So . . . That Happened

by Laci Maskell

  My answer must give him some indication of something I’m not aware of because again he pulls me in for a kiss. It is soft and slow and warm. This time, when my belly touches his, I pull away not because of the baby, but because Mr. Rush is not Greyson. If I can’t have Greyson, I don’t want a substitute.

  “I can’t do this. I’m sorry.”

  “Lux,” Mr. Rush starts.

  “No,” I say then turn from him and flee the room.

  Greyson

  Getting Lux off my radar is easier said than done. Especially when I see her in the halls at school every day. When I hear people talk about the girl I got pregnant. When I see Jesse, who makes me think of Leah, who makes me thing of Lux. I know, it’s a leap. My bedroom makes me think of her. Having sex makes me think of her. Leaps. I know.

  Lux leaps, a lot.

  Greyson, not.

  Not being able to get Lux off my mind has led me to do things the sane Greyson wouldn’t do. Things like hiding in the janitor’s closet and waiting for Leah to walk by alone. Talking to Leah would be a lot easier if she and Lux weren’t always together. And if Amelia wasn’t practically glued to my hip. Who knew the key to get Amelia’s attention was to spend less time with her.

  I’m sure the only time Leah isn’t with Lux is when I am. And I can’t skip English to go talk to Leah. I guess I could show up a little late. I’ve tried for two days now to find her alone or get alone time myself and have failed. Time is running out and so is my patience. I want to spend time with Lux yesterday.

  Through the chaos of the interchange between third and fourth period I stake out the janitor’s closet and wait for Leah. As soon as Lux turns into English I pull Leah into the closet. Luckily the hallway is crowded enough that no one notices her disappearance.

  Leah loses her bag to the floor and stumbles to get her footing. “What the…?” Leah trails off. When she has situated herself and looks up she has surprise on her features. “Greyson? What the…?” she says again.

  Leah looks around the closet. She sniffs at the air. The smell is a mixture of puke, sawdust, and cleaning products. Leah sniffs again then forgets about the smell. Leah and I stand close together but she tries to put distance between us.

  “Sorry,” I tell her.

  Leah straightens herself and looks up at me with a smile. “What am I doing in a closet with you?” she asks, crossing her arms.

  “I need your help,” I tell her.

  The look on Leah’s face is smug. She likes having the upper hand. She may not be in our group, but she is still one of us. “What can I do you for?”

  “I need Lux’s number.”

  She raises an eyebrow and says, “And why would you need that?”

  I’m not sure if I want to tell her the truth. Neither her nor Lux have outed me to any one thus far and I’m sure Leah wouldn’t now. But telling her the truth, that I’m starting to have feelings for her best friend, may be getting a little too vulnerable for my taste.

  “I can’t tell you,” I say.

  Leah smiles a haughty smile and says, “Then I can’t help you.”

  “Oh, come on, Leah.”

  “Don’t come on me, Greyson. You want what I have and I’m not going to give it to you till you give me what I want.”

  “Fine,” I say, stepping closer to her and lowering my voice. “I want to spend time with her. I want to talk her when I’m not with her. I want to know her.”

  Leah smiles so brightly I think it might hurt her face. But then she says, “What if that’s not what she wants? You complicate her life. You hurt her almost every time you’re together.”

  “I don’t mean to.”

  “I know you don’t. But it still happens. What are you going to do, Greyson? You’re going to talk to her. You’re going to make her fall for you. Then you’re going to break her heart when you stay with Amelia. Even if you did break up with Amelia to be with Lux, what happens when you go to college? You’re going to leave her here alone. What good is going to come from this? In a few months that baby is going to be born and then it’s going to be gone and Lux’s life can go back to normal. Are you going to want to know her when the guilt of the baby is gone?”

  Everything Leah says hits me like a ton of bricks. I hadn’t thought of any of that. Is it guilt that spurs me into spending time with her? Would I ever leave Amelia for Lux? What would happen when I go to college? I’d planned on breaking up with Amelia when I left for Lincoln. I don’t know the answers to any of that. All I really know is that I have a burning need to see Lux and talk to her and know her. That is why I need her number.

