Josh nodded as the men left. The doctor checked him over quickly and followed suit, leaving Josh to his worries, wondering if he was losing his job along with his love.
~*~
Tess managed to avoid calls from Stu, Marlene, Brody, Stell, and her parents as she tossed her essentials into garbage bags, fearful one or all of her relatives would be knocking on her apartment door before she could escape. She wasn’t sticking around any longer since clearly there was no point in it.
On the way to her apartment, she’d called the hospital in Pittsburgh that extended her most recent job offer and asked if it would be possible to start before the date they’d originally mentioned. Even though it was closer to home than any of the other positions, and so might be the easiest to find her, Tess was of the mind that it was also the one job where she’d be most difficult to find. Pittsburgh, after all, was barely an hour away. She’d be hidden in plain sight. And, if anything important happened, she would find out and be able to return quickly. But most importantly she’d be what she’d been longing for over the last few years—anonymous.
“We can’t start you until Thursday, Tess,” Nancy Cantini, the nurses’ administrator said. “But in the meantime you’re welcome to come and familiarize yourself with the hospital layout, the schedule, and you can also stop by to get all of the work forms completed.”
“That sounds perfect. Hey, are you aware of any apartments for rent? Nothing fancy, but cheap, safe…or even someone searching for a roommate?”
“Well…” Nancy paused. “My brother-in-law owns a few units not far from the hospital. They’re pretty small but it’s a safe neighborhood and the price isn’t bad. Not sure if he has anything open but you’re welcome to check.”
“Sounds perfect. Can you send me the address and his number? I’d like to set something up as soon as possible.”
And suddenly, Tess was on her way to freedom.
~*~
Tess spent two days in an old hotel as she coordinated plans for the next step. She’d landed an apartment and would begin work soon. Everything was slipping into place more easily than she’d anticipated. Perhaps this was all God’s plan. Maybe Uncle Stu was wrong all along and she was never supposed to stay in Maple Ridge. Regardless, there was a surprising peace even in the midst of the pain she bore daily.
Soon Tess was settled in a sparsely-furnished apartment she now called home. She didn’t start her new job as an emergency room nurse for two more days, and she was anxious. Having worked almost non-stop for the last two years made Tess unable to sit still. She’d unpacked the garbage bags of clothes and shoes she’d tossed together before ditching town and she’d changed her bank account over to one closer to her new home.
And she’d avoided calls from Stu, Brody, Josh, and Morgan by leaving her phone off most of the time. Her parents, once again, gave up trying to get hold of her. The last message from her mother being, “Tess, we are not chasing you. You are an adult. You call when you’re ready. We love you.”
Tess snorted.
She stood and went to what she loosely-defined as her kitchen. It was so tiny she was glad she lived in the apartment alone, as two people in that room would be a fire code violation. She opened the cabinet and rooted around for a moment, giving up when she realized nothing in her meager rations would satisfy her. She sighed heavily as her phone rang.
Morgan.
Of those she’d willingly speak to, her friend was the only option. Although her heart leaped to her throat, Tess lifted the phone and pressed it to her ear. “Hey.” To her own ears her voice sounded strained.
There was a long pause before Morgan’s voice came over the line. “I didn’t think you’d answer,” she said softly.
Tess dropped back onto the couch. “What’s up?”
“What’s up? Geez, Tess. Where the heck did you go!?”
“Come on. I can’t tell you or Stu will drag me home. I’ve already apologized to Josh, Flynn’s paid off, and I start a new job in another day or so, and that will let me pay Stu back in a couple of months. I’m done.”
“Oh, Tess…”
Tess cringed at the sound of her friend’s voice. It was clear she was crying. “Hey,” she began. “How’s Pastor Thorne?”
Morgan sniffed. “Don’t call him that,” she said.
“It’s his name.”
“You’re being stupid.”
Tess snorted.
