I, Psychopath

by Ph. D. Stephen M. Kahn

  As we sped away from the scene of the robbery, I looked through the rear view mirror to see if anyone was following us or watching the car. I couldn’t see too well but it looked like no one was in the street and it didn’t matter anyway since within seconds we had turned the corner and were out of viewing range. Bart did not speak for awhile but I could tell that he was breathing heavily. If he was tensed up from the episode, then it would only take a short time to calm down and get ourselves back on track. We had driven for several miles before starting to talk about what had happened and the realization of how close the situation came to being a disaster started to show in our voices. Bart was afraid that someone had seen us or the car while I wasn’t convinced that either of those possibilities had occurred. I tried to reassure Bart by stressing that no one was in the street and even if someone had been in the vicinity, the light was too dim to make anything out for sure. If anyone did see us, all they could describe was two people running toward a car and I was pretty sure that what we were wearing could not be describe accurately. He seemed to finally relax a little as we headed toward my apartment where we could count the proceeds from our nights work. We didn’t see one police car on our drive and that also helped to settle Bart down. By the time the car was parked and we were in my bedroom, everything seemed to be normal again. Without wasting any time, I emptied my pockets of cash and took out the contents of both wallets. It looked like a very large pile of bills and many of them were twenties. We counted them quickly and were happy with the haul. The amount came to four hundred and sixty dollars and my half might just put me over the top of what I needed to move. It only took a few minutes for Bart to take his share and head out without saying much. For a moment, I wondered if he wanted to take part in any more heists but it was not something to worry about now.

  The amount of money I had accumulated from working and my extracurricular activities came to just over eleven hundred dollars which was enough to rent an apartment and furniture. Tomorrow, I would start looking in the newspaper for places to live and spend the weekend checking them out. I would even ask April to come with me and get her opinion on which place looked more suitable. I wasn’t sleepy and still kind of high from the nights’ events so watching television killed some time until tiredness came over me. My mother hadn’t come home yet and I didn’t want to waste time talking nonsense with her. In all the months I had lived with her, we had never gotten any closer and our conversations were nothing more than polite chatter. Moving from this apartment and rarely seeing her anymore had no effect on me and probably had a similar reaction with her. After all, she had her job and boyfriends to fill up her life and if they weren’t providing her with a good life, then too bad. She had made the choices that led up to this moment and now had to live with them. I was more exhausted than my mind would admit and sleep was very deep and refreshing. In the morning, I bounced out of bed ready to take on work and then start looking for a place to live. I also had a huge curiosity about the robberies and wanted to look through a newspaper very soon to see if my work had made the headlines. There was no time to watch the news at this time but maybe I could catch it at lunchtime at a tavern. I had to remember to call April and tell her about my plans although having her move in with me was not included in them.

  People at work remarked about my cheerful nature and I actually enjoyed the routine on this day. I had obtained the money that would achieve one of my goals and satisfaction exuded from me. There was so much extra energy coming from my body that I didn’t feel the slightest degree of fatigue by the day’s end. I had tried calling April at lunchtime but couldn’t reach her. All I could do was leave messages on her answering machine about phoning later. The midday newscast was a little disappointing in that no mention was made of the two beatings but that was not a bad thing. It would have been far worse if the report stated that the perpetrators had been identified and were being sought at this moment. But that was not to be and I hoped that Bart was still optimistic and continued to be my partner in crime. I made a mental note to phone him later and see how well he was doing. I had hoped that in the face of strife, Bart would hold up well and not let the tension get to him. I surmised that he was not mentally tough like me but his help was still needed for our work. If he wasn’t available, I had no idea where to find another accomplice whom could be trusted as much. I had too many other things on my mind to be concerned about Bart’s mental status right now and one of the more important items involved learning something about last nights’ victims. It did annoy me a little that nothing had been said about the crimes and I was really eager to hear the six o’clock news report and see some kind of story about my work. When I returned home, I immediately put the news on and impatiently waited for the local events. To my surprise, the robberies were the first story discussed and the reporter went into detail about the horrendous and severe beating administered to two victims who left taverns last night in different parts of the city. At this moment, police were saying that the robberies were not connected and they were looking for four suspects, although their identification was sketchy at best. The report went on to say that no one had seen the first incident but witnesses of the second robbery had noticed two men running to a car and then speeding off into the darkness. The police were asking for any other witnesses to come forth but no one had done so yet.

  Another reporter described the injuries of the victims and mentioned that both had been brutally punched and kicked even after they were on the ground. The man from the second heist had suffered brain damage from kicks to the head and was in serious but not life threatening condition. That was all I learned from the news and felt very satisfied that no one had seen us. I didn’t feel any particular sympathy for the victims and didn’t care one way or another if they lived or died. The only thing they meant to me was a source of money and if they were not the chosen victims, then some others would have been targeted. It was just a matter of circumstance to me dictated by the fickle finger of fate. Now that I had satisfied my curiosity about the reporting, it was time to turn my attention to phoning April and telling her about my upcoming apartment hunting. I was sure that she would be very pleased with the news that we could be together more often. She answered the phone and was very happy at my news although there might have been a little disappointment in her voice at not being included in my move in. We would get together later on tonight and celebrate in some fashion which hopefully involved another sexual encounter. A few minutes later, I decided to call Bart and tell him about the newscast but when we talked, he already had heard it. Bart was very relieved that no one had an opportunity for a good look at us and seemed to be his usual self. He thought it was cool that I was going to rent my own apartment and had similar thoughts but never could save money. Bart liked to spend his cash on electronic items and always seemed to be broke. If he didn’t change these spendthrift habits, there was no way to ever live on his own but that’s his problem.

