Beards

by Serena J Bishop

  “Yes, I did say that. I thought you’d be proud,” Roni commented acerbically. “I heard you’re living honestly now instead of the lie that I apparently coerced you into living for twelve years.”

  Gina’s eyes had started to strain from all the rolling. “I’ll come over at seven.” She snapped her flip phone shut to hang up and pushed away from her desk. It was time to hit the heavy bag to work out her anger. It was a good strategy to pass on to Stevie.

  ***

  As promised, Gina pulled up to the house at seven a.m., just as Roni’s car had left. She hadn’t planned what she was going to say to Stevie, but luckily most of that was taken care of because once Stevie started talking, he didn’t stop. Gina recognized that was positive, but wondered why he had kept his emotions bottled up for so long. His answer was simple—he thought his feelings would go away. She explained that feelings don’t just “go away” and that you have to learn to cope and work through them. When he asked how to do that, she didn’t know how to articulate it, but she knew who would.

  Becky answered the door wearing a kind smile and her version of professional attire, a hemp skirt with a button-down shirt. “Hi, guys. Come in,” she held the door open for Gina and Stevie.

  “It’s really quiet in here,” Stevie observed.

  “Yeah, it usually is around this time of day, because Devin’s in school, which is where you normally are too.”

  Stevie sheepishly admitted, “Yeah.”

  “Mmm hmm,” Becky hummed with disapproval. “Stevie, go ahead into the living room while Gina and I fix some drinks. And remember, no shoes on the couch.”

  In the kitchen, Gina thanked Becky for allowing her to come over on such short notice and that she only did so because she was in a bind about what to do. Becky’s first patient wasn’t until ten, so she was willing to help until she had to leave for the day. However, there was a question that needed to be answered first. “Gina, do Steven and Roni know that you are here and why?”

  “They do.”

  Becky nodded and waited for the tea to stop brewing. “Good. Here’s what I’m going to do and there is no compromising about any of this. I’m going to ask some simple questions at first to get him comfortable. You’re going to pretend to get a call and leave after ten minutes of simple conversation. You’re going to leave the house and call me in an hour to see if I’m done speaking with him. Hopefully, I will be and I’ll fill Roni in later. Are we clear?”

  “Crystal.”

  “Good.” Becky held the tray of drinks and started to leave the kitchen, but stopped and turned to Gina with a grin. “Also, I love your hair.”

  ***

  “Tell me everything that happened,” Roni said as she briskly moved past Becky.

  “Hello,” Becky closed the door, “and please come in.”

  Roni hated it when she knew she was being difficult. “I’m sorry, Becky, it’s just that this has been driving me crazy all day. What did Stevie say?”

  Becky put her arm around Roni’s shoulder and led her into the living room. “I can tell you that I was able to learn enough about how he’s feeling to direct you to a counselor who I think would be best for him.”

  Roni sat and reminded herself to be patient with what Becky had to report. “Not exactly what I was hoping to hear, but continue.”

  Becky handed her a card with a name, number, and web address. “I called to make sure he was still taking clients.” She was mindful not to use the word ‘patient’. “He’s a gay rights activist, so you don’t need to worry about him being judgmental or prejudicial if Stevie were to bring that up and he’s very good with young children of divorce.”

  “What?” Roni exclaimed.

  Becky noted her friend’s surprise. “Okay, Roni, I’m taking off my therapist hat now and putting on my ‘Becky the friend’ hat. You and Gina weren’t legally married, but you were every bit as married as a heterosexual couple. And Stevie is not Gina’s biological son, but she protects him and loves him like only a mother can. When you two broke up, it was a divorce with Gina only getting visitation rights on Sunday mornings and a few other agreed upon times. For your sake and Stevie’s sake, stop pretending that isn’t true.”

  Roni let Becky’s opinion sink in. “Point taken.” Roni stared at the business card for Patrick Givens in her hand. “And you think this guy can help Stevie?”

  “I do and...” Becky squirmed a bit in her seat.

  “What? Just say it.” Roni was just told by a professional and friend that her son needed therapy—she wasn’t in the mood to beat around the bush.

