by Mia Archer
Partly because I was afraid of that coming back. I worried it would come back and affect my scholarship here. As always, I pushed those thoughts away. I hadn’t felt dizzy or exhausted for awhile now, and whatever was going on was probably good and gone by now.
I hoped.
“…and the best thing is we get to do it all on the college’s dime! Talk about a perk for being good at sports! Heck, we might even be contenders for the next Olympics!”
Whoops. Sarah kept right on talking while I was off in my own little world. I smiled and tried to figure out what she’d been saying. The Olympics? I laughed.
“Yeah, that’ll be the day. We might be good enough for a scholarship, but I don’t think either of us are that fast,” I said.
“Well you never know. Work hard and it might happen. Besides, a gold medal sounds a heck of a lot nicer than some stupid state championship ribbon!”
We stopped in front of the elevator and paused. On an impulse I reached out and took Sarah’s hand. She looked down at my hand and blushed, but she didn’t make any move to pull away.
“I’m really glad that you’re here, Sarah,” I said. “I don’t know what I’d do if I was off in a strange new place without a friendly face to keep me company.”
Sarah’s blush deepened. She took a moment before replying. “I’m really glad you’re here too. I think this is going to be a fun summer!”
I couldn’t agree with her more. The door dinged and we stepped onto the elevator, but I didn’t let go of her hand. That felt nice, and I didn’t want to give it up. So we rode down in silence, neither one of us commenting on our bodies joined together like that but my body on fire.
Yeah, it was going to be one fun summer all right. The possibilities felt endless.
11: Campus Summer
Sarah:
I leaned back on the grass and took in everything. The sun shining overhead. The blue sky with fluffy clouds floating by without a care in the world. The incoming freshmen walking past with orientation groups giving campus tours. The natatorium right in front of us across the way.
Alyssa lying beside me in the grass watching everything with the same casual disinterest I was.
That was the most important thing. We hadn’t been apart that often in the week we’d been here getting into the swing of things. We both joined the same freshman orientation group, the one thing school related that we had to complete before the summer was over, and signed up for our classes together.
I was getting used to having her around, and I liked it. I wanted to reach out and hold her hand like we had a couple of times when we were both pretty sure there wasn’t anyone else around to see us holding hands, but I held back on that urge.
We were in public. There were lots of people walking past. To hold her hand now would violate that unspoken agreement we had. Even if I desperately wanted to break that agreement.
“That girl over there had to be goth, or whatever they call it now,” Alyssa said, nodding to a girl in one of the tour groups passing us by.
I squinted my eyes as I looked at her. The girl was pretty enough. That was something new I was getting used to. I’d always appreciated girls, but it was as though being around Alyssa had unleashed something hiding within me and now I really appreciated girls when I had a look. The girl was dressed in a preppy outfit that was fashionable enough. The sort of generic college high fashion you could get on the cheap down at any chain store at the mall.
“What makes you think that? She looks like the head cheerleader holding court. Look at all those jock guys who are hanging around her? She’s with her people. No way was she the goth type,” I replied.
“Yeah? Well look at her hair,” Alyssa said.
I stopped and really looked at it. The girl was blonde, but it looked like the blonde was a hasty dye job that had poorly covered up dark hair and some bright colors. I grinned.
“Huh. You’re right. Guess somebody was tired of being dark and brooding and decided to make a change when they got to college,” I said.
“Exactly. Like that guy over there. Check him out,” Alyssa said.
I blushed at her choice of words. I hadn’t much felt like checking any guys out since I started hanging out with Alyssa. I did as she asked, though. The guy was talking with some girl who definitely looked to be the head cheerleader and prom queen type. The girl was gorgeous. Like the girl next door and a supermodel all wrapped into one tight little package.
I paused to shake myself mentally at that language. Did I really just call a girl a “tight little package?” I pushed those thoughts away. That was becoming the new normal for me, and it was surprising how quickly I was adjusting to it.
The guy seemed nervous even though they were chatting like they were old friends. Even though she was leaning in and putting her hand on him and giving him all sorts of openings. The guy seemed like he wasn’t quite sure what to do, which was odd for a guy as built as that.
“What do you think his story is?” I asked.
“That one’s easy,” Alyssa said. “He’s probably a former fat kid who got in shape in high school. Only problem is he probably went to a small school like just about everyone else in this state, and they all remembered the fat nerd long after he’d worked himself out of that. Now he’s off at college looking hot as fuck but without any of the confidence or douchiness you’d expect from a guy who looks like that. Some pretty thing is going to eat him alive.”
I whistled and shook my head. I also suppressed a small flash of jealousy when she mentioned that the guy looked hot as fuck. I had no reason to be super jealous, after all. It’s not like anything was going on between me and Alyssa.
Not officially, at least.
“You’re like a social Sherlock Holmes or something,” I said. “How do you do that?”
