I, Psychopath

by Ph. D. Stephen M. Kahn

  I was feeling as if nothing wrong could happen and even got up the courage to ask a few girls to dance. I didn’t ask any of the girls for second dances or their phone numbers because in my mind was the thought that Valerie might walk in. About ten, I was starting to feel a little discouraged about her making an appearance when the door swung open and in she walked with two girlfriends. The sight of her made me feel a little nervous because it now seemed like do or die time and I didn’t know how it would turn out. I watched the three of them walk to a table and sit facing the dancers. She had not seen me yet and for all I knew, may not have remembered me anyway. Bart had seen them come in and said that we should walk over and ask them to dance. His words seemed to bolster my courage a bit and we walked to their table and stood in front of them. The three of them looked at us for a few seconds and then Valerie smiled at me and got up to dance without being asked. I was happy that she had remembered me and wanted to get close. I did my usual shuffle dance steps but they must have improved since Valerie commented on how much better I was moving. We danced to three songs and walked back to her table when she invited me to sit down. We spent the next few hours drinking, talking and dancing in what was a very heady experience. I really wanted to take her somewhere so we could be alone but hesitated to ask in the event that she refused my offer. In the event she said yes, I didn’t know where to take her since it would have meant walking to another location. To my astonishment, she suggested that we go somewhere quieter and offered to drive us in her car. I immediately said “let’s go” and in a few minutes we were out the door and sitting in her car. She looked at me for an instant and leaned her head toward mine and kissed my lips. I felt electric shocks going through my body and put my arms around her to draw closer. We must have kissed for about ten minutes before she said that before going somewhere, a brief stop had to be made at her apartment. It was then that I learned that she lived with, Kristine, one of the girls who came in with her. The two of them hadn’t planned on going out tonight but I was really glad that things had worked out so well.

  It took about eight minutes to drive to the building and Valerie asked me to come in and take a look at her place. I was getting very excited and could think of only one thing at this moment. I couldn’t believe that it might happen and followed her through the door into what looked like a nice place to live. She asked if I wanted something to drink but before an answer could be given, her arms locked around me and we were kissing again. I was sure that she would feel the heat emanating from my skin and slowly pulled me over to a couch where we both plopped down. When Valerie put her tongue in my mouth, it was a cue to feel her entire body with groping hands as she started moaning softly. I leaned her down on the couch and started undoing the buttons of her blouse when she stopped me and said that we could go into the bedroom where it was more comfortable. I spent the next two hours in bed with her and had the greatest time of my life. It was hard to believe how incredible sex was, especially with a soft, willing female. We lay naked on the bed in each other’s arms until she said it was time to drive back to the bar and pick up Kristine. I really didn’t want to leave but thought it would be wiser to agree with her and not try to have my way at this time. When we returned to the bar, the place was in full swing and people were standing three deep waiting for the bartender to serve them. We found her friends at the table and joined them but Bart was nowhere to be seen and I wondered if he had picked up someone and was having his way with her. We sat around for another hour until the girls said they had enough and wanted to leave. I walked Valerie out and asked when we could get together again. She wasn’t sure but gave me her phone number and said to call soon which didn’t exactly give me the answer I wanted to hear but at least it wasn’t a turndown. The car drove away and I went inside again and looked once more for Bart but he was not there. Oh well, I thought, it was only a ten minute walk to the apartment and my body was feeling pretty lively at this time.

  Mother was already asleep so I lay in the bed for a few moments thinking about the night’s events and then fell into a very deep sleep that was undisturbed until late in the morning. All that had happened seemed like a fantastic dream and I just had to tell Bart about it. After getting dressed, I phoned him and calmly gave an accounting of my time with Valerie He thought it was great and said that there were plenty of other easy girls to be had for the taking. I wasn’t thinking that far ahead but it did seem better to have several girlfriends rather than just one. There was no way that I wanted to be tied down with a single woman although thoughts of Valerie were still strong in my mind and would probably linger there for quite awhile Well, this was my first weekend off since starting work and I should do something worthwhile with the time because as quickly as the days pass, Monday would roll around all too soon. I decided to buy a newspaper and look at apartments for rent to get some idea of how much it would cost for a move in. Fortunately, my mother already had a newspaper and I scanned it for locations and prices. I wasn’t familiar with most of the neighborhoods and would need a map but the rents seemed to be reasonable and it shouldn’t be more than two months before the money needed was saved. That thought gave me a good feeling and I decided to go downtown and look over the terrain to see what further opportunities were available.

