Me Suzy P

by Karen Saunders

  I replay the whole horrific scene over and over, refusing to believe it. Refusing to admit that it’s true. But the evidence is impossible to ignore and although it takes a while to sink in, eventually it does.

  And then I crumple down onto a seat at the bus stop, drop my head into my hands, and burst into tears.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  “Why won’t you talk to me?”

  The duvet, pulled tightly over my head, muffles Millie’s voice. It smells icky and sour under here. Mum needs to wash my bedding.

  No, wait a minute. The smell isn’t coming from my bed. It’s me.

  Pheeewwwey. After all that dancing last night, I really need a shower.

  But I suppose being smelly is only appropriate, seeing as how everything in my life stinks at the moment.

  How could Danny do that to me?

  I grab my phone, which is under the covers next to me, and check the time. It’s 4.07 p.m., exactly three minutes since I last looked.

  Fifteen missed calls from Millie, but no new messages. Danny hasn’t bothered getting in touch.

  Maybe I should text him. Perhaps there’s an explanation.

  Wait. No. What am I thinking? He’s been a git of the most gargantuan proportions, and the fact he hasn’t bothered texting to beg and plead for my forgiveness just makes things a zillion times worse. It’s like he doesn’t even care. He’s forgotten about me overnight.

  I’ve been curled into a tiny ball all day, and can’t remember ever feeling this bad before, not even when I got food poisoning from one of Dad’s barbecued chicken legs.

  My family don’t know what’s up, but they’ve all been in and out of here all day, trying to figure it out and discussing me in loud whispers outside my room.

  Dad only poked and prodded me a couple of times to make sure I was still alive before he went away. Amber tried to make me taste-test some canapés to help me feel better, but there was no way a spinach and ricotta vol-au-vent was passing my lips. Harry was the most inventive, and fired silly string at my head. But even that didn’t get any kind of reaction.

  I just feel dead inside.

  It was when Mum failed to lure me downstairs with a jumbo slice of chocolate cake that she realised the situation was serious and summoned reinforcements.

  So now Millie is attempting to get me to emerge from my pit of despair.

  “C’mon, Suzy, please, please talk to me. Where did you go last night?”

  “I’m not coming out,” I mumble.

  “What? I can’t hear you.”

  I squeeze my eyes tightly shut.

  Go away, go away…

  Millie prods me through the bedding. “Suzy, I’m really worried about you. Where did you and Danny disappear to last night? And why won’t you answer your phone?”

  So many questions, and I don’t want to answer any of them. I roll over, away from Millie.

  Millie moves to sit on the other side of the bed. “Suze, I’m not budging,” she says.

  “I’m not coming out,” I mumble again.

  “I still can’t hear you,” Millie says, sounding frustrated. “Stop talking through the duvet.”

  “I’m not coming out, ever,” I say, loudly. “Just leave me alone.”

  There’s no reply. I hold my breath, but I can’t hear Millie leaving. I’m not falling for this. I’m staying put.

  My phone buzzes loudly and my heart leaps.

  Danny! It’s Danny!

  I grab my mobile, but when I read the screen my heart sinks back down again.

  It’s not Danny. It’s Millie.

  Not going anywhere. Come out NOW and talk 2 me.

  Millie is the most persistent person in the world. It’s no good resisting, I’m going to have to admit defeat.

  Reluctantly I tug the covers down a smidge.

  Millie grimaces. “Ohmigod. You look terrible.”

  “Cheers, mate,” I say, attempting to pull the covers back over my head.

  Millie grabs the duvet just in time. “I’m sorry. It’s just… your make-up’s a little scary.”

  Oh, right. I didn’t take my mascara off last night. I probably look like a psychopathic panda.

  “So, what’s up?” Millie asks gently. “I’m guessing it’s something to do with you and Danny. Did you have another fight?”

  “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “Sorry, no can do. Your mum’s forbidden me to leave until she knows you’re okay. And she’s way scarier than you are.”

  “Hmph.”

  “Suzy, I’m supposed to be your best friend.” Millie sounds hurt. “You can tell me anything. Why won’t you speak to me?”

