Silk

by Heidi McLaughlin

  Me: I know I miss you too.

  Connor: I’ll call you soon, okay? Meeting in 5. I love you.

  Me: Always.

  Smiling, I put my phone away and head upstairs to take a shower before heading over to Sophia and Adam’s for dinner.

  Before getting in the shower, my head starts pounding, and I feel dizzy. There’s some pain in my lower back, and I try to keep balance and focus. I gently shake my head and hold tight to the sink counter. This is getting weird. I’ve been feeling off for the past few weeks, but it’s been really stressful with Connor being gone and trying to find a job.

  A few minutes pass, and I start to feel a little better. I turn on the shower knob to hot, take off my clothes and get in. The hot water soothes my body, but my emotions are all over. Leaning my head against the shower wall, a wave of sadness washes over me, and I start crying. I hate being away from Connor for this long. I don’t know when he’s coming back. It’s lonely at night when I fall asleep, and in the morning when I wake up to find myself alone in our bed. My mind goes back to our last Skype date.

  Connor looked at me with sad eyes. The dark bags under his eyes were getting worse, and all I wanted to do was feel his touch and feel his lips.

  “Babe, why don’t you try and get some sleep?”

  Connor ran his hand through his hair. “I have so much work to do, baby. These contracts need to be revised, and I’m waiting on an email from Joseph.” I looked at the time, and it was almost eleven at night. “Stop doing that.”

  I touched the screen, pretending I could touch him. ‘Mine Would Be You’ by Blake Shelton played from my iPod, and I started smiling.

  “Do you remember our first date?”

  Connor laughed. “Sushi date with Sophia and Adam.”

  “I was so attracted to you and my goal was to get to know you.” I closed my eyes, remembering his smell, his smile, and his laugh. “God, I miss you so much.”

  “I know, baby. I miss you too, but it’s just going to be for a few more weeks. Pretty soon, we’ll land the contract, and I won’t have to be in California.” He brought his hand to the screen, and I brought mine to meet his. “You know I dream about you every night. You’re always on my mind, Erin.” Connor let out a sigh. “I know that sometimes I don’t deserve you, and I know this has been hard. I love that you love me and understand.”

  “Babe, I’m not going anywhere. We’re forever. You’re the best thing that’s happen to me, and I can’t wait to see you again.”

  “I don’t want you to think I’m taking you or our relationship for granted. I know that you need me back at home, and I’d do anything to come back to you. Just to be in your arms.” Connor laughed. “I couldn’t be in your position.”

  “I’m not going to lie, it’s hard and sucks. I wish that you could be home with me, and sometimes I do think about what it’ll be like if,” my voice trailed off. I couldn’t say what I was thinking.

  “Be strong for me. For us. These hard times are just bumps in the road, but we’re forever, Erin. Don’t forget that. Don’t forget my love for you, how my heart beats for just you. You’re my first and last choice. Do you know what I think about when I think about forever?” I shake my head, smiling because I know what he’s going to say. “I think about you, me, and a family. A little girl with your blue eyes and earth-shattering smile. You’re brilliance is incredible. You’re sexy, confident, and your heart is so big, baby. You’re my world and I don’t ever want you to doubt us.”

  My heart beat faster thinking about Connor and our future. He was my unconditional love, and I loved how close we were getting. We’ve been together since February, and it’s been nothing but amazing. “You always have the sweetest things to say. I know you just want some.”

  He started laughing and winked. “It’s been a while.”

  “You’re the one gone.” I stood up and walked to get my bottle of water. I was purposely wearing a tight purple tank top that revealed my goodies, and black boy shorts. I knew Connor was looking when I heard him groaning. Score, I can still make that man horny! I turned my head and saw the darkness in his eyes. I loved knowing what I could do to him. He never took his eyes off me. Connor moved around, and I wondered what he was doing. “Oh my God! Are you jacking off?” I burst out laughing, but Connor smiled and kept his eyes on my ass. “You’re so dirty.”

