After Me

by Joyce Scarbrough

  I laughed. “I can probably do that. I’ll ask my foster mom when I get home tonight.”

  We rejoined the men just in time to see Lew take his opponent’s queen and clinch the match, putting him in the finals on Thursday. He and the rest of the Bay Harbor team stayed on the floor to watch the end of Annalee’s match with an Asian boy from Vizcaya. Their game was still going on after all the others finished, so everyone in the gym was soon watching.

  I didn’t know if I had any zombie vibes I could transmit telepathically, but I did my best to send some down to Annalee so she wouldn’t panic from all the scrutiny, and it appeared to be working. She was so focused that she didn’t seem to realize everyone was watching. In fact, the Asian kid looked a lot more bothered by it than she was.

  The pressure must’ve finally gotten to him because he made a bad move and tried to take it back, but the judges wouldn’t allow it. Annalee moved in for the kill and got a big round of applause when she announced checkmate.

  I ran down the bleachers to congratulate her. “Way to go, Annalee. You totally out-finessed that guy. Like the Chuck Norris of chess.”

  “Gwen’s right.” Lew put an arm across her shoulders. “Your concentration was amazing, Annalee. I want you to talk to the team tomorrow at practice about how to keep your focus, okay?”

  “Sure, if you want me to.” Her face blazed a deep purple when she looked up at him.

  Nah, she didn’t love him. She freaking adored him.

  Chapter Thirty

  Lew took Annalee and me to the Medianoche Mezzanine to celebrate after the tournament. The food was still tasteless, but I enjoyed it a lot more than our first time there, and this time I didn’t mind their chess talk at all. After Lew dropped Annalee off at her apartment, he wanted me to go back to his house with him, but I told him I needed to get home early.

  “Your aunt wants me to keep her company tomorrow after school while your uncle’s at his meeting,” I said. “Karen and Brad have been good about letting me do so much stuff with you, but I don’t want to push it.”

  “Okay,” he said with a sigh. “I guess I can go home and play chess with Granddad tonight.”

  I laughed. “You’re a real party animal, Triple C.”

  When we got to my house, he walked me to the door and didn’t let go after he kissed me. “Thanks for coming to watch me today. I know you must’ve been bored to death.”

  “No, it was fun,” I said and actually meant it. “That killer look you get when you win is kinda sexy.”

  He smiled. “Wait ‘til you see me wearing the championship medal. You won’t be able to restrain yourself.”

  I pretended to shiver. “Ooh, just thinking about it gets me excited. Maybe I need to sneak out tonight and meet you.”

  “Can you do it without getting caught?” he said. “I can park at the end of the street and wait for you.”

  I’d only been joking, but I could tell he was serious when he pulled me closer. I was about to tell him yes when the look in his eyes told me he had a lot more than kissing in mind. I shivered for real despite the heat that spread instantly through my body when his hands slipped under my shirt and drifted up my back to my ribs. And I didn’t know if I wanted them to stop or keep going.

  Wait, what? How was I supposed to handle this?

  “I was just kidding,” I said. “You don’t want me to get grounded, do you?”

  “No, but I don’t know if I can wait until tomorrow night to see you again.”

  His thumbs teased the lace at the bottom of my bra as his lips brushed my neck. While my body was willing his hands to continue their explorations, my brain was screaming at me that I needed to push him away. Before I could decide which one to listen to, the porch light came on and decided for me. Lew backed away just as Nathan threw open the door.

  “Did you win, Lew? Did Gwen tell you why I couldn’t come to watch?”

  Karen appeared in the doorway and grabbed Nathan by the collar. “I’m sorry. He saw Lew’s car outside and took off before I could stop him.”

  “No problem,” Lew said. “I won both my matches, Nathan. How’d you do in the science fair?”

  “Honorable mention.” He turned to look at Karen expectantly. “Can I go watch Lew in the finals, Mom? Please!”

