Beards

by Serena J Bishop

  Early took the liberty and greeted their surprise, overnight guest. “Well, hello, honey. What’s your name? Or should I just call you ‘Legs’?”

  Roni grasped his hand. His handshake was much more firm and business-like than she was expecting. “Hi. I’m Veronica Mullins, but you can call me Roni.”

  “Roni. I love it...just a little butch. I’m Early Thibodeaux.” He saw Roni’s look of surprise at the last name. “I’m from Louisiana, lots of fun, cultural mixing going on down there. You’ve met my significant other, Steven.”

  “Hello, Officer Fields. How are you?” Roni politely asked as she sat beside Gina and crossed her long legs.

  Steven’s expression hadn’t changed. “Surprised, mostly. Although, I guess I shouldn’t be,” he replied honestly. Gina hadn’t taken her eyes off of Roni since the blonde had come into the room and ever since Gina had joined that book club she had seemed happier. Gina didn’t even cuss out Underwood under her breath anymore. His partner’s obvious joy caused his disapproval to wane. “I’m off-duty, so you can just call me Steven.”

  “Alright, Steven.” Roni giggled nervously from the stress and because Early stared and smiled at her like she was some kind of magical creature. “Sorry, I’m a bit anxious. I wasn’t expecting to meet anyone today.”

  “My show was cancelled last night. Health inspection fail. Blah blah blah. We drove home this morning after we realized Monica was going to be at church probably all fucking day. I’m so glad we came home early.” Early rested his elbows on his knees and leaned forward. “How long have you two been keeping this juicy secret?”

  “Steven can actually give you the details on how we met, but we didn’t start dating until March. Roni hurt herself with a corkscrew and then things just happened.”

  “She said something to me in Italian...it was the tipping point,” Roni added.

  “Oh, even I get a little wet in the panties when she does that,” Early admitted. “You’ve been keeping this a secret for two months? All this time and we didn’t know.” Steven patted Early’s arm lightly. “What?”

  “You told me to remind you when it was noon so you could check your sugars.”

  “That’s right, I did. What would I do without you, big man?” He mouthed to Roni as he left, Love him.

  With Early gone, Roni noted the awkward silence between Gina and Steven. “You know, I think I should put my own clothes back on. Give you guys some privacy.” She patted Gina’s thigh and took her neatly stacked clothes to the bedroom.

  Gina’s shoulders slouched forward as if there was an actual weight on them. “I’m sorry, Steven. I know I’m responsible for all of this.”

  “I can see how happy you are with her, but do you even know how much trouble you and Early could be in if she talks?”

  “She won’t. I swear to God she won’t.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Because I trust her and she’d be in a compromising position too. She teaches fourth graders. I don’t think the taxpayers of Pennsyltucky would take too kindly to her being openly gay. She keeps her sexuality just as much a secret as we do. The only one around here that knows is a friend of hers from college.”

  “Does her family?”

  “No. Steven, she lives a very similar life—she knows how to keep a secret. It killed me to have to tell her our arrangement and I really did try to resist as long as I could. But she does something to me I can’t explain.” Gina smiled self-consciously, “I think I love her.”

  “You do?” Roni asked in shock, as she stood behind Gina in her diaphanous green shirt and khaki shorts.

  “She does,” Early confirmed. “A man knows how his wife feels about her mistress.”

  Gina confidently went to Roni and brought her hands to her heart. “No one but you has ever made me feel so good about life or about myself. All of my waking time is spent thinking about how I can help you feel that way too. What I said just now was wrong. I don’t think that I love you. I know that I love you.”

  Roni felt as if the sun were shining on her and a string quartet was playing only for them. She had experienced similar thoughts, but couldn’t share her feelings with anyone given their vow of secrecy. Now, she could finally let her emotions out. “I love you too, Gina. You’re my bee charmer.”

  While Gina and Roni kissed passionately to celebrate, Early mouthed to Steven, Bee charmer, to which Steven simply shrugged. He had no idea what that was about either. Then he turned on the Phillies game.

