After Me

by Joyce Scarbrough

  I started to ask what she meant, then it hit me. Friday was the anniversary of his brother’s death. Was that why things between us had suddenly gotten more intense?

  During the next hour, I heard stories about how Jaycee and Bud had met each other in college and how she had come to write a popular series of children’s books. I was surprised by that until she told me the spunky heroine was based on herself as a child and got into trouble in every book. I was happy to let her talk while I thought about Lew and tried to figure out what the crap I was gonna do.

  “Well, Bud should be done with his meeting soon, and I guess I’ve run my mouth enough for one day.” Jaycee stood up and began gathering her things. “We’re gonna go get a medianoche before we leave tonight. Ever had one?”

  I picked up my backpack and nodded. “Lew took me to the Medianoche Mezzanine where Javi works on our first date, and we went back yesterday when we took my friend Annalee home after the chess tournament. She lives a couple blocks down from it on West Flagler.”

  “I make Bud take me there at least once whenever we’re in Miami,” she said. “Aren’t they to die for?”

  “Yeah, they’re awesome.” I didn’t really miss food, but the way everybody drooled over those sandwiches made me wish I could find out what all the fuss was about.

  When we got back to the house, Lew’s Corvette was just coming down the driveway. Jaycee hugged him when he got out of the car.

  “Thanks for loaning me your girl today,” she said. “We had a great time and soaked up some nice rays.”

  “You’re welcome,” he said. “Aunt Jaycee, this is our friend Annalee. She’s on the chess team with me.”

  Jaycee turned to look at her. “You’re the one who kicked that guy’s butt in the last match yesterday. Way to go.” She slapped her a high five.

  Annalee blushed, but I could tell she liked the praise. “Thanks, but Lew’s the chess master. The rest of us just try not to embarrass him too bad.”

  I saw Jaycee’s eyebrows go up slightly at the adoration on Annalee’s face when she looked at Lew. She threw me a questioning look, and I gave her an I-know-but-what-can-I-do shrug in reply. Luckily, the front door opened just then and Lew’s father, grandfather and uncle came out with two other men. Bud shook hands with the group, then he hurried over to us.

  “Free at last, free at last,” he said, wrapping Jaycee in a bear hug. “I’m all yours and I’m starving. They’re bringing the cars around in a minute so we can go stuff our faces.”

  “We’re going to the Mezzanine,” Jaycee told Lew. “You kids want to join us?”

  “We were just there yesterday,” he said. “Besides, Gwen and I have plans after we take Annalee home.” He put his arm around me, and I felt it tighten around my waist meaningfully.

  “Bud and I can run Annalee home,” Jaycee said. “Gwen said you live over by the sandwich shop, right?”

  I could tell Annalee was about to protest, but Lew jumped at the offer before she could say anything.

  “Thanks, Aunt Jaycee. Is that okay with you, Annalee?”

  “Oh… sure,” she said. “I’ll see you and Gwen tomorrow.”

  I got hit with another tidal wave of emotions—guilt over Annalee’s feelings, excitement that Lew couldn’t wait to be alone with me, and fear for the same reason. It wasn’t like him to do anything that might hurt Annalee’s feelings, so I knew something big was definitely going on with him and wondered again if it was the anniversary of his brother’s death. It looked like I’d be hitting the streets again later that night so I could talk to her and make sure we were okay.

  Jaycee and Bud went back to join the group of men while they waited for their car to be brought around. Lew put my backpack in his car, then he said, “Let me go say something to Dad and Granddad real quick, then we can go.”

  “Sure, take your time,” I said. “I’ll be over in a second to say hello.” I waited for him to walk away then I turned to Annalee. “I need to talk to you about what’s going on. I’ll come over to your house after I get home tonight, okay?”

  “Why, what’s the matter?” she said.

  “Nothing, I just need to talk some things over with my bestie.”

  She smiled. “Okay, but remember that some of us still need sleep in order to function.”

