Silk
Page 97
“And I’m in this place and screwing up your precious internship because you refuse to do the right thing and call your fucking dying mother!” I don’t scream; I don’t yell. My quiet, calm, even tone conveys my fury well enough.
I turn away from him and go into the small bathroom to collect a few things. When I come back out into the room, he is practically vibrating in anger.
“So we’re going to come back to this again? When are you going to stop throwing my fucking past in my face? She hasn’t meant anything to me for the last five years. That’s it — it’s over. So get off your fucking high horse and deal with it. Why is it such a big deal to you, anyway?”
“Why is it important to me? Are you really that thick-skulled that you don’t see it?”
“Maybe I am just that dumb, Maddy. So please do me the favor and enlighten me, please.” His voice is dripping in sarcasm, and in this moment I recall every reason I ever had to stay away from Reid in the first place.
“Because my mom is dead, and I’ll never get to tell her I love her again. I never had a chance to make my peace with her, to say goodbye. You do, and you’re being an asshole for not taking advantage of it.” I choke down my tears but somehow find the strength to continue. “And because I’m going to be a mom. There’s a person growing inside me who, yeah, okay, I definitely didn’t plan, but I can’t change that. I can’t change the fact that I will love this child with everything that I am, and I don’t think I can be with someone who doesn’t share those same feelings. What happens when you have enough of me and our baby? Will you just walk away like you’re doing to your mom?”
“That’s low, Maddy. You know what she did to me, to Shane. You know everything about me, and you’re going to throw it in my face like this. You know I love you and that I could never turn my back on you.”
While I can see the truth in what he’s just said, he left out the most important piece of information.
Our baby.
He’s walking toward me with his arms outstretched. I put my arms up in front of me, to protect, to defend, because I know that if he wraps his strong arms around me I’ll give in; I’ll surrender to his love for me, but I can’t act with only my needs in mind.
“No, Reid. Do not touch me. Please just get out. I want to finish getting packed up so I can leave.”
His face sinks, and he looks as if I’ve physically attacked him.
“Are you leaving me? Is this it? Are you saying that we’re over?” There’s disbelief and pain in his words. Anguish settles in over his beautiful face, and I want to make it go away. I want to curl up in his arms and let the world fade away so that it’s just the two of us in our own little bubble, but I can’t. It’s not just the two of us any longer. I can’t be with him and trust him to be with me until I know he is fully capable of loving me and our child the way we deserve to be loved.
Tears are burning in my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall. I will be strong for me and for our baby. This baby deserves a family that loves him unconditionally, and I can now see that Reid is not capable of unconditional love. He needs time to work out his past, because no matter how much he thinks he’s over it, he’s not.
The thought of going on without Reid is just unbearable, but I have to. I have to do this for me, for my baby — to protect us.
With walls firmly in place, I ready myself for the inevitable broken heart.
“Yes, Reid. I…I can’t stay with you. This baby deserves love — “ he opens his mouth to say something, to tell me he does love the baby and that he loves me, but I know he’ll say anything at this point to keep me from saying the rest, “— I deserve love, and until you realize that you deserve love, that you are not to blame for Shane dying, and that your mother deserves love, too, I know I can’t be with you.”
Eyes wide and sincere, his heart bleeds open in front of me. He looks like a lost little boy — and that’s essentially what he is.
“But I can’t be without you. You can push me away all you want, but I will fight for us. I will fight until my last breath to show you just how much I love you, how much I will always love you.”
Our eyes are locked, and he’s furiously searching mine for some clue that I’m balking here, that I don’t mean what I’m saying. He’s pleading with me to take back my words, but the Reid I know is fully aware of their truth.
The knock on the door startles us from our hell. Momma peeks around the corner.
“Guess who’s all cleared to go home?” Her cheery sing-song voice is a stark contrast to the icy atmosphere. Lost in the happiness that’s consuming her with me being well enough to finally leave, she doesn’t even notice what’s going on.
She stands next to me and pulls me to her side. I rest my head on her shoulder and try to refrain from crying and sobbing in pain at my broken heart.
“I just saw Dr. McNamara in the hall, and she gave me these.” She waves a few papers in front of me, indicating that I’m all set to leave.
I turn away from Reid because I just can’t bear to see what I imagine is my pain reflected in his eyes. I reach down for the handle on my suitcase and, with my good hand, click the button to extend the handle.
Momma wraps her arm around my shoulder and starts walking toward the door. She’s starting to figure out that something’s not right. “Smile, Maddy. You’re going home. You’ve got me, Mel, and Reid to take care of you. Everything is going to be just fine. Well, just fine as soon as we make this five-hour car trip.”
I only wish that last part were true. I would give anything at this point to know in my heart that Reid will be there to take care of me and our baby.
As Momma and I walk toward the door, Reid lingers behind us in the room. Momma stares at him blankly. “Aren’t you coming home with us, Reid?”
