Me Suzy P

by Karen Saunders

Millie straightens up, holding a turquoise lacy vest top out in front of her.

  “This would go perfectly with my red skirt, and I could stick that pink corsage on the front,” she mutters. On anyone else all those colours would look terrible, but Millie has a way of making crazy outfits work. “You weren’t going to wear these were you?” Millie asks.

  “Nope, they’re all yours,” I tell her, emerging from her wardrobe. “Do you think this would suit me?”

  Millie glances at the pretty black and white top I’ve found which has sequins around the neckline. “That doesn’t work on me, but I bet it’ll look fantastic on you.” Millie walks over to where I’m gazing at myself in the mirror. “Danny won’t be able to keep his hands off you.”

  Danny.

  Right.

  I smile half-heartedly at Millie and slump down onto the bed.

  “What about other accessories?” Millie muses. “Heels, obv, but I wonder what else would go… did you bring that chunky black belt?”

  “Yeah, it’s in there somewhere.”

  I lie down onto the bed, fold my hands behind my head and stare up at the ceiling.

  “Oh, I so love this song,” Millie says happily, as The Drifting’s last number one blasts from her speakers. “What you doing, what you saying, you know I can’t believe it… C’mon, Suze, join in!” She takes hold of my hand and tries to pull me onto my feet. “Hey, what’s up?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Liar.” Millie collapses down onto the end of the bed and stares at me with hawk-like intensity. “You always dance to this song. What’s up?”

  “Nothing,” I repeat.

  “I know you’re fibbing.”

  “Mill…”

  “If you don’t tell me I’m going to tickle it out of you.” Millie menacingly waggles her fingers.

  “Don’t you dare!” I say, scrambling to sit up as she starts to crawl along the bed. I’m the most ticklish person in the world and Millie knows it. She’s got tons of information out of me over the years just by threatening to ambush my feet.

  “You’ve got five seconds to spill.”

  “Um…”

  “Five.”

  “It’s nothing.”

  “Four.”

  “Really, it’s not that big a deal…”

  “Three.”

  “… and I’m probably overreacting.”

  “Two.”

  “Millie, stop…”

  “One. That’s it.” Millie leaps towards me.

  “Okay, okay! I’m not sure about things with me and Danny.” As soon as I blurt the words out I wish I could swallow them back down again. Millie’s eyes widen in surprise.

  “Wha…?” Her brow furrows. “I thought you sorted everything out?”

  “We did. But I don’t know, lately I’ve been feeling a bit, um, strange about some stuff.”

  “Has Jade been talking rubbish again? Suze, you really shouldn’t listen to her.”

  “It’s not that.”

  “Then what? You’re great together. What’s wrong?”

  “I don’t exactly know,” I try to explain. “I’m wondering if…”

  “What?”

  “I’ve kind of been thinking about someone else,” I mumble.

  “You what?” Millie screeches so loud I’m surprised the windows don’t shatter. “You fancy someone else? Who?”

  “Shhh,” I beg, terrified someone will hear.

  “Is it Henry? Oli? George? Josh? Rob? Or what about that guy in your geography class? It’s not Freaky Hugh, is it?”

  “Would you shut up? It’s none of those people.”

  “Then who?” Millie stops and takes a big gasp. “Ohmigod, is it a girl?”

  “No!”

  Good grief, Millie’s imagination is way too wild.

  “So who is it?”

  I’ve come this far. I might as well tell her.

  “Zach,” I say quietly.

  “Zach?”

  “Zach,” I confirm.

  There’s a long silence while Millie digests what I’ve told her. I can’t read her expression. I should have kept my big mouth shut.

  “You can’t,” she eventually says. “Suze, this must be a mistake. Sure, he’s hot, but you don’t even know him.”

  “It’s just… oh, I don’t know. Lately my brain’s been feeling so messed up and arrrrrgh!” I grab Millie’s pillow and jam it over my head.

  “You can’t hide under there for ever,” Millie says.

  “Can too,” I reply.

  Millie tugs the pillow away and I pull my knees up to my chest. Millie puts her arm around me and gives me a reassuring squeeze.

  “How do I figure this out?” I say quietly.