  “You might want to consider it too.” Becky braced herself for impact.

  “What? I don’t need therapy!” Roni said, very insulted by the idea.

  “I’m just saying that you should consider it. You have a lot going on in your world: an emotional son, a relationship of twelve years that recently ended, a racist biological family that barely speaks to you. Oh, and these big two. You’re a gay woman who’s been in a faux-marriage for a decade and works for a school who could legally fire her on the spot for being ‘immoral’.”

  Roni had to admit all of that was true and when strung together it sounded rather incredible. “Which hat are you wearing when you say that I should consider therapy?”

  “All the hats say that!”

  Roni had never once considered therapy for herself. “Tell you what, if Stevie makes progress, I’ll consider it.”

  SIX MONTHS LATER, JUNE 2003

  AS PER PATRICK’S SUGGESTION, GINA had been offered the chance to spend more time with Stevie and for his eighth birthday, she was handed an opportunity. She had the ultimate itinerary planned: Pee Wee paintball and dinner at his favorite pizza place with Devin, followed by movies and ice cream at her condo, and, lastly, their typical church and pancake Sunday. It was going to be great.

  She especially hoped he would enjoy his transportation for the day.

  Steven laughed hysterically and Roni rushed out of the house as she pointed frantically at the machine at the base of her driveway. “No, no, no!”

  “Woah!” Stevie proclaimed and sprinted out the door, down the pavement, and stared at the black and chrome motorcycle.

  Gina smiled brightly at Stevie’s enthusiasm towards the Harley Davidson. Jack had suggested that motorcycles were a great way to pick up women—not that she had asked for his advice. He went on to say that if she got a motorcycle license, she could borrow his Harley whenever she felt the need to impress. Well, today she did feel the need to impress. It just wasn’t to impress a woman.

  “What do you think?” Gina asked Stevie with a huge smile.

  “This is the most awesome day ever!” Stevie gleefully screamed and climbed into the sidecar Gina had installed for the occasion. “Look, Dad! Isn’t it cool?”

  “It’s very cool,” Steven said and went to investigate the motorcycle and sidecar.

  Roni was beyond horrified at the thought of her little boy, her baby, in a motorcycle. “Absolutely not! Get out of there right now, Stevie!”

  “But Mom,” he whined. He looked over to his father for support.

  “I said—”

  “Roni, can I have a word with you?” Gina walked to the other side of the driveway.

  “You can have lots of words as far as I’m concerned.” Roni whispered to her, “Are you completely out of your fucking mind? You’re going to put an eight-year-old on that thing?”

  “Okay, one, I told Steven about this and he said it was fine with him. He was supposed to ask you,” she said loudly.

  “Sorry. I forgot,” he said as he buckled Stevie in the sidecar.

  “I’ll have to kick his ass later,” Roni decided. “But I’ll settle for kicking yours now.”

  Gina smiled—she couldn’t help it. “Please, on your best day, you could never kick my ass.” Roni turned a new shade of red and Gina quickly backpedaled. “Just listen to what I’m planning. I’m only going to take routes that are posted twenty-five miles
an hour that have lots of stop signs and lights. The total amount of time we’ll be on the road is less than an hour. Please, look at him,” Gina implored. “Look at how excited he is. You’re going to tell him no?”

  “It’s very secure inside,” Steven added to ease Roni’s anxiety.

  Roni turned back to see Stevie still in the sidecar, now with a helmet on and smiling like a lunatic. Roni sighed. “Alright, just let me get a picture of you two before you leave. He does look really cute.”

  Gina was so excited she almost kissed Roni. “Thank you and I promise I’ll make sure he’s securely fastened the whole time.” She yelled to Stevie, “She said yes!”

  “Thanks, Mom. This is the best birthday ever!”

  ***

  The next day, Roni moved to the open window when she knew Stevie was back home. It wasn’t maternal intuition that told her. It was the reverberating rumble of the Harley. Peering out the window, she saw a similar sight from the previous afternoon. Her son was riding in the sidecar, laughing with delight, while he wore his helmet. And she saw Gina.

