Senior Year Bucket List

by Miller, J. M.

  Silently, I walked into the hallway, looking down at the other end of the house where everything was dark, hoping not to wake anyone. Light streamed out from the slight crack in the bathroom door. I gave a soft, swift knock first and waited a moment before pushing in.

  As soon as I saw Caleb—almost fully naked—I dropped my pajamas. My legs failed to move, and my mouth failed to speak—fainting goat without the fall.

  His hair was wet, thin pieces folded over his forehead still dripping. His chest was bare and slick, as slick as I remembered it being at Murph’s party when he was practically naked in only his boxer briefs. He’d been wet, cold, and shaking when he’d slung me over his strong shoulder and ran for the pool. Tonight, a towel was wrapped around his waist. Low. Like super low. Like “my eyes followed the thin trail of hair leading down to the top of a patch peeking out above the fold in the towel” low.

  “I—” I started speaking but lost all thoughts. It was as if I was back looking at him that night, only this time I was fully sober. I also didn’t have Murph at my side to distract me.

  Caleb’s eyebrows were raised in question as he leaned a hip to the counter at his side. “What’s up? You need something?” He licked his bottom lip.

  “I knocked. I’m sorry.”

  “I didn’t hear you,” he replied with a small smile. “You okay, Tarsier?”

  “Fine. Fine. I’m fine. But sticky. Still sticky. From the milkshakes. I thought I should get a shower before bed. I didn’t realize you were in here.”

  That smile grew into a full, cocky grin. He knew exactly what I was thinking while staring at him. Dammit. But turning off my reaction was impossible. His body was tight and toned and sexy as hell, and he was also completely aware of that fact.

  He wiped his hand over his mouth then dropped it down to his stomach, knowing my eyes would follow. Those ridges of his abs. That cut indent at each of his hips.

  Nope. Nope. Nope. I chastised myself then snapped my eyes back up to his, seeing them flare. “I’ll just wait—”

  “No,” he said, stepping closer. “I’m done. I left my clothes in my room anyway.”

  “All right.”

  It wasn’t until he bent down at my feet that I realized my clothes were still on the floor. He grabbed hold and stood slowly in front of me, backing me against the wall. Close. Really close. I could feel the heat of his shower from his skin, feel the warmth of his breath too.

  He inhaled, shutting his eyes for a long blink and dipping his face down closer to mine. “I’m sorry I scared you earlier. But I’m not sorry about those milkshakes. I can smell them on your skin, and it smells … so tasty.” The last words were a soft whisper that sent a excited shiver through me.

  I closed my eyes, barely able to process normal thoughts let alone how my body was responding to him. “Caleb.”

  “Yeah, Celia?”

  My brain finally kicked into action, sputtering with frenzied, quick thoughts. What was happening? He was with Lindsey. This was all wrong. And I’d already told myself dating him would not be a good idea. I’d told him that too.

  I shook my head. “This can’t happen. We can’t happen.”

  “No? Why’s that?” he whispered. His body hadn’t moved, hadn’t backed off an inch. Even without him touching me, I could feel him everywhere, all over me, and it felt so good. Too good.

  “You have a girlfriend. And I already told you I don’t think we’d work.” My voice was surprisingly strong since I’d become so damn weak for him.

  “She’s not my girlfriend. We went out a couple times. Nothing set or serious. And I don’t believe you about us. I’d work for you. Every day.”

  I wanted to tell him to leave. I wanted to tell him to kiss me. I wanted too much and not enough.

  My heart hammered, and my voice fell away. I was about a second from caving, giving in completely, when he retreated a step and handed over my clothes.

  “I’m not blind, Celia. I can see how I make you feel. I might push you with other stuff, but I won’t push you on this. I need you to decide for yourself.”

