Howliday Inn

by James Howe

  There, inside the storage shed, their eyes gleaming in panic at the sudden intrusion, were Howard and Heather. A discarded rainpipe ran along the ground from where they sat to the opening in the fence. No doubt that accounted for the echoing effect of their howling, I reasoned. As for the yipping sound of moments before, that was quickly accounted for, too. For there, next to Heather, huddled five or six squirming newborn puppies. Their yips, no longer amplified by the rainpipe, were as tiny as they themselves.

  In the glare of Harrison’s light, Howard began to bark.

  Harrison laughed. “Sorry, ol’ boy,” he said, “but you’re going to have to come with me.”

  “Jump him!” Chester shouted. “Taxi, go for his ankles. Harold—”

  “But, Chester,” I stammered, “I thought we were supposed to help Harrison find Howard and Heather. Weren’t they the ones we were after?”

  “Yes, yes, of course,” Chester snapped. “But not because they’re the murderers. Don’t you see? Harrison’s the one! And it’s Howard and Heather he’s been after the whole time!”

  Well, I didn’t see at all, of course, but I decided this was not the time for further discussion. Particularly not when I looked up and saw Harrison glaring down at me.

  “What are you all doing here, anyway?” he uttered in a low, threatening voice. “Get out of here! All of you! Move!”

  We sat, riveted to our spots. Suddenly, Harrison lunged at me. I didn’t know which way to turn.

  “Jump, Agent16IQ!” Lyle shouted in my direction, as he leaped onto Harrison’s shoulders.

  I jumped. Harrison lunged. And he landed, face first, in a big puddle.

  “Mmmphhgrrux,” he said (or something to that effect), as he lifted his head out of the mucky water. “Get off of me, you stupid cat!” He tried to shake Lyle loose, but Lyle was going nowhere.

  “The game is up, NY7!” Lyle cried out. “Your spying days are over.” He dug his claws in to get a firmer hold, and Harrison let out a yelp. He struggled to his feet; Lyle held on tight.

  “Taxi!” Chester cried out. “The ankles! I’ll join Lyle. And Harold—”

  “Yes?” I asked. I wasn’t very good at rough stuff, so I wasn’t sure what I could do to be of help.

  “Bark!” Chester commanded.

  “But, Chester, you know how I hate the sound of barking.”

  “Bark!” Chester ordered again.

  I wasn’t sure what good it would do, but I did as I was told. Loudly, I barked. Howard joined in.

  Chester jumped up onto Harrison’s back and Taxi began nipping at his ankles.

  “Hey, what’s going on here?” Harrison cried. “Get off of me! Ouch!” Chester must have gotten in a good one. “What’s with you animals all of a sudden? Ow, Taxi, get away from my feet!” Harrison kicked at Taxi, who fell over backwards.

  “Are you okay?” I asked, concerned that he’d hurt himself.

  “I’m fine,” Taxi answered. He broke into a smile. “Isn’t this fun?” he asked. And then he dove for Harrison’s feet again.

  “Break his thumbs!” Lyle was shouting gleefully. “We’ll teach him a thing or two!”

  “Attaboy, Lyle!” Chester said encouragingly. “Come on, Harold, what happened to the barking?”

  Oh yeah.

  “Woof! Woof!” I couldn’t help thinking how dumb I sounded, but, unfortunately, a dog’s vocabulary is limited. Just then, I heard a car pull into the driveway. Maybe “woof” wasn’t so dumb after all; it seemed to have done the job.

  The gate to Chateau Bow-Wow flew open, and Jill and Dr. Greenbriar rushed in. They were followed by Max, Georgette and—yes, it had to be, it was—Louise!

  “Okay, Harrison, that’s enough!” Dr. Greenbriar shouted.

  Harrison froze to the spot. His eyes widened in amazement as his mouth fell open, and his flashlight fell to the ground. The light went out.

  There was a long moment of silence, and then Jill’s voice cut through it like a knife.

  “Harrison, how could you?” she said at last.

  Harrison mumbled something under his breath, as Jill and Dr. Greenbriar moved in closer to confront him face to face. Lyle and Chester hung stubbornly from Harrison’s shoulders.