“You are, Theresa Carson. Do you think for one minute that anyone here who matters thinks you’re guilty of causing what happened?!”
“Brody thinks it’s my fault. He called me a stripper.”
“He was upset.” Morgan sighed. “Besides, Brody feels terrible. Have you even listened to the thousand messages everyone left for you?” she paused. “Listen, I understand how upsetting all of this was. But you’re strong. You can’t run away and act as if it doesn’t matter. Your family, who has stood by you through all of the other stuff, is like everyone else. Running away makes you seem guilty of something when you aren’t.”
Tess sighed and shook her head. “I can’t do it anymore, Morgan. I’m not coming back.”
“I guessed as much.”
“So, what then?”
“At least tell your family where you are,” Morgan pleaded. “Please.”
“I…” Tess thought of everyone. “I can’t. The disappointment. It’s too much. No one will change and when I saw Josh in that hospital bed, all beat up like that. I…” she paused. “Please tell me the church didn’t let him go.”
“No.” Morgan spoke slowly. “He got out of the hospital the other day. I talked to um, Alison Gorman…? Anyway, she said he told the truth and the board isn’t happy with him but after a severe finger-wagging he’s all right. Harrison was steamed. He…”
Tess’s ears perked up. “What? Did he do something?”
“Of course he did. He went to another church this week. Said he was finished with the game-playing going on at North Street and he wanted a church built on a stronger foundation. A few of the oldies followed but for the most part the congregation is the same. Supportive even.”
“Good riddance,” Tess muttered.
“Yeah, I guess.” Morgan paused. “You should call Josh. He...” her voice dropped off for a moment. “I mean, maybe I shouldn’t say because I’m not sure…”
Tess’s stomach rolled. “What?”
“Well, Ashley-Marie was frazzled enough when she got your message that you quit. Said she never should have hired you. And she said that she was taking dinner over for him tonight. Seriously, Tess. You really think he wants to see her?”
“I don’t have any idea who he wants to see,” Tess said. “I gotta go. Tell everyone I’m OK.”
“Tess.”
“Morgan. Stop. This is for the best. For everyone.”
“The wedding is in a few months. Stu said he might not go through with it if you aren’t home.”
Tess’s eyes brimmed with tears. Maybe she was being selfish. She didn’t want her uncle’s happiness to hinge on her being found. “Don’t let that happen, Morgie. Promise me.”
“I can’t promise that,” Morgan replied. “Only you can make it happen.”
Tess sighed heavily. “I’ll be there for the wedding.”
“Maybe you should call him.”
“I can’t. Take care, Morgan.” Before she could change her mind, Tess hung up, swiping at the tears that started falling. Suddenly, she wished she could go home. Maybe she was a coward after all.
~*~
Tess worked for the next few weeks, still pondering her next move. During that time, she found a new church and joined a Bible study. She spoke to Morgan, still refusing to give any details about where she was living. But she’d discovered that Josh was better and his new ministry with Pine View was thriving. He’d even gotten Gram Vi on board to help teach some kids to cook.
The most exciting news came from Brody and Stell when they announced they were expecting their first ba
by.
A baby! Tess bit her lip, willing the tears to stay back. She would be an aunt. But she couldn’t make herself dial the numbers that would bring her family back together.
She went to work at the end of the long week, anxious to enjoy the following day off when she could attend church and spend the rest of the afternoon re-stocking her barren kitchen cabinets full of munchies.
So, when she was near the end of her shift and heading for the nurse’s station to log her final reports, she wasn’t prepared for the sight of her parents sitting on the squeaky red chairs in the emergency room waiting area. They were clearly nervous, but that was nothing compared to what Tess was going through at the sight of them. She went to them on shaking legs. “Hey. Uh, what are you doing here?”
Her mother turned toward her, an expression of relief covering her face. She smiled even as it appeared she’d rather cry. “Theresa.” She hurried toward her daughter and wrapped her in a hug that nearly took Tess’s breath away.
