The Ghosts of Blood and Innocence

by Storm Constantine

  Darq groaned and turned onto his side. He put a pillow over his head. And in his mind was a small, silky voice that said, Hello…

  Darq sat up at once and held his breath. He didn’t recognise the voice. It was outside his experience, somehar he didn’t know. He shouldn’t reply. He should put up barriers right away… and yet… Who are you? he asked.

  Who are you?

  Darq lied at once. Phade har Olopade.

  Laughter in the mind is a strange thing to experience. It was like prickles of electricity in Darq’s head. Look out of your window…

  Darq couldn’t help himself. He had to see. He went to the window, drew aside the curtain, and looked. Around the outer walls of Phade’s domain he saw several riders on motionless horses. They were not hara; they were specters of the forest, clothed in dark apparel, the details of them indistinct. They seemed to be waiting for something.

  If you go to them, they will bring you to me…

  Darq could not respond, because at that moment the door to his room swung open and banged against the wall. A figure pushed past him and drew the curtains roughly over the window. Darq winced. He saw it was Thiede.

  OUT! Thiede’s psychic command was not to be disobeyed. Whatever had tried to communicate with Darq vanished at once from his head. Thiede’s mental shout echoed round Darq’s skull for some moments afterwards.

  ‘Darquiel,’ Thiede said. ‘This is what I feared would happen.’

  ‘Who was it?’ Darq asked.

  ‘Whoever it was, they weren’t known to you, so you should not communicate with them. It could be anyhar.’

  ‘You knew who it was. You knew what they said.’ Darq jerked his head in the direction of the window. ‘You closed the curtains. There were ghost riders out there.’

  ‘An illusion,’ Thiede said, ‘plucked from your mind. Whatever you think you saw, it was something else. You must now guard your thoughts at all times. I will show you how.’

  ‘I want to know about myself. Tell me.’

  ‘Now is not the time,’ Thiede said. ‘You remain in ignorance for your own protection, believe me. If you knew, it could be picked up. You were heard in the ethers, Darquiel, and recognised as unique. Some no doubt think you could be useful to them. They are many factions of Wraeththu, and within them small cabals of powerful individuals who are not to be trusted. You called to the Gelaming, but I don’t believe the Gelaming heard you. Others did. They must not know your heritage.’

  ‘I’m Gelaming, aren’t I?’

  Thiede appeared to consider whether a truthful answer would be acceptable. Eventually he said, ‘Yes. I can see little point in dissembling over that; you have already made up your mind about it.’

  ‘Are my parents still alive?’

  ‘You must not think about them, because if you do, you’ll want to find them. That could be exploited. I will not answer your question.’

  ‘You have answered it,’ Darq said. ‘What will you do with me? Where will you send me?’

  ‘You must keep on the move for a while,’ Thiede said. ‘That would be best.’

  Darq felt that all his life he had somehow been trying to escape Samway. Now that the reality was upon him, he was uncertain. Samway was home, Phade his virtual parent. ‘I’ll guard my thoughts,’ he said. ‘I’ll feel safer here.’

  ‘You can’t stay here,’ Thiede said. ‘I’m sorry. You will soon be har, not a child. You must be trained to protect yourself. I can see to this.’

  ‘And when will I find out about my history? After the training?’

  Thiede considered again. ‘I’ll be honest with you; there might never be a time. Much as this irks you, you must accept it. Your pearl would have been destroyed, if it wasn’t for me. There is still a potential threat. If not death, then abduction. I’ll not risk either. You must disappear into the world, Darq. Become yourself, as you are, with your memories of Samway. Look upon Phade as your father or hostling. Trust nohar.’

  ‘Perhaps then I should remain with you.’

  Thiede laughed. ‘Neither of us are safe, Darquiel. I can’t risk taking you to my domain, and I must return there soon. I have been out of this world for a while.’

  ‘Really? Where have you been?’

  Thiede drew Darq back towards the bed and gently pushed him down to sit upon it. ‘There are many layers to what you see as reality, Darq, but then I suspect you already know that.’

  ‘I’ve felt it… sometimes.’

  Thiede nodded. ‘Naturally. I am able to travel between these layers, as can many others. Because of certain conflicts in this realm, I have had to hide far beyond where I can be traced.’