  “I only hope, Harrison,” Dr. Greenbriar said, “for your sake as well as theirs, that no harm has come to any of these animals.”

  “When I think of how I trusted you ...” Jill interjected.

  “How did . . . did you . . . how did you . . .” Harrison stuttered.

  “Oh, I knew you were up to something after I called you tonight, Harrison,” Jill answered. “You were so strange on the phone. Nervous and jumpy. I’d never heard you like that before. And then, well, I thought about how weird it was that you were here instead of home in the first place. I mean, that dedicated you’re not.”

  “I never should have answered the phone,” Harrison said weakly.

  “Yes, that was your first mistake. And then on the way over here, we passed your house and found the dogs barking outside your window.”

  “I don’t know what’s going on,” Dr. Greenbriar said, “but you and I have to talk, Harrison. First, I want to take a look at everyone and get them back into their bungalows. I’ll check on Howard and Heather and the kids. If they’re all right, we’ll leave them where they are for the night. Harrison, wait inside the office until I come in. I want a full explanation. And then ...” and here he paused dramatically, staring into Harrison’s eyes, “. . . then we’ll decide your fate.”

  Harrison hung his head as Dr. Greenbriar moved beyond him and through the opening in the fence. Jill stayed where she was.

  “I just can’t believe you’d do such a thing!” she said vehemently, her eyes connecting with the top of Harrison’s unruly thatch of hair. “What got into you, anyway?” she demanded. “Was this how you were going to make a million dollars? By lying? And kidnapping?! And murder? And on top of everything, making it look like it was all my fault! I can’t believe it, that’s all! I just can’t believe you’re capable of such evil.”

  Harrison continued to stare at the ground, avoiding Jill’s gaze.

  “Well?” she asked after a moment. “Don’t you have anything to say for yourself?”

  Harrison shrugged and lifted his head slightly. In a soft voice, he uttered his defense. “You can’t blame a person for trying.”

  Jill just shook her head slowly and watched as Harrison shuffled off toward the office door. Then, she moved away to join Dr. Greenbriar in the storage shed. Chester and Lyle jumped down from Harrison’s shoulders. And Taxi came over to me with a piece of Harrison’s sock hanging from his mouth. A souvenir of his night of bravery, no doubt.

  When he reached the office door, Harrison turned back and sighed heavily. I almost felt sorry for him then and turned to Chester to tell him so.

  “Don’t waste your pity,” Chester replied. “When I tell you about Harrison, you’re not going to have such a soft spot in your heart for him.”

  Just then, Louise walked over to me. “Scott,” she said to me softly. I wanted to remind her that my name was Harold, but she continued before I could say anything. “Scott, I know you have held out hope that we’d get together. But I am going back to Chip. He wants me . . . and, well, I am wanting him. I’m going to forgive and forget. No matter what has been between him and Liza. Forgive and forget, Scott, I hope you can understand.” She walked back to Max’s side.

  Chester and I turned to each other.

  “What terrible thing did Harrison do to Louise?” I asked in shock. “Mind control?”

  “Worse,” Chester answered. “Two days of afternoon television.”

  I looked back at Louise and a feeling of horror overwhelmed me. Chester was right. There could be no pity for Harrison.

  [ ELEVEN ]

  In the Days That followed. . .

  IN THE DAYS that followed, a calm fell over Chateau Bow-Wow. After that fateful night, the storm died down and was replaced by hot, sunny weather. Heat
her was moved indoors with her babies; and Howard, when he wasn’t inside visiting, was proudly extolling the virtues of family life. He also handed out bones on which he’d written, “It’s a boy . . . and a boy . . . and a girl . . . and a boy . . . and a girl . . . and a girl . . . and a boy.” I was very moved by his gift. Chester was nauseated.

  “Typical dog present,” he grunted after Howard walked away.

  “What do you mean ‘typical’?”

  “You wouldn’t catch a cat giving out used bones,” he replied, as he rolled over on his back to bask in the sun. After a moment, he added, “Yuck! Just the thought of it—”

  “Hello, Harold,” a voice called out. It was Taxi, stopping by to chat. I told him I was sorry for thinking he might have murdered Louise and Chester, and he readily accepted my apology.

