Silk

by Heidi McLaughlin

  “You think it’s so easy,” I said as I wiped away a tear that fell down my face. I grabbed my keys from counter. “Let’s go,” I said as I walked out the door, out of the building, and climbed into the Jeep.

  ***

  As we walked into Bernie’s, I saw Lily sitting at the bar. Gretchen jumped up and ran over to hug Sam. I didn’t know what to say to Lily. I already apologized for kissing her. She turned around and looked at me as I gave her a small smile before walking over to the stage to get things set up. Shortly after, Lucky came strolling in with his arm around Giselle.

  “Feeling good tonight, boys.” Lucky strutted over with a big smile across his face.

  I looked at him and rolled my eyes. “Let me guess, you got laid.”

  “That’s right, Lukey boy,” he said as he slapped me on the back. “You should try it sometime.”

  I ignored him because he was Lucky, and that’s how he was. When we got the stage set up, the bar had already filled up since Bernie had advertised that we’d be playing tonight. I kept looking over at Lily, but she wouldn’t look at me. She kept her back turned and drank her beer. I took a deep breath, and I walked over and sat on the bar stool next to her.

  “Hey,” I said.

  She picked up her beer, took a sip, and looked at me. “Hey.”

  Candi, the bartender, walked over to where we were sitting. “The usual, Luke?”

  “The usual.” I smiled.

  Lily sat there and stared at her beer bottle. “I’m sorry about earlier,” I said.

  “Sorry about what?” She smiled as she looked at me.

  “Um, when I crossed the line and kissed you.”

  She tilted her head and slowly shook it. “I’m sorry, Luke, but I don’t recall you kissing me.”

  I grinned because that was her way of telling me that everything was cool between us. I held up my beer bottle as she held up hers, and we lightly tapped them together.

  “I have to get on stage now.”

  “Good luck.” She smiled.

  15

  Lily

  I sat there while Luke walked to the stage. He was still apologizing for our kiss. I could tell he felt awkward about it, so I had to turn it into nothing, even though it was something to me. It was something real that stirred up desire and passion from within. Something I won’t so easily be able to forget. I was in deep thought, holding the beer bottle between both my hands, when I heard his voice. I closed my eyes for a moment because his voice was breathtaking. As I turned around to face the stage, I saw him standing there, in his stonewashed jeans and brown boots. His navy blue shirt was tight and emphasized his muscular, ripped body. He was sexy as hell, and I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I wanted him to kiss me again. I needed another drink, so I motioned for Candi, and I ordered a shot of vodka. The beer just wasn’t doing it, and I needed to forget about Luke, the kiss, and my mother. I threw back the shot that Candi set down in front of me, and I ordered another. I listened intently as he sang his song. The words haunted me.

  “Sleep, baby, sleep

  Peace is just a dream away

  Let it go and release your fears

  For tomorrow’s another day.”

  I grabbed the shot glass out of Candi’s hand before she could set it down. After Luke finished his song and sang a few more, I was starting to feel the effects of the alcohol. Giselle and Gretchen walked over and sat down at the bar next to me.

  “Why didn’t you sit with us at the table?” Giselle asked.

  “I wanted to sit here; I didn’t feel like getting up.”

  “Are you ok, Lily?” Gretchen asked.

  “Sure,” I said. “Everything’s just dandy. My mom, who’s dead to me, is trying to track me down. The boy next door kissed me, then apologized and left me sitting on the bed, looking like an idiot. I found my fiancé and my sister fucking in a closet on my wedding day, and best of all, my mother knew they were seeing each other for a long time. Cheers to my awesome fucking life,” I said as I held up my beer bottle.

  “What’s going on?” Luke said as he walked up behind me.

  “Hey, Luke, great show,” Giselle and Gretchen said at the same time.

  Sam and Lucky walked over, grabbed their girls, and kissed them. I rolled my eyes and turned back around towards the bar.

  “Let’s dance,” Giselle said as she grabbed Lucky’s hand.

  “Awesome idea! Come on, Lily,” Gretchen said.

