Beards

by Serena J Bishop

  “I’d say it’s equally as accepted as being a lesbian principal at a Christian school.” He waited for that fact in sink into Gina’s mind. “Face it. If the four of us were outed, you and Early would have the least amount of risk.”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “Really? Do you honestly think people would be surprised if you were gay? That a lesbian cop would shock people?”

  “That’s not the point.”

  “It kinda is though. You wouldn’t lose any more family. You wouldn’t lose your job. You wouldn’t lose part of your identity. Roni loves school and she went to that place because of the pressure you were putting on—”

  “That’s not true!”

  “Oh, yes it is. It’s no damn wonder she didn’t tell you about that clause in her contract. She didn’t want to disappoint you so she took the first job that was offered to her. But despite that school, it’s still education, and that’s part of who she is. It’s just like being a cop is part of who we are.” Steven pleaded with Gina to understand. “You can’t expect Roni to risk giving that up.”

  The tension Gina held in her body and face dissolved. “I know. It’s just, I love Roni so much and I’m not ashamed of that. It makes me sick to think Roni’s idiot brother has made three supposedly sacred marriage vows to three separate women and we can’t get married to the people we’ve loved for over a decade! And it makes me even sicker to think that if Devin’s meth-head father cleaned up his act and fought for custody, he might just fucking get it! It all just makes me sick.”

  “I know. It makes me sick too.” Steven started to stand and pick up the different glasses. “Come on, I’ll help clean up. What’s the saying? Happy wife, happy life?”

  “Something like that.” Gina stacked the plates and chuckled softly to herself. “I really should have cleaned.”

  “Yeah. Yeah, you should have.”

  FOUR MONTHS LATER, JULY 2002

  “HURRY UP AND FINISH YOUR hot dog, Stevie,” Devin ordered impatiently. He had never seen Fourth of July fireworks at a ballpark before and he was not going to let his best friend detour him.

  Becky sent Devin a stern glare across the picnic table. “You better make that sound more polite, young man, or you’re not going.”

  “Yeah, then you’ll have to stay here with us girls,” Gretchen added, in case Devin needed further convincing.

  Devin looked around the table to see his mothers, Roni, and Gina waiting for his response. He knew he was not going to win this battle. “Stevie, please, finish your hot dog. I want to see batting practice before the game starts.”

  “If we get there early enough they might even let you walk up to the field for autographs,” Steven said, just in case his son needed further convincing.

  With a mouthful of bread and processed meat, Stevie mumbled, “All done.”

  “Not just yet,” Roni said and then used her napkin to remove ketchup off of his chin. “Okay, you boys have a good time. Early’s meeting you there?” she asked Steven.

  “That’s the plan.”

  Gina took a sip of her freshly opened beverage. Unfortunately, duty had called and she had arrived late to her own party. “But Early hates baseball.”

  Car keys in hand and two very excited seven-year-olds at his side, Steven quickly explained, “But he loves fireworks and dancing on the big screen.” He put his hand on Stevie’s back and tousled Devin’s shaggy hair. “Let’s go, boys!”

  After a chorus of goodbyes to their mothers and the sound of the garage door closing, the only sounds in the yard were the birds and the chimes of an ice cream truck. The underlying tension that had been present at the table five minutes earlier had a chance to assert itself again.

  “It’s nice that Early was able to move his work schedule around so he could attend the game with the boys,” Roni said to no one in particular, but the barb had clear intent.

  Becky and Gretchen shared a knowing glance, which prompted Gretchen to stand. “Do you know where the bug spray is? I feel like I’m being eaten alive.”

  “Oh, I can show you where I put it.” Becky stood and excused herself from the table for a faux-pursuit of insect repellant.

  Once they were inside, Gina apologized again. “I told you I was sorry. It’s not my fault someone pulled an epic B and E while a family was on vacation. Besides, I’m here now so let’s just enjoy ourselves.”

  “I was just really looking forward to having us all here, getting tipsy, playing cards, and then maybe having sex.”

  “We can still do all of those things.”