  “Under the circumstances,” he said to me, “it’s understandable that you’d think I might have done it. After what I said about poison, I mean—”

  “Yes,” I replied, “and you seemed pretty upset about Max and Georgette, too.”

  “Well, I was a little jealous, I’ll admit. But, Harold, do you really think I’d murder someone just because I was jealous?”

  I was embarrassed that such a thought had ever crossed my mind. Chester, naturally, wasn’t embarrassed in the least.

  “It happens all the time,” he said. “Besides, just because you look like you wouldn’t hurt a fly doesn’t mean you aren’t capable. I checked into your file while I was being held in the office, and I found out a thing or two.”

  “Really?” Taxi asked in surprise. “What kinds of things?”

  Chester just smiled.

  “You read the files?” I asked.

  “Yup,” he said. “Harrison and I pored over every single one of them that evening. And let me tell you, there was some pretty interesting stuff in there.”

  I started to panic. I was hoping there was nothing in my file about the incident with the geranium. I mean, it had been in poor taste (and it tasted pretty poor, too) to eat Mrs. Monroe’s favorite plant. I didn’t sleep too well after that one, but whether that was from an unclear conscience or an unsettled stomach, I wasn’t too sure.

  Chester must have been reading my thoughts. He looked into my eyes with a knowing little smirk.

  “Geranium?” I inquired innocently.

  He nodded his head. Was nothing sacred? I thought. Boy, you make one mistake in life and they never let you forget.

  “There was also mention of the episode with Mr. Monroe’s electric shaver,” he added.

  Boy, you make two mistakes in life and they never let you forget. That one wasn’t really my fault anyway. Could I help it if I thought he was being attacked by an oversized bumblebee? It was a perfectly logical error.

  “Clever of you to grab the shaver with your teeth and toss it in the toilet the way you did,” Chester commented.

  Taxi looked at me with a queer sort of expression on his face. I couldn’t tell whether he was appalled that I had done such a stupid thing or appalled that he hadn’t been as clever under similar circumstances. He just shook his head slowly and said, “You’re some dog, Harold.”

  I decided to take it as a compliment. “Thanks,” I replied.

  “Yeah, you’re some dog, all right,” Chester joined in. “So clever you couldn’t even figure out the message I sent you until it was too late.”

  “So it was from you,” I said.

  “Of course it was from me, you ninny. What did you think it was, a fan letter from Taxi here?”

  Taxi looked puzzled. “What message?” he asked.

  “Oh, just a little after-dinner reading I sent Harold,” he answered.

  “Huh?”

  I was getting fed up. I had tried and tried to get Chester to tell me the whole story, but he kept pleading emotional fatigue. “Come on, Chester,” I said. “Tell us what really happened.”

  “Okay, okay,” Chester said irritably. “I’m still suffering from mental exhaustion, of course—”

  “Would you like to suffer from physical exhaustion as well?” I asked between my teeth.

  He picked up his tail with one paw and began to bathe it. “Boy, talk about impatience,” he said.

  Taxi whispered to me, “Is he going to tell us the story or take a bath?”

  “I know Chester,” I answered quietly, “and he always bathes his tail before he settles down. Don’t worry.”

  “If you two boys in the back row will stop whispering,” Chester said then, dropping his tail, “I’ll begin.” And so it was that I learned the true story of the strange events at Chateau Bow-Wow.

  “AS I WAS eating dinner the other night,” Chester began, “I felt myself growing drowsy. Oh, no, I thought, how could I be so dumb? I was so worried about staying awake that I hadn’t even considered the obvious. And here it was, right before me.”

  “Here what was?” I asked. Chester stopped and gave me a look through half-closed eyelids.

  “The food, Harold,” he said.

  “Oh.”

  “After all, we knew Louise hadn’t eaten all of her dinner the night before. And we knew there was a good chance she’d been poisoned. By that time, I had figured out that Harrison was the culprit, so I—”

  “How did you know that?” I asked.

  “Patience, Harold. You can’t rush a great mind.”

  “Oh. I’m sorry, Chester.”

  “That’s all right. Now, where was I?”

  “Something about a great mind,” I said.

  “Before that, you dolt.”

  “Oh . . . uh . . .”