  “Sorry, guys, gotta go,” Gina mumbled around Roni’s lips and walked her backward. “We can talk more later.” To emphasize that point, Gina kicked her bedroom door shut.

  Early rapped on the door. “Roni, if you’re not going to be wearing your clothes, can I try on your shirt?” He thought the gauzy number would look fantastic for his “Escapade” lip synch. The door opened a crack and Roni handed him her shirt. “This is the best marriage ever!”

  “I’m happy you’re happy. And I’m happy they’re happy too.”

  Early kneeled beside Steven’s recliner and kissed him. “Of course, you are. You play the big, bad figure, but I know that’s because you just want us all to be safe.” A low-frequency sound reverberated through the adjacent wall. “And it sounds like we’re all safe and happy.” He patted Steven’s muscular chest gently. “You’ve done good.”

  Steven cracked a small smile. “Thank you. I think that,” the volume from the other room increased, “this new level of happiness is going to take some getting used to.”

  Steven turned up the volume to the baseball game while Roni moved to the left.

  ***

  Steven shook his head in disapproval at the grown men who howled in the station’s locker room.

  “Swear to God, biggest tits I’ve ever seen,” commented one of the men.

  “I bet Fields knows all about big tits working with DiCarlo. Boom!” added Steven’s human-sized gnat, Officer Carl Underwood.

  “She’s a great police officer guys. I try not to stare at her tits.”

  Underwood let go of the secure grip he had on his towel and used his thumb to point in Steven’s direction. “Check out the feminist. I guess that shit really is contagious. Heard she’s a dyke, anyway.”

  Steven narrowed his eyes to dangerous points and drilled his finger into Underwood’s doughy chest. Without raising his voice, he said, “That’s my partner you’re talking about there. You need to show some respect.” He turned back to his locker, having demonstrated his point, literally.

  “Jesus, Fields,” Underwood drawled while he rubbed the sore spot, “calm down. I know she’s married. Not like we’ve ever met the guy or anything.”

  Steven hated to lie, but this was just a harmless, small lie. “Actually, she was talking about bringing him to the station’s summer barbecue in a couple of weeks.”

  “No shit. How about you? Are you bringing a date?” Underwood leaned against the nearest locker. “Come to think of it, I’ve never seen you with a date to anything we’ve ever thrown.”

  One of Underwood’s toweled comrades suggested, “I bet Fields just loves ‘em and leaves ‘em, right?”

  Steven laughed along with the others in the way he had observed over the years when men discussed a female conquest. It’s just a harmless lie. “Believe or not, I’ve been seeing this girl for a little while now. I might bring her by if she’s into it.”

  “Oh yeah. What’s her name?” Underwood asked.

  “Veronica.”

  ***

  “You did what?” Gina exclaimed once she and Steven were in the safety of their patrol car.

  “It makes sense, Gina. I know at first I was pissed about Roni knowing, but now...this is the greatest thing that could have happened. Roni and I are together as often as you and Early are. This makes sense.”

  Gina rubbed her face in her hands. “Ugh. I just wish you would have run it by me first.”

  “It all happened so fast! Plus, I defended you when Underwood was
being a pig.”

  “Underwood was a pig? There’s a surprise.” Gina started the patrol car and pulled out of the station’s lot. “Now, I’m going to have to actually pretend I’m married to Early. Can he even act a little straight?”

  “He’s a born actor.”

  “Okay. Do you think you’ll be able to pretend you’re into Roni?”

  Steven chuckled. “Please. I’ve been listening to male locker room bullshit my entire life. I know how to play it.”

  ONE MONTH LATER, JUNE 1991

  “HEY, MAN.” STEVEN HIGH-FIVED a colleague and pulled Roni in by the waist a little more tightly. “I’d like you to meet my girl, Roni. Roni, I’d like you to meet Carl Underwood.”

  Underwood made no secret that he had undressed her with his eyes. “Nice to meet you. Gymnast?”

  That was not the first question usually asked of her when she met someone for the first time. “No. But I danced for a while.”