  Darq frowned. ‘How?’

  ‘You saw the animal I rode today? It is not a horse. It is a sedu, a creature that can travel the otherlanes, the spaces between the realms.’

  ‘Would I be safe in another realm?’

  Thiede pulled a sour face. ‘Unfortunately, those who might have an interest in you are as mobile as I am in the otherlanes. Earthly reality is best for you, because you can blend in and hide yourself. This realm tends to hide ‘otherness’. Mundane reality holds sway here. It is not so in other places. In my domain, for example, your essence would shine like a beacon to anyhar trained to see it.’

  ‘Who is interested in me? And why?’ Darq felt overwhelmed by all this new information, but relieved too.

  ‘It’s a long story, and I hope one day you will hear it.’ Thiede drew in his breath and folded his hands together. ‘For now, we must concentrate on more physical matters: your feybraiha. This is a rite of passage, Darq, and although you are impatient with it, you should pay it the attention it deserves.’

  Darq’s shoulders slumped. ‘Given what’s happened recently, I find that difficult. It’s just an inconvenience. I don’t think I have the urges other hara have.’

  ‘That is a possibility,’ Thiede said. ‘We shall have to see.’ He put his hands together and tapped his lips with steepled fingers, clearly deep in thought. Then he said aloud, ‘Hmm, there is no reason why not.’

  It was nearly dark now, and Thiede’s looming presence was a strangely glowing flame in the room. Darquiel felt unnerved. It was the same feeling he had when the spectral hunters were near.

  ‘Very soon, a har will arrive in Samway who will take over your education,’ Thiede said. ‘I had thought he should be with you for your feybraiha, but now another idea occurs to me.’

  ‘Phade is going to ask Keroen,’ Darq said.

  Thiede wrinkled his nose a little. ‘Whoever that is, he is unworthy of you. Phade is too parochial at times. No, it’s clear to me that I should be the one to guide you at this time.’

  ‘Yes!’ Darq said at once. He could see that Thiede was devoid of all the hot turbulent emotions that other hara seemed governed by. With him, aruna would be academic, like taking exercise for the body. To Darq, this was preferable to any situation where he might be expected to react with pleasure or gratitude.

  Thiede, however, appeared surprised by this immediate acceptance. He raised his eyebrows and did not smile. Darq presumed his response had not been that flattering. But he could not lie about himself. He could not pretend to yearn and desire, because it wasn’t in him.

  ‘Not yet,’ Thiede said. ‘We must give your body more time.’

  ‘It won’t make any difference,’ Darq said.

  ‘Perhaps not, but even so.’ Thiede stooped down and took Darquiel’s face between his hands. ‘I will share breath with you. Even if it doesn’t kindle desire, I think you will find it interesting. Also, I must construct some temporary wards to stop spies snooping around in your head.’ With no further preamble, he put his mouth to Darq’s.

  This was very different to the kiss Darq had shared with Amelza. For a start, it involved the mingling of breath, and with that came strong psychic impressions. Humans couldn’t achieve this. Darq’s first impression was of hot stone, wet after recent rain, and the smell that came off it; crumbled brick mixed with da
mp moss. It was a feeling of something incredibly ancient, yet forever new. He was on the battlements of a high castle, his hands on the stone, gazing out over a landscape that went on forever. Then he was walking through a room where everything was blue. It was lined by columns of turquoise. At the far end, the room was open to the elements. Darq walked out onto a balcony. Again, he was high up, and below, at the bottom of cliffs covered in dark-leaved trees, was the ocean. It too was incredibly blue. He could smell brine, but also a tart lemony scent. These were some of Thiede’s memories, perhaps, or his dreams. Darq saw a herd of white horses galloping across the sea. Then they had fishes’ tails and were diving beneath the surface. A tall figure walked past him, visible on the edge of his vision. He turned to see and saw a har with wings whose hands dripped red. Reality shifted, and Darq was running down the room, and there was a hole in the ceiling with steps leading up to it. At the top, a sandy courtyard where severed limbs lay scattered about. The winged har was with him. He said, ‘This is a killing ground.’