“Mom?”
Tess’s father wrapped his arms around them both. “Tess…”
Tess stepped away. “What…what are you doing here?” she asked, swallowing hard. “Gram’s OK, right?”
Karen placed a hand on her daughter’s shoulder. “Grandma’s fine,” she said. “We’ve been worried. I was afraid you wouldn’t come back…”
Tess glanced around and caught another nurse’s eye. “I…um, there’s about forty-five more minutes on my shift. Do you mind if I meet you down in the cafeteria in a little bit?” she asked, not noticing that her co-worker had overheard the conversation and was now heading across the hall toward her.
“I can cover you. Janice is here, and it’s been quiet. Go ahead. We can page you.”
Tess nodded. “OK, thanks, Jackie. Um, these are my parents. Karen and Stan Carson.”
Jackie nodded and shook their hands. “Nice to meet you both. I need to get over to check on that girl in exam one. Excuse me.”
Tess turned to her parents. “We can get some coffee or something,” she said awkwardly.
Stan nodded, and he and his wife followed their wayward daughter to the hospital cafeteria.
27
But the Lord said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance,
or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him:
for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh at the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.
1 Samuel 16:7
A short time later the family was seated in a booth in the cafeteria.
“We weren’t very good at forgiving you,” her father began. “Even when it was obvious how hard you were working, we kept holding onto the past. That wasn’t fair.”
Tess wondered if she’d heard correctly. Neither of her parents had ever been quick to admit their failings. For them to find her and make the effort to apologize was no small gesture. She drew a breath.
Her mother spoke. “We talked to Josh for a long time the other day and I realized I never understood how to relate to you. It was easier for me to focus on everything else, even myself, instead of trying to get to know you better. I’m sorry.”
Tess nodded and pinched her leg under the table to be certain this wasn’t a strange dream. Apparently, it was quite real. She searched for the right words but all she came up with was, “How did you find me?”
Stan exchanged a glance with his wife. “Stu was driving me nuts and Marlene started in on your mother, but the trouble was they both made sense. We played a part in this too. A bigger one than we wanted to admit.” He toyed with his coffee mug for a moment before continuing. “So, I hired a guy. Didn’t take him long. We…” he cleared his throat before continuing. “We were hoping that if you heard us say we believe in you, maybe you’d come home. Maybe you wouldn’t care so much about anyone else’s opinion. They don’t matter, Tess. And you aren’t alone. Not anymore.”
Hope fluttered deep inside Tess’s soul. She’d expected Stu to come for her—maybe even Josh—but she was wanted, finally forgiven, and her parents hadn’t let her go as easily as they always did before. She managed a small smile.
“Will you come home?” Karen asked.
Tess wished it were that simple. But the idea of showing back up in Maple Ridge like nothing happened was enough to make her skin crawl. She shook her head, fearful of what so many of the people in town would think if she did something so brazen. “I couldn’t.”
“Justin’s in jail. He won’t be back.”
“That’s great.” Tess said with a sigh. “I’m glad Josh is safe. I feel awful about what happened.”
“It wasn’t your fault.”
Tess wanted to believe it, but her emotions were too raw.
Stan glanced at his watch. “We need to get going,” he said. “We promised Gram we’d be there tonight but we couldn’t wait to talk to you.”
The group stood and waited awkwardly, unsure how to end the impromptu meeting.
“I’m glad you came,” Tess said. “It means a lot to me. Really.” She paused, thinking. “So, I guess you’ll tell everyone where I am?”
Her parents exchanged a glance and let the question hang for some time before her dad met her gaze. “Not if you don’t want us to. If you aren’t ready.”
Tess drew a deep breath. “Can I think about it?”
Her mom nodded and pulled Tess into a hug that melted years of tension between them. When they separated, her dad pulled her close and kissed the top of her head.
“Maybe you should come for Sunday dinner.”