  “Now that I’ve said my peace,” Leah says, rummaging through her bag. “You can have her number.”

  “Thank you,” is all I can find to say to her when she hands me a post it with numbers on it.

  Before she lets go of the post it Leah says, “You hurt her and you will pay. Mark my words. She is my best friend and the only person I love equally to my brother. I will bring you down.”

  “Understood,” I tell her with the utmost sincerity. I’d make myself pay if I hurt Lux again. Trouble is, it’s more than likely going to happen.

  Leah lets the post-it go and charges out of the closet. I read the numbers over and over again, cementing them into my mind. Once I know the numbers are firmly planted, I crumple the post-it and throw it away. Amelia, not to mention Jesse, Tyler, Hailey, Liam, and Elizabeth, would kill me if they found me with Lux’s number.

  But finally, one of my plans has worked out. I have Lux’s number and am free to start with my next plan, getting Lux to let me into her life.

  I leave the janitor’s closet, glad to be rid of the smell, and head down the hall to AP English. Luckily Leah complied with me quicker than I thought she would and the second bell rings when I walk through the door.

  Lux looks up at me and stares deep as though she is searching for my soul. I give her a genuine close mouthed smile. Surprisingly, Lux smiles back. But even more surprisingly, as I focus on that smile I am struck by a flashback of the taste of Lux’s lips on mine. Lux’s kiss was the sweetest thing I’d ever tasted. Amelia always wears fruity lip-gloss, but it is always sticky and it gets everywhere. Lux’s lips were the softest things I’d ever felt. They only made the kiss that much softer and sweeter.

  My smile grows wider and Lux looks at me curiously.

  “What?” she asks.

  “Nothing,” I say with a chuckle in my voice.

  Mr. Rush clears his throat reminding me that he is there and I am in class.

  “You know the drill, Mr. Fletcher.” For a young guy, Mr. Rush is a real dick.

  I take my seat, ready for Mr. Rush’s lecture on The Lord of the Flies and the quippy banter between Lux and I. But as I sit in my seat listening to Mr. Rush go on about the symbolism and importance of the conch I can’t help but think about Lux’s lips, the memory of kissing her, and how badly I want to do it again. How I could have forgotten about the amazingness of Lux’s kiss is beyond me.

  Somewhere in the fog of my mind I can hear Lux telling us about how she felt bad for Piggy but that he was unilaterally essential to the downfall of both the good boys and the crazy boys.

  I’m lost in the bliss of my memories when some asshat decides to tell Lux she would sympathize with Piggy merely because they are both fat. I wanted to find him and punch his lights out but good ole Mr. Rush comes to Lux’s rescue. Good ole Mr. Rush. What an ass. Man I don’t like that guy. Maybe because Lux drools over him. I guess we’ll never know.

  He hands out a week’s worth of detention to the entire class. I don’t see how that is exactly fair but maybe if the whole class gets detention they will all get the hint to leave her alone. I feel like I should be more angry about having a week’s worth of detention, but I can’t find the energy for the anger.

  Instead, I look to Lux to make sure she is okay. She looks to me with a look I can’t place. It’s like she is trying to figure out if I’m embarrassed, which doesn’t make sense
. Her cheeks flush and it’s so cute and yet so devastating at the same time. She turns her head to stare at her desk. I can tell she wants to run from the room, but she holds her composure and waits for it to pass.

  The bell rings sending my fellow classmates hurtling for the door. Lux waits for most of them to scatter before she makes a break for the hall. Mr. Rush watches her. I can see it in his eyes that he wants to talk to her. But he’s not going to because I’m still in the room. Good. I’ll stay here as long as I have to. I watch Lux to see if she’s shaky or about ready to cry. But she’s good. And I’m so proud of her. I walk up the aisle next to Lux and meet her in the doorway. I can see my friends beyond it and as much as I want to make sure Lux is okay I’m still too selfish to get caught. So I don’t make a move toward her. I don’t look at her. And I don’t move my lips to ask, “Are you okay?”