  Roni scoffed. “Yeah, like I’m really in the mood now.”

  “What else is new?” Gina said under her breath and took another drink.

  “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

  “It means that we haven’t had sex since you left for your brother’s wedding. That was four months ago.”

  “Well, maybe if you were home more—”

  “Maybe if you weren’t tired—”

  “I refuse,” Roni stuck her finger out to emphasize her point, “to apologize for being tired.” She then used her pointed finger to count off her reasons. “I work full-time, I make dinner, I help Stevie with his homework and go to his practices and games, I clean the house. I barely have enough energy for this argument.”

  On the table, Gina’s cell phone vibrated.

  A green fire burned in Roni’s eyes. “Don’t you dare answer that phone.”

  Gina held up the display to Roni, Jack Appleman. “I have to. Not everyone has the luxury of getting every single holiday off.”

  Roni’s wrath was barely contained as Gina took her phone and walked to the other side of their yard. She turned her back to answer. “DiCarlo, here.”

  “Yeah, I need a delivery for two large cheese, one lar—”

  “Jack,” Gina stopped him, “this is Gina.” Had she not been on the other side of the yard, surely Roni would have heard the boisterous laughter that came out of the phone.

  His laughter calmed. “I thought I was calling DiMarco’s. Hey, that’s funny, but since I still have you on the line do you think that maybe you could get some pizzas and—”

  “Goodbye, Jack.” She hung up and made the long walk back to the table. The whole time she was on the phone she could feel Roni’s eyes burrowing into the back of her skull like angry lasers. Now that Gina made eye contact with Roni, Gina could see that she was correct.

  Despite Becky and Gretchen’s presence at the table again, Roni wasn’t going to play nice about this one. “Let me guess, you have to go back to work?”

  Gina waited a dramatic beat. “Yes. Yes, I do.” Half of her was very satisfied with the dropped jaw of shock and instant flush of heat that covered Roni’s face. The other half was disappointed in herself that she had just openly lied, not just Roni, but to Becky and Gretchen, to get out of the situation.

  Despite Roni’s fury, she remained deathly calm. “Then I guess we’ll see you when you come back.”

  “I guess you will.” Gina turned and left three stunned women in her wake. Once she was in her car, she let her emotions guide her down the many streets of her neighborhood and onto the highway. She drove until her feelings of anger evolved into heartbreak and her heartbreak evolved into suffocation.

  That was the word for how she felt. She was being suffocated.

  Gina’s epiphany exaggerated her current state into a full-blown anxiety attack. She felt like there was an invisible pillow over her face and gasped for air. She couldn’t breathe despite her tank top causing no constriction around her neck or the open car window throwing forced air at her. Even the cross she wore around her neck felt like a thirty-pound weight added to her chest.

  She began to hyperventilate and gripped the steering wheel tightly, knowing she needed to pull over or risk an accident. She searched for a place to pull over and was shocked to learn that she had driven herself to an area she knew reasonably well. She signaled for the next exit and soon turned int
o a very crowded lot. After she cut the ignition, she moved her eyes upward to see a memorable sign along with the additional announcement that they were currently hosting a “Freedom Party” in honor of the Fourth of July.

  The pillow lifted and Gina could feel herself breathe once more.

  ***

  “You really haven’t had sex in four months?” Gretchen asked for the third time in an hour.

  “Gretchen! That’s not the main issue here.” Becky scolded her partner for her one-track mind. “The issue is—”

  “Communication,” Roni said while she opened a third wine cooler. “And you know what’s really funny about that?” She asked her small audience of two. “I’ll tell you what’s funny about that. It’s funny because Gina was always the one who would say, ‘let’s talk about how we feel,’ ‘we can’t bottle everything up.’ And what’s she do?”

  “She bottled everything up and didn’t talk about how she felt?” Gretchen asked nervously.

  Roni waved her arm with intoxicated flare. “Yes! That’s exactly what she did!”

  “I don’t know if I completely agree with that.” When Roni’s eyes threw daggers at her, Becky amended her opinion. “I think it was wrong for Gina to just leave after an argument like that, but she has been trying to tell you for awhile now that she’d like to be more affectionate, more out with you.”