  “Only if Lew and Gwen don’t mind.” She looked at us apologetically.

  “Sure, Nateman,” I said. “Maybe we can start a wave in the stands when Lew wins the whole thing.”

  Up in my bedroom, after I’d gotten the okay from Karen to go to Lew’s house the next day after school, I lay on my bed and tried to figure out what I was gonna do the next time I was alone with him. He was clearly ready for things to get a lot more serious between us. That didn’t really surprise me—he was a normal teenage boy after all. The surprising thing was that he’d kept things so innocent this long. The problem, of course, was that I wasn’t anything close to being a normal teenage girl, and in more ways than one. Besides the whole being dead thing, I didn’t know what the crap I was doing when it came to making out with a boy.

  My smartass attitude had always led everyone to think I was worldly and experienced, but I was actually clueless in the heavy breathing department. I didn’t know if it had been my emotional numbness or what, but the guys I’d dated when I was Jada hadn’t stirred so much as a feather’s tickle in me. I’d always cut them off quick anytime they’d gone past kissing or even hinted at groping me. And I definitely hadn’t slept with any of them.

  But Lew had stirred something in me I’d never felt before—even more confusing since I didn’t feel pain or other sensations anymore. That couldn’t be an accident, so did it mean it was okay for me to act on it? I couldn’t really imagine that being allowed. Were they testing me?

  If I’d ever needed a friend to talk to, it was now. But no matter how I tried to justify it or convince myself that Annalee would understand, there was no way I could talk to her about the pros and cons of making out with Lew. Not when I knew how she really felt about him.

  I thought about talking to Karen, but how was I supposed to explain my complete lack of information, considering Gwen’s history? Yes, Karen, I know I used to be a hooker, but I’m still a virgin. Can you tell me what it’s like to go to second base?

  I rolled over and covered my head with the pillow. What would the consequences be from Upstairs if I let Lew round any bases? I still wasn’t sure Flo’s department knew about everything I did, but surely Transdead Trustees were monitored somehow. Maybe I needed to ask Wade about that.

  I got up and found the slip of paper with his phone number on it and decided to call him after Karen and Brad went to bed. It shouldn’t matter how late it was since I knew he didn’t sleep either. After I took my shower, I checked my e-mail and Gwen’s FaceSpace account, but there was nothing interesting on either one. Lew hadn’t posted anything on his wall or sent me any messages. Probably playing chess with his grandfather.

  I thought briefly about checking the account for Cherry Licious, but I closed the browser without logging in. Might as well admit that I didn’t want to find BOSSMAN. I wasn’t ready to go yet, and I was starting to wonder if I would ever be ready.

  I waited until eleven o’clock then got the cordless phone from the hall and took it to my room. Wade answered after the first ring.

  “Hey, this is Jada. You said I could call if I needed to talk to you.”

  “No problem,” he said. “What’s up?”

  “How’d they find out you broke the rules? Are they monitoring everything we do?”

  “Probably, but I told ‘em what I did.”

  “Why?”

  “I wanted to stay here. I told you why.”

  “Okay, so after you broke the rules, they said you had to stay here forever?”

  “No, they said if I went a year without breaking the rules again, my account would be cleared.”

  “I don’t get it,” I said. “Why don’t they do anything to stop you from contacting her? Like se
nd you to the jungles of Africa or somewhere like that?”

  “Not many juicers in Africa,” he said, then he sighed. “They told me it had something to do with free will, whatever the hell that means.”

  “Huh. No kidding.”

  “Why all these questions, Jada? What are you thinking about doing that you don’t want them to know about?”

  “Nothing. I was just curious.”

  “Cut the bullshit. Does this have anything to do with that guy I saw you getting into the Corvette with today? Nice car by the way.”

  “No, I just wanted to know if they’re monitoring us, that’s all.”

  “Look, I got no right to lecture you about anything, but just be careful, okay? You won’t have to live with whatever you do, but he will.”