  I can sense her tense next to me. As much as I want to look at her when she looks at me, I don’t. Before she can form an answer I am standing next to Amelia, her arm around my waist. Like a herd of animals, we gather before heading for the watering hole, aka the cafeteria.

  But before I can lead my herd, I must first send a text message.

  I excuse myself from them with a need to use the bathroom before we eat. They all groan but walk away. Once I’m in the bathroom with Lux’s number typed in and a new text message open, I have no idea what I want to say to her. What do you say to a girl who you want to get to know but a girl whose presence messes up your life and vice versa? I could make it veritably complicated by telling her I like her but that there will be no real future for us. I could go extremely simple and just say hi. Or, maybe I just go in between and tell her hi and that I want to spend time with her. Yeah. Sounds about right.

  I type out the message and take a giant breath before hitting send. Then I bolt for the door. If I waited for her to respond I might lose my mind.

  My phone feels heavy in my pocket as I grab some food and head for my group’s lunch table. With a quick glance around the room I find Lux with Leah. I see Lux reach for her phone. I stop breathing. Just as she is about to swipe her screen open, Ryan, the douchebag from English walks up to her. Damn him. I want to punch him, again. For the interruption, but also because he looks to be upsetting Lux right now. Just as I’m about to stand up and make an ass of myself, Leah stands up and gets in Ryan’s face. Whatever she says seems to do the trick.

  Finally, Lux unlocks her phone and reads my message. Oh my god. I’ve never been so nervous in my life. I expect her to look for me. Maybe she’ll look for me and smile. Maybe she’ll be so happy about it she texts me back right away. No. Instead, she walks out. What? I was not expecting that.

  I have to follow her. I have to know how she feels about it. I shovel my food into my mouth then make some excuse to my friends about needing to talk to a teacher about an assignment. I can feel their collective odd looks but no one says anything as I walk away.

  I’m not sure where Lux could have run off to. Maybe the bathroom. Maybe the library. Maybe a classroom. I don’t see her down the hallway as I walk its length. Maybe she’s in an empty classroom. Classrooms it is. I look through the windows of the doors as I walk by each one.

  I come to the English room, the one I should have looked to in the first place. And there she is. Only, she’s not alone. Mr. Rush is in there with her. He holds her firmly by her arms and looks fiercely down at her. I feel the strong need to run in there and save her until Mr. Rush leans down and kisses her. HE FUCKING KISSES HER. I wait on bated breath for her to pull away and slap him. Vomit rises in my throat when she doesn’t. Oh god. I’m going to be sick. I’ve lost her and she was never even mine. I want to punch him so hard. Oh god. Deep breaths, Greyson. I rush from the door. I can’t stomach the sight of them any longer. The image is burned into my mind.

  I make my way to the bathroom but can’t manage to make it all the way there. I’m not sure where else to go. I walk the hallway trying to find a place to hide when I figure out I can’t stand to be in the school any longer.

  I sit in my car and try to digest what I just saw. How could she do that to me? I literally just asked her if she wanted to spend time with me and she goes and kisses another guy. I wonder how long they’ve been together. Lux has probably told him about me being the father and screwing everything up. She probably went to him after she got my text so they could laugh about it.

  Fuck.

  I slam my hand into the steering wheel. The pain does nothing to distract me from the gut wrenching spasm I feel. I slam my fist into the steering wheel over and over and I still feel the pain of watching another guy kiss Lux.

  I stop mid strike and realize that this is not how I react to things. Damn, Lux has turned me into a pussy. No. I don’t get upset. I get cunning. She wants to be with our teacher. So be it. I will bring him down and then get what I want.

  I check myself out in the mirror, put on my everything-is-okay face, and walk back to the school. My phone chimes as I reach for the door handle. I consider ignoring it but think otherwise and pull it from my pocket. Lux’s number pops up on the screen. My breath catches in my throat. I want to delete it without reading it. I don’t want to know what she has to say. And yet so badly I do.