  When he walked out and closed the door, I rushed to lean against the sink. I stared at my reflection for a while after, wondering what was holding me back. There was no denying how I’d felt being so close to him. My freckled nose and cheeks were flushed. My eyes were wide and wild, living up to the nickname he liked to torment me with. He could be an ass, a total jerk to get the laughs he wanted, but I knew who he was too. And that was part of it. He was my best friend’s brother. It felt weird, like some kind of betrayal, even if Mer and I had never discussed the topic before, deemed him off-limits. Possibly because it was implied or simply not thought of at all.

  But maybe I needed to think more about it.

  Several minutes later, I moved back into Mer’s room, expecting her to be home only to find it empty. As I turned to grab my phone from her bed where I’d left it, I spotted a daisy propped on top of my bag.

  13

  ______________

  Celia

  -now-

  “There you go with that damn phone again,” Nadine said with a huff. “I thought you wanted to come out with us tonight?”

  “I did. I do. I’m here. Sorry,” I admitted, putting down the phone and taking a large gulp of my margarita. Strawberry tonight. Woo.

  The girls planned another Friday night drink date with little trouble on schedule coordination. I was happy for it. I needed another distraction. The week had been entirely too long, and I had tried my damnedest to focus on anything else but Caleb and failed. Hard. My mind wouldn’t turn him off, replaying the time we’d spent during the weekend, reliving our time in the past, the good and bad mixing all together, weighing me down.

  I decided I wouldn’t text him first. And so I’d waited, wondering when he’d break the silence, wondering if I was the only one thinking about it all, knowing I shouldn’t be thinking about it at all. If anything, at least one good thing had come from honoring Mer’s last request. I’d picked up my camera again, even after I finished working during the week. It was another distraction, sure, but also a reawakening of a piece of my soul I’d stupidly allowed to slip away.

  Wednesday night it had finally happened. We’d exchanged a few brief texts, choosing the water tower for the next task on Saturday. Thursday had been the same. Short and sweet, asking how my day was, how his day was. And tonight …

  “Has he texted you yet?” Nadine asked, snapping my attention back to her. She lifted a perfectly filled eyebrow and pursed her dark stained lips.

  I hadn’t talked much with her during the week, but she had an uncanny way of knowing things.

  “Not tonight,” I answered.

  “Are you sure he’s interested?” Julie jumped into the convo, flashing a pinched and doubtful smile. “I mean, you said he saw Brent at your apartment. I’d be surprised if any guy would be secure enough to try after that.”

  “Speaking of,” Mina interrupted. “Brent seemed to take a lot of trips to your floor this week. Meeting Caleb definitely did something to him. I also didn’t see him chatting with his usual down in the claims department or that other one, the newer underwriter with the blond hair and pink Gucci bag.”

  “That’s because he’s been jockin’ our girl here,” Nadine said, wagging those brows and bobble-heading to add some flair.

  “Your brows look so good today,” I commented before downing some more of my ’rita. “Did I mention that already?”

  “Oh thank you, girl. But we’re still talking about you. Nice try, though.”

  Dammit.

  “I’m surprised you’ve noticed much,” Deandra said to me, her motherly eyes managing to look both disappointed and angry. “Brent isn’t the only one jockin’ you. I know Jerry pulled you into his office. You slipped up this week.”

  “I did. A few honest mistakes. He was pissed.”

  “You managed to transpose some policy numbers from what his assistant said. That’s not good, hon. That’s
never good,” she said with a frown.

  “Yeah, I know. I’ve been out of it all week, thrown off by it all. So, yeah, I’m on notice.” Rightfully so. I’d allowed my routine to slip, and I couldn’t seem to get things together.

  “What a jerk.” Julie took a sip on her appletini then grinned wickedly from behind the glass. “I bet a good dicking from Brent would be good for him.”

  Laughter broke out around the table.

  “Well, he can have at it. I’ve postponed my Brent dicking indefinitely.”

  “Oh, shit.” Mina’s eyes popped wide. “So it’s not only that he met your Caleb.”

  Your Caleb. I didn’t correct her even though the urge to was at the tip of my tongue. He wasn’t mine. And even after both my routine and brain function derailing, I still wasn’t sure how I should feel about that. I shouldn’t care. But I did.