  * * *

  I thought about Wade’s warning all day at school on Wednesday. Should I get back to my search for BOSSMAN before things went too far with Lew and I ended up breaking his heart? Or should I follow my heart like Wade did and stay until I was ready to go?

  Annalee and Lew must’ve noticed my distraction because they both asked me about it. I obviously couldn’t talk it over with either of them, so I passed it off as thinking about the paper I had to write on Flowers for Algernon. They seemed to buy that.

  I hadn’t decided squat when I got off the school bus and was still distracted enough that I didn’t notice Dougie getting off after me until the bus was gone. I hadn’t seen him on the bus since the day I’d kicked his ass and figured he’d been avoiding me, which suited me just fine. After the bus pulled away from the stop, I walked east toward Lew’s house but stopped when I heard him call out from behind me.

  “Hey, bitch!”

  I turned around and laughed when I saw the baseball bat in his hands. “No, I can’t play ball with you today, Dougie. I got somewhere to be.”

  “I don’t know what kinda karate shit you used on us, but it ain’t gonna do you no good this time.” He held the bat in his right hand and slapped the barrel of it with his left. “Time for a little batting practice.”

  Oh, jeez. He must like cheesy action flicks too.

  “Fine. Let’s get it over with,” I said. “I told you I got somewhere to be.”

  I walked toward him and deflected the bat with my right arm when he swung it at me. It felt like somebody grabbing me, but that’s all. Dougie sneered when my upper arm bent almost in half and the bone cracked loudly, but his smile disappeared fast when I held up my arm so he could watch it straighten out again before his eyes. While he was still gaping at me, I took the bat from him and broke it across my knee.

  “Batting practice fail,” I said. “Find a new hobby, dipshit. You suck at being a badass.”

  I dropped the broken bat and grabbed him by the shirt, then I tossed him into a nearby yard, far enough to make an impression on him without breaking any bones. I guess he got the message because he scrambled to his feet and took off running down the sidewalk.

  I started to walk off then stopped and went back to pick up the broken bat shards and put them in one of the garbage cans on the street. Zombie Girl didn’t litter.

  Chapter Thirty-one

  I pushed the intercom button on the gate at Lew’s house and gave my name and reason for being there. When I reached the driveway around the fountain, Jaycee came out the front door to greet me.

  “I’m so glad you’re here,” she said. “Belinda’s entertaining a gaggle of her country club friends, and I couldn’t stand it another second.” She motioned for me to follow her. “Let’s go down to the beach. I asked Yelina to send out some drinks and snacks for us.”

  “Yelina, is that Javier’s mom?” I asked as we started down the walkway.

  “You know Javi?” She looked surprised. “Is he back in school?”

  I told her about meeting him at the library while Lew was tutoring him. We’d reached the end of the steps but turned left instead of right toward the pier. After a few seconds, I could see we were headed toward two Adirondack chairs set up under an umbrella about fifty yards away.

  “Javi’s a good kid,” Jaycee said. “He just got lost after Drew died.”

  I sat in the chair on the left and dropped my backpack on the ground beside it. “Lew told me they’ve been friends since they were little.”

  She put on a pair of sunglasses and leaned back in her chair. “The three of them were like brothers until they were about fourteen, then they all seemed to go off in different directions. I’m glad Javi and Lew found their way back to each other.”

  “How’d you know Lew had told me about his brother?”

  She looked at me over the top of her glasses. “I saw that ring on your finger. He wouldn’t have given you that without telling you what it meant. I’m guessing you must’ve lost somebody too. I’m sorry, sweetie.”

  I fingered the ring. “You wouldn’t think we’d have much in common, but we do.”

  “Doesn’t surprise me a bit. Bud and I came from different planets, but we’re like two sides of the same damaged coin.”

  “You think that’s why you were drawn to each other?”

  She laughed. “No, it was nothing but lust to start with, but we figured out pretty quick that there was a lot more to it than sex. How about you and Lew?”

