So . . . That Happened

by Laci Maskell

  Not exactly what I was expecting.

  I suddenly feel like an asshole. She shouldn’t have even gotten a weeks’ worth of detention and yet here she is doing all the work. Yup, I’m a winner.

  “Sorry,” I tell her. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Yeah,” she says, then looks around to see if the door is closed.

  “Why are you even here? You were the one who got made fun of. Being in detention is like a double punishment.”

  She shrugs her shoulders like it’s no big deal and says, “He said the entire class. I’m part of the class.”

  Two thoughts hit me hard from her statement making me regret I asked it. One, she said he not Mr. Rush but he. Translation, I’m on a deeper level with him, aka in his bed, than everyone else and no longer call him Mr. Rush. And two, that jackass should not have let her serve detention for being the victim.

  I swallow her answer down, spray cleaner on the desk below me without studying the graffiti, and scrub away the evidence. We continue to work in silence because I don’t know what to say to her. And I’m sure she thinks she’s offended me in some way.

  I scrub vigorously away at the desk until my elbow hurts. I’m not used to having so many emotions live inside me all at once and it gets frustrating. If Lux notices my fury she doesn’t call me on it.

  I scrub and scrub and move on to different desk until I’m hit by a mac truck of an idea.

  I look up to see Lux resting against one of the desks. I wonder how tired being pregnant makes her. I want to make sure she’s okay, but I’m afraid asking her would piss her off.

  “Lux?” I ask.

  When she looks up at me the corner of her mouth turns up until she realizes it and straightens her gaze.

  “Yeah?”

  I want desperately for that half of a grin to come back.

  “Would you want to go to the Husker game with me tomorrow? That is, unless you’ve already got plans.”

  Please don’t be busy please don’t be with him please say yes.

  I can practically hear the gears working in her head. It’s amusing and frustrating at the same time. She looks down to think and it takes everything within me not to move to her and lift her chin up to look at me.

  “In Lincoln?” she asks.

  I nod.

  “So we’d have to be in the car together, alone, for nearly six hours?”

  I nod and nearly grin.

  “Would anyone else be going?”

  I shake my head.

  “Would there be anyone there we know who could catch us?”

  “There is always that possibility, however, there will be over ninety thousand people there so the chances are slim.”

  “And you’re not worried about being seen with me?” she asks, her face moving close to the floor.

  My heart slams against my chest. I can’t tell if she is worried about us getting caught by my friends or if she’s worried that I’m embarrassed to be seen with her. If it’s the first, it’s about time I got caught. And if it’s the latter, I feel ashamed of myself.

  “Please go with me,” I say to her, moving towards her.

  I want to touch her. I want it so much my fingers itch. I don’t know if she’ll want me to. I don’t know how far into it she is with Mr. Rush. I don’t know if I’ll forgive myself if I don’t. I place one finger under her chin and lift until she is looking into my eyes. I want to kiss her, but I also don’t want to get slapped. I stare at her and will her to go to the game with me. Being at a Husker game is one of the very few places I truly feel happy. It’s something I want to share with her.

  “Okay,” she says.

  I would sink to my knees if it wasn’t cliché and cheesy. I would fist pump if I wouldn’t look stupid.

  I smile. It’s a good smile.

  Lux looks sheepish and says, “I’ve never been to one before.”

  A hysterical laugh escapes me. “What?” I ask. “How is that even possible? You have lived in Nebraska your whole life, yes? You’re brother does attend the university, yes?”

  I realize my mistake only after I’ve said it.

  “Lux, I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s okay,” she says. It looks like she means it. If her eyes didn’t give her away.

  “I’m really sorry.”

  She shakes her head to notify me it’s really okay. It’s not.

  “Maybe we could find him and make him talk to you.”

  “Nah. I wouldn’t want to ruin the day for you.”

  “For me? You’re a game nub,” I tell her, trying to lighten the mood. “Tomorrow has just become your day. I’m pulling out all the stops.”