  Darq gasped. He blinked and the reality of his room in Phade’s tower swung back into focus. Thiede had drawn away from him. ‘There are no sunny vistas in my breath,’ he said, and laughed.

  ‘Did you see anything in me?’ Darq asked him.

  Thiede nodded. ‘Yes. You are very alone.’

  ‘I like it that way.’

  Thiede went towards the door. ‘Until tomorrow, Darquiel. Sleep well.’

  Darq slept most of the following day, waking only to discomfort and strange feelings of uncertainty, as if something hideous were about to happen. He felt too lethargic to get up and dress himself, and the thought of food was sickening. What had occurred the previous evening had faded like a dream. Had there really been a voice in his head? He wondered whether, in fact, feybraiha had made him hallucinate. It seemed so long ago that he had walked with Amelza in the nighttime forest and had drunk from the moon in her pool. The feelings he’d had back then must be connected with the few things he’d learned since Thiede’s arrival, but it was beyond him to care. It was as if his entire life had run into a stone wall. He was still reeling from the impact.

  Phade came to Darq’s bedroom in the afternoon, accompanied by a har named Ganaril, who lived in a mountain settlement. Ganaril was dressed in clothes the color of pine needles, and his hair had a weirdly mossy sheen. Clearly, Darq thought, the har spent too much time among the trees. Ganaril had hosted a son, who had gone through feybraiha the previous year. Darq submitted to a cursory examination from this har. He wanted somehar to tell him this feybraiha inconvenience would all go away.

  Ganaril merely frowned and spoke to Phade, who was standing with folded arms on the other side of the room. ‘You say he started this yesterday?’ Ganaril asked.

  Phade nodded.

  ‘It’s very strange – I’d say accelerated. It took our son Faril a few weeks to reach this stage.’

  ‘What stage?’ Darq asked quickly.

  ‘Heat and swelling in the soume-lam suggest you’re ready for aruna,’ Ganaril said shortly. ‘But that is unusual. I’m not sure.’

  ‘But otherwise, he is normal?’ Phade asked.

  Ganaril nodded. ‘All looks in order to me, but I’m no real expert.’

  ‘And after this aruna I’ll be back to how I was?’ Darq asked.

  ‘You’ll feel better,’ Ganaril replied. ‘I can send Faril to talk to you, if you like.’

  ‘No.’ Darq pulled the bedclothes over himself. ‘I know what I need to know.’

  Ganaril gave him a narrow-eyed glance. ‘Well, if you change your mind…’

  ‘Thank you,’ Darq said, and heard in his own voice the tone of dismissal.

  Ganaril inclined his head politely, and Phade ushered him out of the room.

  Sooner rather than later: that suited Darq fine. He wanted to be free of the carping, whining interloper in his head.

  Phade made a swift reappearance. ‘I know that Thiede has spoken to you,’ he began.

  ‘Yes,’ Darq said. ‘I’m happy with the arrangement.’

  ‘OK, well in that case, he’ll no doubt come to see you later.’

  ‘No,’ Darq said. ‘I’ll find him. Tell him that. Outside. Not in here. I want this to happen in the landscape; it’s what’s meant for me.’

  Phade adopted a darker tone. ‘You know you shouldn’t wander around on your own, especially now.’

  The last thing Darq wanted to deal with was Phade’s over-protectiveness. He tried to keep his voice level. ‘Nothing bad can happen to me at the moment. I’m sure of it. Tell Thiede I’ll find him tonight.’

  Phade shook his head. ‘You are quite possibly mad, but if Thiede is content with your suggestion, it’s between you and him. If I ever wanted any real proof you were no ordinary har, now I have it: I can’t imagine anyhar wanting to take aruna with Thiede. I imagine it would be like jumping into molten metal.’

  ‘And when I come out of the metal, it’ll go hard, and I’ll have really safe armor,’ Darq said.

  Phade smiled. ‘Let’s hope that’s the case!’

