Beards

by Serena J Bishop

  ***

  “...and I’m always being accused of being ‘no fun’. I’m fun. I’m a great time!” Roni drunkenly informed Becky and Gretchen as they stared at her in concerned amusement. This was definitely a show they hadn’t anticipated watching.

  “I’ve always enjoyed your company,” Gretchen offered.

  “That’s right, you do.” Roni sat on the bench seat and took a drink from her fifth wine cooler. “Why doesn’t Gina think I’m fun?”

  “In general, Gina thinks you’re fun,” Gretchen answered. “She just wants to hold your hand in semi-public or dance with you, correction, watch you dance at a bar.”

  Becky had given up on real therapy strategies an hour before, but part of her did feel that the more Roni opened up it could lead her into a breakthrough. “Does Gina only say that you’re not fun when she wants to do something out and gay with you?”

  Roni pursed her lips as she thought about her friend’s question and drank the last of her strawberry daiquiri flavored drink. She threw the empty bottle at the recycling bin, which landed with a thud in the grass. With a sigh, she reached into the ice chest searching for her sixth only to come up with a cold and wet hand. “Where’d the rest go?”

  Gretchen raised her hand. “Guilty, but Steven drank one too.”

  “Dammit, you’re right.” Roni slumped her shoulders in defeat. She was on a relationship-ranting roll and the alcohol was providing a fantastic amount of fuel. Briefly, she stared at the dark bottles in the cooler and contemplated drinking Gina’s stash, but the idea of drinking beer didn’t seem the least bit palatable. Roni stared at the ice and an idea formed. “Becky, you’re sober, right?”

  She held up her iced green tea to demonstrate that she was.

  Roni slapped her hand on the table. “Take me to the Box and Whiskers! I’m going to show the world that I can be a fun lesbian!”

  ***

  After Jessica poured Gina a second drink and listened to her career background, she really wanted to know what was at the core of Gina’s depression. “I know we just recently became first-name basis friends, but may I ask you something?”

  “Go ahead.”

  “When I first saw you at the bar tonight, you looked really depressed. What happened?”

  Gina took a deep breath. It was time to get this out in the open. “I had a fight. A pretty big one with Roni. I left the house and subconsciously drove myself here. Once I was inside and saw how many people were happy here, it made me realize how much I wasn’t.”

  Jessica nodded patiently along with Gina’s story, pleased that she was making progress with Gina’s issue. “Gina, you can be happy. You can be out. Ronnie will be hurt, I’m sure, but time heals all wounds.”

  The idea of hurting Roni in exchange for her own happiness made Gina’s eyes burn and her chest ache.

  Jessica slid over to the middle seat of the couch and reached for Gina’s hand. “Gina, I’m guessing you’ve been with Ronnie for a while, but you have to live for yourself. And if Ronnie’s even remotely perceptive,” Jessica thought of Gina’s styling and swagger, “this shouldn’t be much of a shock. I think...I think you may need to move on in order to find your happiness.”

  At Jessica’s kindly spoken words, Gina finally broke. The tears came down and Jessica’s arms wrapped around her. Once Gina’s weeping slowed, Jessica loosened her grip and cooed into Gina’s ear, “It’ll be okay.” Jessica sealed that promise by pressing her plum lips to the center of Gina’s forehead and then to her lips.

  Then, she did it again.

  ***

  “I’m sucha good dancer. Did y’know that I first met Early after I left allofmy clothes in the living room froma striptease?” Roni slurred.

  Gretchen turned from her spot in the passenger seat to look at Roni who was in the back, drinking from the water Becky insisted she have. “Really? I’d kinda like to—Ow!” Gretchen rubbed the spot on her arm where Becky, not so lightly, slapped her. “I’m not really that interested.”

  “That’s right you’re not.” Becky resumed her task of finding a parking spot despite her instinct that this was a bad idea. “This place is packed. We might—oh no.”

  “Ohno, what?” Roni asked, but then saw what Becky did.

  Gina’s car in the lot.

  “What the fuck?” Roni growled. Her drunk fingers found the release button on the seat beat in her second attempt.