  “You’re not unhappy with Danny are you?” Millie asks.

  “Not exactly,” I say.

  “Then there is no problem,” Millie says firmly. “Suzy, we’re a foursome. You, me, Jamie and Danny. It’s always been that way. You can’t break that up.”

  “I don’t want to, but—”

  “You just have to keep away from Zach,” Millie interrupts. “I’m sure the feelings will go if you ignore them.”

  “Do you think?”

  “I know.”

  “Okay.” I nod decisively. Millie’s advice sounds sensible. Ignore my feelings. Easy peasy.

  Millie plants a big sloppy kiss on my face with a loud, “Mwah!” and laughs as I wipe her lip gloss and slobber off my cheek. “Suze, you’re such a silly, you know that? Everything’s going to be fine. You and Danny are rock solid.”

  Feeling reassured, I beam happily. “Thanks, Mil. I feel loads better now. And now that’s sorted, can you help me find something to wear with that top?”

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  When other schools have parties, they hire out nightclubs. And in those American movies, their gyms get transformed into magical wonderlands. What do we get at Collinsbrooke? A few paperchains hanging limply off the wall bars and trestle tables stacked high with cheap pop and balloon animals. Is this a children’s party? No. Honestly, the teachers and PTA have absolutely no idea.

  Sure, everyone suspected the party was going to be a cringe-fest. But this is cheaper and tackier than anything even my imagination could conjure up.

  “Seen Barnes?” Danny points across the dark room.

  The single disco ball on the ceiling is sending pathetic reflections across the dance floor. It’s empty apart from Mr Barnes, who, in honour of tonight’s chosen charity – the RSPCA – has donned a full-on dog costume and is attempting to pull off what he clearly thinks are ‘trendy moves’.

  “Oh good Lord,” I groan.

  I lean into Danny and in an unusual moment of affection, he slings his arm around my shoulder. I must have caught him off guard, but for the first time in a while, I feel like everything’s going to be fine.

  “Hey, have you seen what Jade’s wearing?” Jamie nudges Danny and gestures to where Jade is perched up on a pommel horse. Their eyes go out on stalks.

  Jade’s squeezed herself into a tiny denim mini and skin-tight silver top that leaves little – no, scratch that, nothing – to the imagination.

  Only Jade could get away with an outfit like that. She looks like a pop star. On anyone else at this school those clothes would look so ridiculous people would laugh in their face. Jade, however, has every boy dribbling and quivering uncontrollably.

  All of a sudden the top and skinny jeans I borrowed from Millie seem really boring and childish.

  Someone taps Jade on the shoulder, and as she turns, I realise it’s Zach. While he nods away at something Jade’s saying, I notice that his hair’s been carefully styled to frame his face. He looks amazing, and I could totally melt at how cool he is in his yellow T-shirt and short-sleeved checked shirt, teamed with jeans and trainers.

  But I won’t.

  Although I’d love to know what he and Jade are talking about. And why they keep turning in our direction.

  Zach’s eyes connect with mine and
he grins suggestively. I turn away and pretend I haven’t seen. Ignore your feelings, Suze.

  “Coming to dance?” Danny asks.

  “Er, not yet. I’m going to get a drink,” I say, stepping out from under his arm.

  “Get me one while you’re there,” Danny calls after me.

  I’m pouring lemonade into flimsy plastic cups when I feel a hand on my waist.

  “’Scuse us,” Zach says, leaning past to grab the cherry cola bottle.

  How does he always have such an effect on me? I’m trying to ignore my feelings, but that’s impossible when I’m fizzing more than the lemonade I’m holding. I’m betrayed by my own body.

  “Want some?” Zach asks, taking a long slurp of drink and smacking his lips.

  I hold up my cups. “I’m good, thanks.”

  “So,” Zach says. “I was hoping you’d be here.”

  “Oh yeah?” I reply, trying not to sound bothered. “Why’s that?”

  “I thought of a way you can make things up to me.”

  “Eh?”

  Zach gestures towards his foot. “For the ankle, remember?”

  Oh. That. I hoped he’d forgotten.

  “Dance with me later,” Zach says, taking a step forwards, so we’re standing tantalisingly close.

