Little Disquietude

by C. E. Case

  "Still." He took a sip and passed it to Sophia.

  "Do you not drink?" Sophia asked Leah.

  "I don't drink before shows. Whether I'm in them or otherwise. I fall asleep."

  "Or forgets her lines," Adam said.

  "I never forget my lines," Leah said.

  "Oh yeah? Sing 'Oklahoma'" Adam said.

  "Oh come on, I was twelve."

  "You were sixteen."

  Leah put her hand to her head.

  Sophia cast a shy glance at Ward.

  Ward said, "I'm Baptist. Aren't you?"

  "Catholic."

  He raised his orange juice to her. She clinked it with the champagne glass.

  "We could make mimosas," Adam said.

  "After," Leah said.

  Ward finished off his orange juice. He asked, "How long are operas?"

  "Long."

  He raised an eyebrow.

  "Long-ass," Leah said.

  "I'm going to have to pee," Ward said.

  "Look," Adam said, putting his arms around Sophia and Leah. "Hillbillies. I know that some of you are from around here, but we're at the opera, and we are in theater, so could we please all be a little more stuck-up and pretentious? I'm feeling a little uncomfortable."

  "This is about Poe, isn't it?" Leah asked.

  Adam sipped his champagne.

  Sophia said, "I really hope this version is as good as the one I saw in Amsterdam last year."

  Adam smiled. People turned their heads to look at them.

  "I hope so," Leah said. "But I predict it will be conventional. Nothing will beat the all gay La Boheme I saw, set in a gritty Americana street block."

  Ward leaned in and whispered, "You're just talking about Rent, aren't you?"

  Leah grinned. "Maybe I am."

  Ward said, "Let me tell you, do not mention Angels in America in this town."

  Adam cringed.

  Sophia frowned. "What do they have against Mary Louise Parker in Charlotte?"

  "The world may never understand," Ward said.

  "Oh, I hope you don't think we're like that," a man said, stepping closer to enter their conversation. His eyes meaningfully looked over Ward, as he added, "Anyone's welcome to enjoy the opera."

  "Thank you," Ward said. He raised his glass.

  "It's our first opera," Leah said. "In Charlotte."

  "We're season ticket holders," the man said.

  Not to be outdone, Adam offered his hand and said, "We're from New York."

  "Don't tourists usually flow in the other direction?" The man asked, smiling and shaking Adam's hand.

  "We're producing a play. A musical, actually. In Durham."

  "A musical. Regional theater? Working the kinks out?"

  Adam nodded. "It's a bit safer. The New York crowd can be... dangerous."

  The man smiled. "The last time I was in New York I saw, oh, what's the name... Once Upon a Mattress. Delightful."

  Adam nodded.

  Ward choked on his drink.

  The man patted Ward on the back and said, "I save the serious theater for here. New York is for escaping. Hey, didn't I see you in Death of a Salesman in Columbia last year?"

  Ward beamed. "Yes sir, you may have," he said.

  "Where's Columbia?" Leah asked Sophia.

  Sophia bumped her.

  The lights flashed and the man went back to his wife.

  Adam said, "I'm writing all that down."

  Leah rolled her eyes. She followed Adam to the entrance, walking side by side with Sophia, wondering whether or not to take her arm, or her hand, or if that would be too personal for a public space, or too personal, just in general. She finally settled for brushing her hand against Sophia's back as they descended the steps. Sophia arched her back. She looked over at Leah, and looked like she might purr if they were in another setting.

  "Where are we sitting?" Ward asked. "In the movies they always sit in the boxes."

  "These are fourth row house seats," Adam said.

  "Do we need to sit that close at the opera? They'll spit on us when they sing," Ward said.

  "Good. You experience it. You spit on me all day long," Leah said.

  Ward frowned.

  "They'll see me if I sleep. They'll get all offended," Leah said.

  "So don't sleep."

  "But it's opera. I'm not sure what else to do."

  "Read the subtitles."

  Leah perked. "Okay."

  They crowded into their row, stepping on people, apologizing, beginning to sweat already from the cramped space. Sophia, then Leah, then Adam, then Ward.

  "Are we sharing the arm rest?" Sophia asked.