  “Shhhh, baby. Let me enjoy this view.” An idea popped in my head. I started slowly taking off my tank top and touched my left nipple, playing and teasing it. “Fuck, baby.” His eyes lifted and locked on mine again as he leaned back. I saw his hand moving up and down. The ache was killing me. I slipped my hand in my panties and felt my wetness. “How wet are you?”

  “So. Wet.” I breathlessly let out.

  “I miss tasting how sweet you are. Put your finger in your mouth. Tell me how you taste.” I did what he wanted and smiled.

  My other hand played with my clit, and I felt the build-up in my body. “Connor!” I yelled, feeling my release and hearing Connor saying my name over and over. I never felt embarrassed when it came to Connor. He made me feel sexy, and I couldn’t do wrong in his eyes. “Feeling better?”

  “Oh yeah.” We both laughed and talked a little more before ending our Skype date. “I’ll see you soon, okay?”

  “Okay. I love you.”

  “I love you, baby. Sweet dreams.”

  I blow him a kiss and turn off the laptop.

  I miss him, and I just want him close to me. Picturing his smile and amazing eyes, the way he changes my mood with just one look, I count the days until we’re back together, and we can be connected once again.

  I finish my shower and start getting ready. After blow-drying my hair, putting on some make up, and throwing on shorts and a tank top, I head over to Sophia and Adam’s place.

  The walk is short, and I love being out in the sun. The August weather does wonders for my mood and always makes me smile. Summer in Charlotte is definitely really hot and humid, but so worth it. The sun’s rays hit my skin, and I feel better, but still missing my love.

  Sophia and Adam’s front door is open, and I walk in. “If you’re having sex, then don’t make any noises or else I’ll come up there and ruin it!” I laugh, walking into the kitchen. Adam hates me when I start yelling when I come over. It annoys him but amuses me. Sophia’s in the kitchen cooking and listening to music. Justin Timberlake’s ‘Sexy Back’ is playing and Sophia’s singing. She starts fist pumping and I can’t help but laugh. I pull out my phone and start recording her rendition of ‘Sexy Back.’ She starts bouncing up and down, singing as loud as she can. I cover my mouth so she doesn’t hear me laughing. Sophia turns around and her face turns bright red in two seconds.

  “Erin Kathryn Costella!” Sophia walks over to me, but I stop the video and make sure it’s saved on my phone. “Do not show anyone that video!”

  She comes after me, but I run outside on the deck and laugh even harder. Sophia starts pouting. “Oh stop! I mean, you look like you should be on American Idol or something, with that voice and those moves.” I laugh again, and Sophia stands there with her hands on her hips.

  “I’m going to punch you in the cooter!”

  “Potty mouth! My future niece/nephew doesn’t need to hear that vulgar language!” We laugh again, and get more of the food ready. “How far along are you?”

  “Eight weeks,” she smiles, touching her stomach. “It’s an amazing feeling, Erin.”

  “I’m so happy for you! You’re going to be such a great mom, Soph.”

  “I hope so!” She turns her attention to the chicken and pulls out different seasonings. “Did you hear back from any of your interviews yet?”

  I turn around and smile. “Vale called, and they want me!” Sophia turns around and hugs me. She congratulates me and tells me how proud she is of me.

  “Where’s Adam?”

  She turns back to me and rolls her eyes. “Work. As usual.”

  The sad tone in her voice is all too f
amiliar. Adam and Connor are working so hard, and we try to be supportive, but it gets hard not being able to be with them as much as we want. “Busy with that stupid California project, huh?”

  “Ugh. Yeah!”

  Sophia tells me how Adam’s been working at least sixteen hours a day then comes home to work on his laptop. He’s getting sick with the lack of sleep and stress from the project. “Soph, I know it sucks, but at least Adam’s here and not in California.” I know it was bitchy of me to say that, and I do feel bad for my best friend, but it’s the truth. She should be happy that Adam’s here and not a thousand miles away. At least he gets to come home to her every night. Everyone has been working around the clock, though, so he’s not the only one.

