Silk

by Heidi McLaughlin

  Before the doctor left the room, he held out the small square piece of paper with the picture of our little Lizzie-to-be. When she didn’t move to take it from him, he smiled knowingly at me and handed it to me instead. As he passed by me on his way out, he squeezed my arm as if to reassure me that it would all be okay. I slid the photo into my wallet sure that, no matter what the outcome, Lizzie would want it later.

  Before we could leave, we were ushered into a little office and told to have a seat. The lady who conducted the brief counseling session was much more brusque than the receptionist or the doctor that we’d seen before. She discussed heartbreaking topics like abortion and adoption as if she was reading her grocery list to us. I hated her to the very core of my being.

  Again, Lizzie had no reaction whatsoever. Her eyes remained on her hands, which were clasped in her lap. When the lady realized that she was talking more to me than to Lizzie, she wrapped it up. She threw a myriad of pamphlets and some free prenatal vitamins into a white plastic bag and sent us on our way with instructions to talk it over and make some decisions while we still could.

  When we stepped out onto the street, it felt like I had aged a lifetime even though we’d been in the clinic for just over an hour. A summer rain was pouring down on us, and I looked around frantically for a cab. A car caught my attention just down the block. If I didn’t know better, I would have said that it looked like Adam’s, though I couldn’t imagine why his car would be parked on this street, which largely housed community service organizations like the Planned Parenthood clinic. I squinted through the rain, but passing cars obscured my view of the dark car at the end of the block.

  Lizzie emitted a gasp that sounded like the air being pushed out of a balloon, and my attention was redirected to the little girl next to me. She had her face turned up to the sky, and rain was pouring off the side of her face. Her eyes were pinched shut, and her slight body wracked as one sob after another threatened to take her to the ground. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her back against the building. The small awning over the entrance to the clinic did little to shield us from the rain, but it was something at least.

  As I held her slight body against mine, she continued to shudder. I was worried that this level of emotion might be harmful to her or the baby. But any emotion ... even to this extreme ... had to be better than the complete lack of emotion that she’d displayed when her baby had flickered to life during the sonogram. Countless years of expensive counseling had taught me that it was better to let it out. Bottling it up would only cause her more anguish later. So rather than try to calm her, I silently held her and let the rain pour over us.

  After what seemed like a millennia had passed, Lizzie pushed away from me and looked at me with a timid smile. “Thanks. I think that should do it for now,” she said. Her voice was raspy from the crying jag.

  “I’m sorry that you’re all wet. That’s probably Dolce and Gabbana or something, right?” she asked, pointing to my drenched suit.

  “Nah. This old thing is from Kmart,” I said.

  Her laugh never sounded so good. “Right,” she said, rolling her eyes. “As if you have ever worn Kmart.”

  “I’ve worn Kmart,” I said with indignation. “Okay, well maybe not Kmart, but Target has some good shit.” I clapped my hand over my mouth as she barked out another laugh.

  “You think I haven’t heard ‘shit’ before? Have you met my mother?” Lizzie asked.

  “Well, you don’t need to hear it from me,” I answered. “I’m supposed to be a good role model.”

  She doubled over in half in a laughing spell that was every bit as heartfelt as the crying spell that had preceded it. “Some role model you’ve turned out to be,” she snorted. She looked up at me with a glimmer of true humor in her eye.

  Even though she was joking ... and I was glad she still had a joke in her after the day she’d had ... her words stabbed me through the chest. She’d just uttered the very thought that had been tormenting me for days.

  I was suddenly aware of the pouring rain again. I really hated the rain. It didn’t matter how warm the air was. It still gave me chills.

  Thankfully, a cab pulled up at that moment. It was time to call it a day. I ushered Lizzie inside. Just before I slid in behind her, I glanced back down the street to the spot where I’d thought I’d seen Adam’s car. The dark car was gone.

  ***

  I safely delivered Lizzie back to her apartment building. Before I let her out of the cab, I made her promise to take the prenatal vitamins and meet me Saturday at two. After she disappeared into the building with the little white plastic sack clutched in her hand, I finally headed back home.