He regains his composure and swallows his pain. “Yeah, of course, Momma. I just need to head back to the hotel and get Cammie and Jack. I’ve got his car. Actually, why don’t I drive back with them, and that’ll give Maddy enough room to stretch out in the back seat for the long drive. I’ll meet up with you guys later.”
He walks toward me slowly, and I’m savoring every last second I have with him. I want to memorize the rough stubble that’s grown on his hard, chiseled jaw, his deep ocean-blue eyes that are swirling in anguish at the moment, his soft, full lips, his rich brown hair that feels like silk between my fingertips.
He stops directly in front of me and cradles my cheeks in his large palms. He gently strokes the pads of his thumbs under my eyes, where tears are streaming down. Leaning into my ear, he whispers, “Goodbye for now, sweet Maddy. I love you. I’ll always love you, no matter what, and I will prove it to you.” His lips softly graze my cheek, and then he’s gone. He’s walking past me — out of the door and out of my life.
As Momma and I enter the hallway, I can see Reid all the way at the end. His dark silhouette is illuminated by the bright sun shining through the sliding glass doors.
I can’t help but think how fitting an image it is.
Reid, the love of my life, has always been the darkness in search of the light.
I hope for his sake, for my sake, and for the sake of our baby that he can finally find it.
The End
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www.melissacollinsauthor.com
A Blue Tale
Sarah Dosher
Once upon a time…
Prologue
Eli Blue
Love fucking sucks. No really, let me repeat myself. Love. Fucking. Sucks. I lived my entire life believing in fairytales, believing that my Prince Charming would swoop in and rescue me. Then shitty heartbreak, after shitty heartbreak, knocked me down until I had no choice but to stop believing…
Until the day I started again.
Honestly, I never thought it would happen, but all it really took was a simple spark to ignite the smoldering within me, and then it flamed. Want a glimpse of that day? Want a small peek at
the possibility of happily ever after before I show you the turmoil? Yeah, I figured you did.
***
See that beautiful woman, covered from head to toe in flowing blue silk, peering over the edge of the landing—that’s me. I’m surrounded by twinkling lights and white flower sprigs that smell bright and romantic. I hated them, hated what they represented, and what I no longer had.
I looked like a princess on the outside, but felt sad and alone inside. I was positive no one would see it because they never do. I’d been blindly navigating through life for a long time, since the day I lost the only person that ever truly loved me, when I was too young to know how much he’d be missed. But of course, like love always does, it found its way back to me in the form of a man that pulled at every inch of my body and heart.
He’s down there, just entering through the large doors. Damn, that body-hugging penguin suit fits him perfectly. His hair had grown longer than I remembered; the little curls that once teased along his hairline were now full ringlets. His dark whiskers had turned long and unruly. My heart ached at the sight of him, ached for what we once had—for the opportunity we lost.
He looked up, his eyes immediately connecting with mine. I saw them brighten for just an instant then slowly fade.
Then he looked away.
A waiter handed me a flute of champagne, I downed it and took two more from the tray. I didn’t give a shit how inappropriate it might have looked to my colleagues that were here to celebrate my dad—I needed it. In life, people take what they need most; unfortunately, I was just starting to understand this and do some taking for myself.
There was a loud tapping on the microphone I assumed was to signal the start of the show. Everyone that was anyone in the music industry had shown up to remember my dad’s music. He’s being inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame next month, but tonight was a somewhat lower scale gathering, if you could call an event of this size small. Everyone that knew him or worked with him throughout his career was here. Musicians fought for the chance to play his songs, or write new music to commemorate his career. It should be a touching occasion, but I’d been dreading it for weeks, and had practically been forced here against my will.
I took my seat in the front row and waited for the rush of memories I didn’t want—memories I’d buried deep were about to be yanked to the surface. After the first song, the tears were pooling in my eyes; tears of pity for myself. I decided the only way I was going to survive the night was to turn my emotions off—to just shut down. It was actually starting to work, too. Song after song, I smiled when I felt others watching me, and I clapped when everyone else clapped. But I never heard a single note or melody—the music was lost to me. Music has the ability to reach deep into your soul, to the places you’d forgotten; where the deepest wounds reside—and I didn’t fucking want that—I wanted to be left alone.
My entire being was numb to my surroundings until a low murmur spread through the crowd drawing my attention. The lights lowered as one man took the stage. My eyes grew wide as I saw who it was, and I knew I’d never be able to ignore the rhythm that came from within him that his guitar simply amplified. Clutched in his hands was my dad’s guitar, the one I’d given him just before it all came crashing down.
He sat on a simple black stool directly in front of me; so close I could have reached out and plucked the strings myself. But he didn’t look at me; instead he looked over me and to the crowd before finally closing his eyes to play. His fingers slowly glided over the guitar, sending the vibrations deep into my heart. It was one of my dad’s songs; only he’d changed it and made it his own.