  I had picked up a newspaper downtown and spent a little time looking through the rental section to get some idea of what it would cost me to move in. Most of the rents for a one bedroom apartment in a decent part of town were about five hundred dollars and with deposits, the total might come to seven or eight hundred which I could manage. I would also have to visit one of those rent to own furniture stores and pick out the essential items necessary for comfortable living. I was sure that April could help by supplying the woman’s touch since my experience with furniture was limited to the type that was found in prison camps. I didn’t need fancy stuff but wanted nice looking tables, dressers, or chairs and of course a bed. Perhaps, we could look on the weekend and if things went well, I might rent a place with furniture and be able to move in immediately. April phoned and sounded very eager to start looking for an apartment immediately as if she expected to move in with me. That put me in a quandary since I certainly could use her help in getting from place to place but would her coming with me suggest that she was included my plans? I would have
to deal with that aspect later and make use of her willingness to help at this time. My speech must be very carefully censored so no slip about her living with me mistakenly emerges and reinforces whatever distorted thoughts she already had in her mind. I liked April but didn’t want to feel smothered by one woman at this time when there were so many others to get involved with for fun. It seemed that she was in a desperate situation at her parent’ house and wanted to get away from them without knowing how I truly felt about her. The sex had indeed been good, but that alone was no reason to assume that a monogamous situation existed or was in any way sought after. There was no use wasting much time thinking about this matter since all women may seek to trap me in a similar vein.

  In a short while, April arrived looking cheerful and happy to see me. We probably could have had sex right then but the appeal of finding an apartment seemed to be stronger in my mind at this moment. She knew the street locations of two of the rentals so we headed out to the first stop. While driving there, a constant stream of chatter came from her lips as if the excitement was buzzing all through her body. I was grateful when we finally stopped and her constant talk quieted. The complex was fairly new and in a nice park like atmosphere with lots of greenery and benches. All of the units could be reached by an outside stairway and as we approached the office, the quietness of the area was noticeable. I knocked on the managers’ door and was greeted by a youngish woman who was glad to show the rooms that were located on the upper floor. When I walked in, a sense of satisfaction went through me because the rooms were large, clean and bright from the many windows. It even had a nice carpet, included utilities and had a washer and dryer on the ground floor of the building. As April and I walked through the unit, she continually mentioned how furniture could be arranged and what was needed for the walls. I was impressed by her decorating ideas and made mental notes to use them later. We were at the building about fifteen minutes and had received all the fee information from the manager. I didn’t want to take the first place looked at even though it was really nice so we decided to visit the other apartment to compare it since the rents were almost the same. The next place was about two miles away and looked equally as good except that it might have been a slightly older building. There were fewer units in this complex and all of them were on the ground floor which had some appeal to me. We were shown the apartment by an older man and were impressed by the large airy rooms, nice drapes and lots of windows. Both of the units were excellent and on our way back to my place we discussed the pros and cons of each. I could do with either one but April seemed to like the second complex more because of the room layout. I thought that she made sense and decided to phone the manager as soon as possible and seal the deal. I phoned him and was glad to hear that he looked forward to renting it to me. I said that the money for rent and fees would be dropped by tomorrow so that plans for a weekend move in could occur. Now that I had a place, we had to make a trip to the furniture rental store and decide what to have delivered. I probably could have gone there now but April became very romantic and we spent an hour on my bed having a great time. The rental store could be visited on the next day since their ads promised to deliver everything when needed.

  CHAPTER TEN

  After April left, I lay on the couch and thought about how quickly events were moving by and how money was being spent. It’s amazing how rapidly cash goes out without acquiring all the items that are really needed. My mind began to gravitate toward another robbery in the near future that would replenish my shrinking assets. I had no doubt that Bart would also be leaning in that direction since he spent money even faster than me. I was really looking forward to picking out furniture and other accessories tomorrow and then seeing how they looked in my own place. I did very little the rest of the evening except sit on the couch and watch television until my mother came home. She arrived in her usual worn down state and wanted to head to bed immediately. I spoke to her for a few minutes about my plans and she reacted in a subdued manner that suggested a hint of sadness to be losing me even though our relationship was nothing more than lip service. There was a surprised look on her face when hearing that the move could take place in a few days but I explained that it was in the planning stage for some time. Even she had to concede that a man of my age needed to live on his own and lead an independent life. She expressed a confidence in my choices since returning from the camp and was pleased that I was employed and socializing. Of course, she didn’t know the full story and the fact that I had accumulated enough money for a move so quickly seemed to escape her reasoning ability. I didn’t feel sorry for her since she had friends and a life. There just wasn’t enough substance between us to maintain close contact and I thought that seeing her occasionally would suffice for both of us.