  While riding on the bus, I kept thinking about Valerie and the great sex we had. In my way of thinking, she was my girl and only mine. Valerie should realize that fact and not fool around with anyone else. The next time we met, I would make that plain to her without further question. I had very little experience with women but from what the older boys at the camp had told me, “you have to let them know who the boss is and make sure they obey the rules.” I didn’t really know what all the rules were but they certainly included the rule of Valerie having me as her only man. I would call her tomorrow and make a time for a meeting at the apartment. Once she knew what I want, there would be no room for errors. I stopped dwelling on her and got off the bus in the middle of downtown where most of the stores were located. It looked like Saturday was a busy time and I blended in with the crowd to see why all these people were walking around. I kind of liked the excitement of these hordes moving around in all directions and got caught up watching them as they scurried about. Being here also gave me a chance to notice the latest styles for men and to see if there was anything that appealed to me. I hadn’t been wearing very fashionable clothes since leaving the camp and wanted to improve my wardrobe. I could see the problem with making a small salary because there were so many things to buy and the amount of money earned from working would never be sufficient to obtain them. It was becoming more evident that working for a living was not the way for me to go but if I was to turn to a life of crime, it would have to be something that would let me score lots of money with little risk of arrest. That would not be an easy trick to pull off without a really good plan and perhaps a few good allies.

  After awhile, I tired of looking at all the nice items that were not affordable at this time and decided to head back to the apartment. I decided to call Valerie later tonight and see if we can get together for a little fun. My mother hadn’t left for work yet when I returned to the apartment so we spent fifteen minutes talking about what had happened during the week without really saying much. I just didn’t feel any real closeness to my mother or for that matter, anyone else, but had no feelings of guilt about it. I didn’t even feel that close with Valerie but thought of her more as my woman who existed only to please me. I didn’t have that kind of attachment to people and it suited me well since it kept me from being burdened by their problems. If there was any one I thought of as essential to my lifestyle, it was Bart. He was needed as an ally and social acquaintance at certain times but if push came to shove, I could discard him also. My mother said that Ben was coming over tomorrow and would it be possible to absent myself in the afternoon for a few hours. I was really annoyed by her request and considered it an inconvenience on one of my days off. Well, maybe I could do something wi
th Valerie although money was tight. Of course, she could spend a few bucks on me until I had my first paycheck. I phoned her number but only got the answering machine. I left her a short message about getting together tonight although what we might do was a mystery without cash. Maybe she would like to stay in and have some more sexual workouts but I wouldn’t know until we spoke.

  I waited about an hour before calling her again and hung up when the machine came on. Why wasn’t she home to answer my calls? I suppose that she could have been doing chores or shopping but in the back of my mind, a suspicion about her seeing someone else started to emerge. I didn’t want to think that she would cheat on me but how could any woman be trusted these days when they jump in the sack at a moments’ notice. My mother finally left for work and solitude started to put more thoughts in my head about what Valerie could be doing. I could feel my anger rising with each unanswered phone call until on the sixth try, she said “hello” Quickly composing myself, I engaged in a few minutes of meaningless banter before asking about getting together this evening. She paused for a moment and said that other plans had been made some time ago to go out with friends. I was a bit stunned but was able to ask about doing something tomorrow afternoon but she replied that plans had been made for then too. Her words riled me and I said that it was my understanding that we were going to see each other a lot. Valerie made a little giggle and told me that no such agenda had ever been discussed or promised. She made it clear that there were several men in her life and that was what made it so much fun. She stated that we had a good time together but it was just a fling and nothing more and I shouldn’t make it into some kind of love affair. I couldn’t contain my rage anymore and started raising my voice about how she led me on and teased me but there was no give on her part. The anger finally took over and I started calling her terrible names before slamming the phone down very hard. I wasn’t going to let that lying bitch treat me like crap since there were plenty of others around. I’ll bet all these girls lie and cheat whenever it’s to their advantage. Well, I’ll make sure it never happens to me again.

  It took me hours to calm down and stop calling her names but finally, out of exhaustion, a quiet phase came over me. I had learned a valuable lesson and one that would be remembered forever. I just sat in a chair staring at nothing for awhile before deciding to call Bart and see if anything was happening tonight. He was not in a good mood because of a lack of cash and no resources to obtain any. We sympathized with each other and complained again about society treating us so badly after robbing nine years of our youth. It stands to reason that we are owed something for the loss and if they weren’t going to pay us voluntarily then it would take some kind of deliberate action to get what is coming to us. In the mood that we were in, it wouldn’t take much prodding to make us commit some kind of violence. I really wanted to hurt someone for what had happened with Valerie and if we could take some cash while causing pain, so much the better. I told Bart about my wild idea and he thought it would be justified. We planned to meet later in the evening and discuss our plans. Just before I hung up, Bart mentioned that someone he knew had seen Cal in the area lately and that sent my mind in motion for a payback very soon for him turning against us to save his skin. I never knew when Cal would turn up but it had to occur sometime and directing some of my anger against him seemed entirely right. I ate the meal my mother had left and watched television for a short time just to waste the hours until Bart arrived. Trying to think of an easy but foolproof action for our caper tonight occupied my thoughts until I heard a car pull up to the building and knew it was Bart.