  “But my—”

  “Morality clause,” Gretchen finished for her. “We know. If that’s the only thing that’s stopping you, why don’t you quit?”

  Roni felt slapped in the face. Why was Steven the only one who understood this? “Because despite that one little detail, it’s a great school. The parents are supportive, the staff is easy to get along with, and because it’s private, I’m not held to nearly the amount of restrictions as a public school. I think the better question is, why am I always the one who has to quit to make our lives easier, huh? How about Gina picks up the vacuum cleaner so I have more energy for sex? It takes forever for Gina to come and I’m the one who wears the strap-on!”

  “I knew it!” Gretchen triumphantly yelled. Becky tsked and sent a disapproving look her way. “Sorry, not the point. Please continue.”

  “She says I have good rhythm because I used to dan—”

  “I think Gretchen was suggesting that you continue explaining why you feel you’re the only one who makes sacrifices,” Becky diplomatically stated, even though she was now also very curious about Gina and Roni’s sex life.

  Gretchen and Becky listened as Roni ranted about the sacrifices she had made.

  ***

  A short, Latina bartender bobbed her glowing pink headband to the music as she deposited the twenty dollars from a scantily clad female. When she turned back to the main bar, she saw a new customer, but a familiar face, out of the corner of her eye. “Holy shit,” she uttered and hustled over to the other side of the bar to tell her boss, losing her headband in the process. Once she reached her boss’ ear, she moved a tendril of her auburn hair to the side. “You are not going to believe this.”

  Jessica cocked her head to the side and pursed her plum colored lips while she finished pouring a beer from the tap. “I believe you’re supposed to be working the other side of the bar.”

  “Not anymore, I’m not. We’re switching,” Chloe smirked. “Your dark and broody knight-in-shiny black coat is here.”

  “Where?” Jessica blurted as she immediately started looking over people’s dancing heads and bottles for her long-lost crush, Detective DiCarlo. The last time Jessica had seen her had been at sentencing two months ago and now she saw her sitting alone at the end of the bar reading the specialty drink list. “God, she’s sexy even when she looks depressed.”

  “She probably came here to not be so sad and also visit a certain brunette I know. A brunette with absolutely fantastic tits.”

  Jessica looked down at her chest and observed that the sheer burgundy tank did not cover very much. “They do look good today. Although, they should look good with the amount of underwire in this bra.”

  Chloe watched Jessica stare at the guest she had heard so much about. Why Jessica wasn’t jumping at the chance to talk to her fantasy woman, she didn’t know. “What are you waiting for?”

  “As hot as she is, she’s married. I can’t be responsible for being some home wrecker.”

  Chloe placed a hand on each of Jessica’s bare shoulders. “She is sitting alone in a gay bar without her husband. I’d say the home’s been wrecked. Besides, you’re right. She does look sad. You should go cheer her up.” Chloe spun Jessica around and gave her a mild push in Gina’s direction, whose eyes remained locked on the drink menu.

  Jessica tried to bury her nerves as she made her final step. “Nice to see you again, Detective DiCarlo. What can I get you?” Jessica casually asked in her loudest voice so she could be heard over the music.

  Gina’s eyes slowly moved from the menu to the cleavage in front of her and continued upward until she met a face that was heavy on the cosmetics. “Jessica? You look...very, very different.”

  “I could say the same about you. Have you come to start an arm wrestling tournament?”

  Gina grinned as she looked at her bare arms. “No, I wasn’t planning on it. I really didn’t give any thought to what I was wearing when I came here.”

  “Well, we like people to come as their most comfortable. As long as you’re comfortable, that’s what matters.” When Gina returned the small smile she gave her, Jessica asked, “Are you on duty? I didn’t get robbed again, did I?”

  “No, I’m not on duty.”

  “So, would you like a drink or did you just come to have your eardrums assaulted?”

  “No, to the assault. Yes, to the drink.” She skimmed the list of liquor and made her decision. “Scotch.”