  Leah shook her head. She reached into Sophia's lap, took her hand, and brought it into her own lap, linking their fingers together. Sophia scooted closer, putting her cheek on Leah's shoulder.

  "Aw," Ward said.

  "Does he really spit on you?" Sophia asked.

  "Only when he sings."

  Adam said, "And don't forget, it's a musical."

  The house lights went down. The orchestra began to play. Leah wondered if she knew anyone in the pit. And then, with Sophia's fingers stroking along hers, and Sophia breathing softly to her right, she wondered if she'd follow any of the opera at all.

  * * *

  The house lights came up. "Half time," Ward announced. He bolted for the bathroom.

  "Why's he rushing? He's a boy," Leah said.

  Sophia squeezed her hand.

  The last hour had been a blur of affection and German farce. Leah had settled against Sophia's hair until she'd gotten a crick in her neck. In the shifting around, her hand had traveled to Sophia's lap, and settled on Sophia's thigh. Sophia had squeaked. No one had shushed them, but Sophia had blushed and refused to look at Leah for the rest of the act.

  Their eyes met in the light. Leah smiled. She leaned in and Sophia leaned in to meet her. They pressed their foreheads together, noses not quite touching. Sophia whispered, "You're fun."

  Leah had to bite her tongue to keep from asking, "Is that all?" She instead asked, "What on earth happened in the first act?"

  Sophia blinked. "I have no idea."

  "It's in the playbill," Adam said.

  "Do you need more champagne?" Leah asked, turning around, keeping her hand in Sophia's.

  "I had more than enough. Do you want to get a hotel room tonight?"

  "Adam," Leah said. "Sophia's right here."

  Sophia giggled. She leaned around Leah and peered at Adam.

  "The four of us," Adam said.

  "Kinky," Sophia said.

  Leah tugged on her fingers. "I'd rather go home, if Sophia's up to driving. Be in my own bed."

  Adam smirked.

  Sophia leaned back in her chair.

  "You can join me," Leah said, and Sophia blushed and swatted her away. "Too much?" Leah asked.

  Sophia shook her head.

  Leah leaned closer and asked, "Not enough?"

  Sophia squeaked. She closed her eyes.

  Adam smacked Leah.

  "Sorry, sorry. Aren't you glad we drove separately?"

  "I know what I'm doing," he said.

  Leah whispered to Sophia, "We could just go make out in a pretty velvet stairwell or something for the second act."

  "Someone will ask us about the opera," Sophia said.

  "We can Google it."

  The house lights flashed.

  "Too late," Leah said, "If we made a run for it, we'd be crushed by the wave of drunk people returning."

  "It's just like NASCAR after all," Adam said.

  Ward vaulted into his chair and said, "Die Fledermaus!"

  Leah flashed him a gang sign.

  "Oh, look, chemistry," Adam said.

  "Fuck you," Ward and Leah said together.

  The opera began.

  Chapter Sixteen

  "Sure you don't want to stay?" Adam asked as they walked to the car. "It's a glittering city."

  It was. The lights reflected off the s
kyscrapers and created a gorgeous, if small, skyline. The bank buildings rose out of the ground and beckoned. But Charlotte was not old New York, and there wasn't enough cold in the warm reds and pinks and faint blues. There was no water, black and murky, to capture the light and reflect it, to make it all seem colder, more distant. Looking out from the parking deck at downtown, Leah felt she could be anywhere.

  She had laughed so hard she was soundless. Her face hurt from smiling. She hadn't breathed for long moments. Sophia kept poking her and she'd laugh all over again. But now streets below were just streets. The opera didn't change that. She said to Adam, "I want to go home."

  "We have to do that little musical first," he said.

  She saluted. He and Ward got into their car. Leah watched them drive away silently, and then turned to Sophia. "I want to go home with you."

  "You'd rather go to the roach motel than your place?"

  "You have a more comfortable bed," Leah said. She closed her eyes, imagined falling onto crisp, clean sheets, the too-soft mattress, the puffy pillows, and Sophia's scent, drifting over her. She inhaled and opened her eyes.

  Sophia studied her with furrowed brow, a slight pink tint to her cheeks.