  She straddled the powerful vehicle between her toned legs, clad in tight jeans, while a fitted black tee showed off her sculpted arms. Why couldn’t she have gotten fat and ugly?

  Gina dismounted the bike first and then assisted Stevie as he removed his helmet and climbed out of the sidecar. “I hope you had a good time, Stevie. I know I did.”

  “It was the best time! You’re so much more fun than Mom.”

  Roni heard those words come through the screen and felt as though her own son had shot her. But it suddenly made their situation clearer. She was the mother who told him it was time for bed, to study his times tables, to put away the video games, and to clean his room. Gina got to be the mother who took him for pizza and paintball and motorcycle rides. Unfortunately, Gina’s words back to Stevie did little to comfort her.

  “That wasn’t nice. Your mom’s fun, just in a different way.”

  Stevie shrugged. “I guess.”

  “Come on,” Gina took his overnight bag out of the small luggage area and handed it to him, “I’m sure your mom will want to hear all about your weekend.”

  Gina strode up to the door smiling. It had been the first time in a long time that Gina was happy to see Roni. While Roni had initially been extremely upset with her yesterday, Roni moved passed it. Plus, yesterday had been very warm, so the image of Roni in workout shorts and her blond hair up in a ponytail was still fresh in her mind. Her legs and neck were so long and graceful—the expanse of skin was so smooth and soft. Why couldn’t she be a pimply hunchback?

  The door opened for Gina before she had a chance to ring the bell. “Um, hi.”

  “Hello. Thank you for bringing Stevie back in one piece.”

  Stevie was confused as to why he would be in pieces, but he had just had the best weekend of his life so he didn’t really care. “Should I wash up for lunch, Mom?”

  “Yes, go ahead. I want to talk to Gina and then I’ll be in.”

  Roni’s tone was very even. It was almost as if she was trying not to lose her temper, but as far as Gina knew she hadn’t done anything wrong. “Are you mad at me? You know, for something new?”

  Roni pinched the bridge of her nose. “I really don’t know whose fault it is, but I’m so tired of being painted as the villain in this charade.”

  “Excuse me?” Gina said in disbelief. She was just thinking how reasonable Roni had been and how they may have turned a corner in their relationship. They had finally found a place where they could coexist peacefully.

  Apparently not.

  “You? You’re being painted as the villain?”

  Roni elaborated, “You’re fun, weekend mom and I’m boring, mean, weekday mom.”

  “Right,” Gina drawled, “because you’re such a hero in this tragic tale. Tell me, Roni, how would you like to be painted? As the vulnerable princess who got to stay with her family in her castle? Or perhaps, as a walking rainbow who rules with great wisdom, but wears a magic ring to hide who she really is?”

  “Don’t pretend that you know what I’ve gone through, Gina. You have no idea what it has been like to be me.”

  “You know what? I don’t know what it’s like to be you, but I do know that you’re not nearly the victim you make yourself out to be and one of these days you’re going to realize that.” Gina turned heel and muttered Italian curses back to her motorcycle before the engine drowned her out.

  EIGHT MONTHS LATER, FEBRUARY 2004

  THE SMELL OF CUPCAKES WAFTED through the house as Roni came home late from a school fundraiser. She followed the source and took a seat at the small kitchen table. “Smells wonderful in here.”

  “Thanks,” Early and Stevie responded in unison.

  “The last batch is in the oven and the first batch should be cooled down enough for you to start frosting,” Early directed Stevie. “Then, it’s bedtime.”

  Stevie reached for the icing spatula on the counter and a can of frosting. Roni chuckled at the sight of two of the three men in her life baking for the third grade Valentine’s Day party. “Where’s Steven?” she asked with a yawn and did a quick shuffle of the mail that arrived that day.

  “Downstairs watching TV. I had to kick him out of the kitchen. All he wanted to do was lick the batter off the spoon,” Early shot her a mischievous smile, “and I do mean that literally.”

  Roni smirked, “I bet he did.” Her attention went from the water bill to her son, who was meticulously spreading vanilla frosting over a chocolate cupcake. “You know, Stevie. You’re doing a really good job, but it’s going to take a long time to frost all thirty-six if you take that much time with each of them.”