  “Have you talked to Danny?” I ask.

  Mille shakes her head.

  “Has Jamie?”

  “Yes,” Millie says quietly. “But Danny wouldn’t say anything either. What the chuffing heck happened?”

  I’m not sure I can say the words out loud. Saying it will make it real, and I don’t know if I can handle that. Of all the disasters I’ve ever had in my life, this is the worst by miles. And I didn’t think anything would trump the Ryan underpants trauma.

  “Suzy… what did you do?” Millie presses. “Did something happen between you and Zach?”

  “What? No! How could you think that?”

  “I figure it has to be something bad, and, you know, after what we talked about the other day…” Millie shrugs apologetically. “Zach was obviously trying it on last night.”

  “It wasn’t my fault,” I say indignantly. “I saw Danny…” My voice falters.

  “You saw Danny what?”

  “I saw Danny kissing Jade,” I blurt out, hugging the duvet tightly round me as yet more tears tip down my cheeks.

  The colour drains from Millie’s face and she shakes her head furiously. “You what? No. No! Suzy, you’re wrong. You must have made a mistake.”

  “Mil, I wasn’t. I saw him.”

  Millie’s mouth opens into a silent ‘o’. “But, but… he wouldn’t.”

  “Yes he would. Because he totally did,” I say miserably.

  “If that’s what really happened, I’m going to kill him,” Millie says angrily. “But it doesn’t sound right. I mean, he’s so into you… and Jade of all people? She’s not his type.”

  “But she’s gorgeous,” I wail. “You saw the way Danny and Jamie were looking at her last night. Who wouldn’t fancy her? Millie, what am I going to do?”

  “Try and chill,” Millie says. Her face is ashen and she looks majorly stressed. “I’ll give Jamie a call and get him to talk to Danny, see what he can find out.”

  “I know what I saw.”

  “There’s got to be an explanation,” Millie says forcefully. “We’ll get this sorted. I can’t get any decent reception in here though, I’ll have go outside.”

  “Okay,” I mutter. I know the real reason she’s going outside has nothing to do with her reception. It’s because she doesn’t want to speak to Jamie in front of me.

  “Back in a sec,” Millie says, as I huddle into the bedclothes.

  The next few minutes are the longest I’ve ever experienced in my entire life. When I manage to peel myself away from the bed, I can see Millie through the window, pacing up and down the footpath outside the house. She’s waving her hands about, and shaking her head lots. When she finally flips the phone shut, I leap back under the covers.

  “Well?” I ask when Millie returns.

  She shifts uncomfortably. “Danny was there when I rang. He says he saw you in the courtyard with Zach and you were holding hands.”

  My heart skips a beat. Oh God. So he did see.

  “Is that true?”

  “No. Well, sort of. But not like that. And anyway, what’s that got to do with anything? It was nothing. Zach and I were just talking. Danny had a full-on snog with Jade Taylor.”

  Millie bites her lip. “He says that he saw you two just before Jade kissed him, and he was so shocked he let it happen.”

  “He
let it happen? What a liar! He certainly wasn’t moving away in a hurry.”

  “But you were with Zach, though, right?”

  “Yes, I was, but nothing happened,” I say impatiently.

  “Are you sure?”

  “Of course I’m flipping sure. Don’t you believe me?”

  She doesn’t need to know we nearly kissed. After all, I moved out of the way, didn’t I?

  Unlike some people.

  Millie’s distraught. “I’m sorry. I did double-check. But apparently Danny said he thought it was pretty obvious what was going on.”

  “But… but… no! He’s wrong! Nothing happened!” I shout at the top of my voice and slump onto the bed, trying to keep back yet more tears.

  This isn’t my fault, I try and convince myself.

  I’m not the one who kissed someone else, even if I did kind of want to.

  “I’m sorry, Suze,” Millie says, coming over and putting her arm round me.

  I collapse onto her shoulder, and sob like I’ve never sobbed before.

  “Suzy, you need to get up or you’re going to be late,” Mum says firmly on Monday morning.

