Unbreak My Heart

by Nicole Jacquelyn

  “Good call.” He laughed and reached up to rub his face with one hand. “You had your ultrasound?”

  “Yep, everything looks great. Your monster child is measuring a bit big, but other than that, everything was normal.”

  “Good. That’s really good.”

  I smiled smugly as he fidgeted. He was working up the nerve to ask me, and I’d rarely seen him so flustered.

  “Well?” he finally asked.

  “Well, what?”

  “What are we having?”

  “A baby,” I answered innocently.

  “Kate,” he growled back, making me laugh.

  “I don’t know.”

  “What? Why didn’t they tell you—” He froze as I lifted the envelope in front of the computer screen and waved it back and forth.

  “I figured we could do it together,” I said with a small smile.

  Watching his face move from disgruntlement to awed excitement was a moment I’d never forget in my entire life.

  “You waited?” he asked softly.

  “I thought you might want to find out at the same time.”

  “Thank you, Katie.”

  “Yeah, well, you owe me. This thing has been burning a hole in my pocket for two weeks.”

  “You didn’t peek?” He raised his eyebrow.

  “I thought about it.” I lifted the envelope and showed him the small tear. “But I wanted to surprise you, so I held out.”

  “Really good surprise.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah.”

  I slid my finger into the tear and ripped the envelope the rest of the way, pausing before I pulled the slip of paper out.

  “Do you care? I mean, do you care if it’s a boy or a girl?” Suddenly I was nervous. We were in unchartered territory, and frankly, nothing was solid between us. What if he was disappointed?

  “I don’t care, Katiebear,” Shane answered softly, the endearment making my throat clog. “Now hurry up, I’m dying here.”

  I gave a watery chuckle and pulled the sheet out, facing it toward the screen first so I could catch Shane’s reaction.

  His mouth dropped open before snapping shut, and I watched him clench his jaw as his eyes rose slightly to look at me. He sniffed once and rubbed the side of his face with his palm.

  “Aren’t you going to look?” he asked with a little embarrassed laugh.

  “No,” I replied slowly, coming to a decision as I dropped the paper to my lap. “I want you to tell me.”

  He wiped both hands over his face before taking a breath and then smiling huge. “A princess.”

  My eyes widened in surprise, and he laughed at my stunned expression. I’d teased him that we were going to have a girl, but I hadn’t really believed it. After he’d had so many boys, I’d figured Sage was an anomaly. “No way.”

  “Unless they didn’t get a good ultrasound…”

  “Nope, total crotch shot,” I murmured distractedly, picking up the small sheet of paper and turning it over to verify. There was our little girl, with an arrow pointing and announcing her gender.

  He barked out a laugh. “How could you not see that there was a penis missing?”

  “I don’t know what any of that looks like in the womb.” I shook my head. “I can’t believe we’re having a little girl.”

  “You know what this means, right?” Shane asked with a snort.

  “What?”

  “None of Gunner’s stuff is going to work for her. She’s going to need pink and ruffles.”

  “Oh hell no. She can sleep in blue pajamas.”

  “And a blue car seat, and blue clothes and hats and onesies and socks, and—”

  “Gah! I get your point!” I cut in, making him chuckle.

  “Another little girl,” Shane said softly.

  “Yeah, do you think Sage is going to be pissed?” My mouth twitched.

  “Hell, no! She’ll be the only happy one in the bunch.”

  “You’re probably right,” I agreed. “Is it weird that suddenly I’m far more excited to get your spawn out of me?”

  “I wish I could touch you,” he announced suddenly, pulling me out of my daydream of Easter dresses and big pink bows on a tiny head.

  “What?” I asked even though I’d heard him.

  “I wish I could touch you right now.” I watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed hard. “I wish I could feel her moving around in your belly. I wish I could rub your back and kiss you. I hate it that I’m missing everything.”

  “I miss you, too,” I murmured back.

  “Lift your shirt,” he ordered quietly, glancing over his shoulder.