  “Oh, crap. I forgot about your tournament tomorrow. Never mind. I can wait ‘til later to talk to you. No biggie.”

  She seemed pretty okay with everything, so I didn’t feel quite so guilty. We joined the group by the fountain just as Lew’s grandfather was saying something about a Ferrari to one of the other men. I had to fight the urge to shudder at just the mention of the car’s name. From the weird look I got from one of the men—a short guy wearing a bad Armani knockoff—I wasn’t sure if I’d succeeded. I suddenly couldn’t wait to get out of there with Lew and was glad when the cars arrived. And I was glad there was no Ferrari among them.

  “What’s wrong?” Lew asked after we’d said our goodbyes. “You had a funny look on your face back there.”

  I tried to shrug it off. “I was afraid Annalee’s feelings would be hurt if we ran off on her, but when Jaycee started talking to her about her books, I knew she’d be okay.”

  “I felt kinda bad about it too,” he said, “but I couldn’t wait to tell you what happened after school today, and I couldn’t tell you in front of her.” We’d reached the steps at the end of the walkway, and he stopped and put his arms around my waist. “I’ve got a surprise for you too.”

  “Let me guess.” I looked up at him and smiled. “You bought me the house next door and had it completely furnished in one day.”

  “No, but that’s a good idea.” He brushed my lips with his. “How would you like to watch the sunset from the deck of my dad’s boat?”

  “Are you sure that’s okay with him?”

  He nodded. “I asked first. And it’s just the pontoon boat, not the yacht.”

  “Oh, well in that case you can forget it.” I backed away and pretended to be offended. “I wouldn’t be caught dead on anything under thirty feet.”

  “We’re good then.” He took my hand and pulled me in the direction of the boathouse. “The Sun Tracker’s a forty footer.”

  A half hour later, we were moored out in the bay off the northern seawall of the Stanton property, watching the sunset from an oversized chaise on the deck above the cabin. The water looked as if someone had strung it with strands of lights in every shade of red and gold.

  “You did good, Triple C. Thanks for ordering the cool light show.”

  “You’re welcome,” he said. “What’s the use of being loaded if I can’t show off for hot girls?”

  I sat up and looked at him. “Girls?”

  “Girl—definitely singular.” He held up his hands in defense.

  I smiled and leaned back, pulling his arm around me again. “Okay, so tell me what happened after school.”

  “Matt stopped me on my way to Mr. Weston’s room and said he needed to ask me something.”

  “Really? What did he want?”

  “He asked me if I was going to the cemetery on Friday and wanted to know if he could go with me.” His hand closed a little tighter around my elbow. “Friday will be a year.”

  “Jaycee told me,” I said. “What’d you say to him?”

  “I told him I thought Drew would like it if we went there together.”

  “Did you talk about anything else?”

  “No, I could tell he’s still mad as hell at me, but he did say we had some stuff we needed to talk about. This is the first time since Drew died that he’s said anything to me that wasn’t an insult or a threat. At least it’s a start.”

  I turned and put my arms around his neck. “I’m really happy for you, Triple C.”

  “I don’t know what you said, but I know you talked to him, Gwen.” He cupped my face in his hands and looked into my eyes. “Thank you for giving me back my best friend.”

  He pushed me back on the chaise
with his upper body covering mine and his knee between my thighs, his eyes never leaving my face. I swear it felt like I couldn’t breathe even though I didn’t need to anymore.

  “When Drew died, it was like half of me died with him. I didn’t feel alive again until the first time I kissed you. Do you have any idea how much you’ve done for me?”

  If it’s possible for dead hearts to swell with happiness, mine did then to know I’d made a difference in his life.

  “Maybe that’s why I’m here,” I said. “Remember when you said it was like we were destined to meet? I think maybe we were. I think whoever writes this crazy script we all have to act out wrote me into your life so we could save each other.”

  His eyes moved over my face like he was searching for something. “But I haven’t done anything for you.”