  “I can’t,” I whimper. “I’m ill. And probably infectious.”

  As if the whole thing with Danny wasn’t bad enough, the thought of having to face everyone at school today – including Zach and Jade – is heaps worse.

  “Oh, love,” Mum says, sitting down on the bed and stroking the hair away from my forehead like she used to when I was little. I told her Danny and I had fallen out, but refused to elaborate further.

  “Can’t I have today off?” I ask. “One day. It won’t matter. We never do anything important on Mondays.”

  “I know you’re having a tough time, but it’s not going to be any better tomorrow. You might as well get it over with. Putting it off will only make things worse.”

  How does she know? I might have thought of a way to fix everything in the next twenty-four hours. Okay, so it’s a long shot, but it’s a possibility, and I’m desperate here.

  “Suzy, I’m sorry, but you have to go to school.”

  “I don’t think I can,” I tell her.

  “You can,” Mum says, standing up. She means business.

  “You can’t make me.”

  Mum bends down and heaves up the mattress. I tip out of bed with a thump.

  “Ooof!”

  Evil. The woman is stronger than she looks.

  “You’re going to school,” Mum repeats. “It’s for your own good, so I’m calling Millie to come and meet you in ten minutes. I want you up, dressed and eating breakfast before she gets here. And don’t forget to shower. There’s no way of putting this politely, so I’ll just tell you: you reek.”

  Charming. It’s impossible to get any sympathy in this place. Can’t she tell my life is over?

  A short time later I’m looking slightly more presentable, although it would be easy to assume I’d been dragged through a hedge several times before being given a firm shake for good measure.

  I trudge downstairs into the kitchen where Amber and Mark are in their PJs, swaying back and forth, gazing into each other’s eyes and humming ‘The Bridal March’. My vicious death-stare puts an end to that. I slump wordlessly into a chair and ignore the Cheerios Harry starts flicking at me.

  When the doorbell rings, I don’t move.

  “Morning, Millie, come in. Suzy’s in the kitchen,” I hear Mum say.

  “Hi, Suze,” Millie says, as she walks in. “God, you look awful.” She clamps her hand over her mouth. “Sorry. I didn’t mean…”

  “That’s the second time you’ve said that to me in two days,” I say darkly.

  “It’s just your hair—”

  “You girls need to get moving,” Mum interrupts, ushering us out of the door. She shoves a piece of toast and jam at me as I pass. “Eat!” she says firmly.

  I dump the toast in next-door’s bin.

  “So how are you doing?” Millie asks cautiously, as we head off down the road.

  “How do you think?” I say moodily.

  “Did you speak to Danny yesterday?”

  “No. He didn’t bother ringing.’

  “Suze, people fight all the time,” Millie says. “It doesn’t mean anything. You’ll sort this out.”

  I stop walking and stare at her disbelievingly. “I don’t know how.”

  “You will,” Millie insists. “You have to.”

  “I’m not convinced.”

  “C’mon,” Millie says, grabbing my arm and pulling me along. “It’ll be fine, I promise.”

  We’ve got as far as the corner shop when I spot the backs of two familiar heads.

  Wait a minute. Isn’t that…?

  “Hey, it’s Jamie,” Millie chirps. “And Danny’s with him. Jamie? Hi!” Millie blinks innocently and I realise exactly what’s happening.

  “You did this, didn’t you?” I say, starting to feel dizzy. I should have eaten that toast. “You set this up. That’s it, I’m going home.”

  Millie seizes my bag strap. “You’re not going anywhere. You and Danny have to sort this out. The sooner the better.”

  Up ahead, I think Danny and Jamie are having the same conversation.

  “We only want you to talk to each other,” Millie says, as she continues to drag me along.

  And then, all of a sudden, Danny’s right in front of me, glowering fiercely.

  “What do you want?” he demands.

  My breath escapes in a big, cross whoosh. How dare he be angry with me!

  “What do I want?” I snap. “I want to know why you got off with Jade, you cheating bag of—”

  “I didn’t!”

  “Er, I saw you? God, you’re such a liar.”

