by Shona Husk
Sunny leaned over a said a few words to Lily. Her niece didn’t look happy but she nodded.
‘Why don’t you show her the videos on the recruitment website?’ Rainy forced a smile. There was also a little game that Lily could play, but Rainy suspected Lily would get bored after a few minutes of poking around the website.
For the moment, though, Lily looked happy with that response.
They ate and conversation ebbed and flowed around Sunny’s studies and Lily’s school. Rainy was glad to be able to sit and listen. To feel at home for a little bit longer. To feel like a mean cow for not inviting Kurt. He had no family, he had no one in Perth and she’d cut him off instead of making the most of their time together.
But her reasoning was sound.
‘What’s up?’ her sister kicked her under the table, the way she always had.
‘Just thinking.’
‘Be here while you can be, honey.’ Her mother smiled. If she started on a be in the moment lecture, Rainy was going to walk out.
Getting up to make a call was also out of the question. Her parents were very strict on phones at the table, and even though she was an adult there were some rules she wasn’t willing to break. She didn’t want to see the disappointment in their eyes. And considering they had so few rules, it was an easy enough one to obey.
Later. She’d text him later. Not call though.
Thinking of you. See you Monday. XX R
Same. So hard not to ring.
Better get used to it.
I know. Sucks.
Chapter 23
Monday morning was cold and grey. The ocean was choppy and looked even more miserable than the overcast sky. There were people on the wharf already. She locked her car and put the sunshade up in the windscreen. It would sit with a few others for the duration of the trip. It wasn’t great for the vehicle but there was nothing else she could do. Of course, if she’d let Sunny come down it wouldn’t have been an issue and her car would’ve stayed in Freo.
She drew in a slow breath and tried not to think about leaving as she walked toward Diamantina Pier where Ellis was tied up. Her bag was heavy even though she’d packed light, lighter than she would’ve on a ship, but she’d had more space on a ship.
She recognised him before he turned. Kurt was in uniform talking to Tasker. For a moment it hurt too much to breathe. The guys said something she was too far away to hear, then Tasker walked to the boat, his bag slung over his shoulder, leaving Kurt to talk to her alone. He strode over and took her bag, which left her with nothing to hold onto.
‘I’ll walk you over.’ He looked as uncertain as she felt, but they had promised that it would be professional, not emotional today.
‘Yep.’ She nodded. She couldn’t say anything else; if she did, her voice would crack and betray everything she felt.
They were halfway there. His hand brushed hers and then he grabbed her fingers. He stopped walking and faced her. He didn’t say anything for several heartbeats. He didn’t need to. His eyes reflected the same hurt that she felt.
She tried to smile. ‘It’s only four months.’
He nodded. ‘Doesn’t make it easier.’ Kurt cupped her cheek. ‘I’m going to kiss you and then I’m going to go.’
She wanted to say no, that wasn’t what they’d agreed, that he couldn’t kiss her in front of everyone but she didn’t want to get on the boat without one last touch. She didn’t want to say goodbye to him.
‘Okay,’ she forced out past the lump that was swelling in her throat. A quick kiss and then Kurt leaving sounded like a really good idea; because if they stood there for any longer one of them was going to break. And she didn’t want it to be her.
He leaned in and placed his lips on hers in a soft lingering kiss. As he pulled away, he handed her bag back. ‘Have a good trip, Milly.’ Then he turned and walked away.
She stood still for a moment, not seeing or hearing anyone else around them. Gradually the noises came back to her. Someone’s kid was crying. People were talking and saying their goodbyes. She had to move.
She took a few steps and then glanced over her shoulder. Kurt had stopped at the end of the pier. She raised her hand. He did the same. Then she walked toward the gangway, refusing to look back again.
***
Standing on pier watching as his friends boarded was one of the hardest things he’d ever done. He’d deserted them. That wasn’t a logical thought, as he hadn’t. He’d made a career decision. One that some weren’t free to make. He hoped that Blue would be okay. Kurt didn’t know if he’d spoken to a psych or not.