  The next day just zoomed by as I looked forward to paying the manager and renting what was needed. I had counted up my money and took some out of the stash which depleted my resources but there was always more to be had when the desire was strong. While waiting for April to show up and drive me to the apartment, I phoned Bart to see how things were with him. Just as I thought, he was moaning about being broke and without asking why, hinted that we should plan another double header again and replenish the coffers. Bart was a little leery about committing more crimes and still a little shaken up from the last endeavor, but I knew that there was no other way to access cash quickly. I told him to think about it and let me know in a few days if he wanted to start planning the next operation. I saw April’s car pull in and ran out to meet her so we could get started at once. No use wasting time with hugging, kissing and talking when I was in a hurry. We drove to the apartment while she produced the same stream of gab continuously. I hoped she would drive faster but the words just kept coming from her mouth and for the first time, my mind entertained thoughts of existing without the girl. I still needed her so any breakup would have to be put off for as long as possible. When we arrived, I quickly paid the manager, signed the papers and took the keys which now made the apartment officially mine. We went to a nearby furniture rental store to see what was available for immediate delivery and April was very useful in helping me choose pieces. At this moment, thoughts of getting rid of her were pushed to the back of my mind for the time being.

  The furniture was going to be delivered on the next day and I could move in at that time since all my possessions were clothes and there weren’t too many of those. We stopped at a restaurant to have dinner and during that time, April for the first time, brought up the prospect of moving in with me. I had surmised that such a proposal was coming from her but hadn’t given it much thought so a response had to be carefully crafted. I didn’t want to end our relationship so soon but if she moved in, it would be very difficult to oust her later. I really wanted to parry her request and give myself ample time to decide on a response that might keep her around for awhile longer or at least buy me some time. She had a very serious look on her face and I knew that a positive gesture was needed. I started off by telling her that her inquiry was totally unexpected and some time was needed to sort out my feelings about living with her. It was a total lie but might assuage her for the time being until there was some plausible way to extricate myself from the corner she had put me in. I continued on by saying that she meant a lot to me and I had always enjoyed her company. She knew that there was no other woman in my life and I emphasized her importance to me. I had some awareness of how desperate she was to move from the parent’s home and hoped that what had been said during these last few moments was sufficient to allay any fear that my decision would not be favorable. I gazed at her eyes with the most sincere expression that could be mustered and hoped it would be convincing enough to get me out of this restaurant. April looked very pensive for a few minutes and seemed to soften her expression before saying “we should be going”. I didn’t detect any hostility in her voice and truly believed that the crisis had been resolved although she certainly would want a positive response very soon.

 
She drove back to my apartment and left almost immediately but didn’t seem to be angry. I thought that the entire situation could have ended in a disaster but if our parting was meant to be then let it happen. I didn’t like the feeling of having to make a decision that was not in my best interest and sort of resented her for pushing me to the wall. If we did break up, it would not be the worst thing to happen. My apartment was secured and the furniture would be delivered so everything was already set in place and could be handled without any help. A slight inconvenience would crop up by having to scout for another playmate but it was also a source of pleasurable excitement when starting with someone new. I had fun with April but she could be a pain in the ass at times with her constant chatter and curfews. There was no breakup yet so I decided not to think about the matter and concentrate on something more important like a few robberies that would provide some much needed cash. I needed to know that Bart was still interested and ready to take on another job. His attitude had become annoying lately and I could see a time in the near future when his usefulness would come to an end. The prospect of what to do after that made my situation with April pale by comparison. Finding another girl would be easy but grooming a competent accomplice would be a tough challenge. I phoned Bart and said we have to talk so he decided to come over and have a discussion with me about our next plans. Since we both needed money, I thought we would be of one mind in what to do next and then get right on it.

  Bart was all excited when he arrived and immediately blurted out that Cal had been seen in the neighborhood and wanted to know what we should do about him. The news put a little glitch in my plans but if dealing with Cal put Bart in a better frame of mind for our heists, then, I could take a little time to deal with the snitch. We had never forgotten what he did to us and how it cost us nine years of freedom while his sentence had been reduced to three years. Anyone who turned his back on me deserved a harsh response and now it was payback time. We discussed what to do about Cal and options ranged from giving him a severe beating to killing him. Bart wanted his death but I wasn’t sure that it was the best choice since police would never let up in their investigation and they could find out that we had once been partners. I thought that a good severe thrashing that left him with permanent damage would be best but the problem was in gauging the amount of damage to inflict. I also had to watch Bart since he could easily lose it and really bash Cal to pieces. I didn’t like being in this dilemma but there was no way to sidestep it without annoying Bart. Cal was known to be in the area but exactly where was unknown and unless we wanted to cruise around the streets for hours, his whereabouts would have to be pinpointed. Actually, the more I thought about Cal, the more excitement built up in my system and looking forward to finally confronting him became a higher and higher priority to me.