  “Oh, yes. So it stood to reason that if Harrison had poisoned Louise, he might pull the same trick on someone else. As I say, this thought didn’t occur to me until I’d already eaten some of my dinner and was beginning to drift off. I tried to call out to you, Harold, but my voice was fading. You couldn’t hear me.”

  I felt awful thinking of my poor, dear friend calling out for help in the bungalow next door and me being unable to heed his plea.

  “Of course, you were slurping your food so loudly,” he went on, “you wouldn’t have heard me if I’d used a microphone and loudspeakers. Anyway, before I knew it, I was asleep.”

  “Then what happened?” Taxi asked.

  “I slept.”

  “Oh,” Taxi said, taking it in. “That makes sense.”

  “When I woke up, it was dark all around me. I didn’t know where I was or how I had gotten there. After a while, my eyes made out a window, and with the help of the little bit of light coming through it, I could tell that I was inside a cage of some kind. I tried to undo the latch, but there was a heavy padlock on the outside. Seeing that there was no way to escape, I had no choice but to wait it out till morning.

  “When I awoke again, it was light in the room, and I realized I was inside Greenbriar’s office. Suddenly, Harrison’s face appeared before me. I felt my heart pounding in my chest.

  “‘Good morning, Chester,’ Harrison said. I wasn’t fooled by his pleasant tone of voice. ‘I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to put you downstairs for a while.’ And he picked up my cage, carried me down into the basement and left me there all alone. Now the thing is, I must have been near a heating duct or something because I could hear what was going on upstairs in the office. Jill had arrived and—well, it doesn’t matter everything that was said. The important thing was—”

  “I know,” I said, interrupting. “I heard it, too. Harrison told Jill you were poisoned.”

  “Exactly,” Chester said, looking at me with a puzzled expression. I smiled. Chester wasn’t the only sleuth in the joint, and I wanted him to know it.

  “Anyway,” he continued, “he gave her the rest of the day off, came downstairs to get me and brought me back up to the office.

  “Later, he took me out of the cage and put me on the examining table. I didn’t know what was going to happen next. But I kept my eye on the window, which was open slightly, planning my getaway as soon a
s he came near me with any funny-looking instruments. But he didn’t do anything. Just sat down next to the table and stared at me.

  “‘Are you the one?’ he asked after looking me over from head to tail. ‘I don’t see what’s so special about you.’ Well, the insult aside, I found what he had to say very interesting. I wanted to know what he meant. So I began to purr. I sashayed over to him and bumped my head against his shoulder. I looked up at him with big, soft, mushy eyes, and just when I had him hooked, I got the purr going a little deeper in my throat so that it sounded like I’d just fallen in love. People are suckers for that stuff. Harrison was no exception.

  “‘Aw, you’re a nice kitty,’ he said, patting me, ‘but you don’t seem very special.’ I almost stopped purring at that, but remembered that I was after something. ‘I was sure you were the one. Doc says you’re special. I heard him tell your family. And your file has got some pretty interesting stuff in it. Still, you look like a pretty ordinary cat to me.’ I wanted to bite him then, but resisted.”

  Knowing Chester, I had to admire his restraint.

  “Well, then Harrison let out a big sigh and shook his head. ‘Maybe I’m just not cut out for this racket,’ he said. ‘First I thought it was Louise. After all, she’s pretty fancy-looking. But then once I got her home ... I don’t know . . . she didn’t look so unusual. And then I looked back in her file and found out she’s not even a purebred. So I figured I had the wrong one! Well, it’s not so bad with her. I mean, I made it look like she escaped. I can just bring her back anytime I want. Meanwhile, she’s not having such a bad time of it over at my pad. Watching TV all day, eating leftover Chinese food. What could be better? So, I went back to the files, and I read up on you, see? And I remembered what Doc said about you. And I figured you’re the one. But, now, I don’t know . . .’ And he just stared at me some more, his face growing more and more perplexed.

  “And then he said something that really frightened me. ‘Too bad I made it look like you’d been poisoned. After all, I can’t bring you back from the dead, can I? If you’re not the one, we’re both in trouble. Of course,’ he added with a chuckle, ‘you’ll be in more trouble than me, but . . .’