  Underwood gave another appreciative leer. “Well, I’ll tell you what. If you get sick of dark meat, give me a call.” He winked and gave Steven a manly slap on the back.

  Steven laughed his best fake hearty laugh and returned the slap, which knocked his perverted colleague off balance. “See you later, Underwood.”

  Gina and Early spied on their significant others while they sipped their drinks at a picnic table in the shade. “Does Steven really have to touch her like that?”

  “Calm down, butch. He’s just touching her waist, which is way cleaner than the ogling that creep was doing. Besides, how do you think she felt when I slid my hand into your back pocket?” Early smiled and then kissed his wife on the cheek. “This is so much fun! It’s like theatre but without the annoying rehearsals.”

  “I’m glad someone is enjoying it.” Gina shook her head, disappointed. She failed to understand why in the United States, the land of the free, homosexuals had to put on charades like this. “I just hate having to live like this.”

  “It is what it is, honey. Maybe someday there will be a black president and gays can marry and I’ll have a gadget that automatically supplies me with insulin? But until that time we have to live like this. And right now,” he opened his arms and took in the scenery of the blue sky, green grass, tall trees, and Steven and Roni coming towards him. “Right now isn’t too fucking bad. So,” he stood, “stop whining and be grateful. I’m getting more Diet Coke, because that is also pretty spectacular.”

  Gina watched Early walk away and pretend to punch Steven in the stomach. That act of faux-machismo caused them all to smile—smiles that stayed in place until they sat down across from her. “Are you done meeting and greeting?”

  “I think so,” Steven said. “I tried to hit the main gossipers so the word will spread faster.”

  Gina nodded her approval. “What words are going to be spread?”

  “We didn’t stray too much from the truth,” said Roni. “I met Steven when you and he came to book club.”

  “And I met Early when he had a belligerent drunk at his bar and we became friends. When I partnered with you, naturally you met Early, and the sparks flew.”

  “Oh, and don’t be surprised if you hear gossip among the female officers,” Roni noted to Steven and Gina.

  Steven took a swig of beer. “Why is that exactly?”

  Roni bit her bottom lip, unsure if perhaps she went too far. “I may have been asked if it was true what they said about black guys.”

  “You didn’t?” Gina asked with horror.

  Roni giggled. “I did! And I said it was curved!”

  Steven sat proudly, even as Gina shot him with eye daggers. “What? I didn’t say it. I didn’t even ask her to.”

  Early strutted back to the table with his soda and eyes dancing. “Oh my God, Roni! How did you know it curved?”

  Gina was repulsed by the verification while Roni and Early laughed hysterically.

  Steven grinned at the comradery. “Yeah, I think this arrangement will work out just fine.”

  SEPTEMBER 2014: FIRST REACTION

  BRADYN LISTENED, RIVETED BY THE story, as she and Stevie sat opposite each other at an off-campus hot spot and waited for their drinks to arrive. Her mouth went slack when Stevie finished telling the summary of the picnic. “I honestly have no idea what to say about any of it.”

  “Are you freaked out?” Bradyn not accepting his roots was Stevie’s worst-case scenario.

  She pursed her plump lips as she thought. “No, I’m not freaked out. It’s just really unexpected. I don’t think I know anybody with a family history like this.”

  Stevie nodded his understanding. “Imagine how I felt when I learned all of it.”

  “They really told you the part about the striptease?” She would spaz if those two words were ever associated with her mother.

  “Yeah, although I didn’t learn about that until this past summer when Early’s sugars dropped and he got really loopy.” Stevie reflected on that moment. “I did not ask for details.”

  Bradyn leaned back to allow their waiter space to serve their drinks. “Wow. So, your Mom and Dad were gay from the start?” Their waiter looked at her, intrigued, and left. Clearly, they weren’t ready to order.

  Stevie chuckled deeply. “Yes, they were gay...still are.”

  “But they had you,” she countered.

  “Don’t worry, I’ll get to that part. But before I became part of the picture a lot of other things fell into place.”