  Bart came in and sat on the couch before saying anything to me. He had been thinking about where to commit a mugging and had a few isolated, dark areas in mind. What we had to make sure of was that the victim had some money or else we wouldn’t have been totally successful. I thought about watching ATM machines where people withdrew cash but that might be too risky if witnesses were nearby. A good possibility would be trailing someone leaving a tavern alone if he looked a little tipsy and jumping him in some lonely spot. We couldn’t be sure that he had money but people who come out of bars usually have some cash left in their pockets. There was little chance that an inebriated person would put up much of a fight and give us the opportunity to beat him black and blue. It was a simple but workable plan that would provide us with satisfaction and if luck was good, some spending money. First we would go to the usual bar and spend a few hours drinking and trying to have some fun. I wanted to find another woman who would not treat me badly but how to be sure was the question. Bart said there wasn’t a sure way to know and treating them rough from the start would provide a hint of how they’ll react. I wasn’t sure about what he meant but made it look as if his words rang true. I would not be as shy and passive again as with my last experience but would let people see my toughness without getting violent. It was near ten when we entered the bar and could see that the place was booming with noise and dancing bodies. There were lots of single women sitting at tables and it looked like easy pickings for any guy who had a decent appearance. We sat at the bar for a few minutes and surveyed the place but in the dimness it was not easy to make out the prettier faces. I would have to move around and take a closer look before asking anyone to dance.

  As I wandered about, many of the girls smiled to attract my attention. Eventually, I noticed a nice looker sitting with two friends at a table toward the rear. I slowly walked over and asked her to dance but she was already getting out of her chair as if knowing in advance of my intentions. She was a very smooth dancer and I tried to look as cool as possible which seemed to work because we stayed on the dance floor for three songs. I accompanied her back to the table and sat down while telling my name and asking for hers. Jane had a very sweet smile and a nicely shaped body which immediate piqued my interest. She hadn’t been to this bar before and only on an impulse had decided to come at the last minute. I let her know how fortunate it was for me that she showed up which elicited an almost imperceptible blush on her cheeks. As we sat at the table, Jane told me a little about herself without having to be asked. She was nineteen and a student at the community college studying psychology. Unfortunately for me, she still lived at her parents’ home but made it clear that she had no restrictions on her activities. I told her about my job and how it would soon be possible to move into my own apartment. Leaving out my years spent at the camp seemed prudent at this time since I didn’t want to give her a bad impression of my character. We continued talking and dancing for another hour seemingly oblivious to anyone else at the table. I really wanted to be alone with her but Bart whispered in my ear that we had somewhere to go and his words broke up the party. I told Jane that we should get together tomorrow and have some fun which she agreed to do. Taking her phone number and promising to call early afternoon, Bart and I left the table and made for the door. We had some very important business to take care of and the time was now.

  Bart drove around the downtown area and passed by many taverns so we could notice the people that were leaving. It was nearly midnight and many of the drinkers should be heading for home in some degree of inebriation. We wanted to watch bars at the outskirts of the area where there were fewer lights and witnesses and hoped to see someone staggering down the street toward a dimly lit area. We were watching several people as they left the building but none of them seemed to be tipsy. Finally, a man came out who was well dressed and with some difficulty, started making his way toward a darker section of the street. Bart drove the car and parked it about a block ahead of the man and we got out to wait for his approach We could see that he had trouble walking a straight line but managed to slowly approach us until his face could be seen. He looked like a man in his forties and seemed to be unaware of our presence. Where we were standing was dark and as he passed by, Bart asked him if he had a match. Before he could answer, I swung my fist at his head and hit him on the cheek very hard. A surprised look appeared on his face just before his body crumpled
to the ground without further movement. I didn’t realize that it would be so easy to knock someone out but within seconds the man started to move and scream very loudly. Bart kicked him in the head to shut his mouth and we started pummeling him as he lay on the ground. I couldn’t believe how good it felt to bash someone particularly when I imagined that it was Valerie and even Cal who were bearing the brunt of my blows. After the fellow stopped moving, Bart went through his pockets and took out some cash and a wallet which contained more bills. We decided to hold onto the wallet and dispose of it elsewhere before heading for the car and driving away. As I looked back, there was no one to be seen in the vicinity which boded well for us.