  Lux smiles, one that doesn’t reach her eyes, but it’s a good smile nonetheless.

  The detention bell rings signaling our freedom. I’ve never not wanted to leave detention so badly in my life.

  Lux gathers her things and says, “Good luck tonight.”

  “Are you coming?” I ask, too much hope in my voice.

  “Yeah, Leah and I almost always go. You know, Jesse needs his sister to cheer him on, and Leah needs me to make sure she doesn’t kill anyone or get kicked out.”

  I laugh and feel my heart hammer into my ribs. I never really cared whether or not Amelia made it to my games, it’s not like she watches them anyway, but knowing Lux will be there, that she is almost always there, gives me a feeling I can’t put a lid on.

  “I’ll look for you,” I tell her before walking out of the classroom.

  ***

  “Are you ready?” I ask Lux, buckling my seat belt.

  She looks at me, half awake, from the passenger’s seat, and says, “No. It’s six am. Who does this?”

  “The game is at two. It’s a three hour drive.”

  “That leaves five hours I could have slept,” she pouts and wipes at her tired eyes.

  Tired Lux is so cute.

  “No. That only leaves me five hours in which to make you experience it all.”

  “If this game means I have to be sleep deprived, I already hate it.”

  I chuckle and start the car.

  “It’s going to be worth it. I promise.”

  She snarls at me from her seat but doesn’t say anything. I smile and pull away from her house.

  “Would you hate me less if I said I brought you hot chocolate?”

  Her head snaps over to me like an addict I’ve promised drugs to.

  Her eyes are wide when she says, “That better not be a joke.”

  I need to wake her up early more often. This is so fun.

  I hand her the hot mug and hope her fingers touch mine. My wish is granted as my hand is almost as large as the cup and she can’t grab it without touching me. I pay close attention to how her skin feels against mine. The buds of her fingers are soft. Her fingers are thin and dainty. Her touch is shy and yet graceful. I will remember it.

  We ride in silence while the hot chocolate takes affect and she is fully awake. For a while we flip through radio stations to see if we have any similar tastes in music.

  Silence falls again. I didn’t think it would be so hard to be alone with her for such a long period of time or so awkward. We’ve been alone before. But when we were at her house her parents were always down stairs. And when we were at the school there was always a student or teacher who could walk in on us. We’ve never been truly alone before. Or in such a confined space. I know it will get better once we are in Lincoln and we have specific things to talk about. But right now, with the sounds of the tires on the pavement, I’m finding it difficult to know what to say to her.

  I want to ask her about the baby, but I’m not sure it’s something she wants to talk about. I want to ask about the adoptive parents, but I’m not sure I’m allowed. I want to talk about Mr. Rush, but it’s not really my place, or my business. So that leaves school, which we don’t see much of each other; friends, we have none in common; and the weather, who cares about the weather.

  I turn my head to glance at her but
she’s looking out the window so I can’t gauge her mood.

  Finally, I can’t take it anymore and blurt out, “I saw you kiss Mr. Rush.” But then I feel like an accusing idiot and say, “Not that it’s any of my business, but you should be more careful next time.”

  “Excuse me?” Lux says, her eyebrows narrowed.

  I’m not sure to which she is referring to, but clearly I’ve put my foot in my mouth.

  “I just meant,” I start slowly. “If you’re going to be kissing a teacher in school you might want to be more careful. The next person who catches you might feel it is inappropriate and want to get you in trouble.”

  Lux’s mouth drops over.

  Foot in mouth. Foot in mouth.

  I am in so much trouble right now.

  “I’m sorry,” I say. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

  Lux crosses her arms and huffs out a large breath.

  Her eyebrows narrow further until they are touching each other.

  She turns back to the window to stare outside.

  I drive on not knowing if we will actually be making it to the game. She is silent for a long while. She’s probably thinking of ways to kill me. Pushing me out of the car might do the trick, but then she might kill herself and the baby too.

