“But him?”
“I know, a tool.”
“And Tom?”
“He’s still around, Jack. He hasn’t reported back to his parole officer. He knows he’ll be arrested. So I just need to keep my doors locked and stay with people and try and live my life.”
“I’ll be with you,” he says. I know he will protect me. But Tom’s a coward and he won’t come near me if Jack is around. He’ll come back for me when I’m alone. I don’t have the heart to tell him this. We will both worry enough as it is.
“How did you-“ he trails off.
“How did I end up with someone so abusive?”
He nods and holds my hand a little tighter. I never wanted to talk about this, to anyone, but here we are, sharing. So I talk.
“He was really charming, and not in a Steve way, but he was sweet, a little over the top with romantic notions and such. We met the last few months of college and he said New York was where our dreams could come true.
“Mine did. I created my app. And he wanted to be a stockbroker. His dream didn’t pan out like he’d hoped, and the more successful I became the more resentment he had toward me. It came out in angry shouts at first and then he would grab me by the arms and shake me.
“And then he was just angry all the time. Then one night he got violent and hit me multiple times and left me there with a broken arm and a bloody mess in our foyer. Mia was the only thing I could focus on for a little while.” Mia seems to sense it is a serious conversation. She’s walking beside me. I pat her head affectionately.
“So when I finally got myself up off the floor, I called 9-1-1. Filed a report. Filed for divorce and left New York.”
“You make it sound like it’s no big deal, Remmington,” I hear the confusion in his voice.
“If I dwelled and relived, you will never know how debilitating that would be. I might as well find a hole and live in it. I went to therapy, Jack. I’m not okay with it, but it did happen and maybe it needed to so I would come back.”
“You did not need to get hit to come back.”
I let out a really big sigh.
“I don’t mean to sound insensitive.”
“You will never understand.”
“But Jared does. He said something to you when that glass shattered.”
Our friend knew the look of an abused woman, he had seen it his whole childhood, right up until the day she died.
“He did.”
“He wouldn’t tell me what it was either.”
“Jack, Jared and I are part of a club that isn’t fun to be part of, but we do share on some strange level, some connection that you don’t ever want to have.”
It seems to have pacified him.
“This is awfully heavy for a first date,” I say, regretting that I came with a lot of problems.
“You forget, our first date was on the boardwalk.”
True.
Chapter 17
RC
It’s the first time I’ve had friends over and laughter in the house, probably since my grandparents moved out. Jared’s laughter is loud and Jack quietly chuckles, only laughing outright when Jared catches him off guard and really cracks him up.
I feel happy.
I feel safe.
I feel home.
Jared’s in the middle of a story, about some girl he kind of remembers from high school that he met and how he legit stumbled over her on the boardwalk today when Jack’s phone goes off.
My first reaction is it’s Amber.
She’s disappeared from my view and in my history, every ex reappears for some reason.
It’s not though. His face takes on a countenance I’ve never seen him have before. Jared notices and stops midsentence.
“My dad had a heart attack. I gotta go.” And he runs out the door.
“Did that just happen?” Jared asks.
“Let’s go,” I say and we move to the door. Jack’s taillights are nowhere to be seen as we climb in my jeep.
We rush to the hospital. My hands fidget; my legs bounce. The drive gives me something to concentrate my energy on. Luckily, I have a lead foot
We get to the hospital parking lot and we both dash into the main entrance. Jared asks the receptionist where we would find a patient who just had a heart attack.
“You need to be family,” she responds to him.
Annoyance is on the edge of his voice, “I am family.”
She gives us the directions and we’re running again. We see Jack and we both pick up pace. Jared, with his long legs, gets there first, wrapping his friend in a hug. It lasts a moment and maybe the most affection the two of them have shown each other in their lives. Jared lets go and Jack sees me.
My heart breaks when I see his face up close.
It’s the look of a man who is lost. His rock is broken and he doesn’t know where to begin to pick up the pieces.
I wrap my arms around his waist and he hugs me, close. The embrace isn’t fleeting like Jared’s. He’s holding on and I realize he’s trying to gain his composure before he lets go and everyone can see him.
I fumble for words. I want to let him know I’m here, and that it will be okay and his dad will be just fine, but it all sounds wrong.
“I love you” comes out instead. I feel his chest expand and contract in a deep breath and then he lets go. His pain is masked for now. I think of when Tom had first hurt me. I wish someone would have told me this phrase. I know it’s not the same situation, but I can’t help but feel it would have the right effect on him.
Jared’s sitting next to Jack’s mother and sister, Kylie. He’s holding both of their hands.
“What do the doctors say?” I ask.
Mrs. Monroe looks exhausted and of course she does. Mr. and Mrs. Monroe have been through enough this summer with the company tanking, and now this. “He had a massive heart attack. They are doing stuff. No one has really said anything. We’re waiting.”
I entwine my fingers into Jack’s and he squeezes and doesn’t let go.
Mr. Monroe is a popular guy; within the half hour of me getting there, twenty more people arrive, some friends, some family. It’s a shuffle of people, giving their sympathies, offering their help, hugging and deep breaths.
