Silk

by Heidi McLaughlin

  “Absolutely,” I said. I reached over and popped a cake ball in my mouth. I swear my eyes rolled back in my head. Even without their outer coating, they were delicious. The cake-to-frosting ratio was perfect.

  “Cups are on the table over by the food,” Jillian said, reaching back into her purse. This time she pulled out a can of sparkling water.

  Whatever interest she had in Adam, I had to respect a girl who carried a full bar in her purse. In fact, my opinion of her had just skyrocketed. I thought of someone else who would find her interesting as well. If I could get them together, he would be a good distraction from Adam if she needed one. Making that happen might be a challenge though since the Adam portion of my life had yet to commingle with the Ethan portion.

  We spent the rest of the evening rolling, chilling, and dipping cake balls. Mine didn’t turn out as pretty as the ones in the window, but they were mostly round and tasted like little nuggets of heaven. They were definitely better looking than Dawn’s, but since Dawn had eaten most of hers as she went there wasn’t any real evidence of that. Of course, Jillian’s batch looked as if they’d been professionally crafted by someone on ‘Cake Boss.’ I was willing to bet that she was one of those people who excelled at everything she attempted.

  Dawn was the entertainment of the night. She constantly made cracks about her husband and her kids. The drunker she got, the funnier she became. Some of her better stories involved George, which made Carly and Jillian squirm a little. But, if Dawn noticed, it didn’t deter her in the least. .

  As we were boxing up the end results of our culinary efforts, Dawn thanked everyone for coming. “This was so much fun,” she slurred. “I love each and every one of you ... even those of you that I just met tonight.” She seemed to be looking at me though I had doubts that her eyes were fully focusing.

  “This was fun,” Carly said to me alone. “We should do it again. Whose birthday is next?”

  “That would probably be me ... unless someone else is having a birthday before Thursday,” I said without thinking.

  An excited look passed across Carly’s face. “Your birthday is Thursday!” she said, clapping her hands together. “Fun! We’re going to celebrate!”

  I immediately regretted letting it slip. Based on the look on her face, she was going to try to make a production out of what I considered to be just another day in the year. “It’s no big deal. Besides, my parents are coming to town for it. These are enough celebrating for me,” I said, holding up my white bakery box of semi-deformed cake balls. “But I assure you that I’m going to eat every last one of them.”

  “Will they be here all weekend?” Carly asked with a mischievous gleam in her eye.

  “They’ll leave on Friday. My parents come to town just to take me to dinner every year,” I said. Even though it was borderline ludicrous that my parents flew halfway across the country just to take me to dinner, it was a tradition that I was glad that they kept up.

  Carly smiled, but then let the subject drop.

  Once we were all packed up, Carly, Dawn, and I shared a cab to The Shelter. The guise was delivering a much-too-drunk Dawn to her husband so that he could take over the remaining birthday celebrations. I had a feeling that meant putting a soon-to-be-comatose Dawn to bed or possibly holding her head over a toilet while she threw up cake and sausage balls. I didn’t envy his job tonight. Though Dawn definitely needed an escort to the bar, I knew that Carly had an ulterior motive and was hoping to find Burke there. The band wasn’t playing tonight, but it was Friday so there was a good chance that they would be hanging out. I just hoped that Burke’s lap would be empty when we got there. I didn’t really want to play referee tonight.

  My motives weren’t pure either. I was kind of ... no, I was really ... hoping that I would run into Adam. I hadn’t talked to him since this morning, and I’d been having flashbacks all day of the fun we’d had removing all those wet clothes after our little tryst in the rain. I’d always associated rainstorms with the accident so I didn’t like them at all. I had no doubt, though, that a few more episodes like that would cure what ailed me. Adam was way more effective than the thousands of dollars of therapy that my dad had paid for. As I stepped into the dark bar with the girls in tow, I was feeling a little funny about showing up unexpectedly, but it had nothing to do with Burke.