  “I can’t,” I say, shaking my head and forcing myself to move away.

  A cute crinkle appears at the top of Zach’s nose as he frowns slightly. “Can’t? Or won’t?”

  “Well, both, I guess. Danny’s right over there.”

  “Right. Your boyfriend,” Zach says. He grabs a handful of popcorn and begins to eat it slowly.

  “Yes, my boyfriend,” I say firmly. “And I need to take him this drink.”

  “Sure,” Zach says, stepping aside.

  But as I pass, he gently grabs my wrist. Lemonade slops all over his trainers, and the popcorn goes everywhere, but he doesn’t seem to care.

  Zach leans in so close the smell of his citrus-spiciness makes me go all wobbly. My eyes shut for a split second as I inhale deeply.

  “Come and find me if you change your mind,” Zach says softly.

  It takes every iota of strength I have to walk back to my friends.

  “Cheers, Suze,” Danny says, taking a cup. He seems slightly tense. “Who was that you were you talking to?”

  “What? When? Nobody,” I say defensively.

  “Yeah, you were,” Danny says. He tilts his head curiously, and a flicker of suspicion crosses his face. “I saw you. Wasn’t it Zach?”

  Behind Danny’s back, Millie’s scowling fiercely.

  “Oh, yeah,” I say hurriedly. “It was. He was just asking who sings this song.”

  “What?”

  “Yeah, dumb, huh? Shall we go and dance?”

  I ignore Danny’s disbelief, and drag him off onto the dance floor. But all I can think about is Zach. It doesn’t help that he’s constantly staring at me, even after one of Jade’s friends coaxes him onto the dance floor, where he dances very gingerly on his dodgy ankle. Despite that, he’s actually moving to the music’s rhythm, unlike Danny who’s flailing in all directions.

  “Suzy?” Danny waves his hand in front of my face.

  “Hmmm?”

  “I said, are you staying here with Millie? I’ll be back in a minute.”

  “Oh. Yes. Sure. I’ll stay,” I say distractedly.

  “Are you okay?” Danny shouts over the music. “You’ve been acting kind of strange.”

  “No, no, I’m good,” I reassure him.

  Once Danny’s gone, Millie grabs me. “What was all that with Zach earlier?” she asks. “He looked like he was making a move on you. Even Danny noticed.”

  Good grief, do these people have nothing better to do than watch every single tiny thing I’m up to? “Nothing,” I say.

  “Are you sure? It didn’t look like nothing.” Millie sounds sceptical. “What’s going on?”

  “Millie, will you drop it? He asked me to dance and I said no,” I explain. “I’m doing exactly what we said. Ignoring him, and focusing on Danny.”

  Millie seems relieved. “Well, that’s all right, then. Just stick to the plan. Hey, I love this song! Woooooohhh!”

  “I don’t. I’m going to go and sit down for a bit,” I say.

  “You can’t leave me all on my own,” she says, mock-pouting.

  “I’ll get Jamie to come over,” I tell her, and Millie agrees to let me go.

  Jamie’s standing at the side of the room, stuffing his face. “Hey, Suze. I got ten sausage rolls in my mouth at once!”

  “Your mother will be proud,” I tell him, relieving him of his plate and pushing him towards the dance floor. “Millie wants you. Did you see where Danny went?”

  Jamie shakes his head. “He was heading in the direction of the toilets last time I saw him.” He disappears into the crowd, shouting over his shoulder, “See you later. And guard those mini pizzas, I’m coming back for them.”

  Putting Jamie’s plate down on a nearby table, I search the crowd for Danny.

  “Hello,” says a voice close to my ear.

  Zach again.

  Tingles run down my spine I feel his warm breath on my neck. I wonder what it would be like if he kissed me there?

  No, no, no! I am not supposed to be thinking about that.

  “I’m looking for Danny, have you seen him?” I say pointedly.

  “Nope. Had a fight?”

  “Absolutely not,” I say. “We’re having a great night.”

  “Me too,” he tells me, and then someone barges past us, treading on Zach’s injured foot.

  “Aaargh!” Zach yowls, his face turning pale.