  “I’m only spending extra time on this one. It’s for Lisa.”

  Early and Roni locked eyes and grinned. Did Stevie have a crush? “Who’s Li-sa?” Early inquired with a playful lilt to his voice.

  Stevie carefully removed a dark crumb from the white frosting. “She’s in Mrs. Wagner’s class, but we have the same recess. She’s so good at dodgeball.”

  “And she gets an extra special cupcake because of that?” Roni didn’t think so.

  Stevie focused on his task at hand. “No. She’s nice and is mixed like me. That’s why she gets a chocolate-vanilla cupcake,” he explained.

  “Do I get a mixed cupcake when we’re done?” Early asked.

  “You can have a taste,” Stevie responded, “but you shouldn’t eat all of it because of your diabeets. I’ll eat the rest.”

  “What if I want a mixed one?” Roni asked.

  Stevie eyed her quizzically. He knew his mother well and she never turned down pure chocolate. “That doesn’t make sense, but that’s okay. Just because I don’t understand it, doesn’t mean it’s wrong. That’s what Patrick says.” Stevie had taken to his therapy sessions well and was now down to once a month appointments. Occasionally, he would share some nugget of wisdom he picked up from his therapist with the rest of the family.

  “Patrick is very wise.”

  Stevie nodded adamantly. “Oh yeah. He says other things too, like how I can’t make other people believe in what I believe.”

  “What does Patrick mean by that?” Roni anticipated her son would explain how there were many cultures around the world that had different belief systems and just because he didn’t agree with them, didn’t mean the custom or belief was wrong.

  Stevie rotated the cupcake carefully. “It’s like how you think Gina kissed that lady, but I know she didn’t, and I won’t be able to make you believe that just because I do.”

  Early saw Roni’s jaw square off more and her mouth form into a tight line. “Stevie, let’s frost the rest of these cupcakes. Roni, why don’t you take a nice long bath and then we can talk about our day.”

  ***

  “Is he in bed?” Roni asked and then sipped some wine. She wasn’t usually a nightcap person, but after Stevie’s therapy bombshell she felt that she had earned it.

  Steven sat
down in an exhausted heap. “It took forever, but yes. He’s so excited to give Lisa that cupcake tomorrow. Which reminds me...” He looked to Early and rubbed his hands maniacally.

  “Here it is, big man.” Early handed him a chocolate cupcake that he bit into immediately. To thank him, Steven left a chocolate kiss on Early’s cheek.

  Roni’s mouth upturned slightly at the sign of affection. She used to get those—thank you kisses, playful swats on the butt, a hug for no reason at all, shoulder rubs because she was tense. Those thoughts brought her back to what Stevie had said earlier. “What do you think Stevie meant by that?”

  Early draped his legs over Steven’s lap and shut his eyes. “You’re going to have to be more specific with that one, honey.”

  “What do you think he meant when he said he couldn’t make me believe that Gina hadn’t kissed that woman?”

  “He probably meant exactly what he said,” Early quipped with his eyes still closed. Baking was exhausting work.

  “Well, yeah,” Roni agreed, “but he sounded so confident when he said it. Do you think Gina’s told him that she didn’t do that?”

  “Probably,” Steven mumbled with his mouth full.

  “Why would she do that?” Roni asked, not mad, but genuinely curious as to why Gina would lie about such a thing, especially now that they had been split apart for so long.

  Steven swallowed and ventured into uncharted territory. “Maybe because it’s true?” Roni gasped at his words.

  “Oh my God!” Early sat up from his relaxed position on the couch completely frustrated by his ex-wife’s ex-lover. “Has it ever occurred to you that maybe Gina was telling you the truth about that night? And that your drunk ass did have the wrong idea?”

  “No,” Roni replied quickly. “Drunk or not. Gina had lipstick all over her face and there’s no way I’d ever believe her telling me otherwise. Even Gretchen saw that.”

  Early stood up, officially done with the conversation. “I’m going to bed, but I will leave you with this parting thought. There were two people involved with that kiss. If you refuse to believe anything one says, maybe it’d be interesting to hear what the other person’s perspective was?”