  “I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation for this so the important thing is that we don’t jump to any conclusions.”

  “She’s dancing with sexy lesbians! Becky, stop the car,” Roni demanded.

  “Let me park and then we can talk about a strategy for dealing with this. I’m sure there’s an explanation. It’s a busy place. Maybe someone got pickpocketed?”

  Roni wasn’t biting. “Stop. The. Fucking. Car.”

  Becky acquiesced. It was either that or risk Roni jumping out of a moving vehicle.

  Roni shut her car door so hard Becky was surprised the windows didn’t shatter. She watched Gretchen jog to Roni and pay the cover to go inside.

  Gretchen was confronted with sensory overload as soon as she stepped through the doors. Colorful lights pulsated from all directions. The floor slightly vibrated from dancing steps and music. And then there were the bodies. All sexes, genders, and orientations were sweaty and their hips grinded to the beat.

  Roni didn’t experience any of the stimuli. Her eyes focused on every face in a Terminator-like analysis. Her readings determined that not one face belonged to Gina DiCarlo.

  Gretchen leaned into Roni’s ear and shouted over the music, “I don’t see her.”

  Roni didn’t either. That could only mean one thing. “She went home with someone else!”

  “Let’s not jump to conclusions. Remember what Becky said, she could be here on duty.” The redhead dragged Roni by the arm to the bar and waved to get the attention of the nearest bartender.

  A woman with a glowing headband approached. “Hola, sexies. What will you be drinking tonight?”

  Gretchen smirked, briefly enjoying the compliment. “Did someone report a robbery or something here?”

  “About a year ago there was, but nothing recent. Did you want a drink?”

  Despite Roni’s inebriated state, she didn’t miss that. “A year ago? Who investigated?”

  “Some Apple guy and,” Chloe used her dreamiest voice, “Detective DiCarlo.”

  “DiCarlo?” Roni couldn’t believe it. The lies. The deception. “Gina DiCarlo was here?”

  “Yeah. A couple of times.” Chloe gave up on asking if they wanted drinks. “Look, you can ask her yourself, she’s been in with the owner for like two hours now. They’re in her office,” Chloe pointed them in the direction, “but you should definitely knock first.”

  Roni stormed ahead, but Gretchen’s arm held her back. “Let me go!”

  “Roni, we don’t know the whole story,” Gretchen yelled over the music and moved Roni against the wall away from dance traffic. “Let’s go home and sort this out. You’re in no condition to make any major decisions right now.”

  Roni looked down at the grip Gretchen had and rotated her forearm to easily break free from her grasp. She continued toward the door marked “Private”.

  As if in slow motion, the office door opened and Roni locked eyes with Gina. Roni’s hand went to her mouth in disgust. Gina’s forehead and mouth were tinted with deep purple lipstick. Then, a figure emerged from behind Gina, an auburn temptress with spectacular cleavage and the same shade lipstick.

  “Roni?” Gina quickly realized what Roni must have thought. “Roni, it’s not what it looks like. I can explain.”

  Even if the music hadn’t been deafening, Roni couldn’t have heard Gina. The only thing Roni heard was the sound of her own blood rushing to her ears.

  Roni stood her ground and looked at Gina with equal parts disappointment, revulsion, and anger. Her hands balled into fists at her sides and tears started to form. Then,
she ran out of the bar.

  A force slammed into Becky just outside the entrance of the club. “Woah, slow down, Roni. What happened?”

  “Roni, wait, it is not what you think,” Gina pleaded for her to understand as she caught up to her in the parking lot. “Jessica was making me feel better—”

  “Oh, I bet she was!” Roni spat with enough venom for even Becky and Gretchen to feel the sting.

  “We were just talking.”

  “Talking? Is that how Tits McCleavage’s lipstick got all over your face?” Roni shouted loud enough for a group of new arrivals across the parking lot to hear.

  Gina’s hand went to her mouth to cover the evidence. “I didn’t kiss her back.”

  “I can’t believe this. I can’t fucking believe this. You lied to me! You’ve been here before and you didn’t have a call tonight! You’re a fucking liar!”