  “Yes you have, Lew. If I’ve helped bring you back to the people who love you, then I know I did at least one worthwhile thing in my whole wasted life.” I put my hands on his cheeks. “You make me feel like I matter.”

  “Don’t talk about yourself like that,” he said. “You matter more than you know.”

  He kissed me with an intensity that I felt too, and I forgot about everything except the way his fingers sent little shocks through me everywhere he touched and how I loved the way I felt his body react when I ran my hands over the muscles in his arms and chest. All my worries about what to do or not to do disappeared, because everything felt right. I wouldn’t be feeling any of it if I wasn’t meant to be with him.

  And everything seemed amplified by a growing anger inside me at all the things I’d been cheated out of. It was all so damn unfair. Yeah, I’d been stupid to do the things I’d done, but stupidity wasn’t a sin, was it? Why did I have to die for it? If this was my only chance to know what it felt like to love somebody and have them love me back, then I was going for it with everything I had.

  I deserved to know what it felt like to live at least once before I had to die.

  So when Lew pulled away from me and sat up, I almost cried out in protest. “What’s wrong?”

  “Absolutely nothing,” he said. “I just need to catch my breath a second. Before we go too far.”

  An hour earlier, I would’ve been relieved to be let off the hook like that, but everything was different now. “I thought that’s what you wanted.”

  He turned and touched my face again. “I do, but not yet. I’ve got a lot more planned for us tonight.”

  “Like what?”

  “Dinner for starters. There’s a seafood tray in the galley that Yelina made for us. Then I thought we’d go for a swim after it gets dark.”

  “But I didn’t bring a suit.”

  He smiled. “That’s why we need to wait until dark.”

  Chapter Thirty-two

  We stayed on the upper deck until the sun’s last rays surrendered to the horizon, then Lew took me to the cabin and made me lie on another chaise while he set out the food in the dining area, complete with candles and a vase of roses.

  “You’re gonna make somebody a great little wife someday,” I said when he was done.

  He took my hand and led me to the table. “As long as I can still have my career.”

  It occurred to me that we’d never talked about anything to do with the future—for obvious reasons on my part at least—so while I pretended to enjoy my cardboard crustaceans, I asked him about his college plans and what he wanted to do afterward.

  “I haven’t made up my mind about college yet.” He cracked open a lobster leg. “But I know I want to do something in software development. The problem is Granddad wants me to work in the company and eventually take over for Dad. I don’t want to disappoint him and will probably end up doing it someday, but I want to do something I enjoy for a while at least.”

  “How does your dad feel about it?” I peeled a few more boiled shrimp without eating any.

  “He’s okay with whatever I do. I think he secretly wanted me to play pro football, even though there wasn’t much chance of me making it that far. I was pretty good for a high school player, but I’m not even sure I could’ve played in college like Dad. He played at Florida on scholarship.”

  “Why didn’t he keep playing?”

  He shrugged. “He’s the oldest of his three brothers, so Granddad always expected him to follow him in the company. Besides, he had to be sure he made a lot of money if he wanted to keep Belinda.” He put down his fork with a disgusted look.

  “Your aunt said everybody in the family believes he really loves her, even though none of them understands why.”

  “He does. I don’t understand it either.” He took a drink from the bottle of Chimay he’d surprised me by drinking. “Sure you don’t want one of these?”

  I arched an eyebrow at him. “Trying to get me drunk, Triple C?”

  “Do I need to?”

  “No, and it wouldn’t work anyway. I’d drink you under the table.”

  “You’re probably right.” He finished the bottle and tossed it into the trash. “I don’t usually drink anyway.”

  “Then why tonight?”

  “Liquid confidence I guess.” The look in his eyes became intent. “I didn’t want to disappoint you.”

  “Not possible,” I said.

  His smile turned a little wistful. “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried about getting through the next few days with my sanity intact. I guess I just wanted tonight to be special.”

  “It is. Everything’s perfect.”

  He gestured at my plate. “You haven’t eaten much. Don’t you like the food?”

  “It’s great. I just don’t want to get a cramp if we go for that swim you mentioned.”