  Sophia sighs. “I know, and I feel bad that Connor’s been gone for so long, but Adam said that Connor’s going to be back soon and then they won’t need to be going to California for a while. Joseph’s going to be doing most of the traveling. He knows it’s hard for us to have them gone.” Sophia gives me a hug. “I’m sorry that you’re going through this.”

  I hug her back. I hate feeling this way and being a bitch. “I’m sorry for what I said. It just sucks not having him here with me.”

  “You know you can come over and keep me company. I don’t know why you don’t come over more.” Sophia’s concern is sweet, and I know she wants me to come around more, but I hate intruding on her life with Adam. They just got married, and in the blissful happy life filled with hot sex.

  I let go of Sophia and go back to cutting the vegetables. “I know that you and Adam need your time together. Plus, I’m over every other night for dinner. I’m sure Adam wants to kill me.” We both laugh and try to finish prepping for dinner.

  She looks around to make sure we’re alone and turns her head to me. “Can I ask you a question?”

  “What’s up?”

  Sophia looks down, and I know what she’s about to ask. I love how shy she gets with the topic of sex. “So,” she starts to say, playing with her fingers and not looking at me. “I’ve been really horny lately but Adam comes home tired, and I’ve had to masturbate, which sucks! How can I get him into it?”

  “Oh, honey. I know how that is, and I’m sorry. Sometimes surprising him in the office works and leaving sexy notes. Why don’t you put on some lingerie, and when he comes home just attack him?” I know she won’t do it but putting that idea in her head will hopefully help.

  “Hmmm, good idea.” She washes her hands and takes out her phone to send a text.

  Finishing up in the kitchen, I start cleaning up the remainder of the raw chicken juices. As the smell travels and swirls around me, my stomach starts making weird noises. Quickly, I wash my hands and run to the bathroom. I start gagging but nothing comes up. “What the hell?” My voice is low, and I try to figure out what’s going on with me. Turning on the water to cool, I splash some on my face and try to even my breathing. I hate feeling so shitty and sick.

  Chapter Two

  Connor

  I bury myself in work so the pain of missing Erin doesn’t take over. I’ve been in the office since six AM and now it’s nearly seven in the evening. I rub my eyes and take out my phone. When I unlock my phone, the picture of Erin smiling stares back at me. I’ve been gone for almost three weeks, and there’s no word about when I’ll be back home. There’s a knock on my door, knocking me out of my trance.

  “Yes?”

  My assistant, Aly, comes in. “Connor,” she says. “Go home.”

  I check the presentation notes again, finalize the email and send it off to Adam and Joseph. Shutting off my computer and gathering my things, I look up and see that she’s standing and waiting for me.

  Aly’s been with me for the past few weeks. She’s in her mid thirties, and is a single mother of a young daughter. Her husband left when she was pregnant. Aly’s a great worker, and she keeps me on guard and makes sure that I’m okay. She keeps me on my toes, and I’m not sure what I’d do without her.

  “Joseph should be here soon,” I state, smirking and remembering catching them at Picco having dinner.

  She blushes and turns away. “Come on, Connor,” she quietly says.

  “Alright, I’m coming.” We head out together and make small talk. She lets me know her daughter, Nicole, is staying with her sister and is doing great. As I listen to her talk about Nicole, I can’t help but think about starting a family with Erin. Adam thinks I’m crazy since we’ve only been together for six months, but when I look at Erin, I see my future. She’s it for me. From the moment I set my eyes on her beautiful face and heard her amazing laugh, I knew she was the one. People say that when you meet your soul mate, you just know and there’s nothing else that matters.

  Aly and I grab a taxi back to the hotel, and when we both arrive, Joseph is in the lobby.

  “Awww, Joseph, thanks for checking up on me but I promise I’m okay.” I laugh, not realizing how red both their faces are.

  “Connor, I... Um... Well, you see...”

  Aly is standing between us, stunned and quiet. “Have a great night, you two.” I slap Joseph on the back and head to my hotel room.