While the world is still living
All my passion has faded away
My fingers on this guitar to stop feeling the ache
‘Cause she’ll never long for me
I deceived myself
She was gone from the instant I loved her
My heart still calls to her
As I try to find the power to move forward somehow
No, I won’t ever forget us
Her love was blue and made for another
A fairytale I could never measure
Full of prosperity and control
I was meager with no rise in sight
I deceived myself
She was gone from the instant I loved her
My heart still calls to her
As I try to find the power to move forward somehow
No, I won’t ever forget us
Tears of loss falling down as I try to forget
Her love was a ruse from when I first fell
None of her love, all meant for them
Cause of my pain when I think back to then
I remember her smell as it filled me full
The sound of betrayal as it spilled from her lips
Say to myself time and time again
I’ll never need her from now on
I deceived myself
She was gone from the instant I loved her
My heart still calls to her
As I try to find the power to move forward somehow
No, I won’t ever forget us
It was never meant to be
My heart knows that now
I’ve found the will to forget her now
My bequest to you ‘cause I know that’s your will
Tears were streaming down my face—no longer for myself, but for this man that I’d loved and lost—tears for us. The song ended and he disappeared from the stage. Before I cleared the wetness from my eyes, he was standing in front of me, holding my dad’s guitar out to me. I stood and moved toward him. My fingers wrapped around the smooth maple wood of the guitar’s neck, and I could feel the grooves in the frets caused by years of play.
I had wondered if I’d ever see this man, or this guitar again, and here they were, right in front of me where I could feel their presence reverberating in my soul.
Neither of us spoke. I smiled; he frowned, and then turned and walked away.
Chapter One
Eli Blue
“Deacon! Deacon! Deacon!” the hoard of girls chanted, as they pushed and shoved, trying to get closer to the empty stage.
The unmistakable sound of a Fender Stratocaster echoed through the small arena, inciting the masses even further. The crowd was a living, breathing entity all its own that swayed and surged with every note. As the opening guitar solo edged forward, I could smell sweet excitement filling the air; unfortunately, the scent was dampened by sweat and stale beer.
“C’mon, hurry your ass up!” I shouted to my friend, Willow, before I started weaving through the flesh-hungry mob. Willow wrapped her arms around my waist trying not to get trampled.
After elbowing every single person in our path, we finally reached the barricade a few feet from the stage. Immediately, we were greeted by a snarling security guard that wasn’t happy to see us ascending into sacred territory. He held up his hands in a silent plea for us to stop, which did nothing but make me roll my eyes. I’d never felt entitled to things in my life; however, free reign at this place was a given, and the only thing I ever demanded.
I flashed the sweetest smile I could manage, and was just about to inform him who my dad was, when a man dressed in a business suit gestured for the guard to let us pass. I smiled at the suit and he returned the gesture with a nod of his head just before he disappeared behind a door leading under the stage. Realization of who I was, or actually who my dad was, flooded over the guard’s face. His eyes grew wide and reverence appeared—with a touch of pity.
“That never gets old.” Willow yelled in my ear over the screams and hollers for the concert to begin.
“What?” I shouted back.
“When they finally realize you’re someone important and retreat.” She laughed.
I shook my head. “But I’m not.” I informed her.
“Yes, you are, Elizabeth, and it won’t be long ‘til I’m someone special, too.” She said with a wink.
I rolled my eyes at her before turning my attention back to the stage just as a single light began to rise. The guitar solo slowly faded and was followed by the pounding of a kick drum. Boom, boom, boom. I could feel my heart mirror the slow, methodical beat. Boom, boom, boom.
Anticipation built within me causing heat to cover my body, and sweat to roll down the middle of my back. Music always had a way of exciting me. I’d grown up with it—I’d never known anything different. Even when I’d been shielded from its harsh glare, a constant rhythm still flowed through my veins.
A shadowy figure appeared at the center microphone directly in front of us.
“Oh shit there he is, there he is!” Willow screamed, jumping up and down.
I burst into laughter because I’d never seen her act like this before.
“Damn girl, calm down! He’s just some lead singer. We’ve definitely met our fair share before.” I placed my hands on her shoulders forcing her to calm down.
She pointed toward the stage, “Duke’s different—dear Lord is he different. Just wait ‘til you hear him sing and you’ll be ready to rip his clothes off, too.”
“Fuck me, Duke!” echoed behind me. I turned to see a leggy blonde with the brightest red lips I’d ever seen, flashing her tits at the stage. I’d never understand how any woman thought that would help her chances at snagging a man. Sleazy desperation was never attractive on anyone, no matter how much lipstick you tried to cover it with.
A low, sexy growl came through the sound system, drawing my attention back to the stage. Standing center stage was a towering man wearing nothing but black leather pants. His long blonde hair hung down his back and teased the crowd by subtly camouflaging his muscles that appeared to bulge in all the right places.
“That’s him, that’s him.” Willow shouted, digging her nails into my upper arm.
I shrugged my shoulders, “Yeah, he looks good, but I need to hear him first.”
“He plays guitar, too. Don’t worry, I wouldn’t drag you here for a singer that didn’t play, too.”