  “Yeah, I may need you to rescue me since I stuffed my face.” He took my hand and pulled me to my feet, then he put his arms around me.

  “No worries.” I put my arms around his neck and smiled up at him. “I was the star pupil in the country club lifeguard course when I was twelve.”

  His brows met in confusion. “Country club?”

  Crap, how did I let that slip out? It must be because the more we talked, the more I could see how perfectly matched we would’ve been if I’d known him when I was Jada. So damn unfair.

  “Did I say country club? I meant court-mandated community service for juvie kids.” I laughed and he totally bought it.

  “Well, that’s good to know,” he said, “because I’m definitely gonna need some mouth-to-mouth.”

  I was both relieved and disappointed to find out he’d only been teasing earlier when he made me think we were gonna skinny dip. There were assorted swimsuits in one of the storage bins, and he lowered the privacy curtains over the cabin windows so I could change. I picked a black bikini I hoped would get a major reaction from him, and it worked.

  “Put your eyes back in your head and go put on your trunks,” I said. “My turn to check you out.”

  When he emerged from the cabin a minute later, I felt sure my face looked exactly like his when he saw me in the bikini. I knew he’d been hiding muscles under those Oxfords and khakis, but I wasn’t prepared for the sculpted curves and planes of his arms and chest, and his legs were downright incredible. The boy was freaking gorgeous.

  “Come on, let’s go.” He smiled and took my hand without pointing out that I needed to be careful not to trip over my tongue.

  I had always loved swimming, and it was even better now that I wasn’t bothered by the annoying need to breathe. I was also relieved to find out I could still float and didn’t sink like a dead rock. After twenty minutes or so, Lew asked me if I was getting cold, and I realized I had no idea if the water was warm or freezing.

  “It’s a little chilly,” I said, trying to play it safe.

  “Want to go back aboard?” He put his arms around me with a funny little smile. “I can try to warm you up some.”

  The butterflies were back to remind me I was about to move into uncharted territory without a compass. The dinner break had interrupted my
earlier determination to go for it, and I wasn’t sure it would come back even though I wanted it to.

  I can do this. I trust him completely, and I know he’d never hurt me.

  “I’m okay,” I said, “but we can get out if you’re ready.”

  “Oh, I’m definitely ready.” He pulled me closer and I felt how ready he was.

  This was it. If I was gonna back out, it was now or never. When his lips trailed kisses down my neck, the decision became easy.

  “Let’s go get warm, Triple C.”

  We climbed the ladder on the side of the boat and went into the cabin where he turned off everything except a recessed light over the door leading to the aft deck. When he flipped a switch on the instrument panel, Bruno Mars serenaded us from hidden speakers.

  “Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?” He pulled me into his arms and swayed slowly to the music.

  “I could ask you the same thing.” I ran my hands over his chest and smiled up at him.

  His fingers brushed my cheek, then they drifted down my neck and trailed lightly across my collarbone. “Such artistic lines. Makes me wish I could paint.”

  My own fingers were busy admiring the artistry of his biceps. “It really should be a crime to keep these hidden under sleeves all the time. I’m glad I finally got to see the real you.”

  “I want to see you too,” he said, bending down to kiss me. “All of you.”

  I felt his fingers slide the straps of the bikini top off my shoulders, then his hands moved to undo the clasp in the front and take it off. When his hands returned to my bare skin, my body reminded me instantly of how much I’d wanted him earlier. I gasped and covered his hands with mine to keep them there, but he misunderstood my reaction.

  “Gwen, I’m sorry…” He pulled his hands away and backed up. “I shouldn’t have rushed you like this.”

  “No…” That was all I got out before he grabbed his shirt from the table beside us and wrapped it around me.

  “I should’ve known this would be hard for you because of everything you’ve been through. I’m sorry for being so selfish. I just wanted us to be as close as possible.”

  “No, but you… I didn’t mean…” All of a sudden I couldn’t seem to form a coherent sentence.