  I’d planned on going back into the office. It had been much too early to shut down for the day when I’d left, and I had a big research project to finish. But it was almost 8:00. Normally, it wouldn’t have been this dark on a summer night, but the dreary weather had made nightfall come early today. The research would have to wait until tomorrow. I didn’t have anything left in me tonight.

  It was still pouring rain when the cab pulled up in front of my building. About 30 feet stood between me and the front door. Even if I hadn’t already been soaking wet, I would have been drenched by the time I made it. I looked down at my still damp suit. Lizzie had correctly identified it as designer even if she’d gotten the label wrong. It was a rumpled mess. At this point, there was no real need to make a run for it.

  As I approached the building, a shadow to the right of the door shifted, leaving me uneasy. I glanced in that direction, but it was too dark and rainy for me to accurately process my surroundings. I reconsidered my earlier decision and stepped up my pace. Just as I reached the door, a familiar voice uttered, “Allie Cat.” It was more of a growl than a greeting, but I knew the voice and liked it. I paused with my hand on the door handle just as a hand reached out and grabbed my arm. I was yanked over into the black abyss where I’d seen the movement, and Adam’s unique musky smell swirled around me, drugging me into submission.

  I’d been a bundle of emotions all evening, and it had left me too raw to speak. Luckily, that wasn’t what he was looking for either. An arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me flush against him. His thumb drew a line across my cheek as the rain continued to pelt down on us. His mouth met mine, and I took control. I hadn’t even realized that this was what I needed, but I was so hungry for him.

  I pressed harder against his body, wanting to feel every inch of him from his hard chest all the way down to the hips that were pressing into my waist. As his mouth matched my fervor, I was overcome with all the feelings that I’d been fighting all evening with Lizzie. Finally, I fell apart. I cried silently, my tears mixing with the rain. Only the salty drops streaming down my face would give me away, but I made sure that he was sufficiently distracted.

  His hands grabbed my wet hair and pulled my head back so that my face was pointed toward the sky that continued to pour down. His lips trailed from my mouth down my neck. The neckline of my shirt was forcefully pulled over. His mouth continued across my collarbone while a hand expertly manhandled the buttons on my shirt. If I didn’t stop this, I was going to be naked on the street in front of my building.

  Even as I considered taking this party inside, my body disobeyed me. My wet hand snaked up under his t-shirt and slid across the ripples that I knew so well. “Let’s go inside, Adam,” I finally whispered. My breathing was ragged. “Or we’re going to get arrested.”

  He laughed huskily. “I’ve been caught doing worse.” But he grabbed my hand and pulled me through the door.

  I didn’t bother to take the time to redress myself and instead pulled my shirt tightly around me.

  “Ms. Harper,” Tony said in greeting, rushing around his desk in the lobby. “You are soaking wet. Let me get you some towels.”

  “That’s okay, Tony. We are just going to go on upstairs.” I didn’t dare look him in the eye as we walked past, but pulled my shirt a little tighter. I was sure tha
t the flush on my cheeks would give away where my mind was at the moment, and it was still in the gutter.

  “If you’re sure, ma’am,” he replied. If he knew the mischief that I was up to, he didn’t give himself away. Our strides to the elevator were long and purposeful. Considering the trail of water drops that we were leaving on Tony’s previously spotless floor, I made a mental note to up his Christmas bonus this year.

  Even after the doors closed and we were safely tucked inside, I didn’t dare touch Adam. We stood as far apart as the small space would allow, leaning against opposite walls. He flipped his wet hair off his forehead, and a small smile played across his face. His appreciative eyes traveled the length of my body. The crackle in the air threatened to snap my resolve, but I didn’t break. I wouldn’t touch him until we reached the confines of my apartment.

  I was done crying for the night. In fact, I wasn’t thinking about where I’d been this evening at all. Adam had a way of doing that to me. His touch could pull me from the darkest recesses of my mind. He had a way of healing me.