  Why did I say that?

  “He kissed me,” Lux finally says, a whisper, one I can barely hear.

  “What?”

  “He kissed me. For a moment I kissed him back, which is probably what you saw, but then I stopped it.”

  A small flicker of hope rises in my chest.

  “So you’re not with him?” I ask.

  “No. He says he loves me and that he understands me and that he’ll raise this baby as his own.”

  The flicker of hope dies and turns into a giant rage monster. He can’t love her. How could he possibly say he understands her? Sure he knows she’s good in English but he can’t know anything else about her. Of course I don’t know anything about her. That knowledge makes the rage monster seethe. And no way in Hell is he going to raise that baby as his own. That is my baby. And if I can’t raise it, there’s no way he is going to.

  I take a deep breath before asking, “How do you feel?”

  Lux turns to me, her eyebrows furrowed and says, “Thank you.”

  I turn to her, confused. “For what?”

  “He didn’t ask me that. Mr. Rush never asked me how I felt. He just told me he loved me and that we should be together. Thank you for asking me how I feel.”

  “How do you feel, Lux?”

  “I don’t know. On the one hand, he’s my teacher we could never really be together. On the other hand, we’ve always been able to talk about more than just English. And I have always had the largest crush on him. And he actually wants the baby. How could I say no to that?”

  My heart falls with every word she says. I know I can’t have her, but that doesn’t mean I want anyone else to have her.

  “But,” Lux continues, “when he kissed me I couldn’t help but think that it wasn’t you kissing me, and this isn’t his baby.”

  I swallow around a large lump in my throat. I stare at her for too long and have to move back into my lane when my eyes are focused back on the road. She thought about me when she kissed another guy. That thought makes me far happier than it should.

  I don’t say anything to her. I don’t know what to say.

  I drive and listen to her breathing. It is a smooth rhythmic sound that lulls me into a false sense of safety and comfort.

  “What are we doing, Greyson?”

  The questions catches me off guard so I answer without thinking. “Going to a football game.”

  “I mean. What are we doing together? Why do you want to spend time with me? Why can’t you forget about the baby? Why did you bring me to the football game instead of your best friend or your girlfriend?”

  “Because Jesse’s been to a million and one of these things and Amelia doesn’t like them.”

  “I’m being serious.”

  “Because,” I say haughtily. “Because I wanted to spend time with you. Why? Because you’re like no one I know. You don’t care about being popular. You would rather stay home and spend time with your family than make an appearance at some stupid party. You would do anything to make sure Leah is always happy. And because you put that baby’s well-being in front of your love for it. That is why you are in this car with me on our way to the damn football game.” I shout the last part. It is too loud in the confined space and makes Lux jump.

  “I’m sorry,” I tell her, focusing my attention on the road. I don’t have the heart to watch her process all I’ve said.

  “Greyson?”

  “Yeah,” I say a little too harshly.

  “Thank you for bringing me.”

  I turn to her and see her smiling. It is sweet on her cute little face and diffuses the tension. I let out a shaky breath and grin back at her.

  “Lux? Are you ready to experience your first Husker football game?” I ask as we drive into Lincoln.

  “I hope so,” she says taking a deep breath.

  “It’s life changing. I promise you.” It’s the truth. I’ve always liked football. It was what I was good at. I threw my first perfect spiral when I was seven. After that my dad pushed me at it every single day. I liked it, I liked being good at it, but I also wanted to have a life. Then, for my eleventh birthday, my dad brought me to a Husker game. After that day I knew I would do anything to play on that team, to play in Memorial Stadium to ninety thousand screaming fans. I’ve never looked back.

  “Let’s go,” I tell her when I’ve found a parking spot. It’s not easy, Lincoln becomes Nebraska’s most populated city on game days.

  “So you’ve never been to a game, but have you at least seen one on TV?” I ask her. I want to get a sense of how much of a Husker virgin she is.