  “You go ahead; I’ll join you in a while.”

  “Come on, let’s go sit at a table and talk,” Luke said as he lightly touched my arm.

  I got up from the stool, grabbed my beer bottle, and walked with Luke over to a table.

  “You were really amazing; I want you know that.” I smiled.

  “Thanks.” He smiled as he looked down in embarrassment.

  A waitress, named Deb, came over to the table and set down two napkins. “Great performance as always, Luke. You want the usual?”

  “Thanks, Deb. Get me a beer and whatever Lily wants.”

  “What can I get you, sweetie?” Deb asked.

  “Two shots of vodka and make them doubles, please.”

  “Ok, two shots of vodka and a beer coming right up.” She smiled.

  “Switching over to the hard liquor?” Luke asked.

  “I need it tonight,” I said.

  “Why’s that?”

  “I really don’t want to get into it.”

  Suddenly, two girls approached the table. I recognized one of them; she was the one giving Luke a blow job that night I walked in on them.

  “Hi, Luke.” She smiled. “You were so awesome tonight.”

  “Thanks.” He smiled.

  “Would you like to get together later and maybe talk or something?” she asked.

  “No, not tonight.”

  Deb walked over with our drinks and just in time. She set the vodka down in front of me and handed Luke his beer. I slammed the first shot and then the second.

  “Aw, come on, I promise that you’ll have a really good time,” she whined.

  “Back off. He said no! Now, take your little slutty asses and get away from my table!” I yelled.

  Luke looked at me in surprise as he drank his beer.

  “Who the hell are you?” she asked.

  I got up out of my seat. “I’m someone who’s trying to have a conversation here, but instead, I’m being bothered by some little groupie who thinks she’s going to get laid.”

  Luke stood up and lightly grabbed my arm. “Lily, sit down.”

  I jerked my arm away. “Don’t touch me!” I snapped.

  Giselle and Gretchen came running over to the table with Sam and Lucky following behind.

  “Go down the street; I’m sure there’s a very profitable corner with your name on it. If you’re going to blow random strangers, then you might as well get paid for it.”

  “Bitch!” she snapped as she turned on her heels and walked away.

  Giselle clasped my shoulders, and Gretchen picked up the shot glass and smelled it.

  “Shit, she’s drinking vodka.”

  Luke looked at me and then at Gretchen. “Is that bad or something?” he asked.

  “Yeah, it is,” Giselle answered.

  “Lily tends to get mean and violent when she drinks vodka. It’s the only alcohol that affects her that way. She can drink anything else, get drunk, and have fun, but vodka turns her into a different person,” Gretchen answered.

  “Oh, fuck off! I can drink whatever the hell I want. Who are you? My mother?”

  Luke leaned over the table. “Watch your mouth.”

  I leaned over until I was inches from his face. “Fuck you too! I want everyone to just leave me the hell alone!” I exclaimed as I got up from my seat.

  Anger washed over his face. He got up from his seat and followed me to the bar. “You aren’t drinking anymore tonight.”

  “I’m going to the restroom; I’ll be right back,” I said.

  I
just wanted to go home. At this point, I was drunk, and I didn’t feel good, so I left the bar and started walking down the street. It wasn’t too long after when I heard Luke calling my name.

  “Are you crazy? You told me you were going to the bathroom. Why did you leave, Lily?”

  I stopped, and as I turned around, I started to stumble, but he caught me. “I just want to be left alone. I want you to leave me alone, Luke.”

  We were by a dark alley with only a dimmed light post to provide some lighting. Luke pushed me up against the brick and pinned my hands with his to the wall. “I don’t want to leave you alone, Lily.”

  We stared into each other’s eyes before he leaned forward and forcefully pushed his lips against mine, forcing my lips to part. He kissed me as if he wanted to devour me. Our tongues were tangled as the alluring scent of him engulfed my senses. I felt helpless, and I couldn’t move because he was too strong. My heart was racing. Moments later, he broke our kiss and stared at me.

  “I hope you don’t remember this tomorrow,” he whispered.