  All I wanted to think about right now was the here and now. And right here and now, I was thinking about how fast I could get that ‘Jesus Hates the Yankees’ shirt off his body. The ride to the sixth floor was the longest elevator ride of my life.

  CHAPTER 15

  Adam

  Seeing Allie with that little girl was unnerving. It ripped my heart wide open. A part of me wanted to yank her out of Allie’s path and protect her from whatever damage she was sure to inflict on her.

  Another part knew that was irrational and wanted to just let go of it all. It was clear that she was dealing with some pretty heavy shit with that one. I also knew that she was fighting her own demons. I’d tasted her tears.

  Maybe the little girl was her way of making amends. But did she really think that spending a couple of hours every week with a troubled kid was enough? It wasn’t. It would never be enough.

  Alexis

  The sign read “Mind over Batter: Where Cake and Contemplation Meet.” An array of tasty pastries beckoned to me through the window. As unsure as I was about the activities planned for tonight, there were few things I loved more than baked goods.

  I also needed a distraction. I’d worn myself thin today thinking about the Lizzie situation. The only thing I would be contemplating tonight was how much cake I was going to put into my pie hole.

  I pushed open the door and the bell over it jingled to announce my arrival. No less than 10 women turned to see who the intruder was. God, why was I late everywhere I went? Unfortunately, chronic lateness practically guaranteed that every entrance was a grand one.

  I scanned the room for the one face that I would recognize. Thankfully, Carly came running over and grabbed my purse off my arm. She tossed it onto a nearby table, and the wine in her glass slopped over the edge and ran down her hand.

  “Well, shit,” she muttered. She switched her glass to her other hand and wiped the now dripping hand on her jeans. Flour and frosting were smeared across her face. “What a waste,” she said looking longingly at the wine on the tile floor.

  “I’m sorry I’m late. I got tied up at work,” I said, raising my shoulders in a shrug.

  “That’s okay. I was only just about to eat your share of the balls,” she said.

  Her comment reminded me of why I’d come, and I scanned the room for the food setup. The invitation to Carly’s sister-in-law’s “Birthday Ball” had promised wine and a smorgasbord of sweet and salty balls. Since I’d never met any of Carly’s family, I’d been reluctant to come, but Carly had begged and pleaded. The promise of sausage balls, peanut butter balls, and possibly a cheese ball had eventually won me over. The fact that the party was in a bakery where we would get a lesson in cake balling was the nail in my willpower coffin.

  Carly rolled her eyes at me. “Your job sucks. I mean, my job sucks, but your job really sucks.”

  “Watch your filthy fucking mouth, or I’ll tell your dad,” a voice behind Carly slurred. The woman who belonged to the voice slipped an arm around Carly and pulled her in for a side hug. Auburn curls spilled out of a white chef’s hat that was propped crookedly on her head. Since I’d never met this person before, I couldn’t be entirely sure, but I was willing to bet that her eyes were probably a little glassier than normal.

  “This is my drunk sister-in-law ... and the birthday girl.” Carly said, confirming what I’d already deduced. “Alexis, meet Dawn. Dawn, meet Alexis. Dawn used to work with me until she decided that having a whole harem of little yard apes excused her from the family business.”

  Dawn gave Carly a warm toothy grin and elbowed her in the side before turning to me. “I only thought those little yard apes were my ticket to freedom. Now, they are choking the everloving life out of me.” Even though she was joking, her words were like a stab to the heart.

  “Well, thanks for inviting me,” I said to cover up the awkwardness I felt. I held up the gift sack I had brought for Dawn.

  “Of course. The more, the merrier,” Dawn said with a wave of her hand. “Besides, you only turn 35 once.”

  “Or three times,” Carly said under her breath.

  “Again with that filthy mouth! Keep it up and I’m going to walk out of here with your balls in my purse.”

  I laughed at the two of them. Despite a complete lack of resemblance, they seemed more like real sisters than sisters by marriage.