  “Oh hell no.”

  “I want to see you. Give me this.” I stared at him stubbornly. “Please?”

  My stomach flipped as I gave in, and my heart raced as my hands went to the bottom of my nightshirt.

  “That T-shirt is going to be stretched all to hell.”

  “Do you care?”

  “Not at all.”

  His eyes were focused intently on the screen as I fiddled with the hem of my shirt, and they flared as I lifted it over my belly and held it against my breasts.

  “Take it off,” he ordered gruffly, the tendons in his neck growing taught. “All the way, Kate.”

  I closed my eyes as I pulled the shirt over my head and only opened them again when I heard him let out a harsh breath.

  “Fuck,” he groaned, his eyes dilated until they were almost black. “Do you know what we’d be doing if I was there right now?”

  I nodded mutely as I watched him watching me.

  “You’re so fucking incredible, Kate. Jesus, those breasts—” I laughed a little as he whimpered, then slid the shirt back over my head, hiding my body from view.

  However, I couldn’t hide the way my nipples had pebbled as he stared, and they strained against his old T-shirt.

  “I need to go take a shower,” he announced, pushing back a little in his chair.

  “Wait—now?”

  “Right now.”

  I laughed hysterically as his cheekbones turned ruddy.

  “Okay, well, be careful.”

  “Always.”

  “Talk to you soon?”

  “I’ll email you later. Go to sleep, you look exhausted.”

  “Gee, thanks,” I grumbled.

  “Sleep, Katie.”

  “Fine, I will. Stop worrying.”

  “Hey, Kate?” he called as I reached for the keyboard.

  “Yeah?”

  “Thank you. No one’s ever done something like that for me before. Best surprise I’ve ever had.”

  The screen went black as a little smile played on my lips.

  What was it with that man and his need for the last word?

  Chapter 9

  Shane

  Clenching my fist in frustration, I forced myself not to yell as my foster father rambled on and on in my ear. I loved the guy, but I was irritated as fuck that he wouldn’t put Kate on the phone. It was the third time I’d called and gotten the run-around, and I was ready to start tearing shit apart.

  Kate had taken the kids up to Oregon for the end of the summer, even though I hadn’t been all that happy about it. They loved it up there, and I knew our families were probably spoiling them rotten, but Kate was nearing the end of her pregnancy and I hated that she’d flown with four small kids by herself. When I’d finally talked to her on Skype less than a week after they’d arrived, I’d stopped bitching.

  I hadn’t realized how worn down she’d looked in the past few months, but looking at her at her parents’ kitchen table—rosy-cheeked and smiling happily, the dark circles under her eyes faded to almost nothing—I hadn’t been able to ignore the change. She finally had that pregnant glow that most women got after they stopped puking up everything they ate and got a decent night’s rest.

  I was surprised as hell about it, but even though I hadn’t seen her for months we’d grown closer over the deployment, and now that it was nearly over I w
as anxious to get home to her. At some point, my feelings had changed from confusion and guilt to something less identifiable. She was funny. She didn’t put up with my shit, but she rarely got angry or mean. Instead, she diffused any argument with sarcasm or by changing the subject completely to some off-the-wall topic that usually had me scrambling to keep up with her. She was smarter than me, and that was sexy as hell.

  She’d always been pretty. But as we spoke and bantered back and forth, it was as if I could see her with a whole new appreciation. The curves, which I never would’ve looked twice at before, began to fascinate me. I fucking dreamed about the roundness of her thighs and the soft skin between them, and found myself waking up embarrassed from wet dreams like a teenager.

  Things were changing, and they had been for a while.

  So I was irritated as hell that no one would let me talk to her. She’d answered my emails for the past two days but never agreed to a Skype date, and every time I called either her parents or mine, no one would tell me what was going on.

  “Where the fuck is Kate?” I finally hissed, cutting off Mike mid-sentence. “And why the hell hasn’t she brought my kids home yet? School’s starting soon.”