  Luke let go of my hands and picked me up. He carried me to his Jeep, set me in the passenger seat, pulled the seatbelt over me, and buckled it. I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

  ***

  My eyes flew open, and I looked around my bedroom. Looking down, I noticed that I was still in my dress from last night. Over to the right, the clock read 8:00 a.m. I put my hand on my head as it felt like there was someone inside, pounding it with a sledgehammer. I felt sick, and I was still a little dizzy. I couldn’t remember how I got home or in my bed. Stumbling out of bed, I walked into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror; my mascara was smeared underneath my red eyes. I started the bath and poured some bubbles under the stream of running water; then I climbed into the tub and laid myself back. The last thing I remembered about last night was Luke’s band performing. I ran my fingers across my lips; remembering the dream I had about him kissing me and how real it felt. I closed my eyes to try and soothe my pounding head, but it didn’t help. After a thirty minute soak, I got out of the bathtub and threw on a fuchsia cotton sundress. I ran a brush through my hair and piled it on top of my head in a messy bun; then I stumbled back into the bathroom for some Motrin. As I pulled out the bottle, I noticed it was empty. I sighed. As I made my way to the kitchen, I was startled by a knock on the door. I walked over, looked out the peephole, and saw Luke standing there with coffee in his hands, so I opened the door.

  “Good morning, I’ve come with coffee, which I’m sure you need.” He smiled as he held up two cups.

  “You don’t by any chance have some Motrin, do you?” I asked.

  He handed me a coffee cup, reached inside the pocket of his shorts, then pulled out a bottle, shaking it in front of me.

  “You may come in,” I said as I stepped out of the way.

  I took the bottle from him and set it on the counter. As I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, I caught him staring at me.

  “What? I know I look like a hot mess, but you don’t have to make it so obvious.”

  He laughed. “You do look like a hot mess, but I like it. It’s very becoming on you.”

  I sighed as I took three pills out of the bottle and shoved them in my mouth, chasing them down with water. “I bet you say that to all the girls.”

  “Only the ones I like.” He smiled.

  “So, how did you know I was up?” I asked.

  “I heard you run the bath water.”

  “Oh, that’s nice; do you also hear it when I’m getting myself off?” An expression of shock overtook his face. “I’m joking, Luke.”

  He shook his head and grinned at me. He was sexy in his long khaki shorts and tight red t-shirt. “I apologize for anything I may have done or said last night. The last thing I remember is watching you perform,” I said as I motioned for us to sit down on the couch.

  “That’s the last thing you remember?”

  “Yes, so please enlighten me on my activities so that I can decide whether or not to show my face at Bernie’s again.”

  “Well, you told some girl to find a street corner and get paid for giving blow jobs, you told Gretchen and Giselle to fuck off, and then you told me to do the same. After that, you said you were going to the bathroom, but instead, you went out the front door, and I had to chase after you.”

  “Oh,” I gulped. “I’m sorry; it was the vodka. I’m sure Giselle and Gretchen told you how I get when I drink it.”

  “Yes, they did. If you know how you get then why do you drink it?”

  “It soothes me, and after the news I got yesterday, I needed it.”

  “What news? Did it have anything to do with that nightmare you had?”

  I took in a deep breath before I answered him. “I think it did. Giselle called after you dropped me off, told me that my mother had contacted her, and that she was looking for me. It upset me, and when I went to lay down for a while, it must have manifested into that nightmare.”

  “Please tell me about your nightmare. I know you’d rather not, but I want to hear about it.”

  I heard the sincerity in his voice, and that he truly wanted to hear about my dream, so I took in a deep breath and told him everything. Luke reached out, taking both my hands and interlaced our fingers. His touch made my heart flutter. “That’s horrible, Lily,” he said, then he pulled me into his chest. “You shouldn’t be having nightmares like that. I’m sorry.”

  He leaned back against the arm of the couch, almost in a laying position, and I was snuggled against his chest. He let go of my hands and wrapped his arms around me as if he was keeping me safe. I could feel the rapid beating of his heart; a similar beat that matched mine. As he began stroking my hair, I tilted my head to see him smiling down at me, and the words suddenly flew out of my mouth before I could stop them, “Kiss me.”