  After a long day of meetings, all I want to do is get a few drinks and turn off my brain. The countless meetings aren’t doing anything for Optimax. The representatives aren’t satisfied with the programs, and it’s going to suck telling Adam and Joseph the news. I grab my phone and call Adam. The phone rings twice before he answers.

  “You’re going to hate this,” I start to say, sitting at the desk with my pile of papers and laptop. “They’re not interested in putting the speaking program in their district, and they don’t want any of us coming down to train their staff.”

  “What the fuck? Why not?” Adam screams in the phone. I knew he’d hate this.

  “Derek Peddington is up for another year as superintendent and doesn’t want to do anything to jeopardize the election.”

  “Oh, so this shit is just political. Fucker.” It gets quiet on Adam’s end, and I know he’s thinking. I flip through my notes, reading the email from Derek. It’s straightforward, and his thoughts on the literacy program with the devices are vague. I read more of the email and open the search engine, trying to figure more out about this guy.

  I come across an article, which talks about his personal learning disabilities and struggles with school and learning. He ended up staying in school for nine years before he obtained his Master’s degree. The more I read, the more I come to understand his mission, which is to bring students new and innovative ways to learn. I scratch my chin. “Adam...” I read the article and pull up another one about Peddington. “He has a certain image, and I think he thinks we’re not going to take this seriously.”

  “What do you mean?”

  I tell Adam what I read, and he starts laughing. He doesn’t understand Peddington’s reason for wanting more control and the devices we have in place. “Adam, he has a disability, and I think he thinks since we’re young and full of shit, that we don’t understand his values or what he needs, and we just want money.”

  “Set up a meeting with him. I can’t get out there to sit in with you but I trust you. We need this, Connor.”

  I agree with him and end the call, assuring him I’ll get the meeting and everything we need to finalize the contracts and move on to our next project. I grab my coat again and decide to take a risk and head over to see him myself. The front desk gets a cab for me and I head outside and give the cab the address of Peddington’s office. I hope that he’s still there and wants to listen.

  When I arrive to the office twenty minutes later I notice the lights are on inside. I explain to the front desk that it’s an emergency and that I’m here to see Peddington. They promptly check my ID and call up to get the okay before ushering me to his floor. His office door is open, and he’s in there on his computer. I knock on the door, and he turns around. “Mr. Simpson?”

  “Sorry, Mr. Peddington. I know this is unusual, but I wanted to come see
you and talk to you. Just us, no one else.”

  He nods for me to take a seat. I begin to tell him why Optimax can help his students, and how Adam and I know what we’re doing when it comes to the devices and ensuring the effectiveness. I know I have his undivided attention by the curiosity in his eyes, so I tell him my own story and struggle with learning. I was never diagnosed, but I had issues with learning and paying attention in school. He looks at me attentively, and I can see the wheels turning as he takes in everything I have to say. His whole body and demeanor relax, and he starts talking more about his own struggles and goals for the project.

  “I want everything to be right for the students. It’s not fair to have them suffer by our decisions.”

  “Yes, I completely agree but you have to trust me and Adam. We both know what we’re doing and I know you’ll agree.”

  “Alright,” he looks at me, sighs, and turns around to look at a picture on the windowsill. I peek and see the picture of him with who I’m assuming is his son. “Colin’s only four, but the doctors think he’s autistic. So you can see, Connor, how important everything is to me and the district.”

  “I understand,” I say, not taking my eyes off the picture.

  “Just act surprised when I sign off on everything tomorrow.” He gets up and I follow suit. We shake hands and walk out together. After saying goodnight, I get back in the cab and head to the hotel. I email Adam and start to relax, since I’ll be able to go home soon. I make it through the lobby and get on the elevator to the tenth floor. When I get in my room, an emptiness hits me.

  I hate being away from Erin. She’s my slice of paradise. I love coming home to her beautiful, radiant smile greeting me. When I think about having a lover as my best friend, my mind goes to Erin. Her carefree spirit, and ability to look at the positive points in life, makes her special. Unique. She’s more than just my girlfriend—she’s the love of my life. Thinking about her smile, and what it does to me, I know she’s perfect for me.