Silk

by Heidi McLaughlin

  Me: Sounds good!

  I run upstairs and get ready. Today is definitely a yoga pants kind of day because, hello—being bloated! In a few minutes, Steven calls me to let me know he’s in the driveway. I grab my wristlet and head out the door.

  “Thanks, Steven!”

  “Anytime, Ms. Costella.” Steven looks at me, smiling.

  “Erin! Call me Erin, Steven!” We both laugh and he drives to Sophia’s house. She comes out of her house, smiling and ready. She gets in the car and we both hug and start laughing and talking.

  “How are you feeling?” she asks.

  “A lot better. The doctors want me to stay in bed and rest. No stress.”

  “Well, shopping and being with your best friend is the cure for it all!” We both laugh again and talk about what’s been happening in our lives. I love that Sophia’s here with me, and I can tell her everything. She listens, gives me advice, and tells me everything that I need to hear.

  Steven drops us off at the mall and we take our time through the stores. There are so many cute baby clothes, but since neither of us knows if we’re having a boy or a girl, we look for clothes for us. Since Sophia and I aren’t really showing, we can get away with buying clothes a size or two bigger than what we normally wear. The mall is crowded, but it’s fun being here with Sophia.

  We’re at Sephora looking at the new makeup and hair products when I suddenly feel someone tapping my shoulder. I look over, and my smile quickly fades away. What the hell is she doing here? Before I say anything else, I think about baby and keep my stress down. I tug on Sophia’s arm, and she looks at me, and then Olivia.

  “Oh shit,” she mutters, pulling me back.

  “Erin, Sophia, can we talk?” Olivia asks her voice full of fear. She doesn’t look at us but stares at the ground.

  “I think that’s a good idea, Olivia. Come on. Let’s go get some smoothies at Starbucks.” We all walk out of the store and head to Starbucks. It’s uncomfortable, but I think it’ll be good to talk to her and understand what’s going on.

  Sophia gets in line while Olivia and I find a table to sit at. We find an empty table and take a seat.

  “So you’re probably wondering why I’m here, huh?”

  “Kind of. I don’t know why we’re here, but I think finding out what’s going on between you and Connor is good to know.”

  “Erin, there’s nothing going on between us. I mean, yeah, I wanted him, but I’m over him and just want to move on. Connor’s been helping me since I lost the baby and lost my job. It’s been hard, Erin.” Olivia plays with her hands and doesn’t look at me. I can tell she’s getting emotional, and I start to break down my walls with her. “I don’t have anyone, and Connor is the first person to show me friendship, and I took advantage. I’m really sorry, Erin.”

  Sophia comes back with our drinks and sits down next to me. We drink our drinks, and I think about what I want to say to Olivia. I feel bad for her, I do. I know what it’s like to feel alone and as if no one cares.

  “I’m sorry about what you went through, Olivia, but you have to understand, Connor can’t help you with money anymore, and you can’t just threaten him with the company. Optimax means a lot to him, and he’ll do anything to protect the company and the reputation.” Sophia looks at me but doesn’t say anything.

  “I know that now, and I’m sorry. I was in a really bad place for a while, and I didn’t know what to do. It was so hard, Erin. I’ve tried finding a job, but there was nothing out here, and I can’t go back to Optimax.” Olivia looks at Sophia and gives her a small smile. “But I met someone and he’s really great. His name is Jason, and he has been helping me with everything. He got me a job selling makeup, and I’m really good at it! I just wanted to say sorry to the both of you,” she pauses and takes a drink of her smoothie.

  “That’s great that you met someone, Olivia, and I’m glad that you’re moving on. I can’t tell you how sorry I am that you lost your baby.” Sophia nods her head and looks at me. I know that look and I hate her for suggesting this, but she’s right, Olivia needs friends. “You can come to us if you need anything.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah, Olivia. We’re sorry about everything, but I think we’re all old enough to put the past behind us,” Sophia says.

  Ugh, I hope we’re doing the right thing and this isn’t going to bite us in the ass.

  ***

  The next few weeks go by, and it’s finally the day we find out if we’re having a boy or a girl. Connor’s pacing the office room, and I’m looking through a magazine. Peeking over the pages, I can’t help but laugh. He’s a nervous wreck, walking back and forth in the room with his eyes on the ground.