  “Me? You were with Zach!” Danny shouts. “And I didn’t kiss Jade, she kissed me.”

  “Oh, like that makes a difference,” I fire back sarcastically.

  “Suzy, don’t you think—” Millie says, but we ignore her.

  “Actually, yeah, it does,” Danny says. “I didn’t want to kiss Jade, but somehow I get the impression that’s not the case with you and Zach, given the way you were cosying up together out there. How long’s it been going on?”

  “How long has what been going on? Nothing’s going on, you idiot.”

  “Guys…” Jamie steps up beside us, but we ignore him too. “This is hopeless,” I hear him say to Millie.

  “Yeah, sure,” Danny says. “You’ve fancied him for ages, haven’t you? It explains everything, including why you’ve been such a moody cow lately.”

  “What? How dare you? Don’t blame me for this,” I shriek. “When you, you—”

  “Don’t shout at me.” Danny’s voice cracks and unless I’m very much mistaken his eyes have gone all watery.

  Which kind of stops me in my tracks.

  Is Danny crying?

  The last time I saw him cry was when Ben Croft stole his Scooby-Doo pencil on our school trip to St Albans. We were seven.

  Danny doesn’t do tears.

  And while part of me is thinking he totally deserves it, another part wants to give him a big hug and say it’s going to be all right.

  Messed up or what?

  I’m given a sharp reality check when the image of him and Jade together invades my brain space again. Danny’s in the wrong. And no matter how painful this is, there’s no way in hell I’m apologising first.

  “I’m going.” Danny scowls before storming off down the road.

  “You okay, Suze?” Jamie asks, giving me a quick hug.

  I shake my head, avoiding meeting his gaze.

  “I’d best go after him.” Jamie hitches his backpack over his shoulder and runs off down the road.

  Tears are flooding down my cheeks and I hate Mum for tipping me out of bed this morning. I knew I should have stayed put.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  At lunchtime, I’m walking down the path that leads towards the library with Millie. My feet are dragging along the floor and
I’m utterly depressed.

  “Are you sure you don’t mind me going? I don’t want to leave you but I really need to get in some practice before the test,” Millie says for the billionth time.

  “No, go” I sigh. “I’ve got stuff to do anyway. This book needs returning and my history homework needs finishing. It’s due this afternoon.”

  “Okay then, if you’re sure. I’ll see you later,” Millie says as she heads off towards the languages building. She’s got German club today. Millie’s freakishly good at languages, and absolutely relishes any opportunity where she’s actively encouraged to talk. Plus it doesn’t hurt that there’s a hot tutor visiting at the moment. Millie’s not really interested in improving her language skills, she just wants to flirt with Dieter. Although how sentences like ‘Ich habe meine Bratwurst verloren’ can be sexy is beyond me.

  I’m reaching for the door when it flies open and I have to leap out of the way to avoid getting walloped in the face.

  “Hey!” I yell as a couple of boys race past, but they completely blank me.

  Are all males total knuckleheads, or just the ones at this school?

  I take a deep breath and try to compose myself. This situation with Danny is such a mess, and it’s making me feel terrible. He’s one of my best friends. It’s majorly wrong that we were shouting and screaming at each other this morning. And the day hasn’t got any better since then.

  I got stuck in goal during the first period hockey match and, after being distracted by the world’s biggest seagull landing on the goalpost, I got whacked on the head with the ball (courtesy of Jade, who else?) so now I have a thumping headache and possible brain damage.

  Then I had to listen to Jade in the changing rooms, talking extra loudly to Kara for my benefit, going on and on about what a fantastic time she’d had on Saturday night. I only just resisted strangling her with Millie’s tights.

  After that, I collided with some kid in the corridor, and he spilled a can of Irn Bru all over me. Despite trying to get it off, I’m still soaked, sticky and orange.

  All in all, the sooner this day’s over, the better.

  I slowly make my way into the library and head to the returns desk.

  “This is six weeks overdue,” the librarian says, snapping my book shut and tapping so officiously on her keyboard, I’m surprised it doesn’t snap in half. She peers over the top of her glasses. “What do you have to say for yourself?”