  I wasn’t as worried about catching Adam with someone else as I was that my presence tonight would be in direct violation of an unspoken rule regarding our relationship. Though it wasn’t something that we’d ever discussed, we just didn’t roll in unannounced on each other. Adam and I were very good about respecting each other’s boundaries, and we both seemed to have a lot of them. Since I hadn’t called or texted him to give him a heads-up that I was coming, I had no idea if I was going to be well received.

  Carly and I made a beeline for the back bar. Dawn stumbled along beside us, distracted by every scantily clad woman that we passed. “Geez! This is what my husband hangs out with every night?” she asked. Her head swung back and forth, taking in all the bare midriffs and low necklines. “I really need to up my game.” I guess it had been a while since she’d hung out in the bar because it looked to be the usual crowd to me.

  Just past the back bar, a bunch of tables had been pushed together in a spot that was usually kept clear when the band was playing. The guys we were looking for were all crowded around it, and the top was littered with beer bottles. I swallowed my anxiety when I realized that there were no females on, around, or even near our men. As we approached, I kept my eyes trained on Adam. He was facing us, but was hunched forward listening to what one of the guys was saying. His hair hung over his face, but didn’t completely obscure his downcast eyes. A smile played across his lips as he studied the beer bottle rolling back and forth between his open palms.

  I wanted him to look up. I was anxious to get this over with, but felt silly for it. In a way, I guess I was testing him. It would be good for me to know where I stood.

  I was almost to the table before he laughed and finally raised his eyes. The slight smile remained frozen on his face, but he just looked at me blankly. My heart stopped in my chest. Whether it was his lack of immediate acknowledgement or just his proximity that caused my cardiac arrest, I couldn’t be sure. I smiled unsurely. Almost apologetically. And then a big grin spread across his face, and I released the breath that I’d been holding.

  “Well, look what the cat dragged in,” he said, causing the butterflies in my stomach to take flight. He leaned back in his chair, giving me a good view of the t-shirt he was wearing. A picture of E.T. was splayed across his chest. The extraterrestrial was wearing a truly impressive afro. Underneath him, the shirt read ‘B.E.T.’ Adam waved me around to his side of the table and pulled me down onto his lap. I snuggled in against E.T.

  “Did you girls have fun tonight?” he asked. Since I hadn’t told him anything about it, I guessed that Burke or George must have filled him in on our girl’s night.

  “We had a lot of fun,” I said. I was surprised by my words, but they were true. I barely knew them, but I already liked Carly’s sisters a lot.

  Adam leaned in and kissed my neck. “You smell like vodka and cake. Good enough to eat.” His voice was low enough that I was probably the only one who’d heard him.

  “Well, those are two of my favorite things,” I said playfully. “Look what I made.” I opened the bakery box sitting on my lap and picked up a white cake ball with blue sugar sprinkles. I held it up like I was going to put it in his mouth. Just as he opened up, I pulled it back and pretended to take a bite.

  “Such a tease,” he murmured into my neck.

  “I am not,” I said with indignation. “I always deliver.” I slid the cake ball into Adam’s mouth, and he groaned in satisfaction.

  “Okay, you two. Get a room,” Burke said. His face was screwed up like he was repulsed by us, but I knew better. Our little display of PDA was nothing compared to the show that he and Carly could put on, on a good night
.

  George had gotten up from the table and was saying his good-byes. There was no way that Dawn was going to make it to closing. Apparently, he knew his wife well and had planned for this. Saying that he needed to go find his head bartender to give him some last minute instructions, he ushered Dawn away. She waved and stumbled off after him.

  I was glad when Carly took George’s empty chair across from Adam. I rather liked where I was sitting at the moment. I could have easily found a chair somewhere else in the bar and dragged it over, but I was happier where I was.

  In fact, I was so happy that I was giddy. Though my brain was a little fuzzy from the vodka seeping through my system, it wasn’t the alcohol that had me doing the happy dance. It was Adam. His reaction to my unanticipated appearance in the bar had put me on cloud nine. And sitting in his lap with his arms around me made feel like I belonged to him. It was if he had staked his claim and was letting everyone know that I was his.