  “Babe, stop. Come sit down and relax with me. You’re making me nervous.”

  “I’m sorry.” Connor sits down on the stool next to me and strokes my hand. I look at him and imagine a little boy with his eyes and heart. I close my eyes and think about how lucky we are, and in just a few minutes, we’ll know.

  Doctor Benson comes into the room and asks us how we’re doing. She can tell we’re nervous by how fast we’re talking. She turns on the monitor and rubs the cool gel on my stomach. She rubs the tool over my belly and the image of baby comes up on the monitor. Our baby’s heartbeat is steady, and we can’t take our eyes off him or her.

  “Alright. So you’re at about twenty weeks, which is good. The baby looks good. Are you ready?” Doctor Benson looks at us, but we’re not sure what to say. She lets out a soft laugh. “Congratulations, it’s a girl.”

  We stare at the monitor in awe. This is the best news ever, hearing that our baby girl is healthy and growing fast. I touch the screen and tears come down my cheeks. We’re going to meet our princess soon, and I can’t wait until the day comes that I can hold her in my arms and tell her how much we love her. The overwhelming feelings of happiness and love spread through my body. Connor grabs my hand and holds it as we listen to our daughter’s heartbeat.

  “Wow, I can’t believe she’s there,” Connor says, staring at the monitor. “Can we get pictures, please?”

  “Of course, Connor,” Doctor Benson replies.

  I never thought about asking for a picture. I’m glad he’s thinking clearly, because all I can think about is meeting our baby girl. She’s going to change us and make our lives better.

  Doctor Benson goes over some more pregnancy information and lets us know what to expect. I schedule my next appointment, and Connor and I walk out hand in hand. It’s a cool October day and the leaves are changing. The fall weather is nice and being outside helps to clear my mind.

  “Alessandra Brooke Simpson.”

  I squeeze Connor’s hand and look up at him. “I like it but what about…” I pause and think about another cute girl’s name… “Aria Emma Simpson?”

  “It’s beautiful, baby, just like you.”

  We continue to walk through town and taking in the beautiful weather. Connor’s going to the office late today because he wanted to be with me during our appointment. My fears about Connor are disappearing. I know he’s happy about becoming a dad and being my husband. He holds me through the night and is always attentive. The little hump with Olivia is hopefully over. I feel bad for her. I don’t know what it’s like to lose a child and I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy but her past with Adam and Connor doesn’t sit well with me. I don’t t know if I can trust her. I trust Connor, but women are manipulative bitches. Resting my head on Connor’s arm, I think about being nicer to Olivia and helping her. Letting out a sigh, I let the thought sink in and wonder what Sophia will say.

  He looks lost in his thoughts, and I wonder what he’s thinking. “Connor?”

  “Yeah, baby?”

  “Where’s your head at?”

  Connor squeezes my hand and smiles. “I’m thinking about our future.” His beautiful eyes look at me, and I can see his fear. His palms are a bit clammy and it makes my knees weak.

  “I know you’re nervous, and I am to
o, but we got this, babe.”

  After Connor drops me off at home, I decide to call my mom. I pull out my phone and scroll through my contacts until I find her name. Once I find it, I press call on my phone and bring the phone to my ear. It rings three times before she answers.

  “Hi sweetheart. How are you?”

  “Hi mom. I hope I’m not bothering you or anything,” I respond, lying down on the couch.

  “No, honey. Your dad and I are just finishing up with dinner. Oh, honey, I wish you and Connor could be here with us. Italy is beautiful.”

  “I know, mom, and I’m sorry. I wish we could be there too, but…” I take in a breath and slowly let it out before I continue. “…I have something to tell you.”

  There’s shuffling in the background and dad’s asking what’s going on. “Honey?”

  Tears stream down my face, and I close my eyes. “You’re going to have a granddaughter!”

  “AHHHHHHHH!” I pull the phone away from my ear, and start laughing. She’s screaming and telling my dad. I hear them both laughing, and I think dad’s crying. “Baby, we’re so happy for you both!”

  “And,” another breath in. “…Connor and I are getting married.”