  Gina didn’t know how Roni knew all of that, but there was no point in denying it. “Roni, I can explain.” Gina reached for the woman she loved only to have her hand slapped away.

  “Don’t you fucking touch me and don’t bother coming home.” Roni stormed off into the parking lot and was several spaces away when she realized she needed a critical piece of information. “Where the fuck is the car?”

  Becky ran to Roni and swung a comforting arm over her shoulder. Roni only managed a few more feet before she turned into her and sobbed. Becky communicated her thoughts to Gretchen with a slow head nod and sorrowful blue eyes.

  Gretchen rubbed the back of Gina’s shoulder. “Gina—”

  “You have to believe me,” Gina said as her own waterworks started. “I would never do anything to hurt Roni. I love her more than my own life.”

  If they had been in court, Gretchen would have had several snide comments to make regarding that testimony. But she was in a parking lot watching her partner and a close friend leave in one direction while another close, but senseless, friend stood at her side. “I’m going to take you to my house for the night. Give me your keys.”

  “But Roni?”

  Gretchen didn’t want to say the words, but they needed to be spoken. “Roni needs space from you right now. Becky will take care of her tonight.”

  Gina nodded and tears streamed faster. Then, a new pain developed inside of her from her heart and stomach being twisted. “Oh my God, Stevie? What will I tell Stevie?”

  Gretchen hugged Gina, the strong and confident woman felt helpless in her arms. “I’ll ask Becky to tell him you got called out.” She released Gina and gave her hand a final squeeze. “Come with me.”

  ***

  Becky heard four distinct male voices while she held Roni upstairs on the shattered couple’s bed. She knew that the boys would be coming home and if Stevie saw his mother in her current state, it would only complicate matters and probably scare him.

  “Roni, honey.” Becky pulled back slightly and looked into her blazing, bloodshot eyes. “It sounds like the guys are home. Do you want me to tell Steven and Early what happened?” Roni, unable to speak through her sobs, nodded her head.

  Devin watched his graceful mother descend the stairs. “Mom? What are you doing here?” he asked, autographed baseball in hand.

  Early and Steven shared a curious look.

  “I’m taking care of Stevie’s mom,” Becky answered. Honesty was the best policy.

  “What’s wrong with her?” Stevie asked.

  “She has food poisoning.” Okay, so maybe honesty wasn’t always the best policy. “And Gina had to leave. She and Gretchen used the same car.” She watched Early and Steven share another questioning look. They knew something was askew. “Why don’t you two go downstairs and watch a movie while I tell Steven and Early all the food they should throw away?”

  Devin and Stevie smiled instantly. They figured it would be bedtime after the game, not a movie in the cool basement.

  Steven was fairly sure he heard his son say Die Hard as he and his friend hustled down the stairs. “If you put on anything above PG, it’s straight to bed,” he hollered and then narrowed his eyes at Becky. “What’s going on?”

  Becky rubbed at her face. The hour of the night and the emotions of the evening were wearing her down. “We should sit down.”

  “This can’t be good,” Early concluded.

  “It’s not.” Becky folded her hands on top of the dining table and told them the story of the past several hours.

  ***

  Becky entered her home with an uncharacteristic toss of her car keys onto the sofa table by the door.

  Gina leaped off of the couch, using Gretchen as a push off point. “Where’s Roni? How’s Roni?”

  Becky took a deep, cleansing breath. “Roni is most likely in bed after Steven carried her there and Early undressed her.”

  “Early got to undress Roni?” Gretchen asked with a tint of envy. “That’s not the point. Why did Steven carry her?”

  “Because she heard us talking and somehow came down the stairs without killing herself. And then between the wine coolers and having her heart ripped out of her chest,” her piercing eyes stared at Gina, “she collapsed from exhaustion in the dining room.”

  “Oh my God,” Gina said and retreated back to the couch. She had never loved another woman the way she loved Roni. Yet she was responsible for putting so much pain into Roni’s heart. “I did this. This is all my fault.” Gina started sobbing into Gretchen once more.