Alyssa shrugged. “I could be wrong. No way to tell for sure unless we go talk to that guy, and I don’t want to ruin his chances with that girl.”
“Still, how can you do that?”
“I spent a lot of time watching people when I was on the team. I was always kind of alone. Everyone else was having fun and I was so focused on winning and it seemed like some of them maybe resented me for being so good so…”
Alyssa trailed off and I felt my heart break. Partly because that was so sad, but mostly because I recognized a lot of my own story in that.
“I know how you feel,” I said.
We lapsed into silence for a little while after that. I wasn’t quite sure what to say to that admission that Alyssa had felt all alone in the middle of her team. I felt the same way, I could understand how she felt, but it seemed like the right thing to do was just sit back and be there for each other without trying to say anything.
Another group walked past that couldn’t be more different from the freshmen. They looked more confident, but the big difference was in how they dressed. As though they’d thrown something on that morning and didn’t care what they looked like or what the world thought of what they looked like. All the incoming students showing up for freshman orientation had a quiet desperation about them as though they were trying just a little too hard to impress everyone around them.
Older students didn’t care. They also looked at the incoming freshman with looks that bordered on pity. When they weren’t openly checking out some of the hotter members of the freshman orientation groups, that is.
A couple of guys had even checked out me and Alyssa as we sat here letting our hair dry in the sun and people watched. It’s not like we had anything more pressing to do.
“Those poor bastards,” I muttered.
“What are you talking about?” Alyssa asked.
“All those upperclassmen walking around like they own the place, but at the end of the day they all have to go to class and we get to sit here and enjoy the day,” I said.
“Yeah, well I figure we earned it. Years of busting my ass getting up in the morning swimming as hard as I could? Years of studying and working hard so I could
be near the top of my class? I figure I enjoy a little time off. This summer is going to be the only time that ever happens. They’ll expect us to actually take classes next year between practices.
I sighed. “You’re right. Might as well enjoy it now.”
“Besides, I feel worse for the people coming through for orientation. All of them trying to be something new. Something different. Like college is a blank slate for them, but at the end of the day wherever they go there they are. You can’t just change who you are. Not deep down.”
“I don’t know. I think you can change a little about who you are. It’s not like the person you’re going to be is set in stone in high school or something,” I said. “Life would be horrifying if that was the case.”
“That’s not what I meant,” Alyssa said. “I’m just saying that deep down you are who you are. You might run from that. You might think it’s wrong, but in the end you can’t escape it. Not really.”
I suddenly had a sneaking suspicion that we weren’t talking about changing how you dressed for college. No, this conversation had taken a much deeper turn. I felt my stomach churning at her words.
“I suppose you’re right. You can’t escape who you are,” I said.
Alyssa did something that made my stomach go from churning to outright doing back flips. She reached out and touched her hand to mine in the grass. It was such a simple gesture, something we’d done so many times when it was just the two of us alone.
This was the first time she’d done it where we had an audience, though. I shivered and goose bumps rose all over, but I wasn’t about to stop her. I’d been letting her take her time, but I didn’t have any shame about holding her hand in public. No, as far as I was concerned it had taken too damn long for us to get to this point!
Alyssa turned to me and her smile was hesitant, but it was there.
“I’m glad you agree with me,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper.
I licked my lips. This felt like another one of those moments. Almost exactly like the one we’d shared over a month ago in that buffet before her mom came barging up and interrupted. Only there was absolutely nothing to interrupt the moment now, and that was just fine by me.
Until, of course, the universe conspired to interrupt the moment because why should I be allowed to have nice things?
“Hey! You two having fun out here?”
I turned towards the voice but I was glad to feel that Alyssa wasn’t pulling her hand away. Even with the distraction of someone coming towards us from the natatorium my entire being was laser focused on that spot where we touched.
I looked at the guy approaching. I suppose he was attractive enough, in that I could tell that he was what Hollywood and pretty much the entire culture told me I was supposed to find attractive. Since discovering my feelings for Alyssa I’d realized that my idea of an attractive man was shaped more by what everyone else said and attractive man was supposed to be and less by what I thought an attractive man was.
Since I wasn’t really into attractive men. It just took a little time, and Alyssa, to get me to finally realize that.
“Do you know his name?” Alyssa asked.
I tried to think if I’d been introduced to the guy. I recognized him. He was a junior on the guys team and he seemed to be pretty popular, but we hadn’t had much time to interact with the guys. Their practice was usually starting up as ours was getting finished anyways. Not at all like back in high school when they couldn’t afford to have two teams practicing at different hours, and it didn’t matter anyways because even with both teams swimming together there was still plenty of room left over.
College was way different in a lot of ways. Having a pool full of girls surrounding me was just one of the small ways it felt so weird.
“No idea,” I said. “Just play along and figure out what he wants?”
“I have a feeling I know what he wants,” Alyssa said.