  Luke hesitated. “Are you sure?” he asked.

  “I’m positive; unless you don’t want to.”

  “Believe me, I want to.”

  “Then shut up and do it.”

  He slowly brought his lips down to mine and kissed me softly. After a short moment, he stopped and looked at me while gently running the back of his hand across my cheek. I smiled. That was all he needed to be convinced I wanted him as much as he wanted me.

  16

  Luke

  Her lips were soft, and her tongue was smooth. I softly kissed her, nipping at her bottom lip and watching her smile as I did it. Our tongues gave way and accepted each other instantly. I was hard, and I knew she could feel it pressing against her as she moved up and positioned herself perfectly on top of me. I fisted her hair as she held my face in-between her hands. Our breathing was rapid, and our hearts pounded at the same pace. I wanted to be inside her and feel her skin against mine. I removed the clip that held up her hair and let it fall over her shoulders. She was a sexy, beautiful person, and I needed and wanted more of her. My hands traveled down the back of her dress and over her ass. I caressed every bare spot until I reached her thong. I ran my hands up and down her back as we kissed deeply and passionately. It felt incredible to be underneath her, but I wasn’t sure if this was the right time. I wanted us to make love for the right reasons. I didn’t want to be a one-night stand with her, and I’m sure she didn’t want to be one with me, so I broke our kiss and looked into her eyes. She had awoken something in me—something that’s been dead for a year.

  “What have you done to me, Lily?” I asked her as I ran my fingers through her hair.

  “The same thing you’ve done to me,” she responded.

  “As much as I want you right now, I think we should wait.”

  Lily looked at me and nodded her head; then I pulled her into me and held her tight.

  “I’m scared. I don’t know where this is going. There’s so much I don’t know about you, and there’s so much you don’t know about me. I don’t want us to have sex on a whim and end up regretting it later. That’s not who I am, Lily, and I need you to trust
me.”

  She whispered in my ear, “I do trust you, and I agree with you.”

  I tightened my arms around her, knowing that this woman before me was truly perfect. She slowly got off of me and sat up on the couch, so I sat up next to her and ran my finger along her shoulder, making small circles. “Will you go on a date with me tonight?”

  “I don’t do dates.” She smiled.

  “I don’t either, but I thought maybe tonight we could both make an exception.” I smiled back.

  She took my finger from her shoulder and tenderly kissed it. “I think maybe I could make an exception this one time.”

  “Me too.” I grinned.

  I got up from the couch. “I’m going to go now, before it gets any hotter in here,” I said as I pointed to the door.

  Lily got up and followed me. “Maybe I should call my maintenance guy over so he can cool me off.”

  “Somehow, I think your maintenance guy will make you sweat.” I smiled as I leaned into her and kissed her lips. “I’ll pick you up at 6:00 p.m. We’ll go to dinner and then figure it out from there.”

  “That sounds great. I’ll be ready,” she said as she closed the door.

  ***

  “Dude, where the hell were you?” Sam asked as I walked through the door.

  “I was over at Lily’s,” I replied and headed towards my bedroom.

  Sam followed behind me. “Bro, your hair’s all messed up. Did you have sex with her?!”

  “No, we didn’t have sex. We almost did, but I stopped it.”

  “Dude, are you crazy? Why did you stop it?”

  “Maybe I am, but I’m not thinking with my dick. I’m thinking with my head and my heart, and I want to—no, I need to know her better. I have too much hurt going on and so does Lily. Neither of us needs to just have a sympathy fuck just for the sake of it.”

  “I get it, and I’m proud of you,” Sam said.

  “I asked her out on a date tonight. I’m going to take her to dinner and then I think I’ll take her to the cove so we can really talk to each other without anyone else around.”

  I heard the door open and little footsteps running around the apartment. I walked out of my bedroom and saw Charley in the kitchen. “How’s my favorite niece?”