  “He’s texted me and stopped at my desk more than usual,” I admitted about Brent. “He hasn’t come out and asked about Caleb or what might be happening between us, but he knows something’s up since I’m fairly predictable and this is the only thing that has changed lately.”

  “He’s scared to lose you. But he should have thought about that shit before he convinced you of the nonexclusive plan, which was mostly about his ability to go dicking around,” Deandra said. “Men really are the same ol’ boys in the sandbox. Don’t care about what they’re putting down until someone else comes along and snatches it up.”

  “So true,” Mina agreed. “One man’s unappreciated chick is another’s future queen.”

  “Tell us about him. Have you …?” Julie asked with a wink and the more obvious sex gesture of stuffing her pointer finger into her closed fist. Nadine reached over and smacked her hands.

  “No. We’re revisiting the senior year bucket list for Mer and scattering her ashes at all the places. She requested I do the tasks I never completed then leave her at the new locations. So we’re reliving some memories and making more, I guess. It’s been mostly reflective and kinda sad, but I feel like things might be changing.”

  “Wow, that is heavy stuff,” Julie said.

  “Ladies,” the bartender from the previous week said, appearing with our next rounds even though he hadn’t made the first ones. At least he wasn’t late. “How’s the list going?”

  “What?” I asked, not sure if I’d heard him correctly.

  His eyes looked around the table then settled back to mine. “I have to admit I was happy to see you here again when I came on shift. After watching the video about the senior year bucket list you and Merilyn did in high school, I can’t stop thinking about it. Is the video right? Is that what you and her brother have been doing in her honor?”

  “Oh shit,” Nadine murmured. “There’s a video? Why do I feel like this is a surprise?”

  The bartender smiled at me expectantly.

  “What video?” I asked calmly, while my nosy ride-or-dies snatched out their phones and started their research.

  “Oh, I thought you would have known.” The bartender frowned. “Like the other wake one. Thinking about it now, it does look a bit sketchy.”

  “Thanks for the drinks,” Nadine said, dismissing him after she noticed my unease. “What’s all this about?”

  “We’re filming it because that’s what Mer wanted. It’s not getting loaded to her channel until after we’re done and the production company edits. That’s the info Caleb had. This must be something else, someone else again.”

  “She had fans, right? People who could have possibly known about the list,” Nadine said.

  “True. But where—”

  “Here it is!” Julie said, holding the phone at the end of the table so we could all watch.

  “Oh, girl, that’s Caleb?” Mina asked.

  “Ooh.” The others sighed.

  I ignored that bit and watched as the camera zoomed way in to see us standing in the open field where the abandoned house had been torn down. “Shit.”

  The video was choppy, had no voice-over editing, only pop-up text explaining what we had to be doing. They couldn’t even hear what we were saying. It was like some lousy stalker news report. The next clip was of us at Murph’s house from a moving viewpoint, the person obviously in a car.

  “Damn, Celia. No wonder Brent’s all twisted up. Your Caleb is fine,” Julie whispered, leaning in closer. “And your ass looks smokin’ on camera by the way.”

  “This is so crappy of someone to do,” Deandra commented, her eyes still glued to the phone screen. “You have to tell him and that production company about this. Whoever it is has been following him. Or you!”

  “True,” I replied, tipping my face down to my phone screen. Still no message. “I’ll text him tonight or tell him tomorrow. They haven’t approached us, and it doesn’t look like they know what things are on the list, so they won’t be able to film much, aside from this crappy style of video. I’m sure the production company Mer worked with will handle it.”

  “And what about you?” Nadine asked, twisting away from the video to face me.

  “What about me?” I gulped down some of the new margarita, the potent, barely diluted tequila making me pucker.

  Her long fingers tapped the table, fingernails clicking rhythmically.

  When her only other response was to stare at me, I said, “I’m fine. It’s fine.”

  “Something you’ve been saying quite a lot lately,” she noted. “I’m thinking it’s not fine.”