  "To sleep. All I can think about is sleep," Leah said. Her cheeks burned. She glanced at Sophia's car, picturing the long drive ahead of them, wishing it was over.

  Sophia's frown deepened.

  "Shutting up now," Leah said.

  "Bitch."

  "Diva."

  "One note actor."

  "Which note?"

  "I'll, uh, let you know when I actually see you perform," Sophia said. Leah moved closer to her for each word, and now could lean against her, with Sophia's back to the car. Sophia licked her lips nervously, and hesitated.

  Leah brushed her lips across Sophia's. Her hand trembled as she clasped Sophia's fingers, balancing herself to lean in for a second, deeper kiss. Her heart fluttered in her chest.

  Sophia moaned. Leah's knees weakened with the sound. She leaned into Sophia, moving to kiss her ear, getting a mouthful of carefully sprayed curls and an earring. Sophia giggled. Leah blew into her ear, and said, "Or, we could just stay right here." Sophia clutched her side.

  "Hey, you girls looking for a little action?"

  The man's voice was too close and too loud. Leah turned around. He was dressed in a tuxedo, and had three friends with him, similarly dressed, similarly male, similarly drunk. Leah's mouth hung open.

  Sophia shook her arm. "Ignore them and get into the car."

  "What?"

  The man said, "Come on. The opera! Wasn't that amazing?"

  Sophia squeezed her wrist.

  "Don't talk to them. Just get in."

  Sophia opened the back seat of the sedan, which forced Leah to step closer to the men blocking the way around the car. But she got in as directed and Sophia slammed the door on her. Leah winced. She was still trying to catch up on what was happening, thinking of dissuading Sophia from whatever threat she saw--after all, they were at the opera--and she was highly embarrassed. She pressed her cheek against the glass.

  "Go home," Sophia said, pushing her body between Leah's door and the men.

  "We saw you kissing. You want action, same as us. It's too early to go home. Look at those outfits," he slurred. He tried to put his hand on Sophia's cheek. She slapped him away. Leah yelped. She scrambled for her cell phone. The man lunged for Sophia, who let him grab her, and then used the leverage to knee him in the groin and then step on his foot.

  He howled. Sophia ducked into the driver's seat and locked the door. Leah looked out the back window. Sophia started the car and eased it back. The men scattered, cursing. She drove toward the ramp.

  The whole thing had happened in three seconds, and the men had only tried to touch Sophia once. Leah's anticipation and fear were still churning inside her. She had seen that kind of thing on television, but hadn't thought it applicable in real life. Or necessary. But Sophia seemed to know what she was doing, and Leah shuddered, wondering if it was from experience.

  She thought she was going to be sick. She closed her eyes and inhaled, and exhaled slowly, and then inhaled again. The car was still moving. She opened her eyes as they turned onto the street. She wasn't going to be sick.

  "Should I call 911?" Leah asked.

  Sophia shook her head.

  "Should I call Adam?"

  Sophia shook her head again. Leah leaned forward and tapped her arm, around the driver's seat. Sophia let out a cry and jerked away. Leah sat back.

  Sophia cleared her throat, and said in a small voice, "Sorry. Try that again." She glanced at the rear-view mirror. Leah met her gaze and smiled. Sophia gave a tentative smile back.

  Leah scooted forward and gently rubbed Sophia's arm. Sophia didn't flinch. Leah wrapped her arm around Sophia's chest, awkwardly, and said, "I'm not wearing my seatbelt."

  Sophia laughed.

  "Want to pull over?"

  "We're about to hit the highway. We can stop at the next rest stop," Sophia said. Her voice was stronger. Leah lifted her fingers. She brushed Sophia's cheeks, and felt wetness.

  "You saved my life," Leah said.

  "Oh, don't be dramatic. They were just drunk guys."

  "I have to be dramatic. It's in my Equity contract."

  "Is it? I don't have a card, remember?"

  "Oh, right," Leah said. "Well, they say you have to live life to the fullest, or your characters won't. And since the characters are bigger than we'll ever be--"

  "Right. I was just practicing."

  On the highway at midnight, the road was open, traffic scarce. Sophia drove with her left hand, and covered Leah's hand with her right. She pulled it back and gently kissed Leah's wrist. Leah closed her eyes.