  “Scotch it is. Rocks?” Gina nodded and Jessica reached for a glass and then for the best Scotch they had behind the bar. “Chloe?” she yelled to the other side.

  “Yeah,” Chloe met her volume.

  “Where’s the Johnnie Walker Black?”

  “We ran out about two hours ago. By the way, Michelle just got here so you can take off.” Chloe concluded with a wink to Jessica.

  Gina missed the wink, but heard the latest on Michelle. “Don’t worry about it. A beer will be fine. I’m sure you want to get out of here and go watch the fireworks with your friends or something.”

  Jessica felt compelled to stay—Gina sounded that pitiful. The fact that she was easy on the eyes was just a bonus. “No. I promised you a drink and I’m a woman of my word.” She took another glass from under the bar and filled them both with ice. “Follow me.”

  Gina obediently slid off the bar stool and followed Jessica, dodging many dancing bodies along the way, to what she knew was Jessica’s office. As soon as the door was shut behind her, Gina had a better reference to the volume in the bar. “My God, it’s loud out there.”

  Jessica reached into a file cabinet drawer and removed an ancient-looking bottle. “Don’t worry, Detective. Our decibel level is of legal limits.” She then poured two generous glasses of Scotch whisky, holding one out to Gina. “Here you go, Detective.”

  Gina graciously took the glass. “Thank you, but please call me Gina. Now that we’re drinking together, a first name basis seems appropriate.”

  “To a first name basis then.” Jessica clinked glasses with Gina and they took their first sips. “Have a seat,” she gestured to the sofa and then sat at one of the far ends, tucking a leg beneath her. Her short shorts showed off her toned, fishnet legs.

  Gina mirrored Jessica’s actions and noticed that more nature photographs decorated the walls since the first and only time she was in her office. “What happened to all of your calendars?”

  “After the robbery, I decided to keep all of the club information on the computer. Plus, I have a ridiculous amount of Fibonacci inspired prints, so this gives me a place to put them.”

  “Fibo-what?”

  Jessica
chuckled at Gina’s question. “Fibonacci was a mathematician who came up with a formula for spirals and those spirals are formed all throughout nature.” She pointed to the set of three that hung on the wall behind them: a close-up of a sunflower’s center, the shell of a chambered nautilus in its underwater habitat, and millions of bright stars in spiral formation, contrasting against the darkness of space.

  “Are you a closet math geek?”

  Jessica howled with laughter at Gina’s question. “A geek? Yes. In the closet about it? No. As if you couldn’t figure that out from the name of the club.”

  Gina shook her head. “I don’t get it.”

  “Come on! Box and Whiskers?” Jessica tried to prompt her guest. “It’s a plot for basic statistics.”

  “I hated math in school. I thought you named the club that because it was slang.”

  Jessica waited for the punch line, but then realized Gina was serious and laughed hysterically again. “Oh my God, that’s funny. You’re partially correct. The box part I’ll give you, but whiskers? Come on?”

  “It could be a thing,” Gina tried to defend her reasoning.

  “Maybe.” Jessica took another sip of her drink. “Chloe said no one would get the reference. I guess spending so much time with numbers made me forget what was common knowledge and what wasn’t.”

  “You’ve spent a lot of time doing math at bars?”

  “Hardly. I was a statistician for just about twenty years.”

  Gina leaned forward, intrigued. “How did you make the leap from that to gay nightclub owner?”

  “Four years ago, my grandfather passed away and left me a lot of money. I always thought it’d be nice to be my own boss, so I started this club. He also left me his Scotch collection since no one else in the family drinks it. That’s what we’re drinking from.”

  “That explains why it’s so good.”

  “It should be—it’s eighteen-year-old Macallan.”

  Gina almost spat out the drink when she heard the news. “You shouldn’t have shared this with me. This is a special occasion drink.”

  Jessica smiled softly at Gina. “This is a special occasion.” She sipped again. “Now, that I’ve shared something about myself, it’s your turn. Tell me all about Gina DiCarlo.”