Tell me more.’
‘Okay. Well, I grew up in a small village near Dorchester.’
‘Nice place in the world.’
‘It was, yes. The Jurassic coast is beautiful and I lived what I considered a very sheltered, village life there. It was quiet and sometimes lonely but I was happy enough.’
‘Do you have siblings?’ she asked.
‘I have one brother who is older,’ I said. ‘He now lives abroad though with his wife so I rarely see him.’
‘Oh, that’s a shame.’
‘Mmm,’ I murmured, sipping my hot chocolate. ‘My Mum still lives there in the house we grew up in. She never wanted to move, even when my father died.’
‘That must be hard.’
‘Yes it was. Especially knowing she’s on her own now. She has joined clubs and a choir locally though so she does have friends around. I visit often too, just to check in on her.’
‘Yeah…’ Alex sighed. ‘I can’t imagine it quite yet. Losing a parent…’
I nodded sadly.
‘So, when did you move away?’ she asked then.
‘Well, I went away to study for Uni. It was soon after that that I fell pregnant so everything changed in an instant.’
‘So what happened with that? You kind of said that you got pregnant on the rebound? Is that right?’
I sighed, shifting in my seat with discomfort. ‘I…sort of,’ I murmured. ‘I was…well, let’s just say I was suffering from an…infatuation of sorts. I thought I was in love and when I made a move, it was rejected. Going out and having too many drinks seemed like a good idea at the time but it led to my first and only one-night stand and an unexpected pregnancy.’
‘Tell me about the infatuation,’ she said, leaning forwards to listen. ‘I’m intrigued.’
I felt my cheeks heat with embarrassment and I tried to fob her off. ‘I, uh…you don’t want to hear about my silly, girlish crushes.’
‘Yes I do!’ she objected. ‘Come on, Cassie! Tell me about it!’
I felt myself swallow hard, unsure of how to tell her about past secrets and hidden truths which I had buried for so long. ‘I…I don’t think I can. I’m sorry, Alex.’
‘Why don’t you want to talk about it?’ she asked, looking at me curiously.
‘Because it’s something I have never talked about. It’s…well, it’s kind of a secret,’ I told her awkwardly, aware that my cheeks were burning brightly.
‘Sometimes it’s good to share secrets,’ Alex replied silkily, looking at me from under her lashes.
‘I…’ I shook my head.
‘I think I can guess, anyway,’ she chuckled, smiling at me with amusement.
‘Oh, I don’t think so,’ I replied, looking away with embarrassment.
‘You wanna bet?’ she grinned.
I frowned at her, confused. How could she possibly guess my inner-most secrets?
‘I’d like to guess that the person you were infatuated with was actually a woman, not a man,’ she hypothesised.
I gaped at her, stunned. Embarrassment gone, I was simply shocked.
‘Ah! Hit the nail on the head,’ she grinned. ‘I thought so!’
‘How…I mean, how on earth did you know?’ I questioned.
She shrugged, still smiling. ‘Call it a hunch…or my spot on gaydar!’ she laughed.
‘Your…what? You’re…?’ I trailed off, unwilling to say it.
‘Gay? Yes, Cassie,’ she smiled, completely unabashed.
‘I…’ I felt my cheeks heat, realising why I had been experiencing such a reaction to her presence. I had known deep down all along, but actually voicing it was different entirely.
‘You don’t need to be embarrassed, Cassie. Times have changed, you know? It’s okay to be gay these days. Being a lesbian isn’t a bad thing!’
‘I…I know…I just…’
‘No, I get it, I think. I’m guessing this has been your secret for a long time, right?’ she murmured.
‘I…well, yes.’
‘And nobody has ever guessed or known this fact about you?’ she questioned.
I shook my head, not trusting my voice.
‘Why have you always ignored it?’ she wondered. ‘Does it go back to the story you were telling me? About the rejection before getting pregnant?’
I looked up at her, shocked at how perceptive she was. ‘It might have something to do with that…’
‘Might-or does?’
‘Well, it does. But it also has to do with the fact that I then chose to get married and have children-all of which doesn’t exactly go with the other lifestyle.’
Alex threw her head back and laughed. ‘Are you kidding?’ she chuckled. ‘You’re living in the previous century, Cassie! Anyone can get married now! There’s also ways and means to have a family.’
‘Oh, I know…but I just meant that I went down the traditional route in the end…’
‘As a choice?’
‘As…yes, a choice. And I compromised I suppose…’
Alex looked at me for a long moment. ‘Tell me about her, Cassie.’
I glanced up and met her eyes.
‘Tell me about the woman who broke your heart.’
Chapter 7
‘Her name was Ella,’ I began and didn’t know where to go from there.
‘Okay. And how did you meet Ella?’ she asked.
‘Uh, she was…she was the bartender…at the local student bar.’
‘I see. And what kind of relationship did you have?’ Alex asked.
‘Well, none really,’ I said, embarrassed already. ‘She was…well, she was openly confident, out-going and very obviously out and proud about who she was.’
‘And that appealed to you?’ she questioned.
‘At first…well, I don’t know exactly how I felt at first. I think I just found her interesting to be around and to talk to.’
‘So you were chatting to her regularly?’
‘I thought she liked me,’ I said shyly, looking down at my hands.
‘And did you ever find out if she did.’
‘I…she used to flirt with me. I thought it was just for me, but I was wrong. Night after night I would go there, just to see her. I’d sit with my friends but chat to her
now and then and watch her while she worked. I knew my feelings were more than friendly towards her and it hadn’t been the first time that I had experienced those kind of emotions. When I finally plucked up the courage to go and tell her how I felt…’ I trailed off, dropping my eyes away from Alex’s interested gaze. ‘Well, let’s just say, she wasn’t interested…’
‘Cassie…’
I looked up and met her eyes.
‘What hurt you so badly that you fell straight into the arms of a man? Especially if you had been interested in other women too?’ she questioned.
‘I…well, my feelings were in overdrive, I think. I was too forthcoming for her…’
‘Don’t tell me, you declared your love for her and she rebuffed you?’
I stared at her. ‘Yes! How did you know?’
‘Because we’ve all been there at one time or another. Especially at that age when we’re all learning and it’s overwhelming. Cassie, as a student, maybe if you had asked her out instead of telling her you loved her, she might have responded differently. Despite that, it was her loss. I mean, look at you! You’re gorgeous, intelligent and great company. Turning you down was her mistake. You mustn’t look back with regret.’
I swallowed hard against the lump in my throat. Her words had moved me and I couldn’t stop staring at her. I was gorgeous? Great company? Intelligent. ‘I…don’t know what to say.’
‘Cassie; if that hadn’t happened, you wouldn’t have gone on to have your children and become the woman you are today. I’m a big believer in everything happens for a reason and maybe back then, it simply wasn’t your time.’
‘But I feel like maybe I missed out on a different life somewhere along the line…’
‘Maybe, maybe not. Perhaps that life is about to play out now, at an older and more experienced age.’
I chuckled. ‘Are you calling me old, Alex?’
‘Not at all,’ she grinned. ‘But maybe with a few more years under your belt, you’ll be less cautious and more…confident to explore that side of yourself.’
I knew she was right, and the very thought brought excitement running through my veins.
‘Everything happens for a reason, Cassie. Like being here tonight…maybe I was meant to talk to you about this. I can give you advice or share my history and it may help you along the way.’