  MAY 1992

  THE SOUND OF A RINGING phone woke Roni from her Saturday slumber. She glanced at her alarm, 4:30 a.m. Right on time. “G’morning,” she mumbled into the receiver. “Make it in safely?” she asked with a yawn. It was the same question she asked Gina after every shift for over a year.

  “Hello to you, too.” Gina loved sleepy Roni. She could picture her in bed with her sleep shirt bunched and her hair fanned across a pillow. “And yes, we did make it back safely. A very uneventful patrol.”

  “Good. You know, I can’t wait until we can actually wake up at the same time together.”

  “Me too, sweetheart. Are you still coming over later today?”

  Roni yawned again. “Yeah. I have a lunch meeting with Sarah to talk about the school carnival and then I’m coming over. But I did promise Early I would help him with choreography for his new medley.”

  “I think I’d like to watch that. Right now, though, you should get more sleep. I’ll see you later today, sweetheart. I love you.”

  “I love you too.” Roni placed the phone back in the cradle and snuggled in for more sleep.

  ***

  “Are you ready to order?” a waiter asked Roni as she waited for Sarah on the back patio of the trendy, downtown sandwich shop.

  Roni put down her paperback and checked her watch. Sarah was ten minutes late. “I’ll just have a diet Coke, for now. I’ll order when my friend gets here,” she said and returned to her reading. She read another page before she was interrupted again.

  “Hi.” A man with a chiseled jaw, Ken doll hair, and clothes like he had stepped off of a golf green, stood at her table. “Are you Roni?”

  “Yes, I am. Who are you?”

  “Oh, I’m sorry,” he extended his hand to shake, “I’m Greg and it’s a pleasure to meet you.” He took a seat across from her. “Sarah was right when she said I wouldn’t have any problems spotting you. You are gorgeous.”

  “Sarah said?” Roni asked, perplexed by this man’s approach and knowledge, but then she realized who he probably was. “Oh, are you helping us with the carnival? Are you from the laser show group?” she asked excitedly.

  “No,” he grinned, “I’m your date.”

  “What?”

  “Your blind date.” Greg took note of Roni’s stunned expression. “Sarah didn’t tell you, did she?”

  Roni felt as though her chair had been pulled out from beneath her. She took a sip of soda that had recently arrived and cleared her throat “No, she neglected to fill me in on this information.
”

  “This is a bit awkward.” He flashed a smile that Roni was sure he was used to women swooning over. “Since you’re here and I’m here we could still make it a date.”

  “We really can’t. I’m with someone...I...I have to go.” She reached into her purse for her wallet, laid down cash for her drink and left.

  Roni stormed out of the restaurant with anger she hadn’t felt since her family visit over Easter dinner a month earlier. Her brother, David, and Uncle Skip had told her that Anita Hill, like all women, enjoyed getting “special attention” at work and that black men had less control over themselves than other races.

  Roni spied a pay phone at the end of the street. She inserted a quarter into the slot and punched in the numbers. Her fingers shook with rage as she did so. “What the hell, Sarah?”

  “Roni?”

  “Yes, Sarah! It’s me, Roni! What in the hell were you doing setting me up like that?”

  Sarah was oblivious to Roni’s aggressive tone. “You didn’t like Greg, did you? I bet he showed up late. He’s always late, but don’t let that be a turn-off.”

  “Sarah! Why would you set me up on a surprise, blind date?”

  “It seemed like a fun idea at the time. He’s single and attractive. You’re single and attractive. This is not unheard of. Plus, you have to start dating. You’re going to be thirty before you know it.”

  “It’s 1992! Have you not heard of feminism? I don’t have to be barefoot and preg—”

  “Don’t be so dramatic, Roni. Look, you’ve never dated anyone since I’ve known you and—”

  “Actually, that’s not true.”

  “What?” Sarah asked in disbelief. “Who have you dated and when?”

  Roni’s heart pounded and she let out a steady exhale. She was going to have to tell the truth or some facsimile of it. “Do you remember our book club night when we first met Gina? Well...”

  “Oh my God, you’re dating the black cop?”