  Thiede did not come to Darq’s room as Phade predicted. Instead, one of the househara came to deliver a message, to say that Thiede was agreeable to Darq’s plan. That was all; no other details. Darq, in a kind of delirium, had no idea what had inspired him to make that request, or how he’d go about finding Thiede later. At one time, it would always have been Zira who delivered messages of that type. Not any more. He wondered what Phade had told Amelza’s family. Did Zira know that Darq had hurt her? Or was Phade keeping him away so that Darq didn’t have to answer any awkward questions? And what of Olivia? Wistfully, Darq wished he could see her now. She would, he was sure, understand more about the horrors of feybraiha than Phade. If only Amelza were here too, to lighten things with abrasive comments and laughter. Darq wondered where she was and how she was doing. He’d done wrong to her, and had tipped his world upside-down with his arrogant pride.

  At sundown, Darq drank three glasses of water one after the other, from a jug that had been left for him. He sat on the edge of his bed, fully clothed, but with bare feet. The automatic movement of raising his arm and swallowing the liquid was calming. He felt he could do it for eternity. When the jug was empty, he stood up and stretched. There were no voices in his head, just a high-pitched humming. His face felt very hot.

  The tower seemed empty as he walked along its dusk-dark corridors, heading for the outside. Perhaps hara withdrew at the sound of his feet and hid themselves behind closed doors. Even the dogs were silent in the yard. Darq walked beneath the shadow of the great gate and onto the road that led down to the town and beyond. He could see orange and yellow lights in the fields where the horse breeders were camped, and now the thin strains of music reached him: the sound of a fiddle, the cardiac beat of a hand-drum. Every sense was especially alert. He realised he felt greedy for something Thiede could give him that was beyond mere knowledge. After tonight, his life would make sense. He would know.

  His feet led him to the path that led to the moon pool; it seemed the most appropriate place. If Thiede was not there, Darq planned to lie down on the cold grass and wait for what might happen next. If the hunters came for him, so be it. He was utterly without fear.

  He walked into the glade and it was full of the cold crystal light of the stars. It fell down upon a ghostly form sitting cross-legged next to the pool: a luminous figure with a veil of hair that shone red even in the colorless starlight. Thiede looked young, like a har not much above Darq’s own age. Darq was not surprised. He supposed Thiede to possess several other unusual abilities.

  ‘Come to me,’ Thiede said, and his voice too was different; more wistful, less commanding.

  Darq went to stand over him and didn’t say anything. Thiede was naked but for his hair. His skin had a matte satiny sheen, and glowed slightly, as if starlight was attracted to him and could not escape.

  ‘I was not incepted and have never experienced feybraiha,’ Thiede said. ‘I
had no rituals, no formal recognition. I just was. Because of what I am, I am alone. There are few who can tolerate intimacy with me.’

  ‘What are you?’ Darq asked. He suspected the question was desired.

  ‘I was the first of all Wraeththu,’ Thiede said simply. ‘There were others, but they… failed.’

  Darq squatted down. ‘The first… but he is a god, he is the Aghama.’

  ‘Aghama is an idea. It is me and yet it is not. It’s a part of me that exists in the minds of hara as a god, as a dehar. It’s separate from me in most respects. Wraeththu created Aghama as I created them.’

  ‘Are you my father or my hostling?’ Darq asked.

  ‘No, but we are in some way related,’ Thiede replied. He took a deep breath. ‘Darquiel, I’ve been thinking since our last meeting. There’s something I wish for you to know.’

  Darq nodded and settled himself more comfortably on the grass. This was more than he’d dared hope for.

  ‘For many years, Wraeththu pondered how and perhaps why they had come to be. At first, I believed my existence was accidental; a freak birth that somehow kick-started a new evolutionary step for humanity. Other hara felt otherwise, including some who are very wise. I ignored their thoughts as wishful thinking. But so many things have happened since, I’ve come to the conclusion I was wrong. We were created by something, or someone.’

  Darq nodded in encouragement for Thiede to continue.

  ‘Humans lived for the main part in the prison of their senses; they believed that what they perceived was all that is. Those who felt differently were often regarded as heretics or lunatics, mad fringe-folk who had more imagination than sense. A few sensed the truth, I think.

  ‘I have a friend, who is named Malakess har Sulh. He is High Codexia of the Library of Kyme, on the island of Alba Sulh, to the west of this continent. He and his colleagues collect as much information as they can from the ruins of human civilization, concerning the more controversial theories that certain human scholars devised. The Sulh are looking for seeds of truth. I, on the other hand, experience them.’