As he got closer I could see what she meant. He wasn’t being shy about checking us out, though he seemed to be paying particular attention to Alyssa. The way his eyes ran up and down her body had a jealous monster roaring inside me. I wanted to jump on the dude and claw his eyes out, but I resisted the urge. That wouldn’t be productive.
He returned his attention to me and grinned.
“I’m Todd,” he said. “I’ve seen the two of you around after practice. Figured I should introduce myself.”
“I’m Sarah,” I said. “And this is Alyssa.”
I’m not sure why I spoke for her. I suppose a bit of that jealousy was still shining through. Alyssa didn’t seem to mind. At least she didn’t say anything, though I might hear about it later.
“Nice to meet both of you,” he said, though again the way his eyes ran over Alyssa made it clear which of the two of us he was happiest to be meeting.
“So did you have a reason for talking to us or…” I asked, again sounding maybe a little more short than the situation really called for.
“Right,” he said. “So we’re having a little get together at a house some of the guys share. All the girls from the team will be there and a lot of the guys to. It’s sort of a team building thing we do at the beginning of every summer so everyone gets to know everybody.”
Huh. A party invitation. Not where I thought this was going. Then again a party was where things tended to happen at college. Maybe he was hoping to get us there and get us drunk so he could have some fun. That jealousy flared again, but I wasn’t going to speak for Alyssa on this.
I glanced at her and she shrugged. I had no intention of going if she wasn’t going, but she didn’t seem against the idea. “If everyone on the team is going then it can’t hurt to check it out,” she said.
“I don’t know. I didn’t hear any of the other girls talking about it,” I said.
Alyssa rolled her eyes. “Probably because they were all underwater swimming back and forth. It’s not like we have much time to chat while we’re practicing.”
She did have a point. And it’s not like she was saying no. I turned back to the guy. Todd. He still stood there with a cocky smile on his face as though it was all but assured that we were going to go to his party. I wondered how many freshman girls had fallen all over themselves for a chance at getting with him before.
Well he wasn’t going to get that with us. I didn’t like the guy even if I couldn’t quite explain why I didn’t like him.
“I guess we can go. What’s the address?” I asked.
“Well if one of you lovely ladies give me your phone number I’d be happy to…”
I held up a hand to stop him. I didn’t want him having my phone number and for some reason I definitely didn’t want him having Alyssa’s phone number.
“How about you just tell me the address and time and I’ll put it in my phone?”
I smiled my sweetest smile. Tried to seem like I wasn’t putting him off even though that’s exactly what I was doing. He hesitated for a moment. I’m sure this wasn’t part of the plan. Finally he rattled off an address and a time for tomorrow night, really fast, and then walked off in a huff.
“What was that all about?” Alyssa asked after he was gone.
I stared after him, my eyes narrowed. “Did you see the way he was looking at you?”
“So? Should it matter that he was staring at me like that?” Alyssa asked. She gave my hand a squeeze.
I looked at her. She looked very serious all of a sudden.
“Maybe it is,” I said.
Alyssa grinned and gave my hand another squeeze. The moment might have been rudely interrupted, but it was far from over. We settled into a comfortable silence after that. Everything that needed to be said in that moment had been said, and through another one of those silent agreements we sat back and enjoyed the day hand in hand and in silence.
12: Party Down
Alyssa:
I leaned in close to the mirror to get a good look at my face. The mirror was ancient and a little foggy and it made i
t a real pain in the ass to put makeup on. I glanced over to Sarah who was doing the same thing next to me.
She looked good when she was getting ready for a night out. I’d only seen her in her regular day-to-day clothes or in the comfortable stuff we wore after swim practice. This was the first time either one of us had really gotten dolled up to go out to a party or something and I was liking what I was seeing.
I wondered if she felt the same way about how I looked. Heck, I wondered if she even cared. It was silly. Here I was going to a party with some hot upperclassman guys and the only thing I could think about was what my friend looked like in her tank top and a pair of impossibly tight shorts.
I blushed and went back to the foggy mirror. Wasn’t this supposed to be a new dorm? Did they grab an ancient mirror from one of the old buildings they’d demolished and put it in here to make sure students staying here weren’t going to get too comfortable?
“So what do you think this party is going to be like?” Sarah asked.
I frowned at my face staring back at me in the mirror, and it didn’t have anything to do with the crappy quality of the reflection.
The truth was I didn’t have much experience with partying. I’d spent most of my time swimming and the rest of my time going to bed early so I could swim some more first thing in the morning. There wasn’t much time for parties when you were busy maintaining a killer schedule to be the best of the best.
“I suppose it’ll be like pretty much all parties,” I said. “People getting drunk. Having a good time. The usual.”
I blushed. I was such a liar. The only thing I knew about parties came from watching cheesy television shows and movies, and something told me those weren’t a very accurate representation of what going to a party was actually like.