“I…” Tess met her father’s eyes. “Maybe.”
He nodded. “We eat at the same time every week. You’re welcome to join us. Brody and Stell will be there and we can always ask Josh too, if you like.”
Tess nodded. She badly wanted to go but not even a month had passed since she left. It might be too soon to think things could be different, even with her deepening faith and the understanding that she should let go of the control she’d held to—thinking that what everyone thought of her mattered so much more than the woman she’d actually become. Now that she was beginning to accept that, all else was secondary. “Maybe soon,” Tess said.
Her mom nodded, reluctant to leave. “Can I call you?”
“Sure,” Tess said with a smile. “I’d like that.”
~*~
It was two weeks before Tess could convince herself to call Uncle Stu. She’d spoken to her parents a few times since their visit and with each conversation she was aware it was getting easier to forgive herself, and them too, for the roles they’d all played in their relationship. It helped that she’d also opened up to her Bible study group about some of her history and she’d found their candor refreshing. All of the women struggled with things they’d buried from their pasts—even things they continued to struggle with—and most were still dealing with some of the ramifications of their choices. The important thing was that they were growing, healing, and trusting God.
Tess was learning she could do the same. And yet it wasn’t without some difficulty that she finally called her uncle.
“Mouthy.” He said it fondly but with a firmness that was as it had always been. He expected an explanation.
Tess exhaled slowly. “Hey, Uncle Stu.”
“You OK?”
“Yeah. I’m doing really well.” Tess wished the sound of his voice didn’t bring tears to her eyes. She ached with a need to be with him again.
“Running away wasn’t part of our agreement.”
“I’m sorry.” Tess’s voice caught on the apology as she sat heavily on her bed, wishing she’d worked through the conversation before dialing his number. “Things changed so fast. I guess I was afraid if I hung around it would get worse—for me and for Josh. I don’t care what happens to me anymore. But it wasn’t fair to do that to him.”
“You can be sure that running away doesn’t fix what’s broken.”
“And what did staying do?” Tess searched for wo
rds. “I’m sorry. You did so much for me and I kept trying not to disappoint you but I guess that’s all I can do.”
“You didn’t disappoint me. Not even once, kid.” Stu paused.
Tess let his sincere words wash over her. Her healing could begin now.
“You’re in Pittsburgh?” he continued.
Tess couldn’t find a reason to stay hidden any longer so she said, “Yeah...”
“Leave it to you to be right under our noses.”
“How do you think I left so fast?”
Stu grunted. “I already knew where you went. I could have gotten to you a half hour after you left, thanks to Mitch. But I figured you might need some time.” Mitch Hanson was a detective with the police force in a nearby town. He and Stu went to high school together and he often helped Stu when it came to finding Tess.
“Figures,” Tess said with a groan. “You two always conspired against me.”
“I’d call it keeping you safe,” Stu said. “I miss you, Mouthy.”
The tenderness in his voice warmed her. Tears sprang to Tess’s eyes as she tried to speak. “It was hard not talking, Uncle Stu,” she said, her voice cracking on his name. “I missed you. No one here to harass.”
“Your apartment’s still open. There’s an annoying neighbor upstairs but you could come home. Maybe for Sunday dinner at least?”
It was one thing to talk to her family on the phone. It would be another to have everyone in the same place, ready for battle. “I’m thinking about it,” she said.
“Maybe if you call your brother it will be easier.”
“I’m not sure a call would be enough.” Tess paused. “I should go.”
“Mouthy.”
Tess waited for Stu to continue.
“Will you come to the wedding?”
Although Tess knew Josh would do the service, she could only answer one way. “Of course.”
“There’s a baptism service coming up,” Stu continued. “You give any more thought to starting over?”
Tess forgot the push Josh and Stu made for her to be baptized. The idea now wasn’t nearly as painful as it had once been. She sighed. “That would be pretty bold.”
Forgiving Tess Page 24