Jack has moved to be by his mother, and Jared and I remain a few feet away, waiting for whatever either of them might need. I hear then, Jared’s long steadying breath. “Zach’s got to be okay.” I realize then, how much he must be hurting too. The Monroes are his family, too.
The doctor comes out then, “Erica?” He’s an older guy and clearly a friend of the family.
Mrs. Monroe stands.
“Erica, he suffered a massive heart attack.” Mrs. Monroe sucks in a deep breath. “But he seems to be okay. His vitals are now stable. We gave him something to help him sleep. He needs rests and lots of it. He may be okay, but anything strenuous may have an adverse effect on him. I want to keep him for a few days to ensure this rest, but he will need more at home.”
There’s a collective sigh among everyone who has gathered. Jack shows no emotion at all. I mean, I’m not sure he’s breathing. He stands there with his shoulders straight, trying to be the picture of strength compared to Mrs. Monroe whose shoulders have sagged in relief. How different they handle the good news. Kylie has not stood up. Jared moves to her side to offer her comfort.
And I see a moment where I can give Jack a break, a moment for him not to bear this burden alone.
“Why don’t you come outside with me?”
“I don’t know, Remy.”
“Your family is okay. Your dad is okay. Come outside.”
I can see it, he doesn’t want to, and reluctantly he starts to walk out of the hospital with me. This is good for him.
“So everything is going to be fine,” I say when we get outside.
“Did you hear the doctor?” he asks me, kind of harshly. I heard good things in what the doctor had said.
“Yes, your dad is going to be fine.”
“No, my dad needs rest.”
“So he’s going to get it.”
“My dad has never rested a day in his life,” he says sharply. “He’s going to go home, not rest, worry about the company, and find himself here again, or worse. He’ll be dead and then what do we do without him!”
“Jack, the company is fine. You can handle the day to day stuff.”
He interrupts me. “I shouldn’t even be out here with you.” I know it’s the fear and worry talking
“No, you probably shouldn’t,” I retort. “But let’s be real, you need to be out of that situation. That situation is not you; it’s for everyone else. You need a break, Jack. Take the break. Your dad is fine.”
“How do you know what I need?”
I stamp down my knee jerk reaction to say something mean to him. He’s hurt and isn’t dealing well.
“Jack,” I say as calmly as I can. “You need a moment to process everything. You need this time—“
“I need to be there for my family,” he barks at me, but I can see it’s not anger toward me.
“Yeah, and you’ll be crap if you don’t deal with this.”
“There’s nothing to deal with. My dad is fine!”
“He is, Jack. Your dad is going to be fine. The doctor said so.”
“I know that!”
“Do you?” I ask quietly.
“Listen, Remmington, I don’t need you telling me what I need. I need to be there for my family.”
“Fine, Jack. Don’t take care of yourself. Run yourself into the ground and then when your family needs you, you’re so worn out that you’re worthless to them. It’s a great plan.”
I shouldn’t have said that. I’m supposed to give him peace of mind and I’m not.
“I think you should go.”
“What? Jack, I’m just trying to help. Give you a break.”
“You don’t know me anymore. We just started dating, Remy.” I reach for his arm. He pulls away. “Maybe you should go.”
I’m taken aback.
I swallow down my pride. “If that’s what you want.”
He looks away and doesn’t respond. I bob my head once, so unsure of what I should say. I turn and leave him standing outside the main entrance to the hospital. When I get to my jeep, I look back at him and he’s gone.
JM
I walk back into the hospital, leaving Remmington behind me. I can’t think about her now. I need to focus on my dad, mom, and sister. They need me. I find them all, including Jared and the rest of my family it seems, waiting in the same spot again.
My mom with her cropped brown hair, sitting there trying to keep it together and dropping tears every few minutes, is killing me. I wish she would just let it out and cry. We know she’s struggling and I can do something if she admits she needs me. I can hug her and tell her I’ll take care of everything, if she just lets go. But until then, I’m not going to be the one that causes her to break.
And my sister, Kylie, sitting next to her, a blonde version of my mother. Her silent sobs, I have a feeling are what are causing Mom to keep it together. Mom’s arm is wrapped around her, rubbing her shoulder. I should tell Kylie to get it together. But that’s heartless.
Jared’s hand is clasped in my mother’s other hand. He sees me and stands. His brow furrows when he realizes Remy isn’t with me. I hold up a hand, telling him not to ask. He smacks me on the arm and I sit next to my mom and wait to be able to go see my dad.
Recovery takes forever. I stare at the clock, watching each second tick by. I want to throw up. I need to see him. My leg bounces, like it has its own mind. I keep my arm around my mother.
Finally the doctor comes out again, telling us Mom can go see Dad. It’s not me, but at least one of us can go in. It should be Mom. The three of us stand.
“Erica, I only want you in there for a few minutes. I’m assuming Kylie and Jack are going in, too. Just a few minutes. Go in and see him and then we need to let him rest. The more rest, the sooner he goes home.”