He tried to think of anything but Rainy.
Wives were moving toward their cars; a few would wait to watch the boat leave, that would take a while and those with kids didn’t want to stand there and suffer any longer. Lieutenant Bedford’s husband was there with their two kids. Both kids were in school uniform. He was so tempted to walk over and ask how he did it. How did it work?
Obviously it did.
Or was he only seeing what he wanted to see? Hoping to see. He wanted proof that the navy didn’t destroy every relationship it touched.
Mr Bedford walked toward Kurt, his gaze skimmed over the uniform and he nodded.
The moment he could have said something passed in a blink. Kurt kept his gaze on the boat. He knew what would be going on inside, even though now he was an outsider. He was on his own and left at home. That sucked balls.
He should be on that boat … no, he should be thinking about getting out and doing everything he could to be prepared for civvie street.
Except he still had to go to work in the kitchens of Stirling. He checked his watch. Five more minutes then he’d go. What was he expecting? For her to suddenly appear and say how much she loved him?
Unlikely. Impossible.
Would Blue have handed her the card yet? When he’d seen her with her kitbag over her shoulder, he’d chickened out. He couldn’t give it to her. It was supposed to be a professional send-off, and he’d kissed her. He didn’t regret that at all.
***
There was no time to do anything for several hours as they got underway. It was only when she went off shift and had eaten—something which made her wish Kurt was still on the boat—that Blue came over. They were walking toward the cabins in the area of the boat affectionately known as sleepy hollow. He handed her an envelope. ‘I was asked to give you this. You might want to open it in private.’
It was warm from being tucked inside his uniform. ‘You’ve had it all morning.’
‘Yep, but I wasn’t going to give it you in front of everyone.’
She nodded. So far no one had said anything about the kiss on the pier but maybe everyone was dwelling on their own farewells. Maybe no one had seen anything because they were too busy.
‘Thank you.’
‘Yeah, call me stupid … I mean Cupid.’ He smiled, the first time all morning. ‘You’ll be fine, Milly. You won’t have time to think about anything but getting your dolphins.’
She nodded. They’d only pass her if she knew what she was doing. But she’d already been studying and learning the boats systems while they were alongside. She’d gotten qualified on the surface and she could do it now. She glanced up. There were many metres of water between her and fresh air.
‘Don’t think about it, Milly. It’s just another day at the office, but with more diesel and less space than the average prisoner has.’
She laughed then sighed. ‘Yeah. The people who think submariners are crazy are pretty damn close to the truth.’
‘Wait until we’ve been at sea for a few weeks. Then the fun will really begin.’ He turned to walk toward his rack. ‘You did bring pirate rig, right?’
‘One ugly Hawaiian shirt as ordered.’
‘Excellent.’ He drew the curtain open and disappeared into his cabin.
Rainy went into the women’s cabin. She needed to rest or by the time she finished her next shift she’d be shattered, but she only needed a couple of hours. She
stripped off her uniform and lay on her rack in shorts and T-shirt, running her fingers over the envelope. Plain and white. Nothing written on it. It could be from anyone, but she knew it was from Kurt.
Why hadn’t he handed it to her? But she already knew the answer. Because it wasn’t supposed to be personal on the pier, even though it had been in the end. She was glad. She closed her eyes and tried to remember the kiss. The heat of his lips and cool sea breeze on her skin.
If he’d handed her this, she might’ve broken down. Carefully she opened up the envelope. Inside was a card, bon voyage and a suitcase covered in stickers from around the world was on the front. She opened it up and picture fell out. Kurt was standing there in dress uniform. It had probably been taken at his passing out parade at HMAS Cerberus. He looked a few years younger, the gleam was still in his dark eyes.
She turned the picture over.
It was the only one I had. Was scrawled across the back. Tear welled in her eyes; she hadn’t even thought about leaving him a photo. She doubted he’d be able to find one online either. Her Facebook profile was locked down pretty tight, family and a few schoolfriends she kept in contact with. She should’ve friended him, assuming he was even on Facebook.