  Her emotions--fear, awe, worry, admiration, and the inappropriateness of how good, how erotic Sophia's lips on her hand felt, when those men had wanted the same thing, for the same reason. She pulled back and curled into the back seat, where she could breathe, slowly, in and out.

  "Are you all right?" Sophia asked.

  "Are you? They could have--You put yourself between them and me. Who does that?"

  "I don't know. It was instinct. It just made sense. The whole thing was over in three seconds."

  Leah smiled. She said, "It was...incredibly flattering."

  Sophia was quiet. Exit signs, green and brightly lit, passed by them. The numbers had gone down while they were traveling south, and now they went up again. 22... 23... Sophia exhaled and said, "Those guys sat three rows behind us."

  "What?"

  "Center-left. They weren't random criminals. They weren't even the drug dealers from our neighborhood in Durham. They were rich, classy guys."

  "Sophia..."

  "Do you think this is the first time I've done that? Or the tenth?"

  Leah leaned over the seat and cupped Sophia's neck, stroking gently.

  "That's just the way guys are," Sophia said.

  "Not all guys," Leah said. Not because she disagreed, but she stubbornly didn't want a world like that for Sophia. She wanted something better, where people were nicer to her friend.

  "Adam's gay," Sophia reminded her.

  "He still--" Leah fell quiet. She slid back slightly, to tangle her fingers in Sophia's hair.

  "What?" Sophia asked.

  "You'll fit right in when you come to New York," Leah said.

  Chapter Seventeen

  The car pulled into the rest stop at 12:45 in the morning. Other cars were there. Men went in and out of the bathroom. One family, seemingly not sleepy, piled out from an SVU with Georgia plates. Sophia got out of the car. She surveyed. Leah got out and stood next to her. A car drove past them and Leah flinched.

  "God," Leah said.

  Sophia leaned into her.

  "I'm so terrified. How are you not?"

  "I am," Sophia said. "I always am."

  Leah squinted.

  Sophia kissed her cheek and said, "I'm a great actress. I picture
another reality for the emotion I want to convey, and I bring it to life, in this reality."

  "What are you picturing?"

  Sophia reached up to rub her cheek, lowering her eyelashes demurely.

  "What?"

  "You, laughing, at Die Fledermaus."

  Leah snorted.

  Sophia asked, "What? It's the closest happy memory I had, the most pungent."

  "No wonder you can capture such ambition and anguish," Leah said.

  "I'm a sponge. And Lady Macbeth will cut a bitch," Sophia said.

  Leah slid her hand down Sophia's arm, and captured her hand. "Walk me to the bathroom?"

  Sophia pulled her toward the sidewalk.

  Leah finished before Sophia, and washed herself in the tiny sink, and then stepped outside, away from the moths smashing themselves against the halogen lights. No one was around outside except for an older custodian, who sat by the drink machines and smoked.

  In the streetlights she could see the outlines of trucks and the forest beyond. North Carolina had so many trees, and they weren't even in parks. The excess and the summer breeze were peaceful, even in the middle of the night. She breathed in, hoping to taste pine.

  This world would be nicer if it weren't so incredibly humid.

  "Hey," Sophia said behind her.

  Leah jumped.

  "Sorry."

  Leah turned around. Sophia stood, half-smiling, with her arms folded. Her hair was limp against her neck. She'd washed off her makeup, and she looked fresher, sweeter. All of twenty-five. Leah stepped closer. Sophia tilted her chin. Leah let her gaze rove down Sophia's body, and then met her eyes. "Let's go back to the car."

  "Okay."

  Leah took the keys from Sophia, and unlocked the car, and then opened the back seat. "Let talk. Just for a minute?"

  "You want me to get into the back seat with you?" Sophia asked.

  Leah nodded.

  "Are we going to fog up the windows?" Sophia asked.

  "Please. In a car? At a rest stop?"

  Sophia's face fell.

  Leah climbed into the car and then offered her hand through the open door. "Please," she said.

  Sophia got in and closed the door. As soon as the door clicked shut, Leah enveloped Sophia in a tight hug. She whimpered slightly, involuntarily, into Sophia's hair. Sophia's hand settled against her stomach.