  I had heard a lot about George and Dawn and their four kids. The thought of having four kids under the age of 6 was mind blowing, but I was willing to bet that Dawn was a great mom. She had that look about her. But she also had a mouth on her, and I could definitely see how this petite woman could be married to the owner of The Shelter.

  Dawn led us through the maze of tables. We stopped at each one, and she introduced me to the rest of the ladies. At the last table, a tall brunette was rolling crumbled cake into balls. “It’s about freaking time,” she said, looking up. “These balls aren’t going to roll themselves, you know.”

  She was absolutely stunning. The resemblance to Carly was unmistakable, and I knew immediately that this was Carly’s younger sister and roommate. They shared the same coloring and some of the same facial features. However, whereas Carly’s eyes were brown, Jillian’s were a deep green. She was also at least a head taller than Carly, and her hair was longer and sleeker. Carly’s cute stature and bubbly personality had always reminded me of a cheerleader. However, her sister wasn’t cute or bubbly. She was refined and elegant. She was like a supermodel version of her older sister.

  She ripped off a cake-covered rubber glove and extended her hand to me. “Hi, I’m Jillian. You must be Alexis,” she said. Her eyes gleamed in earnest, and she threw me an award-winning smile. I was instantly glad that Carly had never introduced Adam to Jillian. There’s no way that he would have been able to say no.

  “Yes,” I said, smiling back at her and shaking her perfectly manicured hand.

  “I understand that you’re Adam’s girl,” she said, still smiling.

  Damn. I guess Adam had been introduced to her. I couldn’t help but wonder how far that introduction had gone, but I didn’t detect an undercurrent to her comment. If she was interested in him or, worse, had dated him, she wasn’t letting on. Since Carly had never mentioned it, I decided that I was probably just being an insecure spaz.

  “I’ve been seeing him all summer, I guess,” I answered with a nod.

  “Well, you’re a lucky girl then. He’s a complete doll,” she said.

  “Yes, he is,” I said. I didn’t disagree with her, but it was puzzling. She wasn’t the first to describe Adam to me in such a way. Carly had called him a sweetheart during our first heart-to-heart. Thinking about it now, it seemed funny to me. First impressions of Adam didn’t lend one to think of him as a “sweetheart” or a “doll.” They weren’t the words that had come to mind when I’d seen him at The Library the first time.

  It wasn’t until I’d gotten to know him that
I’d seen his softer side. I thought back to our recent movie date at the school. Adam had definitely shown a romantic side that night. Thinking about the movie theater immediately conjured up memories of our little sexcapade after the movie was over. Naturally, one thought led to another, and I felt my cheeks get hot as I remembered our encounter in the rain last night.

  “Oh, wow,” Carly said. “You are thinking about sex. Sex with Adam.” She said it as a teasing taunt.

  “I am not!” I said, smacking her in the arm. Again, her wine spilled, but this time the mess was contained by the stainless steel table top. I looked around for something to clean it up and noticed Jillian looking at me with a smug smile on her face. Again, I wondered just how well she knew Adam.

  Dawn giggled. “I’m certainly thinking about sex with Adam ... last time, George and I tried to have sex, Erica walked into our bedroom right as we got to the good part and asked, ‘Mom, is it okay if I put on your makeup?’ She’d been in the bathroom the whole time.” She erupted into laughter.

  “True story,” she said nodding her head. “Don’t ever have children.”

  Jillian looked at her in disbelief. “Lord, I hope you make it tonight. We haven’t even got to the dipping part,” Jillian said, gesturing to the line of undipped cake balls on the table.

  “I hope I make it tonight, too,” Dawn said, snorting.

  Jillian shook her head and said, “Stop talking about sex with my brother.” Then she leveled her eyes at me. “I need a refill, and somebody here needs to catch up.”

  She pulled her purse off the shelf under the table. Rummaging through the large bag, she pulled out a flask and unscrewed the lid. She poured clear liquid that I hoped was vodka into her cup to top off her drink. “Want some?” she asked with an arched eyebrow.