She turned her attention back to the card. He’d printed his personal email address, not his navy one, inside, along with his Skype name.
I hope you have as much fun as I did and it’s everything you want it to be. Love, Kurt.
Rainy bit her lip as she read the card again. She was not going to cry now. No, but she was getting very close. She put the picture and the card back into the envelope then turned onto her side. Six hours of downtime when she really wanted to be doing something. Anything to keep her mind off what she was leaving behind.
Chapter 24
He’d gone for a drive after work because he didn’t want to be at home. The other guy would be back from sea in about two weeks and he should be enjoying having the house to himself for a little longer, but there was no one to enjoy it with.
It was only as he passed the purple and green house that he noticed he’d ended up on Rainy’s street. But there was no point in stopping.
He drove another block then did a U-turn. Maybe there was. He’d seen that big ugly brown ute in the driveway so Sunny would be home. As he approached the driveway, he had second thoughts. Maybe she wouldn’t want to see him since Rainy wasn’t there. She’d been polite because she’d had to be, but the family dinner here had felt more like family than the dinner he’d been forced to sit through with his aunts.
He pulled in and stopped, not sure what to say, or exactly what he was going to do, but he wanted to know Rainy better so he could send her something that mattered—not just extra chocolate and lollies, although he would’ve appreciated even that.
‘Fuck it. Man up already.’ He got out of his 4WD and walked over to the front door. It swung open before he could knock.
Lily stood there gazing up at him. ‘Rainy isn’t here.’
‘I know that.’
‘Let him in, Lily.’ Sunny called from inside the house. Something smelled really good. Wine, chicken …
Lily stepped away from the door and left him to close it. He walked down the corridor, but couldn’t stop himself from glancing at Rainy’s room. The door was closed. He was tempted to open it. For a moment he let himself believe that she’d be out in a minute. However, he made himself walk past and into the kitchen area, which seemed to be the hub of the house.
‘Hi. Thank you for letting me in,’ he said to Sunny.
‘I was curious to know why you were here.’ She smiled and stirred, adding extra stock before putting the lid on whatever was cooking before he could get a proper look.
‘Risotto?’
‘Pearl barley risotto.’
He nodded. ‘Less stirring.’ More texture and flavour than rice. Not that he ever made risotto on the boat. He couldn’t imagine it going down overly well and it was far too labour-intensive. Paella, on the other hand …
She pointed the spoon at him. ‘Exactly. Will you be staying?’
‘No. That might be weird.’
Sunny scowled. It was the same as Rainy’s scowl. He wondered if they’d practised to get their eyebrows just so. ‘How would it be weird?’
He shrugged. ‘She’s not here.’
‘And?’
And he didn’t have a good answer. ‘Okay I’ll stay.’
‘And make pudding.’ Lily piped up.
‘Now you don’t want to disappoint a little girl whose favourite auntie has just left.’ Sunny smiled but there was a definite edge to it.
Kurt looked away. ‘Sure, I’ll make something.’
They only thing they all had in common was Rainy and she wasn’t here.
‘Excellent. I’ll boil the kettle and you can tell me why you’re here.’
They sat at the kitchen table. Paper and pencils and long division mixed in with Sunny’s study notes. ‘How much longer have you got to go?’
‘Only a few more months.’ She mouthed something that closely resembled thank God.
Kurt made a mental note not to swear at all while here. Around navy guys he never checked his language and it was worse than it should be. Fuck should not be used as punctuation, a noun and a verb, or a random conversation filler. And yet it often was, along with even worse.
With a cup of coffee in front of him, Sunny let him enjoy the first few sips before wanting answers. ‘So, long way from home.’
‘I went for a drive and ended up here.’ That wasn’t enough. And he wouldn’t learn what he wanted to know if he didn’t get on with it. ‘I want to put together a care package. You know things she’d like.’
‘Ahhh.’ Sunny nodded. ‘You got it bad.’