  Sure, we’d been affectionate in public before. He’d kissed me in this bar plenty of times. But those other kisses had usually been at the end of the night as a signal that one of us was ready to go.

  Tonight was different. His lips lightly brushed my neck or my cheek as we talked with his friends. The gesture wasn’t forced or demanding. Rather, it almost seemed like he didn’t even realize that he was doing it. There was an air of familiarity surrounding us that gave me a new confidence in our relationship. Maybe there was hope for me yet.

  After a while, it became necessary for me to get up, and I reluctantly excused myself to go to the bathroom. As I made my way back across the bar, I could tell that Adam and Carly were engaged in a heated discussion of some sort. They were both leaning across the table toward each other, and Carly’s hands were working overtime in an effort to better make her point. As I approached, Adam earnestly shook his head and said, “No. I just don’t think it’s a good idea.” Carly’s response was an icy glare.

  Puzzled, I stood beside him without moving. I had no idea what to make of what I’d just witnessed. But as if nothing had happened, Adam reached over and grabbed me by the waist. He pulled me back down into his lap since there were still no available chairs at the table. Carly smiled at me, but the corners of her mouth remained tense. Burke whispered something in her ear and rubbed her arm as if he was trying to calm her down.

  The conversation returned to less heated topics; although every so often, I thought I caught Carly tossing an eye dagger Adam’s way.

  A few times, I caught references to the upcoming Labor Day holiday, which was only two weekends away. Remembering that Carly had once told me that the group often went away for holidays together, it dawned on me that they probably had plans. It was hard to believe that the summer was already almost over, but Adam’s summer classes were wrapping up, and he would begin the fall semester right after the holiday.

  As the evening wore on and more references were made to previous Labor Day debaucheries, I became more sure that the scene that I’d witnessed had to be about that. It seemed so obvious. Carly wanted Adam to invite me along, and he hadn’t.

  I understood Carly’s reaction. If the roles were reversed and she hadn’t been invited, I would be upset, too. I appreciated the sentiment and loved her all the more for it. It was almost enough that I had a friend who was looking out for me. Almost.

  In truth, I was a little hurt that I wasn’t in the know about whatever holiday plans were brewing. The feelings that I’d had earlier about the new state of our relationship began to wane. I listened to the conversations around me without really participating. My attention was being pulled in two different directions. I couldn’t reconcile Adam’s purposeful exclusion of me from his plans with the arms that were currently wrapped around my waist.

  Eventually the crowd began to dwindle. One by one the people at the table stood up and called it a night. Finally, Adam asked me if I was ready to go. I told Carly goodnight, and we worked our way toward the front door. As he pushed open the door, he turned to me and asked, “Your place or mine?” His arm was still wrapped possessively around my waist, his thumb tucked into the waistband of my jeans.

  Even though I didn’t want to leave that thumb or the body that it was attached to behind, my whipsawing emotions had finally caught up with me. I’d had a hard week, and I really didn’t think I could take any more of double-edged Adam tonight. So, for the first time since we’d met, I told him no. I told him that I was going home alone. It was an act of self preservation.

  For a heartbeat or two, I’d let myself believe that I knew what I meant to Adam. But, in truth, I had no idea. That was probably my own fault. He’d never told me because I’d never asked. Until this moment, I’d never felt the need to define what was happening between us. However, things were changing. I was changing.

  He looked taken aback, unsure of what to say or do next. I’d just thrown a wrench into our system. “Are you okay?” he asked. “Did I do something wrong?”

  “No, you didn’t do anything wrong,” I said curtly. It came out harsher than I intended. I smiled to make up for it. I really wasn’t trying to punish him.

  What slipped out of my mouth next surprised me even more than the fact that I’d just told him that I wouldn’t go home with him. “There’s someone I’d like you to meet. Do you have plans tomorrow afternoon?”