  “Um, maybe one or two. But I didn’t really pay attention.”

  “Oh my God,” I say, my limbs quivering.

  “What?”

  I practically jump up and down next to her.

  “You are such a nub, I am so excited.” I have so many things to show her, to teach her about the Husker way, I’m afraid five hours just won’t be enough.

  Lux chuckles at me. She finds my excitement amusing. She’ll learn.

  “Ok, first,” I say, pulling her to a street corner. “Look around you. Take it all in.”

  She looks at me like I’m an idiot, but when I raise an eyebrow at her, she looks around. I stand behind her and place my hands on her shoulders. People dressed in red, white, and black stream past us. People wearing corn hats, trench coats, tutus. Children with their faces painted, grown men with their chests painted. One guy next to us chants “Go Big Red” and the surrounding blocks answer back.

  Lux turns around in my arms and says, “That was cool.”

  My smile is so big it hurts my face.

  “There are so many people here,” Lux says.

  I nod.

  “They’re all here for a football game?”

  I playfully cover her mouth and say, “Don’t say that so loudly. You’ll be thrown out of the city, or put in football jail.”

  I can feel her smile under my hand. It feels too good. I have to remove it.

  We stay on the street corner for a while longer, Lux watching the different people in their different Husker apparel walk around.

  “Ok. Time to move. I hope you put on your walking shoes. We are going to be moving a lot.”

  “I don’t know if I’m ready for this,” she says as a joke.

  I take her hand and begin to walk. She pulls back after a moment. I stop and turn around to see what the problem is. She looks nervous or in pain. I can’t really tell.

  “Lux are you okay? Is it the baby? What’s wrong?”

  “What if I don’t love this as much as you want me to?” The worried look in her eyes is heart breaking and enough to make me want to kiss her.

  An emotion settles ov
er me I can’t put a name to. She could have come with me because she wanted to and been done with it. She could have come with me because she wanted to get out of our home town for a day. But the fact that she came with me and is more worried about disappointing me than she is about her own time is earth shattering to me. Amelia has never cared how I felt about anything. If she wasn’t happy, aint nobody happy. But here Lux is, worried that she won’t love today enough to satisfy me. I don’t know how to deal with that.

  Taking her by the shoulders, I lean down and look deep into her eyes. “Don’t even worry about that, okay? The fact that you are here with me is everything I need. I want you to have a good time, but if it’s not the best day you’ve ever had, I promise you I will get over it.”

  She continues to look at me without saying anything.

  I grin at her to put her at ease and say, “Now, are you ready?”

  When she nods I take her hand in mine and start walking with her in tow.

  “It’s a little early to eat dinner so I’m going to end up dragging you all over the campus until it is time. If you get tired or something just let me know and we can slow down.”

  Her hand feels warm in mine and it’s about all I can think about. While we walk I take glances at her. I want to see her experience today but I also want to look at her. This infatuation I have with her can’t be any more than what it is, but I can’t help myself when I’m around her. I want to touch her. I want to hear her talk. I want to hear her laugh.

  When she places her hand over her belly it’s a stab to the gut. So many feelings rush me from such a small gesture. Guilt, longing, warmth, to name a few, stab at me like little knives to my heart. Lux doesn’t notice my plight so we continue on. I want to take her down what I like to call Memorabilia Row before it gets too crowded. It’s the street right in front of the stadium where they sell old jerseys signed by the players. They have pictures of the stadium when it’s empty, some when it’s full. Sometimes they have old trophies that the players or the school have donated to sell. Sometimes there are even old players wandering around you can talk to. It’s something you have to see at least once. And I want Lux to see it.

  We walk slowly down Memorabilia Row so Lux can take it all in. And she does, with wide eyes. I take her to the tables and show her the jerseys of my favorite players and tell her what they are famous for. I’m surprised to find her listening so intently. Amelia would be staring at her nails or typing away at her phone if I tried talking to her about it. But Lux listens and even asks questions.