  “Hey, are you okay?” I ask.

  Zach doesn’t speak for a minute, his eyes are screwed up and he’s swearing under his breath.

  “Sheesh, that hurt. Whew. Actually… I think I should rest it for a bit. People keep making me dance in here. Give us a hand outside, would you? Then I can find somewhere quiet to sit down.”

  I should really carry on hunting for Danny. “I can’t,” I tell Zach firmly.

  “Please?”

  “I’ve got to find my boyfriend.”

  “Suzy, please. My ankle really kills. It’ll only take a minute, then you can go back.”

  I’m weakening. Zach really seems to need my help. And the reason his ankle’s bad is because of me anyway. So it’s not like I have much of a choice.

  “Okay,” I reluctantly agree.

  Zach leans his hand on my shoulder and we walk towards the door. Well, I’m walking, Zach’s hopping.

  It’s super cold outside, and neither of us have coats. Zach collapses onto one of the picnic tables in the courtyard and I stand awkwardly, wrapping my arms around myself, trying not to shiver in Millie’s sleeveless top. Zach stretches out his long legs, and I can see our foggy breath mingling in the air.

  “I can’t believe how much that hurt,” he says, rubbing his foot and grimacing.

  “I’d better go,” I tell him.

  “Wait a sec,” Zach says, grabbing my hand and pulling me down next to him. I wait for him to release me, but instead he starts rubbing his thumb in tantalising circles over my palm, making me shiver.

  “Cold?” he asks.

  “Freezing.”

  “I could warm you up if you like,” Zach says, a cheeky glint in his eye.

  “No, you’re all right, thanks,” I tell him, with a smile I can’t help.

  It might be my imagination, but Zach seems to be inching closer to me.

  All of a sudden I’m not entirely sure where this is heading and it’s feeling all kinds of weird. I’m scared and excited and nervous all at once.

  “So, can I ask you something?” Zach says.

  “Um, depends what it is,” I reply.

  “What’s the deal with you and this guy you’re seeing?”

  “Danny?” I ask stupidly, like there might be some other guy he’s referring to.

  “Jade says you’ve been
together ages.”

  “Yeah. We’ve hung around with each other since Infants, but got together when we were about thirteen.”

  “Thirteen? Are you for real?” I can’t work out if Zach’s laughing, or horrified, or stunned, or a combination of all three.

  “Yup,” I say.

  “And you’ve never fancied anybody else?” he asks.

  I shake my head.

  “Nobody? Not even me?” He squeezes my fingers gently as he gazes intently into my eyes, and I instantly turn to slush.

  Please, someone make this stop. Make it not be happening.

  “Zach… this isn’t…”

  “Isn’t what?” He tilts his head and I know he’s about to kiss me. It’s exactly like a scene from one of those cheesy rom-coms Amber’s always watching.

  Zach leans in, closer… closer… and I feel myself moving in towards him.

  Then I come to my senses.

  What am I doing? This isn’t right. This is bad.

  Really, really bad.

  Just in time I whisk my face around, and Zach crashes into my ear.

  “Hey!”

  “Zach, I can’t do this.”

  “But you like me.” He says it as a statement, not as a question.

  “I’m going out with someone.”

  “I don’t care.”

  “I… I… this isn’t right. What about Danny?”

  “But isn’t that him over there?” Zach says, nodding his head in the direction of the main building.

  And it is. My boyfriend’s standing at the corner of the courtyard. And I think he’s seen us. I’m about to run over, to desperately try to explain, when I notice there’s someone with him.

  A someone wearing a silver top.

  Jade.

  As I watch, everything flips into slow motion as Jade leans forwards and they start to kiss.

  My boyfriend is kissing another girl.

  Danny is kissing another girl.

  How could he?

  I wrench my hand free from Zach’s, and stagger to my feet.

  I have to get out of here.

  I hear Zach calling after me, but don’t turn back. Somehow I make it to the school gates, and numbly, like I’m in a trance, stagger down the street. I’m not sure where I’m going. I just need to get away.

  I try and block out the image of what I’ve just seen, but it keeps battering and bashing its way back.

  Danny kissed Jade, Danny kissed Jade…