  “Oh, sweetheart. We wish we could be there right now with you.” She sniffles and calms down a bit. “Your dad and I will be home in a few weeks, and then we can get together. I miss you so much, darling, and we’re so happy for you. Your dad is crying like a baby.” She laughs. “But he sends his love.”

  “Thanks, Mom. I love you and Dad so much.”

  “Always, Erin.”

  A smile creeps on my face as I touch my stomach and look down. “Aria, you are so loved, and there are so many people who want to meet you. Your daddy and I can’t wait for you to come into this world. We’re going to try our best to be the greatest parents ever and give you everything you want and need. Your uncle Adam and Aunt Sophia are our best friends and you’ll have a best friend too with your cousin. I promise, baby girl, mommy and daddy will always love you no matter what. I love you so much.”

  The doorbell rings, and I wonder who it is. I get up from the couch and walk over to the front door. Peeking through the peephole, I smile and open the door. “Vander!”

  “Hey, baby girl.” He lifts up a bag from Giovanni’s with a smile on his face. “Are you and baby hungry?”

  “Yes! Come in, honey.” Vander comes inside and I close the door. We walk into the kitchen, and he starts pulling out containers of food and setting it on the kitchen island.

  “Oh,” Vander starts to say while pulling out something from his brown messenger bag. He hands me a travel mug. “I know you’re telling me the sickness is getting to you, so drink this and trust me, you’ll feel better.”

  I look at the pink mug. “What is it?”

  “It’s tea, baby girl. Herbal tea with some honey and mint. It relaxes your body and really helps with sickness. My sister swears by it! Sophia loves it too! She hasn’t been sick in days.”

  “Oh, yeah?” I smell the tea and it does have a mint smell. I slowly bring the mug to my lips and let the hot liquid go down my throat. I let out a sigh and drink some more. “I don’t know what I’d do without you!”

  “Love you, too.” He strokes my arm and smiles. “Okay, let’s eat! Remember, drink two cups daily and you’ll feel good!”

  “Thanks again, Vander. Okay, starving!” Aria’s dancing in my stomach, and I can’t help but laugh. “Vander, come here,” I put my arm out for him and bring his hand to my stomach. “Aria, meet your uncle Vander.” We both laugh and the feeling is surreal. She’s my dancing princess.

  “Wow,” Vander says, smiling from ear to ear, “She’s moving around a lot in there. How does she have this much energy?”

  “Oh, gosh. This is nothing! She’s my little dancer like her mama, huh, Aria?”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Connor

  Walking into my office, I can’t help but think about my two favorite girls. We’re having a girl. My mind flashes to the future and seeing the love in Erin’s eyes when she finally gets to hold our daughter. I don’t know what I did to deserve this great life, but I’m counting my lucky stars for the love I have from Erin, my family, and my friends.

  A soft laugh comes out of me as I get inside and read the messages I have on my desk. My office doors opens and Adam and father are coming in with smiles on their face.

  “Well?” Father asks.

  “Aria Emma Simpson.” Wow, just saying her name gives me a warm feeling. My baby girl, I love you already, and daddy can’t wait to meet you.

  Adam and Father congratulate me and shake my hand. It's great knowing how happy and accepting they are of Aria. We sit down, drink a glass of scotch, and discuss more of the California deal. It’s coming close and everything looks good. Father is trying his best to be on his best behavior, but sometimes, old habits die hard.

  “You have all the necessary paperwork and the contracts are solid?”

  Adam laughs. “Yes, everything is in order. Trust me. This deal is going to be great. Joseph is making final changes and negotiating the terms with Mark and Leo.”

  “Good, good. Boys, your mother and I are proud of you and what you’re doing with Optimax.”

  Father gets up and says goodbye before heading out of the office. Adam and I finish up before heading to the meeting with the California team. The team comes up with more strategies to get this deal and after a few hours, things are solid. Adam and I feel confident about the deal and head out to dinner after a long day in the office.

  “How you feeling?” Adam asks, eating his chicken Alfredo pasta.

  “Great, you know. Erin’s happy, and we’re happy with having a girl. How’s Sophia?”