  I shook my head and blurted, “I’m not sure what I’m doing.”

  “Yes, you do, honey,” Deandra said, she and the others abandoning the video and focusing on me. “You know in your heart.”

  “You also know in your head,” Mina added, tapping a finger to her temple.

  “And your gut,” Nadine said beside me.

  Julie looked around at them then back at me with a bite of her bottom lip. “And I’m damn sure you know in your vag.” When all eyes and mouths popped wide, she added, “What? He is fucking hot, girl. I might have to change my underwear, and I’m not the one having to stand next to him.”

  “You nasty,” Nadine said as the others burst into giggles.

  I tried to stop the smile. I really did. But then it broke free along with a laugh to join theirs. My thoughts were of Caleb, seeing him kiss the cougar, run from the neighborhood watch, talk to the lady in the high school parking lot.

  As the laugh died, I released a long sigh. It was nice to daydream, but reality was still not so simple.

  “You’ll figure it out,” Nadine said.

  “Yeah, maybe.”

  “You have a habit, you know? Of putting things into a specific, very linear order. It’s why you’re good at your job, most of the time,” she added with a smile. “But that’s not life. You can’t expect it all to stay straight. Things have to change. Things need to change. Otherwise, one day it’ll all be over, and the only real memories you’ve managed to collect are a bunch of could-haves and should-haves.”

  14

  ______________

  Caleb

  -now-

  I killed my headlights and used the dim moonlight to guide me the last fifty feet down the water tower’s road. I doubted anyone would be around this side of town on a Saturday night anyway, but it was better to be cautious than to get caught by a cop or one of the closer homeowners. Getting arrested because of Mer after her death would be my luck. I also didn’t want Celia having to worry. Tonight would be difficult enough.

  Her car pulled in behind mine only a few minutes later and it was like I could breathe again.

  I’d been so worried during the week, hoping my reaction to the stranger kiss at the arena hadn’t scared her off, caused her to change her mind about finishing this. It was why I’d kept the texts between us light. I didn’t want to freak her out any more than I already had. Clearly, I had no right to her. I shouldn’t have reacted that way at all. But seeing her kiss someone else after we’d spent more time together … I almost could
n’t control myself, even with Mer’s ashes in hand.

  “Hey,” I said as she got out of her car and walked to me.

  “Hey. Anyone follow you?”

  “No, you?” I’d been watching as I drove. When she’d texted me about the video the previous night, I looked it up and determined exactly what she had. Someone had been following us. They didn’t have much to go on besides knowing about the list and trying to tag along. I sent an email to the production company with a heads-up, but it was still good to be cautious.

  “Nope.” Her voice was light as she adjusted the camera bag on her shoulder then smoothed the cream-colored button-down she had on. “I probably should have worn black for this, huh?”

  I looked down at my white T-shirt with a laugh. “Yeah, maybe. I hadn’t thought about it. At least it’s dark.”

  Coming at night was necessary. Too many eyes were out in the daylight. Waiting another full day to see her had been torture, though.

  “And our shirts might blend in with the white paint up there,” she said, tipping her face to look high above.

  “True,” I murmured an agreement, unable to focus on words as I stared at her.

  “What?” she asked, catching me.

  I shook my head and exhaled with a smile. “I was remembering the night we were here.”

  “Right,” she said with a little nod. “Another one of my failed tasks.”

  Without thought, I said, “You are as gorgeous as that night, even without your cocoon of winter gear and milkshake perfume.”

  She inhaled quickly. I’d shocked her. I’d even shocked myself. I wasn’t supposed to let it all out while we were doing these tasks. It had to be a bad idea. She was already upset with me. Add on my needy flirtation and she was likely to bolt even faster. But I couldn’t help myself as I watched the sliver of moonlight glitter inside those big, soul-stealing eyes. Dammit, I was done for. There was no denying it anymore.

  She recovered quickly, shaking her head with a chuckle. “You aren’t so bad yourself. And I think I still need to pay you back for those milkshakes.”