  I wasn’t sure why I’d just made this rash decision, but it felt right to give a little. After all, it was unfair to complain about not being included in Adam’s plans when I hadn’t included him in any of mine.

  He shook his head. “No. Whatever you need.”

  His choice of words shook me. What I needed was for him to understand what I’d been before and how much I’d changed ... how much he’d changed me. What I needed was for him to realize what a big deal all of this was for me.

  But I hadn’t told him these things. I was really no better than he was. Maybe even worse. After all, there was still an awful lot about me that he didn’t know. It had been on my mind, but I couldn’t seem to form the words to tell him about any of it.

  I didn’t say any of the things that I should have. Instead, I asked, “Can you be at my place at 1:30?”

  “I’ll be there,” he said just as a cab pulled up in front of us.

  I hopped inside, and he shut the door behind me. I didn’t look up again, but I could feel his stare as the car pulled away and left him standing there alone.

  CHAPTER 16

  Adam

  I watched the yellow dot that represented Allie become smaller and smaller until it turned left at a corner and disappeared from sight. I shook my head and started walking, hoping that one of the two actions would clear my head.

  I was a little dumbstruck. I hadn’t planned on seeing Allie tonight, but it had been a nice surprise when she’d shown up at the bar. Her tight little ass rubbing up against me all night had also been a nice surprise. Of course, it had also left me in a state that wasn’t doing either one of us any good now.

  I wasn’t sure what had sent her running home alone, but I felt like I had wronged her somehow. I’d hurt her. I didn’t like the unsettled feeling in my stomach, and that surprised me.

  How had we gotten to this place?

  Alexis

  What I had planned for this afternoon was probably not on a doctor’s list of approved activities for a mother-to-be. However, for one afternoon, I wanted Lizzie to feel like the kid she was. Considering what had gotten us here, a couple of hours of dangerous living wouldn’t hurt.

  Adam was waiting for me in the lobby of my building. He was leaning against the reception desk with his back to me, talking to Tony. They were throwing around words like ‘carburetors’ and ‘drive shafts.’ Looking him over, I was glad that he’d agreed to meet in the lobby. If he’d come up, there was no way we would have gotten out of there on time. I might not know what a ‘drive shaft’ was, but I knew where I wanted him to put his.

  He was wearing his signature black t-shirt with the worn j
eans with frayed edges and my favorite leather flip flops. His hair was still slightly damp and seemed a little shorter, like maybe he’d gotten a haircut on the way over. I was jealous of whoever had just run her hands through his hair. I smiled at the pair of white socks hanging out of his back pocket. He followed instructions well.

  I walked up behind him and put my arms around his waist. I laid the side of my head against his back and breathed in his Adam scent. And then I waited. It was an orchestrated move designed to gauge the temperature between us. If he flinched, I would know that he was upset about my abrupt exit last night. If he didn’t ... well, then we would be okay.

  I was relieved when he didn’t stiffen at my touch. Instead, he pressed back against me and then turned in my arms. I gave him a squeeze before pulling back and looking at his shirt, which read ‘Wayne Enterprises.’ It took everything in me to stifle a giggle. I didn’t want to explain that my best friend regularly referred to him as Batman or the Caped Crusader.

  Adam didn’t even notice. He was too busy eyeballing me from head to toe. “Allie Cat, you look fantastic,” he said licking his lips. “God, I do love you in a sundress.”

  Apparently, I wasn’t the only one still thinking about drive shafts. Wait. Did he just say he loved me? No. Definitely not. He said he loved my dress. That was a very different thing. Either way, I was glad that I’d put in the extra effort today with the dress and the hair.

  Adam grabbed my hand as we stepped outside. “Let’s mix it up today,” he said, pulling me down the sidewalk. “We’re taking the subway.”

  I chewed on my lip. When I’d announced to my parents that I was moving to New York after high school, they had not been pleased. We all knew that I was running away. However, since months of therapy hadn’t brought back the girl they knew and loved, they’d decided that maybe a change of scenery would be good for me.