“Thank you, Donald,” my mother says. They both walk down the white hallway. Kylie snuggles up to me and I take up my mother’s job of offering my sister comfort.
She listened to the doctor, my mom is back within a few minutes. And Kylie’s not ready. So I go. I don’t know what I was expecting, blood and a chest wide open? Instead I see my dad with a few wires hooked up to his chest and an IV.
“Hi, Jack,” he says and gives me a tired smile.
“Hey, Dad.” I fight back the tears. My dad has shown me nothing but strength all of my life and this time I get to be strong for him. I will be the rock he needs me to be for this family, but it’s a hell of a lot harder than I thought it would be, to see him laying there.
“I’m going to make sure Mom and Kylie are fine. So don’t worry about them. And I’ve got the business under control, so don’t worry about that either.”
“Okay, just make sure Remy takes care of you.”
He closes his eyes and before I think to say anything else, he’s a sleep. I touch his hand and kiss the side of his head.
“I love you, Dad.”
I leave quickly.
“He’s asleep, Kylie,” I say to my sister. “But I bet he still wants you to go in there.”
My mother is encouraging her and Jared stands next to me.
“Where’s Remy?”
“She went home.” I immediately feel terrible about how I talked to her.
“You mean you sent her home,” he corrected me.
I nod.
“Dude, she did exactly what I was about to do. You needed a minute; she saw it. And now you’re pissed at her. I know you are having a terrible night and maybe you don’t worry about it tonight. But eventually, you’re going to have to and honestly, wouldn’t it be easier if she was here?”
“I don’t know what you want me to say, Jared?”
“Nothing. I just don’t want you to lose something you just got back, because you had a bad night.”
Chapter 18
RC
There’s more banging on the door, and I’m torn between the fear that spikes through me when I’m woken up in the middle of the night and the common sense part of me that knows Tom would not be knocking.
Jack comes to my mind next.
And before I get really annoyed with him, I remember he’s had a rough night, so I’m only mildly annoyed when I look through the peep hole and see it’s him.
He seems relieved that I’ve opened the door.
“You really need to stop waking me up. Get here by ten or don’t come here until ten.”
“I needed to see you.”
“You did see me tonight. You told me to leave.”
“I know and I’m sorry. I didn’t handle any of tonight well. Can I come in?”
I step to the side, let him by, and lock the door behind him.
He makes his way to the kitchen. I rub my face to wake myself up. “Jack, what do you want?”
“To say, I’m sorry.”
“You did. Is there something else?” I have a feeling there’s more.
“My dad always knows what to do and he’s always under control and I always thought I was like him. And tonight, I realized I’m not.”
“Jack, your dad is a great guy, no question, but every human needs a moment to collect themselves, has a moment of weakness, and your dad is human. He’s a great guy to aspire to be, but you’re not him and it’s okay.”
“But he just does everything right.”
“Right according to you. Stop judging yourself so hard and let’s go to bed, okay? You have stuff to do tomorrow, and I know you’re already waking me up early.”
I start to move past him to lead the way.
But he stands and blocks my way. “Remy,” he says simply, but there’s a lot in the inflection of my name. I hear a man who is tired, a glimpse of the boy I once knew, and a need, a very natural need.
His left hand glides down my face, down my neck, down my
arm and entwines with my hand. His right hand moves behind my back, pulling me closer to him. My body presses into his and I feel a man, thick with years of hard labor. I can smell a little of the cologne he had put on for the night. His nose nuzzles my neck and I use his body to steady myself.
“Is it too soon, Remmington?”
“We’ve waited eight years. Eight, long years,” I say, and do a little nuzzling of my own.
He pulls away and walks through the hallway to my bedroom. There were a lot of nerves the first time Jack and I slept together, but right now, I don’t feel that. I only feel anticipation cresting, as he turns and kisses me. His hands are on my face and I grip his sides, hoping it conveys the need I’m feeling now.
I’m the one who begins to walk us to the bed. Before we collapse onto it, his fingers find the hem of my t-shirt and he lifts it over my head. I do the same to him and I wish the light was on. I’ve fantasized too much not to see this, but he’s mine again, we have plenty of time for lights later.
He kisses me again, running his hands all over my body until he finds the waistband of my shorts. I go for his zipper and then there are no more clothes acting as barriers between us as we fall on to the bed.
He’s different then I remember. This time he’s not concerned about pushing me too far, but rather takes what he missed out on and I join him. At no point does he stop kissing me and right before I tell him, I need more from him, he does what I need him to and for the second time that night, I feel home.
JM
I don’t sleep much that night. Remmington falls asleep almost immediately in my arms, and even though I have things I want to talk about, fears and happy thoughts, I let her sleep. I don’t spend every night with her and I imagine the ones that I don’t stay, she doesn’t get this sleep.
I can do this for her.
I think about what I have to do tomorrow, for my dad, my mom, my sister, for the business. I create a laundry list in my head and at the end of it is the inclusion of Remmington in everything I do tomorrow. I had pushed her away again tonight. I was smart enough to come after her right away, but she needs to know what she had done at the hospital was the right thing.
That Summer Page 15