  I swipe the screen across to open the message.

  If you really want to hang out with me, I would like to hang out with you.

  If this is some kind of trick, it pisses me off. People don’t trick me. That’s my job.

  But. If it’s real. And Lux didn’t actually want to kiss Mr. Rush. Maybe she didn’t pull away because she was scared he might get angry. I don’t know. That could just be a shot in the dark.

  But. If it’s real. I still want to be with her. I still want to know the girl who is carrying my baby.

  Chapter Twelve

  Nineteen Weeks

  Greyson

  My bed is the only safe place.

  No Amelia to cling to me. No Lux sucking face with Mr. Rush. No invading parents. I would lie in it forever to escape the drama. And I would, but I have to get up, attend school, then play the perfect quarterback at the game tonight. I’d really like to lie here forever so I could escape seeing Lux in detention. Thankfully, today is the last day of that suck fest.

  It hurts to see her and imagine her meeting with Mr. Rush afterward. It hurts to see her and know that I lost her, even when she was never mine. It hurts to know it affects me so much.

  This is not me. This is not how I act. As much as I tell myself that, I can’t escape the fact that this is what I’ve become. A kid with a heart who has a crush on a girl who belongs to someone else.

  A knock at my door catches me off guard.

  I take a deep breath and sigh before acknowledging the person at the door.

  “Yeah.”

  My dad walks in the door, finds me in my bed, and scowls at me.

  “Why aren’t you ready for school?”

  “Getting there,” I tell him.

  Again, another scowl.

  “Are you sick?” he asks and for a second I think he may be worried about me. Until he says, “You need to have a clear head for the game tonight. You win this and you go to state.”

  “Even if we lost this game we’d still go to state. We’re undefeated.”

  “You still need to be prepared. You won’t have an undefeated season if you lose tonight.”

  I could get into it with him. I could defend myself, tell him I’ve never let the team down before. But he would have a comeback for everything I said. There’s no winning with my father.

  So instead I say, “Did you need something? I need to get ready for school.”

  His eyebrow ticks. He wants to retort to what I said, but he chooses not to. Good for him.

  “I’ve got two tickets to tomorrow’s Husker game, I thought you might like to have them.”

  Uh. Duh. I want to shout. But that would get me in trouble. “Yeah. That would be awesome.”

  My dad smirks, knowing my real
desperation for these tickets, and says, “Win the game tonight and they’re yours.”

  I cross my arms, showing any defiance I can, and say, “Consider it won.”

  ***

  I sit at a desk pretending to scrub off the inappropriate sayings and drawings left by my classmates, and watch Lux actually scrubbing them off a few desks away from me. She stands in front of the desk, because she’s not lazy like me, and I can see her brow creased in determination. She stands with one knee straight, one bent, one arm propped on the desk, the other scrubbing. It’s cute to watch her read the messages or inspect the drawings before she scrubs them off. I want to laugh out loud when she smiles at something she sees. I’m curious to know what has amused her, but too afraid to ask her.

  Lux and I don’t say anything to each other throughout the process. There are so many things I want to say to her but I feel they would come out as more of a yell and we agreed to no longer yell at each other. So I keep quiet. I’m not sure why she keeps quiet. She texted me back that she wanted to hang out with me, right after she kissed our English teacher, and it’s not like she knows I know she kissed him, so her silence is odd. Actually, that’s not true. It’s not like we talk in school anyway. I’m usually with my friends, putting up a front, and she knows I still can’t face her with Amelia and Jesse there.

  “Greyson,” she says from across the room.

  Her voice is soft but it shatters the silence of the room. I lean forward in my seat. I’ve wanted and not wanted to talk to her all week. I’m eager to hear what she has to say. Maybe she’ll tell me that she’s not really with Mr. Rush. Or that she wants to hang out after the game. I don’t really care what it is, I just want to hear her speak to me.

  “I know you have a reputation to uphold. But we’re alone in here. Please don’t make me clean these all by myself.”