  “Oh… no.” I couldn’t believe I felt a blush spreading over my face, especially in front of Jaycee. “Nothing like that yet.”

  “Good for you,” she said. “Glad you’re not screwed up like we were.”

  “Screwed up how?”

  She took off her sunglasses and stared out at the bay. “Bud was the world’s biggest playboy until he met me, and I was convinced that nobody could ever care about me for anything but sex. We were both clueless about love, but we managed to figure it out together.” She turned to look at me. “Everything happens for a reason, and I know we were meant to save each other.”

  Once again, I found myself wishing I’d had the chance to know what it felt like to love somebody that way.

  “I’m clueless about it too,” I said. “In more ways than one.”

  “Sounds like that needs some elaboration,” she said. “Want to talk about it? No judgment, I promise.”

  My embarrassment from a minute earlier vanished in the face of her frankness. Maybe she was the one to answer my questions.

  “How much has Lew told you about my past?”

  She shrugged. “He said you’re a foster kid and used to live on the street for a while. That’s all I had to hear to know you and I are probably cut from the same cloth. I didn’t need any details.”

  “Then it might surprise you to know that Lew and I haven’t done anything but kiss.”

  Her expression remained neutral. “Maybe a little, but if that’s all you’re comfortable with, then I think it’s great.”

  “That’s just it,” I said. “I don’t know what I’m comfortable with, and I’m pretty sure it’s gonna be put to the test tonight. I don’t have a clue how I’m gonna react.”

  She turned around sideways on her chair. “Well, I’d be willing to bet that Lew will be okay with whatever you decide. Even when he used to date all those country club princesses that Belinda was always throwing at him, he never played their games. That boy’s got his head and his heart in the right places.”

  I suddenly felt guilty for doubting him. “I guess I really should’ve known that about him already. He’s been great to me about everything.”

  A uniformed young man arrived with a cooler of drinks and a tray of snacks that included crab puffs and shrimp cocktail. Jaycee thanked him by name and asked how his sister was doing at Florida State. I wondered if Lew’s mother even knew her driver’s name, and that reminded me to ask Jaycee about her as soon as we were alone again.

  “You said you’d tell me about Lew’s parents today. Is his mom just a trophy wife, or did she get pregnant to trap his dad?”

  Jaycee scoffed. “Belinda didn’t want kids at all. It took Luke years to talk her into it, which
is why Lew’s so much younger than all his cousins.”

  “So why’d he marry her?”

  “Bud told me Luke’s been in love with her since kindergarten, but even with all his money, she never paid attention to him until he got to be a big football star in high school. None of the Stantons have ever been able to understand why Luke loves her, but he obviously does.”

  “Even after what she did to Lew’s brother?”

  She sighed. “That was the closest they’ve ever come to splitting up. Everybody took it hard, even Belinda in her own warped way. She ran off to Europe for two months and ended up hospitalized for anorexia. Luke either stayed at work or stayed wasted the whole time she was gone, and Lew shut down completely. He was a little better when he came back from his great-grandmother’s in Tampa, but he still wasn’t himself—literally. It was like he was trying to turn into Drew or something.”

  I told her what Lew had said about why he did it.

  “Gwen, do you have any idea what a big deal it is that he opened up to you about that? None of us could get him to talk about it at all. He must feel a connection with you that he doesn’t have with anybody else.”

  “You really think I helped him? That I’m good for him?”

  “There’s life in his eyes again and his smile is back. That’s because of you.” She reached across the space between our chairs and took my hand. “You saved my nephew, Gwen.”

  Could that be true? Lew and I did have a connection because of the similarities in our lives. That couldn’t be just a coincidence, could it? Was it part of why I was here?

  “I’m glad he can talk to me,” I said. “We both have a hard time trusting people.”

  “I’m glad too.” She squeezed my hand before letting it go. “Especially right now. Friday’s gonna be really hard for him.”