  And she didn’t stop.

  ***

  Five days later, Gina’s eyes felt like sandpaper and her throat was raw. She had wept openly in Gretchen’s arms, but in the days since then she would find solace on Jack’s fold-out couch in his basement, a shower stall at the station, or in her car. Instead of each crying jag becoming shorter, they progressively became worse, because each subsequent day she felt that much lonelier.

  She rested her head in her hands on the picnic table of her former home. The nausea and heartache returned as she faced the next emotional hurdle. As much as she loved Roni, and would always love Roni, that love paled in comparison to what she felt for her godson.

  “Gina!” Stevie exclaimed in delight as he ran towards her. “I missed you! I hit a home run at my game yesterday.”

  “That’s great. I’m sorry I missed that,” she said, as she held him tight. She was going to miss many more of Stevie’s life events now and the thought broke her heart further. “I’m very proud of you.”

  Stevie cocked his head once he was released from the embrace and viewed her curiously. “Gina, what’s wrong with your eyes? Did you catch something?”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “Because Mom’s eyes look that way too and some things you can catch from other people. She’s been weird this week too, probably because you were gone so much for work.”

  Gina said a silent prayer wishing for the strength to do this and for Stevie to have quick healing after she relayed the news that his home was now broken. “There’s a reason why your mom’s been acting differently and its related to why I was gone. I wasn’t gone because of police stuff. I did something to your mom and she’s upset with me. I lied.”

  Stevie gasped, he was so appalled. You never, ever lie. “Gina! That’s bad.”

  “I know it is, Stevie. And it’s because I lied, and some other stuff that your mom thinks I did, well, she doesn’t want me in the house anymore. I have to move out.” The detail that it was a six months “separation” was something that she didn’t feel Stevie would understand since she wasn’t sure how it was going to work herself.

  The idea of Gina not in his home was a foreign concept. Gina had always been with him. “I don’t understand. You’re leaving?” he asked in a small voice.

  “I don’t want to, but yes. Your mom is very angry with me and she needs to not see me right now.”

  “Did you say that you were sorry?” His voice became frantic and his earnest, green eyes started to shimmer.

  “I did—many, many times. But sometimes the forg
iveness that follows an apology takes a long time.”

  “Like a week?”

  “No, Stevie. A lot longer than a week. Honestly, I don’t know if your mom will ever be able to forgive me and that’s why I have to leave. It’s not because of you. I love you like you’re my own blood and we’ll still see each other every Sunday for church. I’ll even take you out for chocolate chip pancakes afterward. Every week.”

  As the pieces of this dramatic and confusing puzzle fell into place, he tearfully clung to Gina. He reverted back to his former nickname for her, “GiGi”, and begged her to stay. All she could do was wrap her arms around his small body. And with every one of his sobs, she was reminded of how she had caused all of this heartache.

  Roni watched Gina and Stevie’s emotional display from the upstairs bedroom window. The room she once shared with Gina. The room they confided in each other, laughed together, made love, and conceived Stevie. It was also the room Gina had given her the diamond ring she wore along with her wedding band. She stared at the ring, watching it sparkle as she changed its angles in the sunlight. The engraving beneath the ring, “I love you ∞ Gina,” burned into her skin. Yet another lie that Gina told. Roni felt betrayal and sorrow flow through her tears and blood as she took off the ring. She placed the sad symbol on top of one of Gina’s many moving boxes in their—correction—her bedroom.

  SEPTEMBER 2014: FLASHBACKS

  BRADYN PUT DOWN HER SALAD fork and reached to hold Stevie’s hand. She could tell from his face and tone that retelling that particular part of his childhood was painful. “Are you okay?”

  Stevie felt the comfort Bradyn was offering. He cleared his throat and took a drink to wash away any emotion that may be lurking when he spoke. “I’m good. It’s just...that day. That day was probably the worst day of my whole life. It was such a surprise to me, you know? I was a kid and completely oblivious that Mom and Gina had been having problems. As I look back on it now, some of the things make sense.”

  “Like what?”