Did he? Maybe. He didn’t want her to forget about him while she was away and it was sucky to get nothing while away. Not even a birthday card. He didn’t even know that about her. ‘When is her birthday?’
Lily looked at him. ‘It’s two weeks before mine.’
That was helpful.
Sunny smiled. ‘November third. She’ll be home. Just.’
He nodded. Her family had already thought about it. He sipped his coffee, glad to have something to do.
‘You want some help working out what to send her? Or do you want to add to our parcel?’
‘You’re sending her stuff?’
‘Always do.’ Sunny blew on her coffee before cautiously taking a drink. ‘When she was over east it was even more important as she came home so infrequently. Mum and Dad usually added something too.’
Kurt stared at his coffee. There’d been a time when he’d have traded his left leg to have a family like Rainy’s. Who was he kidding. He still would. ‘That’s really nice.’
She didn’t need anything from him.
‘I think she’d be glad to get something from someone she cares about … aside from us.’
‘Her ex never bothered?’
Sunny glanced at Lily and shook her head. ‘Called apparently, but that was it. No letters. Letters are important.’
Yeah, they were, maybe more so on the boat as there was no guaranteed email or regular communication. Letters could be read and reread.
‘Did you want to use a familygram? I’m sure Lily wouldn’t mind.’
From Lily’s expression she did mind. But she didn’t say anything. Smart kid.
‘It’s okay. You’re her family.’ He didn’t want to be taking a familygram from her actual family. Her family actually used them.
Sunny leaned forward. ‘Guess who’d she’d rather get one from?’
‘Me!’ Lily grinned obviously thinking she’d won back the familygram.
Sunny lifted her eyebrows at him.
‘Thank you.’ He smiled. That was more then he’d hoped for. Each sailor was only allowed one familygram a week. While not everyone got one, it was always exciting to be receiving one of those translations.
‘You want next week? Maybe every third …
I won’t get away with giving up more than that.’ She glanced at Lily.
‘If you’re sure.’ Rainy would be surprised to get one from him. Hopefully pleasantly surprised. Could he work out how to say something clever in a few lines of code and words?
‘I am, but if I hear that you’ve squandered it, I’ll take it back.’
‘I won’t.’ He wasn’t going to give up that privilege. ‘So what are you sending her?’
‘Stuff, chocolates, puzzle books. Magazines with hotties inside.’
He frowned. Was Sunny talking porn for women? There was often a good stash on the boat and some of the guys had plenty on their laptops. Boats with women on had less casually floating around the mess.
‘Not those kind of hotties.’ Sunny rolled her eyes and shook her head. ‘Some underwear, although I don’t think she appreciated the adult My Little Pony undies we sent her a couple of years ago. Sometimes books.’
Books … ‘What about the comics she collects? Does she have them all?’
‘No, I’m sure she’d appreciate some more.’
‘Can I go and have a look?’
‘Go for it. I need to check dinner.’
‘Then I’ll look in the cupboard and see what I can do for dessert.’ Here he was cooking dessert in again. Only this time he wasn’t cooking for a second date. He bit back on the pain as his heart squeezed hard. Wishing she was here wouldn’t bring her back. And if she was going to stay in, he was going to have to get used to it. What if he couldn’t?
Was part-time Rainy better than no Rainy?
***
For the most part Kurt’s weeks took on a steady routine. Between work and doing the extra bits required to get him ready for civilian life and joining in the soccer training sessions, he managed to block out as much time as possible.
The other guy came back from sea and for a little bit the evenings weren’t quite as lonely. But he was still counting down the days until Ellis pulled into her first stop. She didn’t ring. But that didn’t mean anything, the boat had probably gone off program. It happened all the time. But suddenly he was the one anxious to hear how things were going. He’d sent a familygram. Nothing too much. And he’d sent her a letter and some chocolate. A comic was on its way to him—finding the ones she was missing meant waiting for them to pop up for sale and he wanted to make sure he got mint condition ones for her. He hoped she appreciated the gesture.