  “Calm down, son.”

  “No, this is fucking ridiculous. Tell Kate that I’m going to Skype tonight at seven your time. I want to see my children.”

  I slammed the phone down and wiped sweat off my face with a paper towel I’d been carrying around in my pocket. This shit had to end soon. I needed to get home.

  * * *

  “Hi, Daddy!” Sage said when the call finally connected.

  I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw Kate sitting in the middle of the kids, with Sage and Gavin on one side and Keller on the other. They were squished in close, and I could barely see anything beyond their faces.

  “Hey, guys. Having fun at Grandma and Grandpa’s?”

  “Went in the big truck!” Gavin told me excitedly, waving his arms around and almost slapping Kate in the face.

  “Oh yeah?”

  “Uncle Bram took me on the tractor. Grandpa took us fishing!” Keller said.

  “Wow, you guys have been busy.” I smiled at their happy faces, and my stomach stopped churning for the first time in days. “Where’s Gunner?”

  “Can you bring him over, Mom?” Kate asked, looking to the side.

  I saw his arms first and then the side of his head. I couldn’t believe how much he’d grown since I’d been gone. His hair was so much thicker and longer than the last time I’d held him, and his body seemed so much sturdier.

  I grinned as Keller’s face scrunched up in disgust when Gunner blocked his view of the screen.

  Then my entire body went cold.

  “Mama! Mama! Mama!” Gunner whined, twisting and turning as he reached for Kate.

  No. She wouldn’t have.

  “Shane?” Katie asked in confusion when she saw the look on my face. “What’s wrong?”

  I couldn’t speak.

  She wouldn’t have done it. I knew Kate. I knew her. She wouldn’t teach Gunner to call her “Mama.” Would she?

  “My time’s up,” I announced with a halfhearted smile for the kids. “I’ll call you guys on Grandpa’s phone later tonight.”

  “Bye, Daddy!” the kids called out, almost in unison.

  “I love you guys. Talk soon.”

  “Shane? What—”

  I clicked out of the screen quickly with shaky hands and stood abruptly.

  I had shit to do. I just needed to get it done. Keep busy. I’d be home soon, and I’d take care of all of it.

  The anger inside me grew as I left the computer room, and by the time I was packing up my things, I felt on the verge of losing my temper completely.

  There was no way I could talk to her again before I got home.

  No fucking way.

  * * *

  “Hey, Dad. Kids around?” I asked a couple of hours later. Shit, I’d made more phone calls in one day than I usually did in a week.

  “Just Keller. Boy’s having trouble sleeping.”

  “Shit, I waited too long to call. I got caught up,” I said in disappointment. I missed my kids.

  “What happened earlier? Mom said—”

  “Can you put Kell on the phone?” I cut in. The argument was between Kate and me, and I didn’t relish hashing it out with anyone else.

  “Sure, son.”

  It was quiet for a few minutes before Keller’s sleepy voice came through.

  “Hi, Daddy.”

  “Hey, bud. What are you doing awake?”

  “Waitin’ for you.”

  “Aw, I’m sorry. I was working.”

  “That’s okay. Grandpa and I were watchin’ fishin’ on TV.”

  “Well, I just wanted to say hi and tell you I loved you, bud. Go to sleep, okay?”

  “Okay, Daddy. Love you.”

  “Bye, Keller.”

  “Bye.” I heard him yawn loudly before the phone disconnected, and I sat back in my chair in disappointment.

  I was leaving in a few hours, finally heading home, and no one would be there to greet me.

  No. Fuck that. I picked the phone back up.

  “Hello?” Mike answered gruffly.

  “Tell Kate to bring my kids back home.”

  “Well—”

  “I asked her not to go to Oregon, and she went anyway. I don’t give a flying fuck how much fun she’s having up there. I want my kids in Oceanside when I get there.”

  Mike was silent for a moment before he made a harsh sound in his throat. “I didn’t raise you to be an asshole.”