  “She’s good. Moody as fuck, though. But,” Adam looks around before talking again, “having sex with a pregnant woman is fucking phenomenal. Hands down.” We start laughing, and I nod my head in agreement.

  “Erin wants it all the time. I’m not complaining or anything, but damn.” I take a drink of my beer and finish up with my chicken Parmesan. “But then she cries too. How’s Sophia with the crying?”

  Adam rolls his eyes and leans back in his chair. “You don’t want to know. She’s an emotional wreck. I can’t say anything right, and she’s been shopping like crazy. Do you know she spent fucking eight hundred dollars already on baby things?” Adam shakes his head, grabs his beer, and lets out a laugh. “Eight hundred.”

  “What the hell did she buy?”

  “Don’t ask.”

  “But you don’t know the sex yet,” I take another gulp of my beer. “You have your hands full.”

  “Ha, right!”

  We finish our dinner and pay for the bill, and as we’re leaving the restaurant, Adam’s phone rings. “Sophia,” he laughs. “Hey, baby.” Adam stops dead in his tracks and looks at me. “What?” He grabs my arm and the look of terror is in his eyes. “We’ll be right there.”

  “Adam? Yo!” I have a bad feeling and my heart starts breaking. “What’s going on?”

  “It’s Erin. She’s in the hospital.”

  His words hit me like a speeding freight train, my world slowly goes dark, and I feel weak. In a state of shock, I block everything out and only see Erin. She’s standing in front of me, under the sun and smiling. She’s happy and twirling around in her white sundress and her long blonde hair flying. That’s how I need to see Erin, my girl—happy and full of life.

  “Connor! Connor!” Adam screams, “Come on! Snap out of it. Erin needs you.” The image of Erin goes away, and I’m back to where I am, standing in the middle of the sidewalk in the dark with Adam by my side. Without thinking, I start running toward the car.

  “Connor! Wait!” He catches up to me and tells me to give him my keys. It takes everything in me to hand him my keys and listen to what he’s telling me. Everything is in slow motion, but I know I’m running and breathing hard. Finally, we get to my car and when we get in, Adam immediately starts
driving.

  “Just hold on, baby, please.” I can’t hold back anything anymore. I’m in a nightmare right now. Sophia calls again, and I can hear her screaming and crying in the background. Adam’s trying to calm her down, but all I hear is her screaming. “It’s not fair.” Closing my eyes, I pray that Erin and Aria are okay, but deep down, I know something’s wrong, and my life is going to change in a matter of minutes.

  We pull up to the emergency room parking lot and get out of the car. I follow Adam inside and he lets the receptionist know who we are and gives her Erin’s name.

  Erin. Baby, be strong. Please be okay. God, please keep Erin and Aria safe and out of harm’s way. I can’t lose either of them. They’re my family and I love them.

  The receptionist gives Adam directions, and he pulls on my arm and leads me down the winding hallway. The strong hospital smell assaults my nostrils and makes me nauseous. The white plain walls on both sides of me feel like they are closing in on me. Oh God, I think I’m going to lose my mind if someone doesn’t tell me what’s happening. I see doctors and nurses all over, and families holding hands. The sadness in the air hits me. I can’t describe the emotions that I feel or what I’m seeing, because all I can think about is Erin and Aria. Sophia comes into view, and she runs over to us. She jumps in my arms and keeps telling me how sorry she is. I hug her back, and then it hits me why she’s saying she is sorry. That’s when I completely lose it. Sobs breaks free from my chest rocking my body and soul from the inside out

  “Soph?”

  She lets me go and looks into my eyes. She’s broken, and her eyes are swollen from crying. “Erin,” she starts to say, taking a deep breath. “She lost the baby, Connor.”

  I fall to the ground as my heart shatters into a million pieces. Just like that, the future we spent countless hours talking about and envisioning, vanishes into thin air. Now I’m left feeling empty as my world grows darker, and I can’t figure out what’s going on. I’m so confused right now. How did she lose the baby? We just found out we’re having a girl and came up with a name. Our families know about Aria. Oh God, Erin, the look in her eyes when she heard our baby girl’s heartbeat… My body is shaking, and I feel numb. Flashes of Aria’s ultra sound go through my mind. Everything we planned is gone and my beautiful Erin is broken. How can we get through this?