  “You didn’t raise me at all,” I snapped back, regretting the words as soon as they were out of my mouth.

  “I’ll pass along the message,” he said quietly, and his lack of anger at my words made my chest ache.

  “Dad—”

  He hung up before I could say another word.

  Christ.

  Why hadn’t I gotten over the need to say whatever shitty thing popped into my head the moment I got angry? I never said mean shit to my kids, no matter how frustrated I was, but that didn’t seem to extend to adults. It was like my filter completely vanished the moment I got worked up. It wasn’t the first time I’d hurt Mike’s feelings, but that didn’t mean that I felt good about it. If anything, knowing that he’d been putting up with my shit for over twelve years just made me feel worse about the comment I’d made.

  I didn’t have time to call him back again. Instead, I perched my cover on my head and walked toward my room to get my bags.

  It was finally time to go home.

  * * *

  My house was closed up and silent when I arrived a few days later.

  Kate hadn’t brought my kids home.

  I had a flight booked and was on my way to the airport two hours later.

  Seven hours after I’d touched down in San Diego, I was walking through the Portland airport with nothing more than a backpack full of clothes I’d found folded in my dresser and enough rage to keep anyone from speaking to me. It must have been rolling off me in waves.

  I rented a small car and headed east toward my parents’ property almost an hour away. It had been quite a while since I’d driven those roads, but some things you just never forget, and I pulled up to my parents’ house at seven that night without incident.

  “Anyone home?” I called as I walked in the unlocked front door.

  “Shane?” Mike said in confusion as he walked out of one of the guest rooms. “What in the world?”

  He rushed forward, hugging me tightly when he reached me. It was as if the conversation a few days ago had never happened. “What are you doing here?”

  “Came to get the kids. Where are they?”

  “Ellie took them to—” His words were cut off as the front door opened and in rushed my children.

  “Mike, who’s here—?”

  “Daddy!”

  I dropped to my knees as Keller and Sage ran to me, grasping at my
shirt and wrapping their little arms around my neck.

  “I missed you guys so much,” I whispered into their hair, kissing them both before raising my head to see Gavin and Gunner keeping their distance. They watched us from near the front door, and Gunner had one arm wrapped tight around Ellie’s jean-clad thigh.

  “Hey, boys,” I called gently. “I missed you.”

  Gavin was cautiously looking me over and took a small step forward, but there was absolutely no recognition in Gunner’s eyes. He didn’t remember me, not even after all the Skype chats.

  That killed me.

  “Have you been having fun with Grandma and Grandpa?” I asked, and suddenly Gavin was running forward and almost knocking me on my ass when he hit the tangle of small bodies already wrapped around me.

  “Hey, buddy,” I said with a smile, my throat thickening and making my words come out hoarse.

  I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply. Finally. God, I’d missed them.

  Ellie picked up Gunner as he began to fuss, and I stood up, setting the kids down on their feet. They kept their hands on me, but all three stayed quiet. I understood their silence. I wanted to just soak it in for a minute, too.

  “Where’s Kate?” I asked Ellie, looking past her at the front door.

  “She’s at the hospital,” Ellie answered slowly.

  “What?” My voice echoed through the room, making the kids startle.

  “Auntie Kate has to stay in bed all the time,” Keller piped up, tipping his head back to look at me. “So the baby doesn’t come out.”

  “Explain,” I ordered, panic starting to flutter in my stomach.

  “She’s been on bed rest, what, three weeks now?” Ellie asked Mike.

  “Yeah. About three weeks.”

  “She was having contractions last week, and they admitted her overnight so they could stop them. They let her go home the next day, but the contractions started up again yesterday. Looks like they’ll be keeping her in there for a while now.”

  My anger faded, and confusion set in.

  “Why didn’t anyone tell me?”

  “Kate didn’t want you to worry—”

  “That’s bullshit.”

  “It’s what she wanted.”

  “What hospital?” I was already lifting my hand off Keller’s head to reach in my pocket for the keys to the rental car.